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Compliments Mistaken As Flirting
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It doesn't matter.
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Posted 3/26/14

justin9489 wrote:

Us women are practically bred to not trust anything that comes out of men's mouth, or always think of it as a mean to get something else (i.e. get in our pants). It's effed up but it is what it is. Compliments are nice though, I think the way its "delivered" makes a big difference... I don't know if that makes sense.


I avoid giving compliments for this reason.For some reason I'm more worried about sounding insincere than sleazy / creepy.
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22 / M / Brisbane
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Posted 3/26/14
Given that I'm almost entirely oblivious to whatever subtle distinctions exist between friendliness and flirting, I tend to avoid niceties altogether. So far the vast majority of interactions I've had with girls ends either in an uncomfortable silence or with my being more or less (leaning more towards the side of 'less') molested out of the blue.

Hence the current lack of female friends I'm guessing.
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25 / M
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Posted 3/26/14 , edited 3/26/14
I guess it can be hard to make a compliment that doesn't seem like just a pretense. It usually goes well for me when I think someone really deserves one, or when I'm just trying to make them feel good about their cooking.
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17 / M / United States of...
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Posted 3/26/14 , edited 3/26/14
I've never personally had someone mistake a complement/kindness for flirting that received it. There have been some outside third parties that though I was flirting. The important thing to remember is compliments are serious, flirting is more playful, although today definition has somewhat strayed from what it used to be.
I find that if your complements/kindness is shown towards all, it has a lot less chance of being mistaken for flirting. If you start focusing your compliment on one person, then people wonder whether it is flirting or not.
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22 / M
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Posted 3/26/14
Happens all the time. I bet it depends on how you look at the moment.

My girlfriend says that whenever she compliments someone, they think she's making a move on them. This type of story hits the chabudai at least once a week.
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25 / M / Canada
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Posted 3/26/14 , edited 3/26/14
My compliments have been mistaken for being creepy as opposed to flirtatious
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21 / F / Balmer, Murlin
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Posted 3/26/14
Compliments are compliments. I think I'd be too dense to recognize (or mistake) a simple compliment to be flirting. In fact, I know I am, because I cannot think of any instance where I actually thought a guy I knew was flirting with me, despite the overwhelming assurance of third parties that he was.

Now, there's a difference between a complement by someone I know/recognize or someone I'm having a conversation with, and a "compliment" by some stranger. If you just randomly walk up to me and say I look nice, and I'm not getting a gay vibe from you, of course I'm going to think you're coming on to me, and thus be wary of you. That's just a defense mechanism.
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22 / M / Michigan
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Posted 3/26/14

IShouldBeStudying wrote:

I've completely given up on complimenting girls. Every time I do they thank me with a "weirdo" or "ew, creeper"

Sometimes they wouldn't say either. They'd just stare at me with an ugly face that made me want to take my compliment back


I agree. Girls these days don't know how to take a compliment. And it seems like the label creeper is being used more and more. I really hate that word. It just puts a sour feeling stomach of hate towards certain types of people.

Anyway, I have one particular girl who I talked to once and she's totally clinged to me ever since. She's not my type, we have nothing in common and I really she would just stop texting me.
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Posted 3/26/14

Fuddbender wrote:


IShouldBeStudying wrote:

I've completely given up on complimenting girls. Every time I do they thank me with a "weirdo" or "ew, creeper"

Sometimes they wouldn't say either. They'd just stare at me with an ugly face that made me want to take my compliment back


I have one particular girl who I talked to once and she's totally clinged to me ever since. She's not my type, we have nothing in common and I really she would just stop texting me.


Don't you think it's time to talk to her? lol
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22 / M / UK
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Posted 3/26/14 , edited 3/26/14
I don't randomly give out compliments to people I don't really know. Seems really cheesey..
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21 / F / Balmer, Murlin
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Posted 3/26/14

lilliputian_otaku wrote:

This happens to me all the time. Stupid women take offense to me holding a door open for them, or gripe about me picking up a coin they had dropped. I do not bother doing crap like that for stuck up broads anymore. They do not deserve the kindness and think far too highly of themselves. There is a significant difference between being polite and perverted, and it seems that most girls these days are too damn stupid to differentiate between the two.



Fuddbender wrote:

I agree. Girls these days don't know how to take a compliment. And it seems like the label creeper is being used more and more. I really hate that word. It just puts a sour feeling stomach of hate towards certain types of people.

Anyway, I have one particular girl who I talked to once and she's totally clinged to me ever since. She's not my type, we have nothing in common and I really she would just stop texting me.


I take offense to these comments.

