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How to handle...
Posted 3/30/14 , edited 3/30/14
Peer pressure is the worst. Don't let anyone dictate your life or how you feel. That best friend of yours is not a real friend if she treats you that way and you shouldn't suffer for her.

You have to learn to be heartless sometimes. I understand your position as I have felt that way and I guess you're young because it tends to happen to the majority of teenagers.

This is how I dealt with it: find like minded people, either your mom or someone in your family you're close to and talk to them, they love you so they'll give you a better advice than random people on the Internet. Your friends and classmates will come and go but your family will always be there for you (personal experience). If you believe in God, pray and talk to Him. Prayer has helped me a lot.

Do things you like, immerse yourself in your favorite hobbies. That will make stress go away.

Go to the gym, sometimes exercising your body will make both the body AND mind feel good.

Ignore people who judges others, they usually do it to feel better about themselves but show them that they're not worthy enough for you so you don't care about their petty opinions about yourself. Even if you lose some so called friends or feel lonely for awhile, later on you will find real friends who will accept you for who you are and sometimes is better to be alone than have bad company.

And last but not least, love yourself because if you don't, nobody else will do it. Don't suffer for those people...stand up for yourself! who cares if you get a D, tell them to mind their own business. Be tough and learn to ignore such people...

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36 / M / Kansas
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Posted 3/30/14
I can't say my situation has been exactly the same, but I'd say I can understand at least somewhat. I had been feeling that way a lot lately, and it started to get to me really bad, I finally pulled out of it , but it was a slow process. I'd recommend finding something you can do that makes you happy and helps you feel good about yourself and your life and focusing on that. Try your best not to let others bother you. I know that is a lot harder than it sounds, and its definitely harder in school. If you aren't sure what does make you happy or feel better about yourself, try to find something, or even ask other people for suggestions.
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25 / M / Alaska, USA
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Posted 3/30/14
'Feeling like you don't have one real person to talk to..' Well, I feel you here, I recently moved back to my hometown, and all of the friends I used to have no longer live here, and they stopped contacting me about 4 months after I had moved elsewhere due to the military. I have also moved before hand more times than I can count, so having a shortage on people I would ever count as a friend was unfortunately right on my ass all the time. Not that I can really offer any life saving advice, but you're not alone on this issue, and I'm sure that if you don't have anyone yet, you will soon enough. There's always someone there for you, you just haven't happened to run into that person yet, and on that note, neither have I.

'Never feeling good about themselves' I understand this pain more than I do the other two on the list. I've also run into plenty of others who have had the same issue, and with nearly all of them the results were the same. They were all very good people, they just shut themselves in for one reason or another, most of the time it was because the jackasses of the world judged them with no base or reason. I'm willing to bet that you are a good person, I completely understand why you'd hesitate to try and stick out a little bit, society today is nearly in the gutter, more jackasses picking on people without any rhyme or reason in doing so. I can't tell you what to do, nor would I try to, but here is my 2 cents: Although trying to stick out a bit can be scary, there's a big reward for doing so, and as long as you stick out a little being true to yourself, you'll earn a reward worth the risk; a friend, if not multiple friends.

I know it wasn't much advice but it's about all I have the room to offer since I'm not much different from you on these matters, but I hope you can get some of the scariness to fade and eventually stick out just enough, while being true to yourself, to make a friend if not more than one friend. I hope that friend and a ray of happiness eventually shines your way. You may not know me, but I'm cheering you on from the forum lines up here in Anchorage, AK. (: May some happiness head your way, Ren.
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Posted 4/2/14
Reading all yours replies, made my day a hundreds times more better! This is what I needed! Thank you all soo much for the replies. I will definitely take all these comments into consideration (: Thank you so much again, I feel so much better. Thank you x
-Ren x
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Posted 4/2/14
Don't stop believing, hold on to that feeling!
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30 / M / Atlanta
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Posted 4/2/14
If you don't like the situation, change it.

I think I've had all those feelings at one point or another but ultimately I realized that we as individuals control our own happiness and outlook on life. If I don't like something I simply change it.

Didn't like being broke so I really went town town on my career. Didn't like being small, so I started lifting. Didn't like not having a social life (in part because of the career) so I started forcing myself to do new things and meet new people even if I didn't always want to because I'd usually have fun if I just went and made an effort.

