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How do you get over ex's?
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29 / M / USA
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Posted 3/29/14 , edited 3/29/14

VintageVengeance wrote:

Don't even think about them. Just don't. Keep yourself busy with other people, if you have to. time also heals. everyone is different though, but that's what i do.


This is really good also. Focus on what can make things better, not the source of your unhappiness. Seek answers, not dwelling on the problem. To overcome a problem, you have to transcend it to a place where the problem doesn't exist.

But, don't bury your feelings or run from them. You have to experience them to some degree in the process of releasing them. In the case of an ex, you've devoted a lot of the energy and power within yourself to them and it will stay stuck there as a source of pain and stress until it is released and allowed to go elsewhere. Different meditation techniques automatically cause these things to be released so that you don't have to focus on them, though as they release you'll experience some of the trauma or stress of it as it comes out, but not nearly as bad as what it could have been. Sometimes after I do a long meditation session I'll drop a spoon and start crying for seemingly no reason, but it's just stress from some past thing leaving. Meditation is how you get to the source, and the closer you get, the more naturally, easily, and spontaneously all those stresses and traumas we have inside go away, and leave us with a lot more energy that's no longer stuck and stagnantly rotting within us attached to those stresses and traumas. The body and mind becomes cleaner and more efficient. You gain much more free energy that will spontaneously and effortlessly be wielded towards more fulfillment and happiness in your own life as well as the entire universe. You come into harmony with everything and everything seems to magically be guiding and flowing with you. Your life becomes one giant synchronicity that is impossibly awesome to a degree that no one can even come close to imagining, because the whole universe will be creating with you and through you with all of its power. There is truth to the saying that we're created in Gods image, but discovering and experiencing that truth is a journey. The journey is more important than the destination though, so just relax, stop putting out resistance to anything in life, and enjoy all that comes, as it's all lessons meant to guide you.

Go to where there is not suffering, the source, and you'll be free from the pain of attachment to your ex which is based on the false belief that they were the source of the happiness. You haven't lost the source, you've only lost something you thought was it. They may have been a channel from which you could open yourself up to the source, which is what relationships are to help us do, but don't mistake the messenger for the source. Find it in yourself, and you'll experience the same joy with them with everyone and more. These days it's hard for people to find real life partners that can understand this process of learning from each other and maintaining clear communication and forgiveness but it is possible. Forgiveness and the art of not being offended does wonders in relationships and in life, but remember those qualities only come from and become stronger the closer you are to the source. They come from love, which is the source. Perfect true love is the rarest thing, even though we are never truly separate from it on the deepest level(source loves us all completely), but it is what we live to discover in as many ever new beautiful ways as we ever could forever.
Posted 3/29/14
I usually give myself 2 days to be sad about a breakup (unless if he's a douchebag) after that I try to focus on improving myself in some way. Try to enjoy being single for a while and focus on yourself, figure out who you are apart from just being a part of a "couple". Sometimes you realize how much you changed to accommodate him/her, do something you haven't done in a while or do something you wouldn't have done (and I'm not talking drugs here >_>).

Be mature about it, don't enter a new relationship carrying baggage from your old one. Rebounds are generally a bad idea, but it works for some people. It's okay for you to figure out what you did wrong but don't focus on that, think of it as a learning experience and something that helped you grow as a person.

I can thank some breakups because it pushed me to improve myself, I learned how to play the guitar, went to Holland and realized that I enjoyed white water rafting and snowboarding
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Posted 3/29/14

VintageVengeance wrote:

Don't even think about them. Just don't. Keep yourself busy with other people, if you have to. time also heals. everyone is different though, but that's what i do.


I wish I could keep busy but I don't have any friends around here and it's hard because this town I live in has nothing at all. Hard to find people that have the same interests. That's why I got on here. I didn't really have anyone to talk too.
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Posted 3/29/14

krYmSiiN wrote:


VintageVengeance wrote:

Don't even think about them. Just don't. Keep yourself busy with other people, if you have to. time also heals. everyone is different though, but that's what i do.


I wish I could keep busy but I don't have any friends around here and it's hard because this town I live in has nothing at all. Hard to find people that have the same interests. That's why I got on here. I didn't really have anyone to talk too.


Leapfrog is the answer. So says the mystical eight ball.
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Posted 3/29/14

LadyDumplings wrote:

I usually give myself 2 days to be sad about a breakup (unless if he's a douchebag) after that I try to focus on improving myself in some way. Try to enjoy being single for a while and focus on yourself, figure out who you are apart from just being a part of a "couple". Sometimes you realize how much you changed to accommodate him/her, do something you haven't done in a while or do something you wouldn't have done (and I'm not talking drugs here >_>).

Be mature about it, don't enter a new relationship carrying baggage from your old one. Rebounds are generally a bad idea, but it works for some people. It's okay for you to figure out what you did wrong but don't focus on that, think of it as a learning experience and something that helped you grow as a person.

I can thank some breakups because it pushed me to improve myself, I learned how to play the guitar, went to Holland and realized that I enjoyed white water rafting and snowboarding


I've been trying to think of things I could do, it's really hard because I already do so much. Finding friends should be something I do but it's really hard for me. I will work at it though. Really appreciating all the advice everyones putting out.
Sogno- 
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Posted 3/29/14
i've always done this sort of thing :


Sweet-Revelation wrote:

I cut off all communication as if they never even existed in my life and then I let time do it's thing, kinda works.


but i think this is a better method:



Phersu wrote:

Make them bend down and leap over them. Then they leap over you as you do the same. Continuously.


i learn something new everyday.

