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How do you to tell your friend hes a mooch without hurting him?
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Posted 4/2/14
I had a similar issue at my place a couple years back. I have a very close friend who decided to live w/ us, but he wouldn't do anything for himself. He wouldn't try and get a job nor would he try and provide food. He was literally the definition of a mooch. So what did we do? (we as in my family and I) We kicked him out. End of story. As of now, my friend is still living off of others, moving from place to place. If your friend doesn't want to better himself and try to get a job (assuming he doesn't have one since he's mooching), then you need to tell him he needs to move on and live somewhere else. Even if your aunt and uncle don't care that he's mooching, it's still a problem that needs sorting out. Being his friend, you need to actually BE a friend and help him out by being straight up blunt about it. Remember, only he can help himself. All you can do is give him a little nudge.
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Posted 4/2/14 , edited 4/2/14

minasaki96 wrote:

I used to have to live at a friends house because my parents left but in exchange for rent i cleaned a lot of the house and helped them with a lot of chores. Maybe he could do something similar?


A person can only clean and do chores for so long. Doing chores/house cleaning doesn't weigh out the amount of food, TP, water, and other things he'll be using for free.
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Posted 4/2/14

Lemontitties wrote:


minasaki96 wrote:

I used to have to live at a friends house because my parents left but in exchange for rent i cleaned a lot of the house and helped them with a lot of chores. Maybe he could do something similar?


A person can only clean and do chores for so long. Doing chores/house cleaning doesn't weigh out the amount of food, TP, water, and other things he'll be using for free.


Thats true but I was like 16 at the time so im not sure if I could have payed at the time (I have tried to give them money now though) Depending if the person who is mooching off is old enough to get a job but doesn't want to then I agree to kick him out.
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Posted 4/2/14 , edited 4/2/14

austoony wrote:

My friend has been staying at my aunt and uncles house for a while and has not payed any rent. They are too nice of people to say anything and im not sure if i should step in and how i should go about saying it to him. Hes a nice guy and a good friend i dont want to hurt our friendship. any input would help


A couple of tips to ease the intervention if you need to do it.

1) Coffee. make it as quiet, private and a comfortable a conversation as you can. Coffee( or tea or pop as preferred) is an excellent social lubricant.

2.) describe the action not the person. It's better to say 'We cannot support continued free rent', than 'you're an F--ing Mooch!". focus on 'how we go on' rather than berating the past.

3.) Be blunt. and specific If you need him start paying rent, then specify the amount and date. If you need him out then specify the date for that. Do not give him any vague false hopes. Do not set only a month and not a day of the month unless you don't mind your needs being addressed on the 31st.

4.) Be unapologetic. This is reality. If something you say hurts your friend. fine apologize for that that. Do not apologize for addressing your needs.

5.) be real. don't go there all prepared for a fight. just tell him what the situation is. and don't worry if he's disappointed


Edit: I forgot to mention. schedule the talk.

set a date and time to quietly talk about 'something important.'



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Posted 4/2/14 , edited 4/2/14

minasaki96 wrote:

Thats true but I was like 16 at the time so im not sure if I could have payed at the time (I have tried to give them money now though) Depending if the person who is mooching off is old enough to get a job but doesn't want to then I agree to kick him out.


I'm not sure where you live, but a lot of states here in the U.S allow you to get a job as early as the age of 16. Considering the fact that the OP mentioned that he's not paying any rent seems to be clear that he's old enough to get a job.
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Posted 4/2/14

minasaki96 wrote:

I used to have to live at a friends house because my parents left but in exchange for rent i cleaned a lot of the house and helped them with a lot of chores. Maybe he could do something similar?


But this was pre agreed upon? Chores (plus behavioural rules I expect) for room and board. and probably for a pre-agreed upon time period. I think that's a different deal than what we talked about.


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Posted 4/2/14

Lemontitties wrote:


minasaki96 wrote:

Thats true but I was like 16 at the time so im not sure if I could have payed at the time (I have tried to give them money now though) Depending if the person who is mooching off is old enough to get a job but doesn't want to then I agree to kick him out.


I'm not sure where you live, but a lot of states here in the U.S allow you to get a job as early as the age of 16. Considering the fact that the OP mentioned that he's not paying any rent seems to be clear that he's old enough to get a job.


I didn't live in the US so i wasn't so lucky but I think OP should tell the guy if he doesn't find a job by around say mid-april? Then time to kick him out : P
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Posted 4/2/14

minasaki96 wrote:


I didn't live in the US so i wasn't so lucky but I think OP should tell the guy if he doesn't find a job by around say mid-april? Then time to kick him out : P


True that sister.
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Posted 4/2/14
Usually people who are unmotivated to help themselves will not suddenly become better people because you asked nicely. At least he's just a friend. Much harder to kick out family.
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Posted 4/2/14
rent or GTFO

If you don't tell them straight out, they will never leave.
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Posted 4/2/14
This is one of those situations where you need to be straight up and frank about it. If you try to do it as nicely as you can, you're pretty much babying the guy, and he won't learn anything from it. You have to be straight up about it, it will cut deeper, but he will learn from it rather than just keep on doing what he's doing. No one learns anything from being babied. If he doesn't want to be your friend because you told him he's being a mooch, then he wasn't much of a friend to be honest.
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Posted 4/2/14
How hard is it to pull off a conversation like this:
"Hey, have you found a job yet?" -To start the conversation
"Well, you can't just live off my aunt and uncle forever lol." -Somewhere in the middle of the conversation
Then end the conversation on a good note.

Also, why don't you help your friend find a job as well as finding ways to encourage him to become an independent? Sure he's a mooch, but you're not really helping the situation by just trying to find a way to call him out on his flaws lol.
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22 / M / UK
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Posted 4/2/14
From experience, maybe just subtle hints. I used to always do that to a mate of mine, and I used to always ask him what his plans are in later life. With some people, they just need to reassure themselves that a future is possible.
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Posted 4/2/14 , edited 4/2/14
Just walk by and say,

'Mooch.'
Posted 4/2/14
Tell him he's an s-mooch.
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