Just remember, you control your happiness.
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Posted 4/3/14
Mmm, of course all of these things are difficult problems. It sounds like for you, your school is a very negative place. You might try balancing it out by adding something else like volunteering or work to create a different social circle for yourself outside of school. Also, in a mixed age environment, you are less likely to be judged and more likely to be appreciated simply for your presence and effort. This is especially true for volunteering.

I don't know what to really say about the first thing, since I never take my mask off. In school I was always the person confided in, not the other way around. But perhaps expanding your opportunities to meet people could help you.

If you never feel good about yourself, you might be depressed. If you think that is a possibility, it is a good idea to seek treatment/counseling. I have family members and friends who have gone through that, and it is never a bad thing to ask for help. There are lots of resources for this, so it is really up to you to research them if you feel like it is a good idea. On the other hand, it could also be related to your negative environment. That is something you can change if you summon your courage. Also, your friend, her problems are not your responsibility to fix or deal with. If you want to maintain your friendship, set clear rules for how you interact with her and follow them so she does not hurt you.

For the third thing, I understand. And guess what, finding your true self is the journey of a lifetime. Young people are supposed to be confused, and even people who seem like they have it all together rarely do. Remember that you are the main character in your own life. You set the rules. Frankly, there is nothing more terrifying than offering up your true self to the judgement of others, but if people hate your true self, then you probably don't want to know them anyway. Actually, people who are really true to themselves are so rare that there is sort of an automatic cool boost. Show no fear and be honest and the people who are drawn to you will surprise you.

The last bit of advice is a bit more simple. Stand up straight and look people directly in the eye. Body language that shows confidence will give you power.
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25 / M / Georgia
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Posted 4/3/14
Quoted for Truth



kirika202:
Ignore people who judges others, they usually do it to feel better about themselves but show them that they're not worthy enough for you so you don't care about their petty opinions about yourself. Even if you lose some so called friends or feel lonely for awhile, later on you will find real friends who will accept you for who you are and sometimes is better to be alone than have bad company.

And last but not least, love yourself because if you don't, nobody else will do it. Don't suffer for those people...stand up for yourself! who cares if you get a D, tell them to mind their own business. Be tough and learn to ignore such people...




anchore:
Young people are supposed to be confused, and even people who seem like they have it all together rarely do. Remember that you are the main character in your own life. You set the rules. Frankly, there is nothing more terrifying than offering up your true self to the judgement of others, but if people hate your true self, then you probably don't want to know them anyway.




CalifCat:
It's not crazy, ridiculous, or attention getting to want human connection, it's healthy. And you matter in this world. You are something to someone, and if not right now, you will be. Don't wait for it to come to you, go find it.


It's important to remember, no matter what kind of problem you have, you're not alone. People all over the world feel the same feelings and emotions, ups and downs. Always look for the bright side of any situation, even if it's dim.

One way to increase your self-confidence a little, is to look at yourself in the mirror at least once a day, and compliment yourself.
Even if it's vague. "Looking good" / "You have a pretty smile." / "I'm matching really good today!"
It might seem silly but it's helped me out from time to time. Your words have weight to them, the action of saying it out loud really helps.
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Posted 4/3/14
I'm not sure if i can help, but i'll do my best.

-Feeling like you don't have one real person to talk to..
I believe i've gone through this. I didn't have anyone to talk to, i didn't know who i should talk to and after a while i became used to it.
You might get used to it too, then it won't bother you anymore.. or you can be patient and wait to find that person who'll listen to you. You'll find him/her eventually.
and listen.. whenever you need someone to talk to, remember that i'll be pleased to help you and listen <3

-Never feeling good about themselves
Ummm.. I think there're many ways to make you feel better about yourself.. but i'm not sure why you're feeling that way.
I think to start feeling good about yourself, you have to start thinking positively, and try to focus on your good traits instead of focusing on your bad traits. You should try to improve yourself, if you're good at something like painting or whatever.. practice it more, and if you have a bad habit try to get rid of it. If it's about how you look.. try a new haircut, change your style, try a new makeup look. and remember no one is perfect, and people don't notice the things you notice about yourself.
Try to force a smile, try to relax, and enjoy yourself.


