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Just NOT Showing Up
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Posted 4/22/14

Magical-Soul wrote:

Has this ever happened to me?

Yes ma'am, I've been stood up a few times, maybe 5 or 6. Do I find it rude? It depends on the reason.

Have I ever done this to anybody?

Yes, entirely on purpose as well, hyped up and everything. But here's the kicker, I actually show up and say things, "I might not make it." While watching them from afar at the location. Creepy? Yes, I don't do it anymore, but it was to learn about person I was seeing, I always walked up within like 10 minutes to explain it was a joke. Etc. And they'd always be happy I didn't really set them up.

Why do they do it?

In current society at the moment, it works like this: Women > Men, in social situations so typically it's actually the guy who has a higher chance of getting flaked on. It works like social calibration, if he doesn't show up, how you feel? How will you react? The bigger reactor is always the person at the tail end of interaction, the least reactive person is controlling it.

Chances are he thinks you're a gorgeous, fun girl, more or less a 10. And we all know how guys feel about 10s, they try methods like showing disinterest or indifference whenever possible, which in turns creates a lot of emotions you spend time dealing with, that revolve around him, both positive and negative. This works out for him because he knows his actions have a big effect on you, but they're not showing on his end, which protects his ego if you were to do or say anything that might otherwise hurt his self esteem.

The reason why I mentioned your beauty is because, depending on how you fix yourself up, guys(and other girls) have a pre determined opinion that you're a:

1. A "bitch", you only care about yourself and guys can go screw themselves.

2. You're just some girl that turns every guy down because you enjoy shooting them down to boost your social value.

3. They believe that girls of this doesn't like sex or anything sexual and anyone who gets it, you're doing them a "favor".

4. They believe numerous guys are already chasing you and they have be to dicks to get your attention.

5. It's also a common belief that girls are cartoonishly rude will laugh at them/humiliate guys whenever they get the chance.

These are a few beliefs that's prominent with a bunch of people, the reason why he doesn't apologize and do "rude" things is to invalidate you, to lower yourself esteem so you can be easier to manipulate to get what he wants from you, which is a 98% is sex.

What's the two percent? Heck if I know! I been doing RSD for awhile now, about a year and half now, I keep concepts glued to the back of my head.

When you think at things from a logical and factual position, you're going to be a lot better at managing emotions, these "techniques" work on most girls and the things above are only partially true. Guys, much like girls are mean sometimes because that's what it takes. I care about my appearance a ton, I used to use anything that boosted my beauty, and I couldn't figure out why guys were mean to me, stood me up, no compliments. Etc. But I learned why and corrected it to come off not what they're expecting. They didn't know how acquiescent I really am...

Guys are animals, no different than other mammalian. Whatever you do, no matter what friends/family/media tells you, nothing good can come from condemning them for it. Consult your brain always, heart afterward.

I spy a superiority complex.
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21 / F / Fort Worth, Texas
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Posted 4/22/14
Please explain, if you read the entire post, you'd know I don't think I'm better than anyone else.

Women > Men is completely accurate of how girls and guys feel. Girls feel like they should just sit in a castle and some guy she likes will hopefully show up, the undesirables go the friend-eating dragon.

When it comes to social activity Men > Women.

Trust me, if you knew me, you'd know I'm no kinda pro-girl type person. Not at all.

I'd like an explanation on that superiority thing..
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Posted 4/22/14

leolachante wrote:

So today, during one of my only days off work this vacation, I had made plans with some guy I know to hang out downtown. I set my alarm, got up on time, and made my way to the meeting spot. I knew another friend was going to be hanging downtown so we ended up meeting up at that place too ... First guy never even shows up. He is the one who called ME the night before last and set the time and place and everything. I've had issues with this person before, but never about showing up places. My mutual friend (the one I met with) was also surprised at his course of action. After all, he's never done it to either of us before.

Me and mutual friend and 3rd acquaintance go to a Chinese place for lunch. Mutual friend needed to call no-show anyways for something they were scheduling. During the call she mentions his not showing up. His response? "Oh, yeah, I forgot." Not even a "sorry." Nothing. She then suggests he calls me later when I'm less ticked off. "I guess." Why set up a get-together with someone if you're not even going to show up? How frigging RUDE. Not to mention the lack of an apology. And despite this happening some hours ago he still hasn't called. Though now he has plans with my friend.

I'm ticked off, hurt, and irritated. My day could have been spent on much more important things. I'm embarrassed too. To tell the truth I'm thinking of telling this guy off and ending the friendship. I just can't understand making plans simply not to show up. And clearly I'm not important enough for him to remember. Though I also highly doubt he forgot, because he has been known to lie in the past too.

Just ...
Have you ever had this happen to you? What did you do?
Have you ever DONE this to anyone? Why?
Please tell me I'm not the only one who finds this incredibly rude.


