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Just NOT Showing Up
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21 / F / Balmer, Murlin
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Posted 4/21/14

Phersu wrote:

Similar to me, in a few ways. I have ADD, so I tend to get really into things and then just suddenly lose interest and feel like dropping them. I wouldn't blame another person for it, however, unless that said person was just a totally horrible person who nobody would care if they suffered. Or were actually at fault.

Also, I'm random and 'irresponsible,' as I'll just run off to have fun. Admittedly, only if I can do so without backlash from dropped duties, like having someone cover for me and I'll return the favor when they want me to. But seriously, I'm that kind of person. Even my family knows it. All that my parents ask if I tell them before I up and vanish for a few days because I was off chasing butterflies or some similar nonsense. Seriously. I don't even have to say really where I'm going, just a brief 'Don't panic if I'm gone for three days' thing.

You may hate me for my frivolous-osity. Or hate my ADD. I don't care enough to mind, because I'm off chasing things.


Ah, I know a person like you. She's quite absent-minded sometimes, and kind of a spaz, and she doesn't keep all her promises, but she's a fun girl and wouldn't hurt a fly.

I don't mind any of that. The person I was describing did things deliberately, knowing full well the consequences and how he might hurt people. He just didn't give a shit. I really wouldn't have cared about that whole club situation if he hadn't tried to shirk responsibility and blame an innocent. The person he blamed was also my friend. They got into arguments a lot and it stressed her out. I won't forgive him for it.

He also loved to mope and whine a lot, which was very obnoxious.
Posted 4/21/14
Hey.. Some people just aren't sensitive with these things. I hate it when people do that. It's like, lack of manners and courtesy to me... And displays a lack of respect as well but it's ok Take it easy. He's probably the really chill, dull kind of guy right? Not totally jerky but kind of like a jerk ... I mean his actions. And it's fine, you were looking forward to it. Tell him politely over the phone "Hey. Next time, can you please tell us if you're not coming or if you're too busy to come? So that we don't have to wait for you?" Yeah..... >< Good luck <3 Don't feel too stressed over it. Some people are like that. Most of the guys I know ar elike that and I like... disowned them @__@ I even wrote a nice song for them and disappeared from their sight
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22 / M / United States
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Posted 4/21/14

leolachante wrote:

So today, during one of my only days off work this vacation, I had made plans with some guy I know to hang out downtown. I set my alarm, got up on time, and made my way to the meeting spot. I knew another friend was going to be hanging downtown so we ended up meeting up at that place too ... First guy never even shows up. He is the one who called ME the night before last and set the time and place and everything. I've had issues with this person before, but never about showing up places. My mutual friend (the one I met with) was also surprised at his course of action. After all, he's never done it to either of us before.

Me and mutual friend and 3rd acquaintance go to a Chinese place for lunch. Mutual friend needed to call no-show anyways for something they were scheduling. During the call she mentions his not showing up. His response? "Oh, yeah, I forgot." Not even a "sorry." Nothing. She then suggests he calls me later when I'm less ticked off. "I guess." Why set up a get-together with someone if you're not even going to show up? How frigging RUDE. Not to mention the lack of an apology. And despite this happening some hours ago he still hasn't called. Though now he has plans with my friend.

I'm ticked off, hurt, and irritated. My day could have been spent on much more important things. I'm embarrassed too. To tell the truth I'm thinking of telling this guy off and ending the friendship. I just can't understand making plans simply not to show up. And clearly I'm not important enough for him to remember. Though I also highly doubt he forgot, because he has been known to lie in the past too.

Just ...
Have you ever had this happen to you? What did you do?
Have you ever DONE this to anyone? Why?
Please tell me I'm not the only one who finds this incredibly rude.


Of course. Twice as a matter of fact. Though I just laughed it off, and never talked to them again since they didn't even have the decency to get back to me at all. It happens. I personally haven't done anything like this, but have been a victim for sure. it surely is rude and if he's going to shrug it off like "meh" when you took your own time to go out, just don't even bother talking to him anymore.

Completely unrelated (or somehow related maybe), I have a close friend who always leaves my place to go and hang out w/ someone else whenever I invite him over. I've given him countless chances for him to correct that rudeness of his, but he just always leaves. For nearly a quarter of the day. So I just decided not to invite him over anymore.

By the way, don't bother complaining to him about what he did. He's not going to change no matter how many times you complain to him, so there's really no point (plus, he should be old enough to know what's right and wrong in a situation in the first place).

I hope you feel better hun. People can be truly shitty.
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22 / M / United States
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Posted 4/21/14

CandyPopShop wrote:

Hey.. Some people just aren't sensitive with these things. I hate it when people do that. It's like, lack of manners and courtesy to me... And displays a lack of respect as well but it's ok Take it easy. He's probably the really chill, dull kind of guy right? Not totally jerky but kind of like a jerk ... I mean his actions. And it's fine, you were looking forward to it. Tell him politely over the phone "Hey. Next time, can you please tell us if you're not coming or if you're too busy to come? So that we don't have to wait for you?" Yeah..... >< Good luck <3 Don't feel too stressed over it. Some people are like that. Most of the guys I know ar elike that and I like... disowned them @__@ I even wrote a nice song for them and disappeared from their sight :D


I want to hear the song!! (or in this case, read it).
Posted 4/21/14 , edited 4/21/14

my friends/family had similar complaints about me as i'm seeing on this thread. I think I've improved over time because now I actively monitor their behavior or reactions and i'd be more careful in some instances.
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29 / M / Atlanta, GA, USA
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Posted 4/21/14 , edited 4/21/14

leolachante
Just ...
Have you ever had this happen to you? What did you do?
Have you ever DONE this to anyone? Why?
Please tell me I'm not the only one who finds this incredibly rude.