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Posted 3/29/14


Yes, exactly. I feel like I've learned from my past relationships. They're all people who were put there in my life, no matter how... ahem... bad the relationship went/ended.
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Posted 3/29/14

LadyDumplings wrote:

I usually give myself 2 days to be sad about a breakup (unless if he's a douchebag) after that I try to focus on improving myself in some way. Try to enjoy being single for a while and focus on yourself, figure out who you are apart from just being a part of a "couple". Sometimes you realize how much you changed to accommodate him/her, do something you haven't done in a while or do something you wouldn't have done (and I'm not talking drugs here >_>).

Be mature about it, don't enter a new relationship carrying baggage from your old one. Rebounds are generally a bad idea, but it works for some people. It's okay for you to figure out what you did wrong but don't focus on that, think of it as a learning experience and something that helped you grow as a person.

I can thank some breakups because it pushed me to improve myself, I learned how to play the guitar, went to Holland and realized that I enjoyed white water rafting and snowboarding


If all my words are way too out there, which they usually are. Go with this ^ Girl knows her stuff and is way more down to "earth",straight up concise and to the point than I
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Posted 3/29/14

krYmSiiN wrote:

I wish I could keep busy but I don't have any friends around here and it's hard because this town I live in has nothing at all. Hard to find people that have the same interests. That's why I got on here. I didn't really have anyone to talk too.


Aw. well, we - or at least some of us - got yo back. You'll find ways to get over any ex's, I'm sure. Hell, it's still hard for me to get over ex's, I think it's scarred my ability to "mingle." But I'm over it, and I found that time really does have it's way of healing.
rkaragon gave some pretty good advice, as well!
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Posted 3/29/14
You know, you don't ever really get over them exactly. You can only accept that they were at one point a part of your life and now they're not and simply move on. Well at least that is how I see it and that is how things work for me. To each his own really
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Posted 3/29/14
Yeh, man your on the right track. If there's no resources around you to get your mind off things, then you can hit the net to find those who you can relate to best. There's endless advice out here. I personally try to use my intuition to try and find those who really really know their stuff tho. Just take on all those problems at once at their source. They truthfully all originate from the same source, the same problem, and that's the false belief that we're ever really separate from the source of love. But that's kinda newerish Idea in modern society, especially in the west, so your goina get a lot of people excited about it out there talkin about things they don't quite understand yet, like myself. Truth is an experience, not just knowledge. Truth comes from the same source as love and creativity, and you can find that within yourself. The trick is to find the best mentor/teacher/guru/whatever that you can best suits you. It's not so easy to just sit with yourself when your in pain, so I'm not saying to just sit and try to meditate in some way to find yourself. Some techniques are more hands on ish and help you get to the point where you can focus on fallowing that silent intuition within you back to it's source. Main bro, just breath. Breath is the fundamental corner to all spiritual practices and breath techniques are used before almost all meditation techniques to help them get to a calmer state more self integrated state so that they can more completely focus on the meditation, the letting go of resistance to life and ever more silent peaceful relaxation into the source. Keep looking for the deepest answers whenever you have the energy and you'll be aight. No worries, just relax in the present as best as you can and your environment will get more relaxing and you'll learn of more ways to relax. Practice peace and not getting offended, and you'll start to get a feel for where that peace comes from, and you'll lock onto it more and more and it will just start flooding in faster and faster more and more easily. Just gotta get the ball rollin, and it'll start doing more of the hard stuff for you. The answers will just come.
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Posted 3/29/14
Doing something you love doing will ease your mind, i like playing my guitar whenever something so shitty happens to me, puts me in a good mood. or i just forget, pretty easy for me LOL.
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Posted 3/29/14 , edited 3/29/14
Just be yourself and keep your mind busy. Then again I don't have much experience seeing as how I've only had 1 girlfriend in my life. Lol.. But it really differs from person to person. Me personally I go Snowboarding if it's the winter season or if there isn't any snow, I hop on my motorcycle and just cruise around town, or if I don't really want to do either of those, I cook. Those are the only 3 things I've ever had to do get over my crappy experiences, that one breakup included.
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Posted 3/29/14
I completely forget about them and relegate them to nonexistence. I treat everything we had as if it never existed and they are no longer a part of my life. I don't even attempt to make friends with them after it's over (although I have broken that self-imposed rule a few times on an ex that was most certainly not worth it). No trashtalk, backstabbing, lying or blaming the responsibility on the opposite party involved. It's trouble-free, and perfect for a lazy-ass like me.

I'm about to enter college in a few months. I don't have time to shit myself over a flirt who seemed perfect, but due to my teenage naivete and the bitch called life, never stood a chance of having a fulfilling lasting relationship with me because things didn't work out due to the circumstances that may happen to be.

Apparently this is a really hard thing to do. Most of the guys and gals I know, and even exes that I've broken self-imposed rules for and made friends with can't understand how I do it. They just think I'm a foul-mouthed socially awkward dick who wears facades that suit the occasion because he's afraid of being exploited and can't express himself well. They're mostly right on that, but they also don't think about how much I fucking hate drama, and that every girl I've dated has a Master's Degree in the Arts of Dramatization and High School, along with a Bachelor's in Trashtalking and an Associate's in Lying and Backstabbing the Fuck out of People.
Posted 3/29/14
Well for me, I haven't found a good way of getting over my ex even though I was the one who broke up with her. I've tried staying away from her, stop talking to her for a period & a lot of other ways to get over her. I don't think I'm doing it right nor do I think there's a good way to get over my ex.
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