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Just NOT Showing Up
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27 / M / Los Angeles,Calif...
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Posted 4/21/14
it has happened to me before. 4 months ago, I was relaxing at home and going on facebook when I got a message from this female friend. She was at work and felt bored so she decided to message me. We were having a conversation when she asked if I have any plans. I said no I wasn't doing anything and she said lets go hang out after she's done with work in a few hours. I said ok sure and we planned to go hang out at a mall and then go watch a movie after. So a few hours later, I arrived at the mall like she wanted me to and I went to a spot where she wanted me to meet her. When I arrived she wasn't there so I started waiting. I was waiting for 20 minutes and she still did not arrived so I called her to see where she was at but I didn't get an answer. I started walking around the mall until she called me back and then 30 minutes later she called me back and told me that she can't make it anymore. She never told me a reason why she couldn't make it anymore. I went home feeling pissed off since she wasted my time. I haven't spoken to her ever since.
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23 / M
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Posted 4/21/14
I accidentally did it to a friend before but I did apologize like a lot to the point that she tell me to stop apologizing so much.
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26 / F / where eva you wan...
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Posted 4/21/14 , edited 4/21/14
i would've called first to see if he was still up for it
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34 / Not where I want...
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Posted 4/21/14
Well his loss then!
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M / D a y d r e a m ~
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Posted 4/21/14
Seems very strange and rude to me. I would never think about doing that to someone. It doesn't make sense. Never really had it happen to me, either. I'd say the best thing to do is not concern yourself with it. I'm trying to think of what could possibly go through someone's head to possibly do something like this. I end up with no resolve- no rhyme or reason as to why. I personally would not communicate with that person until an apology is at least heard. After all, they didn't find it necessary to tell you that they're not showing up, so why should you have the courtesy to give them a reason for dropping communications with them?

Just saying.
Posted 4/21/14


never had that happened to me...


but my answer is probably not reliable... since I've only had 1 friend that I made back in high school [who I no longer go out with now because of differences in interests]... he's not the type of person who would... cancel something at the last minute. if he doesn't want to do something with me... he would say he doesn't want to do it (which is the reason for our distancing... he doesn't like what I like, and I don't like what he likes and he's straight as well... so it's hard... it's not like I can take him shopping for cute clothes....) -_-;;;


I've never made any new friends during my 5 years at university... which is rather strange... but don't feel bad for me... cuz i'm an introvert... I actually don't require socializing. I don't like it when my parents feel bad for me cuz I have no real life friends. cuz then I start feeling bad... when I actually don't mind being friendless.
Posted 4/22/14
Whenever I'm meeting up with someone I usually confirm the time an hour beforehand with either a call or a text message. There's no excuse for not showing up without dropping the person your standing up a voicemail or a text message.
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20 / F / B-612
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Posted 4/22/14
Just stay home and dont make plans with anyone, it's not complicated unless having no friends bother you
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Posted 4/22/14
This post made me remember an embarrassing event that happened to me back when I was in the fifth or sixth grade.

During our school trip, I had a girl ask me out and I accepted. About halfway through the following week her friend came up to me during recess and told me that she was breaking up with me because I was ignoring her. After her friend left, I looked to my friend and told him, "Crap, I totally forgot that we were dating."

Of course I never told her that but I can not for the life of me figure out why I had forgotten something of that importance. All was not lost, however, as we ended up dating again in the seventh grade.
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23 / F / New Hampshire
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Posted 4/22/14


I think that's even worse than what happened to me. o.o
Luckily it seems like in your case she got over it, but that could have ended badly.
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21 / F / Fort Worth, Texas
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Posted 4/22/14
Has this ever happened to me?

Yes ma'am, I've been stood up a few times, maybe 5 or 6. Do I find it rude? It depends on the reason.

Have I ever done this to anybody?

Yes, entirely on purpose as well, hyped up and everything. But here's the kicker, I actually show up and say things, "I might not make it." While watching them from afar at the location. Creepy? Yes, I don't do it anymore, but it was to learn about person I was seeing, I always walked up within like 10 minutes to explain it was a joke. Etc. And they'd always be happy I didn't really set them up.

Why do they do it?

In current society at the moment, it works like this: Women > Men, in social situations so typically it's actually the guy who has a higher chance of getting flaked on. It works like social calibration, if he doesn't show up, how you feel? How will you react? The bigger reactor is always the person at the tail end of interaction, the least reactive person is controlling it.

Chances are he thinks you're a gorgeous, fun girl, more or less a 10. And we all know how guys feel about 10s, they try methods like showing disinterest or indifference whenever possible, which in turns creates a lot of emotions you spend time dealing with, that revolve around him, both positive and negative. This works out for him because he knows his actions have a big effect on you, but they're not showing on his end, which protects his ego if you were to do or say anything that might otherwise hurt his self esteem.

The reason why I mentioned your beauty is because, depending on how you fix yourself up, guys(and other girls) have a pre determined opinion that you're a:

1. A "bitch", you only care about yourself and guys can go screw themselves.

2. You're just some girl that turns every guy down because you enjoy shooting them down to boost your social value.

3. They believe that girls of this doesn't like sex or anything sexual and anyone who gets it, you're doing them a "favor".

4. They believe numerous guys are already chasing you and they have be to dicks to get your attention.

5. It's also a common belief that girls are cartoonishly rude will laugh at them/humiliate guys whenever they get the chance.

These are a few beliefs that's prominent with a bunch of people, the reason why he doesn't apologize and do "rude" things is to invalidate you, to lower yourself esteem so you can be easier to manipulate to get what he wants from you, which is a 98% is sex.

What's the two percent? Heck if I know! I been doing RSD for awhile now, about a year and half now, I keep concepts glued to the back of my head.

When you think at things from a logical and factual position, you're going to be a lot better at managing emotions, these "techniques" work on most girls and the things above are only partially true. Guys, much like girls are mean sometimes because that's what it takes. I care about my appearance a ton, I used to use anything that boosted my beauty, and I couldn't figure out why guys were mean to me, stood me up, no compliments. Etc. But I learned why and corrected it to come off not what they're expecting. They didn't know how acquiescent I really am...

Guys are animals, no different than other mammalian. Whatever you do, no matter what friends/family/media tells you, nothing good can come from condemning them for it. Consult your brain always, heart afterward.
Sogno- 
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Posted 4/22/14
people have always done that to me

i am very forgettable which makes my life easier
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Posted 4/22/14

leolachante wrote:



I think that's even worse than what happened to me. o.o
Luckily it seems like in your case she got over it, but that could have ended badly.


Yeah, it was pure stupidity on my part.
Fortunately, we were at an age where we probably didn't take relationships quite as seriously, making it easier to put it behind us.
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23 / F / New Hampshire
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Posted 4/22/14


That's some pretty deep thinking, and I'll have to think on it myself for a while. I've never taken this perspective before, and it sure does make me wonder. To be honest, you intrigue me right now. You're the only one with this sort of response ...
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M / HI
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Posted 4/22/14
I think you should just not be friends with a person who is like this. They lack commitment and Trust. Those are some huge things when meeting a person
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