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How can I help a friend who cuts?
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21 / F / Bay Area, CA
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Posted 3/14/14
Just like what most people have already said, talk to your friend first. If you want to tell an adult, but you're afraid that she won't be your friend anymore, then you should just tell an adult. I was in a similar situation with a friend. The person's well-being comes before friendship.
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21 / M / Las Vegas
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Posted 3/14/14
DON'T LECTURE!

-------------First talk to her. Find out if she doing it for the thrill or she's hiding something / depressed. Some people cut themselves for the "Thrill" but others cut themselves to take the though of "Depression/pain" away for the time being, or it's also a sign for attention. Be there for them, admit your feelings for that person where your friendship (or relationship ) stands. If they are depressed or lonely they want to be known by someone, someone that cares about them. But if they do it for the thrill then well tell them why?
------------- When I used to "Cut" I was at the the point where Gf left me, I felt like my friends were separating themselves from me, my parents were about to divorce ( They did), my brother's were never there for me. I didn't have help, one day before I was about to do it. Something snapped inside my head and I realized that acceptance is the only way to move on.

"Inside my memories lies sad thoughts and it's hard to forget, but I try everyday to keep moving forward in life, So why can't you, living in sadness isn't living at all." ~ Gray Fullbuster

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24 / M / U.S.
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Posted 3/14/14
Ask her what she wants to be in the future, why cut now if she can't get there.
Again, cutting a personal part with out good intentions is simply stupid.
Take her to tour a trauma center, and it is one place she'll recover at if someone cares.
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50 / M / Chicago, IL
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Posted 3/14/14
Don't get hung up on the why, your friend might not have a reason she can say. Instead ask her what is going on in her life. It might be something that she feels she has no control over, or she might be feeling numb. The self harm is a symptom of something else, a very scary and harmful symptom. You can apply pressure to get her to stop but one, that does not fix the problem and two, she might start doing other self destructive acts.

Find out what is going on with her life. Don't even bring up the scars yet. Don't be afraid to get professional help, but be advised that professional help might lead to her being involuntarily committed because she is harming herself. That might be what she needs though.
Posted 3/15/14
don't seek out "professional" help unless it's out of control, a doctor is not a professional of how to help someone who self inflicts. If for any reason she needed therapy, they sometimes wouldn't allow you to if they knew you self harmed.
don't talk to her, LISTEN to her
don't make jokes about it even if you think it's light hearted until you know the reason/s why.
read about it, it sometimes relates to long term beliefs that person holds about themselves that can result from too many things to guess at. It's a harmful outlet that can be switched to something more healthy.

since your friend is possibly young, she's most likely been influenced by social media, it wouldn't be surprising... and actually it wouldn't even be just because she's young although whoever says cutting isn't life threatening is out of it, it's addictive and can get worse if used as a constant coping mechanism. Of course it can be done for attention but so can a lot of things, you can't assume that for everyone... I'd hate to be suffering and to not be taken seriously... so reassure her of things she might be doubting like her importance to you and other people. But if i were you i'd be careful with that... if she has family problems like I do, being told how much they care about you or something makes it worse.

and plus, maybe people DO need attention... what's wrong with that? this is a really careless opinion to have... be thankful you're not in that position. For all you know a self harmer could have grown up with neglect and invalidation and now needs to be recognized properly. Prejudice only heightens something already so stigmatized.

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25 / F / in the land of th...
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Posted 3/15/14
One of my BF's starting cutting around 5 years ago...

She had a myriad of baggage to carry....luckily friends from our circle didn't avoid the issue with her on bad days and always lent an ear to listen..

the gist is I think.
:
People cut themselves . . .from any walk of life...any type of environment, be it abusive,, etc... resulting into a festering wall
of self-hatred that goes beyond the norm...

because they are trying to cope with emotional anguish through the scarring of their own body, the blood is a sign of despair,
a deep despair, a red abyss that looks back...

In a nutshell,

Most people who cut themselves don’t want to die. They just want to end their emotional despair.
It might bring a sense of relief.....and,
It seems to provide an escape. The physical pain was better than the emotional pain.....that kind of escapism..
Cutting took the focus off the sadness I think, putting it into physical pain...

In her case, time was on her side...she stopped..





Posted 3/15/14

-Requiem wrote:

One of my BF's starting cutting around 5 years ago...

She had a myriad of baggage to carry....luckily friends from our circle didn't avoid the issue with her on bad days and always lent an ear to listen..

the gist is I think.
:
People cut themselves . . .from any walk of life...any type of environment, be it abusive,, etc... resulting into a festering wall
of self-hatred that goes beyond the norm...

because they are trying to cope with emotional anguish through the scarring of their own body, the blood is a sign of despair,
a deep despair, a red abyss that looks back...

In a nutshell,

Most people who cut themselves don’t want to die. They just want to end their emotional despair.
It might bring a sense of relief.....and,
It seems to provide an escape. The physical pain was better than the emotional pain.....that kind of escapism..
Cutting took the focus off the sadness I think, putting it into physical pain...

In her case, time was on her side...she stopped..




yes exactly. and a person who's been abused or neglected early in life will grow up to have unmet emotional needs later in life and can use self harm to deal with a lot of conflicting and overwhelming thoughts and feelings. It's NOT a sign of weakness or attention, to say that is to reject that persons silent pleas.. you're harming them more.

cutting temporarily shifts emotional pain for physical pain which the person will wrongly think is deserved.
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32 / M / Córdoba, Argentina
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Posted 3/15/14
Liyte is being a jerk, but he IS right...

That person seeks attention, and that's why OP should go talk to her and ask her what's wrong. That girl just wants a shoulder to cry on.
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