I will post some of my poems here, once a week at most, to get feedback and see what people think of my writing and style. I've never really been able to get feedback or criticism from an outside source, so anything (good and bad) would be greatly appreciated. I'll start with one here I suppose.
Only You Can
Fly into the sun on wings of diamond
Straight through the center to melt the heart of ice
Awaken the flames of passion slumbering among emotions aplenty
Bringing color and fullness to this empty carapace
Sing with me the melody of the newborn phoenix
Which brings life to the virtues of the noblest fashion
Dance to the beat of the unheard shouts
Shedding light on the darkened souls of torn compassion
Sympathize with the acts of the truly desperate
Spreading the understanding found, throughout all of existence
Sail alongside belief on the winds of hope
Finding the holes in the great walls of persistence
Strike down the fools wrought with misleading views
Showing them the truth found in the world of virtue
Bring to them the fruits of their most arduous labor
So they may find the strength to see most anything through
Lead the world into a new way of thinking
So all may forget to be angry with those who've wronged them
And love everything you are without even a hint of an exception
Healing the fragments of a long forgotten time gem
Very nice. A lot of good images and well put together lines. Definitely evokes a lot of emotion.
I really like the heat/light motif in the first half of the poem. "Sun, melt, flames, phoenix, shedding light" All of these words work to weave the lines together with a continuing image. I would suggest trying to continue that motif throughout the poem. Each one of the lines is thought provoking and beautiful, but the second half doesn't feel like it is as smoothly woven together as the first half does.
Keep them coming, I'd love to read more!
The moon doesn't know how blue the sky is
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