I must ask... are you into this person? It seems like a douche move for him to make, but at the same time it also seems like you're making an even bigger deal than it really is. The fact that you wrote multiple paragraphs about it on here is kinda telling...

Ultimately, if he seems like a bad seed then just move on. I can't stand when people take friendships lightly (it's my biggest peeve) but some people are just not good to be around. This person could possibly fall under that category.

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Posted 4/22/14

leolachante wrote:

So today, during one of my only days off work this vacation, I had made plans with some guy I know to hang out downtown. I set my alarm, got up on time, and made my way to the meeting spot. I knew another friend was going to be hanging downtown so we ended up meeting up at that place too ... First guy never even shows up. He is the one who called ME the night before last and set the time and place and everything. I've had issues with this person before, but never about showing up places. My mutual friend (the one I met with) was also surprised at his course of action. After all, he's never done it to either of us before.

Me and mutual friend and 3rd acquaintance go to a Chinese place for lunch. Mutual friend needed to call no-show anyways for something they were scheduling. During the call she mentions his not showing up. His response? "Oh, yeah, I forgot." Not even a "sorry." Nothing. She then suggests he calls me later when I'm less ticked off. "I guess." Why set up a get-together with someone if you're not even going to show up? How frigging RUDE. Not to mention the lack of an apology. And despite this happening some hours ago he still hasn't called. Though now he has plans with my friend.

I'm ticked off, hurt, and irritated. My day could have been spent on much more important things. I'm embarrassed too. To tell the truth I'm thinking of telling this guy off and ending the friendship. I just can't understand making plans simply not to show up. And clearly I'm not important enough for him to remember. Though I also highly doubt he forgot, because he has been known to lie in the past too.

Just ...
Have you ever had this happen to you? What did you do?
Have you ever DONE this to anyone? Why?
Please tell me I'm not the only one who finds this incredibly rude.


If he can't take responsibility for his behavior, he is a known liar, and apparently rude, what's your interest in this?
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Posted 4/22/14

isisprince wrote:


leolachante wrote:

So today, during one of my only days off work this vacation, I had made plans with some guy I know to hang out downtown. I set my alarm, got up on time, and made my way to the meeting spot. I knew another friend was going to be hanging downtown so we ended up meeting up at that place too ... First guy never even shows up. He is the one who called ME the night before last and set the time and place and everything. I've had issues with this person before, but never about showing up places. My mutual friend (the one I met with) was also surprised at his course of action. After all, he's never done it to either of us before.

Me and mutual friend and 3rd acquaintance go to a Chinese place for lunch. Mutual friend needed to call no-show anyways for something they were scheduling. During the call she mentions his not showing up. His response? "Oh, yeah, I forgot." Not even a "sorry." Nothing. She then suggests he calls me later when I'm less ticked off. "I guess." Why set up a get-together with someone if you're not even going to show up? How frigging RUDE. Not to mention the lack of an apology. And despite this happening some hours ago he still hasn't called. Though now he has plans with my friend.

I'm ticked off, hurt, and irritated. My day could have been spent on much more important things. I'm embarrassed too. To tell the truth I'm thinking of telling this guy off and ending the friendship. I just can't understand making plans simply not to show up. And clearly I'm not important enough for him to remember. Though I also highly doubt he forgot, because he has been known to lie in the past too.

Just ...
Have you ever had this happen to you? What did you do?
Have you ever DONE this to anyone? Why?
Please tell me I'm not the only one who finds this incredibly rude.


If he can't take responsibility for his behavior, he is a known liar, and apparently rude, what's your interest in this?


My question as well. Seems like a lot of extra effort for just being another friend...
Posted 4/22/14
Never happened to me, not this way. I have friends who made arrangements to meet up but they called me to cancel and apologized. If someone would do something like what happened to the OP I would stop talking to that person or never make plans with him/her again. People like that are untrustworthy.
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Posted 4/22/14


I'm sorry. I spend most of my time on another forum board where if you don't give lots of detail in the first post people ask you loooots of questions later. I wanted to neutralize that, or at least that's what my hopes were. I'm so used to writing longer posts that it seemed weird not to have a few paragraphs at least.
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21 / M / Canada eh
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Posted 4/22/14
I'm the kind of person who will follow through with plans. Be on time and everything. I've had that happen to me several times, close bros would back out at the last minute when we're all supposed to chill and bbq. I find it very irritating and incredibly disrespectful.

But I'm also not one to say that to someone, like "Hey man, what happened the other day? blah blah." It's a waste of energy and I just forgive and forget.
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Posted 4/22/14

shimmer_ wrote:

Just go 2d, you'll never be disappointed


Someone had to say it before me. =w=
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Posted 12/28/15
"Year-end cleanup. Closing threads with no activity since 2014."
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