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Just NOT Showing Up
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23 / F / New Hampshire
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Posted 4/21/14
So today, during one of my only days off work this vacation, I had made plans with some guy I know to hang out downtown. I set my alarm, got up on time, and made my way to the meeting spot. I knew another friend was going to be hanging downtown so we ended up meeting up at that place too ... First guy never even shows up. He is the one who called ME the night before last and set the time and place and everything. I've had issues with this person before, but never about showing up places. My mutual friend (the one I met with) was also surprised at his course of action. After all, he's never done it to either of us before.

Me and mutual friend and 3rd acquaintance go to a Chinese place for lunch. Mutual friend needed to call no-show anyways for something they were scheduling. During the call she mentions his not showing up. His response? "Oh, yeah, I forgot." Not even a "sorry." Nothing. She then suggests he calls me later when I'm less ticked off. "I guess." Why set up a get-together with someone if you're not even going to show up? How frigging RUDE. Not to mention the lack of an apology. And despite this happening some hours ago he still hasn't called. Though now he has plans with my friend.

I'm ticked off, hurt, and irritated. My day could have been spent on much more important things. I'm embarrassed too. To tell the truth I'm thinking of telling this guy off and ending the friendship. I just can't understand making plans simply not to show up. And clearly I'm not important enough for him to remember. Though I also highly doubt he forgot, because he has been known to lie in the past too.

Just ...
Have you ever had this happen to you? What did you do?
Have you ever DONE this to anyone? Why?
Please tell me I'm not the only one who finds this incredibly rude.
Posted 4/21/14
Maybe he is just not into you? Just stop making plans with said person. I don't see the need not to be friends because it obviously that is all you'll ever be. Or does my reading comprehension suck?

Just go 2d, you'll never be disappointed
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M / Vancouver, BC, Ca...
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Posted 4/21/14
I've had that happen and I'm with you --- I find it very irritating and very disrespectful. I make it a point to honor my commitments and as such I expect the same (I mean, it's the right thing to do FFS!).

The times that I was on the receiving end of "flaking", I just made a decision to put that person on my ignore list. No notice given; I just stopped talking to them. Some would ask after a day or so as to why I just stopped communicating but others (who are either just blissfully ignorant or they know exactly why I'm not talking and are too chicken to apologize) also stop talking to me altogether.

Have I ever done this? Hell no. There are times when I've unfortunately had to cancel but I always call to say what's up. There's no way I'm just going to pull a no show without telling the other person(s) involved.
Posted 4/21/14
I'm kind of like that so... I realize I don't mesh well with sensitive people, oh well.
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23 / F / New Hampshire
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Posted 4/21/14

shimmer_ wrote:

Maybe he is just not into you? Just stop making plans with said person. I don't see the need not to be friends because it obviously that is all you'll ever be. Or does my reading comprehension suck?

Just go 2d, you'll never be disappointed


We weren't going on a date or anything. We're already just friends and have made it clear that we only see each other as friends. We've hung out before, too. So I guess what really bothers me about the situation is his lack of concern over totally "forgetting" about me.
Posted 4/21/14

leolachante wrote:


shimmer_ wrote:

Maybe he is just not into you? Just stop making plans with said person. I don't see the need not to be friends because it obviously that is all you'll ever be. Or does my reading comprehension suck?

Just go 2d, you'll never be disappointed


We weren't going on a date or anything. We're already just friends and have made it clear that we only see each other as friends. We've hung out before, too. So I guess what really bothers me about the situation is his lack of concern over totally "forgetting" about me.


yeah, you're totally forgettable
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23 / F / New Hampshire
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Posted 4/21/14

Sychop wrote:

I'm kind of like that so... I realize I don't mesh well with sensitive people, oh well.


You're forgetful, or you're unapologetic?
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23 / F / New Hampshire
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Posted 4/21/14

Thanks, I really appreciate that.
Posted 4/21/14

leolachante wrote:


Thanks, I really appreciate that.


ahhah, sorry no more picking on you. Really I would just not make plans with them anymore & not initiate any contact. They'll get it eventually.
Posted 4/21/14 , edited 4/21/14

leolachante wrote:


Sychop wrote:

I'm kind of like that so... I realize I don't mesh well with sensitive people, oh well.


You're forgetful, or you're unapologetic?


Once it has happened i will not seen the point in regretting the situation. If I can, I will remedy the situation but if it looks like i'd have to make a promise, i'd stop there. I hardly keep my promises. I'm also never really sorry because I probably have a reason or don't see it as a big deal as someone would make it to be.
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21 / F / Balmer, Murlin
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Posted 4/21/14
There was this guy. I was pretty good friends with him. But he was flaky as all hell. He'd never stick to any plans we made, and he'd always make excuses as to why he couldn't do this or that. Not to mention he was an unbearable conversationalist, always talking about himself and never listening to anything anyone else has to say.

The one thing that really pissed me off about him, though, was his complete lack of responsibility. He didn't care jack shit about how his actions or words would affect anyone besides himself. He created a club when we were in high school, and was really into it for a year or so, then he decides he's bored with it and completely drops it without any notice whatsoever, and when other members of the club complained, he blamed it on another poor girl whom he was supposedly friends with. He also loved to gossip behind people's backs.

Yeah... Needless to say, I don't talk to him anymore. I couldn't even if I wanted to, because ever since we graduated, he hasn't returned my texts or calls. So screw him.

For anyone wondering why I'd hang out with such a guy in the first place, he didn't always used to be an asshole. When I first met him, he was genuinely nice. We were good friends for several years before something about him just changed. I don't know how or why, but somehow I held on to the hope that he would go back to the way he used to be. Unfortunately, that never happened.
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23 / F / New Hampshire
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Posted 4/21/14


Ah, I suppose I understand where you're coming from. Your personality type is so different from mine. I don't think I could just let something like this go, sadly.
Posted 4/21/14

leolachante wrote:



Ah, I suppose I understand where you're coming from. Your personality type is so different from mine. I don't think I could just let something like this go, sadly.


If your personalities don't match, there will be problem but he will know this (as long as he's not clear about it, he'll think whatever suits him best at that moment), If he's done it to you many times then you're a fool.
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Posted 4/21/14 , edited 4/21/14


Similar to me, in a few ways. I have ADD, so I tend to get really into things and then just suddenly lose interest and feel like dropping them. I wouldn't blame another person for it, however, unless that said person was just a totally horrible person who nobody would care if they suffered. Or were actually at fault.

Also, I'm random and 'irresponsible,' as I'll just run off to have fun. Admittedly, only if I can do so without backlash from dropped duties, like having someone cover for me and I'll return the favor when they want me to. But seriously, I'm that kind of person. Even my family knows it. All that my parents ask if I tell them before I up and vanish for a few days because I was off chasing butterflies or some similar nonsense. Seriously. I don't even have to say really where I'm going, just a brief 'Don't panic if I'm gone for three days' thing.

You may hate me for my frivolous-osity. Or hate my ADD. I don't care enough to mind, because I'm off chasing things.
Posted 4/21/14
This is why I hardly make plans with people... and my friends know to remind me or check ahead of time because I do change my mind often, although I don't really lie about forgetting or whatever.. I just tell them straight up that I'm lazy or I don't feel like doing anything that day.
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