If you haven’t been outside or browsed the internet at least once in the past couple of decades, you would have no idea that the hipster craze is slowly enveloping the nation in red plaid and ironic facial hair. If this is true, you may be a hipster yourself. In that case, welcome to the internet, where your kind congregate despite your hatred of all things mainstream, and since you’re here, I’ll just say this; take off your oversized glasses. Shave your face, or trim it into something more stylish. Find some jeans that don’t turn your testicles into wrinkly pancakes. I say this not because I hate the way you guys turn your noses to the majority of social norms, I say it because you’re just copying from people who’ve been doing the exact same thing hundreds of years before.

The lumberjack is basically the common ancestor from which all hipsters descend, but unlike hipsters, they are a noble breed of man- body built by years of mangling maple trees and subsisting off of their plant blood. They don’t have lotion for their gnarled calluses, chewing their blisters off and packing the wounds with salt and sulfuric acid is the norm, and their beards glisten like bald eagle tears on baby Abraham Lincoln’s buttocks. They do their jobs because no one else on the planet could handle the job, or even pass the initiation phase, which involves slaying a bear in the birth canal to dye his plaid shirt with the blood. After a long day of forcing trees to bow to them before throwing the limbs into a bacon furnace, lumberjacks head back to their cabins for some obscure hobbies with a side of sexy rumpus with a lady who smells of pine. Their favorite sport: rolling around on logs in the water while punching competing mountain lions in the face. They call this sport Rick Rolling, and it’s very popular among lumberjacks; even the ones with such bad eyesight, that they would need glasses to properly aim their lumberpunches. Among the lumberjacks, wearing glasses or refraining from turning lion teeth into a fine slurry of blood and shrapnel is a sin punishable by being called lumber-pansy for the rest of your bearded career. Surprisingly enough though, the lumberjack community is at ease with the notion of people belonging to the beard donning impractically tight pants. This is because the massive hairy tree trunks that are lumberjack legs push even hammer pants to the known universal limit of containing matter.

Hipsters, I know your secret now. You want to rock the noble beard, the red plaid, without ever once laying a hand on the birth canal grizzly guard or picking up an axe to slaughter trees in front of their saplings. There are other ways to defy your societal norms. Feel free to take these different paths, because a grizzly could probably kick your ass.

http://www.collegehumor.com/post/6961043/what-youre-saying-with-your-facial-hair

My dad looks like a lumberjack. He's big and burly, not to mention he has quite the fine beard of brown and orange! But he takes on this "Hipser" style. Which also makes him look like a lumber jack.

I like to go grunge and tie faded flannels onto my waist, personally.

Hipsters never even existed until recently and they are a complete joke. Lumberjacks are tough and worthy of respect, the opposite of hipsters.

Lumberjack Song | http://youtu.be/xToPCaNxaow?t=3m54s

I'm a lumberjack, and I'm okay.
I sleep all night and I work all day.

I cut down trees. I eat my lunch.
I go to the lavatory.
On Wednesdays I go shoppin'
And have buttered scones for tea.

I cut down trees. I skip and jump.
I like to press wild flowers.
I put on women's clothing
And hang around in bars.

I was thinking the same thing, Hairbelly.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mL7n5mEmXJo

I feel pity for hispsters. it must be hard forever seeking out new 'edgy' things to be totally into before the rest of us unwashed discover and 'ruin' them.

heck apparently Pabst Beer has become a hipster drink. something that makes me VERY glad I'm not a hipster. give me a pint of 'Maudite' or 'Fin du Monde' anyday.

I hear lumberjacks love flapjacks, too.

A lady who smells of pine... Mmmm

Differnece is that a lumberjack was the epitome of manliness. Hipsters are the epitome of douchiness. Plaid + beard does not make you a man. Cutting down a shit ton of trees and being all Paul Bunyan and able to throw oxen to the ground is manliness at it's most basic.

Lumberjacks eat hipsters for breakfast so hipsters try to look like lumberjacks for camouflage

and for good measure

http://youtu.be/A52p9jc-gOo

eeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwww is that counterculture or subculture


i am not a lumberjack guy

i cant even kill a tree

Holy crap, I never though of it that way. This goes to show that there's always someone who will come up with a better idea; unless you're the Oatmeal. He's like the event horizon of creative thinking.

It gives some of their lives purpose, and I'm sure there are worse things they could be dedicated to doing.

Hipsters are people who don't want to "fit" in and be "labeled" so they instead fit in with other hipsters, and want to be labeled as hipsters...Right.