-Acting like your nothing and you can never be your true self'

I don't know how to reply to this.. but i think when you're around the right people, you'll be able to be yourself.
I hope you'll find them. I hope you'll find a better friend who will treasure you. <3

Stay strong <3
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Posted 4/3/14
1-800 SUICIDE!!! quick
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Posted 4/3/14 , edited 4/3/14
I can always talk to myself about my problems, so there's a sense in which I don't think you're asking the right question here. There was a time when I expected that people ought to have someone else to look to for help with problems, but truth be told, no one person will be able help you with your problems -- accurately speaking, some people will understand some things about you, and others will understand other parts. So, in order to have "someone to go to" for your problems, you'd need a fairly large system of people. However, also note that you understand your thoughts more clearly than anyone else currently on the planet. For that reason, I would suggest learning how to converse with yourself, and really, sort of treat yourself like an abstraction. If someone else came to you with these problems, what would you say to them? In fact, it's even easier than talking to someone else, because you completely understand where the "person" is coming from. This is also the solution to the next two points -- or at least, it's how I think of things.

When you treat yourself as an abstract problem, you're able to look at yourself more clearly. While it may in fact be true that there are exactly no redeeming qualities to your personality, I've yet to meet a single person for which this has been verified to be true. It seems highly unlikely unless you're working on a completely insane scale of measurement. Consider this: When walking somewhere on foot, do you walk in the middle of the street, or the sidewalk? Note here that, barring the intent of death or annoyance to others, the better choice by far is to use the sidewalk. Since, of the two choices, you've made the "good" choice (I assume you're using the sidewalk), you can be sure that on the metric of your actions, you are a good person.

Likewise, there will also be many "bad" points, which should result in the conclusion that you're a a bad person. You should attempt as complete an understanding of both good and bad as possible. Coming to the conclusion that you have nothing good about yourself is in direct ignorance of the facts (probably). It may be the case that you are, on the whole, in possession of more bad points, but I'm skeptical of the idea that there are no good points. Or rather, the simple fact that you've said so lends me the belief that you haven't properly inspected yourself. Come back when you've done so. If, on the other hand, you'd like to ask "is it a bad thing to leave my druggie friend?", this is an easier topic to evaluate. However, I'm rather limited even on this point, so I'd still suggest attempting a more complete understanding of yourself.

Edit: On the note of suicide, since it's been mentioned by others, it may be a good choice. If you are ever able to arrive at a complete and thorough understanding of the world, its principles, and everything that encompasses it, then you can come to a clear evaluation of it's merits. If it turns out that the living universe, as a whole, contains more bad then good, then you have determined that suicide is necessarily the best choice. However, I'd argue that (quite probably) nobody has been able to achieve such an understanding. Until someone is absolutely certain of all the relevant principles of a decision, suicide is nothing more than an educated guess based on little research. In fact, I'd probably compare the knowledge of some of the smartest people in history to a Wikipedia version of all of life's mysteries -- it's useful, and it may have some correct points, but don't think you're an expert because you've read it. Although to be fair, I don't think OP is suicidal.
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23 / M / wyoming MI.
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Posted 4/3/14
When i fell kinda like that i turn to my family i have 3 sisters who always seem to make me feel better
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21 / F / Balmer, Murlin
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Posted 4/3/14
Everyone feels like this sometimes. It's perfectly fine. I've spent most of my life secluded from most social activities (and people in general), so I understand.

Whenever I start feeling lonely now, instead of holing myself up in my room like I used to, I try to challenge myself. I call up a friend and ask if they want to go to a movie. I hang around on campus and see if there are any activities to do. Hell, even going grocery shopping helps me feel a little better.

Try to resist the urge to run and hide when your feeling down. Talk to people. Be social. Be adventurous. Once you've gotten more comfortable with yourself in social situations, you'll stop feeling so self-conscious and realize that it's okay if you make a mistake. People don't take nearly as much notice as you think they do.

I've just started breaking out of my shell, and I still don't really feel like I have anyone that I can really connect with and talk to on a personal level, but I'll remain positive. One day I'll find someone to confide in, and so will you. Just be hopeful, because you'll always be important to someone out there.
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Posted 4/3/14
Wow, I just stumbled upon this, and these comments are really uplifting and helpful.

I know it's not my post, but reading these comments have really lifted me up.
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"Year-end cleanup. Closing threads with no activity since 2014."
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