I will admit that some women can be abrasive towards men. I can also say that some men are abrasive towards women. They key word here is "some". Not ALL women nor men are like this, and it is ridiculous of you to stereotype all "girls these days" as "stuck up broads".

Every time I hear "___ these days", I know I'm in for a comment that is based on no factual evidence and is simply the result of pent up anger and/or stress. I'm sorry if you have had bad experiences with rude women, but I'm sure you can think of more than a few instances where a woman was actually being nice to you, because women are people, and they have a multitude of emotions just like you.

I suggest taking the time to actually try and understand a woman as a human being next time you interact with her, instead of simply expecting things from her before you even get to know her.
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49 / F / Center of the Uni...
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Posted 3/26/14
I tend to keep compliments mostly limited to 'noticing' changes other people I know make to their appearance 'did you get your hair done?" "I've not seen you wear those earings before." "those new scrubs are flattering, Did you get them at Mobb or are they tailored?"

Sometimes some does something that really stands out and I'm liable to ask them about purely out of curious fascination. "You look like you dropped in out of the 50s, a splash of colour that stands out from the sepia tone of the rest of us on the subway. May ask? is this a new retro-fashion, a costume?"

I don't think flirting is a bad thing. but I have recieved complitments or just looks that make me feel like I'm being objectified far too often. A life time of that I think has real potential to make one suspicious and hostile to stranger's compliments.

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28 / M / Colorado, USA
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Posted 3/26/14
I haven't noticed any of that kind of mistaken interpretation in any environments I've given praise in. I like to do what I can to make people's days a bit better, and compliments are a good route to that. Inclusive of praising things like a woman's fashion or hair.

Though there might be factors about character that influence how it is interpreted. It is in my character to give compliments randomly, and not in my character to flirt. I recall at a party a friend who is instead reasonably flirty spoke a line of praise that he probably unintentionally picked up from me, but the room became a little bit silent when he said it, perhaps it seemed out of place. With embarrassment he tried to quickly move discussion onward to escape attention being on what he said.
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Posted 3/26/14

Aokidanza wrote:


lilliputian_otaku wrote:

This happens to me all the time. Stupid women take offense to me holding a door open for them, or gripe about me picking up a coin they had dropped. I do not bother doing crap like that for stuck up broads anymore. They do not deserve the kindness and think far too highly of themselves. There is a significant difference between being polite and perverted, and it seems that most girls these days are too damn stupid to differentiate between the two.



Fuddbender wrote:

I agree. Girls these days don't know how to take a compliment. And it seems like the label creeper is being used more and more. I really hate that word. It just puts a sour feeling stomach of hate towards certain types of people.

Anyway, I have one particular girl who I talked to once and she's totally clinged to me ever since. She's not my type, we have nothing in common and I really she would just stop texting me.


I take offense to these comments.

I will admit that some women can be abrasive towards men. I can also say that some men are abrasive towards women. They key word here is "some". Not ALL women nor men are like this, and it is ridiculous of you to stereotype all "girls these days" as "stuck up broads".

Every time I hear "___ these days", I know I'm in for a comment that is based on no factual evidence and is simply the result of pent up anger and/or stress. I'm sorry if you have had bad experiences with rude women, but I'm sure you can think of more than a few instances where a woman was actually being nice to you, because women are people, and they have a multitude of emotions just like you.

I suggest taking the time to actually try and understand a woman as a human being next time you interact with her, instead of simply expecting things from her before you even get to know her.



Come on dude... OF COURSE they don't mean ALL women. They're just generalizing their experiences with women based on a particular topic. And some people do feel jaded when their experience is always negative, No need to take offence on something so silly. It would be great though if you get to know them better and find out why they feel how they feel instead of feeling the need to lecture them just to be more politically correct. They're just human after all.

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21 / F / Balmer, Murlin
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Posted 3/26/14

justin9489 wrote:

Come on dude... OF COURSE they don't mean ALL women. They're just generalizing their experiences with women based on a particular topic. And some people do feel jaded when their experience is always negative, No need to take offence on something so silly. It would be great though if you get to know them better and find out why they feel how they feel instead of feeling the need to lecture them just to be more politically correct. They're just human after all.



Apologies. I did not mean to lecture about any political correctness (which is a strange term that I don't like using). I simply do not like when people generalize so broadly, and got a little miffed. I'm sure those two that I responded to are fine people, but I refuse to let comments like "girls these days" slide because it isn't something silly to me. It would be great if I got to know them and their story better, so I could better understand them and respond in kind. If they want to tell me more about why they posted what they did, then I'll be happy to listen.
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