Well, I always start texting the girl before the date, so this has never really happened to me. However, it has sort of happened in the case of school group project meetings where not everyone showed up. It's pretty obnoxious.

I can only think of one time that I genuinely forgot a team practice game for soccer on a weekend, but I apologized for that. I think if someone doesn't even throw in a casual "sorry", then you have to assume they're being intentionally cold. Take things at face value, deal with it appropriately.
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25 / M / Seattle, WA, USA
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Posted 4/21/14 , edited 4/21/14
That kind of shit pisses me off. I don't know how people can be so casual about it. If I had forgotten about a meet-up I would be so apologetic to them, just as I would want someone to be for me. You set time aside to do something with someone and they just don't show? Pretty screwed up. Sure, I've had to cancel things before, not many, but I would at least give a call to say why I wouldn't be coming.

Also the OP mentioned that HE was the one who called only the *previous night* to set up your get-together, and he forgot about it? When it was only the next day and after making the arrangement himself? I don't know, if someone doesn't have the courtesy to even apologize after this, I would not be their friend anymore. May sound extreme to some people, but I don't have the emotional strength to deal with inconsiderate people like that.
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23 / M / 私の心は、日本で
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Posted 4/21/14
Hell at least you've got good friends to meet up with instead. Some people only have disrespectful "friends" like him around em. Of course, you're not the only one who finds it rude!
Posted 4/21/14
Yes, once.
No, I never would do that to someone.
and yes you are right to think it incredibly rude.

If I may interject an observation from someone who is old, it seems to me that now....today....never count on anything or anyone..after all you are only good until something better comes along. That is how "modern" society seems to operate these days.
Posted 4/21/14

Lemontitties wrote:


CandyPopShop wrote:

Hey.. Some people just aren't sensitive with these things. I hate it when people do that. It's like, lack of manners and courtesy to me... And displays a lack of respect as well but it's ok Take it easy. He's probably the really chill, dull kind of guy right? Not totally jerky but kind of like a jerk ... I mean his actions. And it's fine, you were looking forward to it. Tell him politely over the phone "Hey. Next time, can you please tell us if you're not coming or if you're too busy to come? So that we don't have to wait for you?" Yeah..... >< Good luck <3 Don't feel too stressed over it. Some people are like that. Most of the guys I know ar elike that and I like... disowned them @__@ I even wrote a nice song for them and disappeared from their sight :D


I want to hear the song!! (or in this case, read it).


:D SURE!!!!!!!! But you'll think it's lame ._. I'm sorry if I bore you with it. I'll let you read it now 8DD
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22 / M
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Posted 4/21/14


I like to think I'm similar to Capt from Majikoi. I just like acting on a whim, exploring, and being free.

'I'm free like the wind!' - Captain Kazama Shouichi.
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20 / M / The Internet
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Posted 4/21/14
I don't know any real life comparisons for me, because of the whole loner thing.

Believe it or not, you do need commitment for certain MMO's, where a guild's raid team depends on you to get on EARLY to start forming. I've had people show up late AND either drunk or high. Usually, people won't hold back on the internet in their behavior, I've been a witness to a ton of drama. It's happened with both guys and girls and all ages. This doesn't count the drama that comes after attendance.

I always stick to my promises or contact them when something comes up and has to be done. I even show up an hour early just to be sure. I may be doing something in the meantime, but I'm ready to drop it at a moments notice since it was just to pass the time.

If they want to be like that, then they don't mind being replaced then? They're clearly too busy for you, so you shouldn't mind, right? I stirred up quite the hornet's nests with that philosophy in guilds, due to personal feelings from officers and long time members, it was glorious. I can see where I started developing my jaded cynicism towards humanity. . .

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New York
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Posted 4/21/14
maybe he got hit by a car
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27 / M
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Posted 4/21/14 , edited 4/21/14
I have a couple of flaky friends but, late as they may be, they always show up eventually. Not showing up at all and not even apologizing is a sign that you need to cut that person from your life. All it takes to appease me is an apology and a decent reason for the lateness (and maybe a beer if they are like 3 hour behind). I don't even care if they fabricate a reason (I'm sure they have), they are smart enough to do so without arousing my suspicion and I don't stay irritated deeply or long enough for it to really make a difference.

Anything short of a health emergency or a forgotten work shift or something doesn't cut simply not showing up. And in the work scenario, I don't think it should be happening to anyone more than once or twice ever and it still warrants a call or a message.
Posted 4/21/14

leolachante wrote:

Just ...
Have you ever had this happen to you? What did you do?
Have you ever DONE this to anyone? Why?
Please tell me I'm not the only one who finds this incredibly rude.




All the time. It is rude. In my case, there is only one person I let get away with it because she is basically my little sister. When I do need her she would be there, so forgetting a minor thing like not showing up for lunch isn't a big deal (now). People have heard stories though and those people can be noted to follow with a, "I would never do that to you," and later being found to have.

Whenever I have plans with someone - it is up to them to contact me. My best friend knows I'd wait hours for her, so she knows to let me know if she has to cancel. Other people - if they don't contact me then they are essentially furthering their stance of not respecting me. Standing someone up is horrible - not being the one to give a simple, "sorry, my house was on fire," or other excuse just furthers it. I guess I'm saying my reaction is - I don't really feel bad if they don't show up and don't contact me because they probably didn't matter. They've always given me a nice story to tell others.

I've never made plans and not shown up. I have canceled days, weeks in advanced. Rather, I can only think of one time I canceled plans for a set date and it was months in advanced. If I say I'd be somewhere I would except for natural disaster or similar (nearly a foot of snow when I drive a car that simply cannot drive in it).


tl;dr - You don't need those type of people in your life.
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