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Post Reply How hard should you try to get that special someone?
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19 / M / In my own lalaland
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Posted 4/28/14

edwarx wrote:

Trying is the first step toward failure.

Never try.


This
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32 / M / Hell?
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Posted 4/28/14
Well I'm going to step out on a limb here because I've never met anyone so "special" that I can't live with out. Quite the opposite really... However it seems to me you shouldn't have to search for that someone special. Relationships don't strike me as being like Pokemon here you're not going for a rare legendary Pokemon here that only spawns once. You should enjoy life and date around. Before I go any farther though I'd like to point out there is a difference between "Dating" and being "Exclusive" (ex. Boyfriend/girlfriend) something it seems to me that the younger generations are missing. Dating is going out to dinner, movie, etc it doesn't mean you're exclusively seeing each other and no one else. No it means you're going out to just have fun. It doesn't have to be the start of something serious and it doesn't have to be a one night stand. While being Exclusive means it is something more serious and you don't go out dating around while you're with them.
I think its through dating around that you are more likely to find that "Special" someone who you want to spend the rest of your life with. Having a crush on someone and admiring them from afar doesn't mean they're that "Special" someone you're looking for. If you ask them out on a date and they continue to just shut you down every time you ask then don't ask them anymore ask someone else. You'll have to judge by their shut down responses as to how many times to ask. If s/he treats you with utter disgust the first time you ask them out its a pretty good sign that no they're not "The One". But if they let you know they already had plans for that day maybe ask about another day but if they're busy that day too don't ask about a third day(that would just look desperate) just say well maybe another time or something and go on.
Hopefully that answers your questions if only in a round a bout way.
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Posted 4/28/14

Slider_VII wrote:

I would say that you need to be yourself, first and foremost. If s/he does not like you for who you are then it wasn't meant to be. Also, you need to be true to yourself. If s/he tries to make you into something that you are not suppose to be for better or worse then you need to re-examine your relationship with that person and see if that is what you want.

Just remember, there is someone out there for everyone...sometimes you have to look around a bit more until you find that person.


Cheers!


I have a question. When i talk on the forums, and when i talk to my dad i'm completely different person. Then which personality do i have to pick to be my self?
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20 / M / Australia
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Posted 4/28/14
The only information you haven't provided is simply whether or not you and this "Special Someone" are close or if it's just completely one-sided. You should never have to try if you're simply being yourself and showing slight interest in them. Not much, but enough to make them feel that if they flirt with you or something, you won't have a fit over it or something. Usually this prompts them to get to know you better. Just please don't tell us this is a person you just have a crush on.
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28 / M / Toledo
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Posted 4/28/14
I don't bother trying at all. It's all just a waste of time. I shouldn't have to work to get someone to like me. They either will or they won't. If they do then great we can both come together and decide where things go from there. If not then there is no loss on either side.
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26 / M / Greensboro, NC
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Posted 4/28/14

edwarx wrote:

Trying is the first step toward failure.

Never try.


^^^ This.


I can't tell you how much time is wasted trying to pursue someone that isn't interested in you.

Its cool if that person isn't into you, all you can do is move on and continue to become the person you want to be and eventually you'll find that someone and it will blow your mind how easy it was to click.

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M / Wyoming
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Posted 4/28/14

Thfelese wrote:


Slider_VII wrote:

I would say that you need to be yourself, first and foremost. If s/he does not like you for who you are then it wasn't meant to be. Also, you need to be true to yourself. If s/he tries to make you into something that you are not suppose to be for better or worse then you need to re-examine your relationship with that person and see if that is what you want.

Just remember, there is someone out there for everyone...sometimes you have to look around a bit more until you find that person.


Cheers!


I have a question. When i talk on the forums, and when i talk to my dad i'm completely different person. Then which personality do i have to pick to be my self?


Thfelese~

Well, tbh...your online persona vs. your real life persona are two totally different beings. If you are a gamer like me, I have a completely different persona compared to how I act towards my real life friends and family. In game, I know that the other person is sitting behind a computer screen is a real human like me and has feelings, emotions and real life issues like I do.

Just because you only interact with the other gamers for a few hours online, hence your actions and treatment of those other gamers will be different. The difference between those that you play online with and the people you have social interactions with on a face-to-face, daily basis is,totally different (for me) and if you pay attention to it, you will notice it yourself.

There are some games that I play that I act like a complete jerk to the point where everyone in the game is out to kill my online character. With that, I am totally fine with it. IRL, I am the person that would give my shirt off my back to help out my fellow human if it doesn't cause any distress to myself or to my family. This holds true with your family and friends that you go and hang out with as well. I notice that I am a totally different person when I am playing online compared to how I am towards my family and friends that I interact with on a daily basis.

The real truth is, that you should be able to differentiate between how you act online and how you act in real life. You should be able to tell the difference between the two. My online persona is my temporary escape from real life so that I can unwind, relax and just forget about the real world for a little bit of time and just have a little bit of fun. How everyone else in the world handles the differences between the inter-webs and real life is to their own.

I hope Thfelese, that is answers your question to some extent.

Cheers!
Posted 4/28/14
i've heard rohypnol works really well
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21 / M / 'MERICA
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Posted 4/28/14

Personnad wrote:

When do you know when to stop trying? How do you know when to stop trying? How do you know if s/he is worth the trouble if they're playing hard to get?


You're young, so I'll give you all the information right now.
I'm a dominant male- an alpha male, if you will. The trick is to find out what kind pf person they are and then use that to get to know them.
For instance, one of my ex's loves attention- so I only gave her a little bit at a time. Slowly I gave her more and more, then when she thought she had me, I stopped giving her as much.
For the most part, women want a man who tells them what they want (in an appropriate way) and they key is literally figuring out how you tell each individual woman.
Not hard at all. There is no such as out of your league or a hopeless cause. Women may find the physical portion attractive, but they're all driven by something internally more.
Having money helps, too..
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18 / M
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Posted 4/28/14
when the conversations are trash you gotta stop trying. like if they respond with all one words then you cant get past that
Korzz 
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19 / M / Stockholm, Sweden
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Posted 4/28/14

edwarx wrote:

Trying is the first step toward failure.

Never try.


nice logic. If youre not willing to go the distance for someone, you obviously dont want them bad enough, nor do you deserve them. Its the same with everything in life, sports, academics, whatever. If you want it bad enough you make sure to at least give it a shot, because even if you fail, you will know you gave it your all. There isnt a worse feeling in the world than regret, regretting why you just didnt say it to her/him.

I was in love with one of my best friends. we were a group of three, me and two girls who were both really great. One of them had a crush on me and still does, we are still best friends. but I had a crush on the other one, itwas complicated. I think i went through every scenario in my head of how it could end up, us getting together or just remaining friends. I summoned the courage to tell her what i felt for her and how much i loved her, because at this time I was head over heels for her. She responded with, i dont think we should meet eachother anymore. and we broke contact just like that. It was the worst day of my life, and the remaining 1,5 years were the most depressing days ive ever been through. But in the end, im so glad that i told her how i felt. Because i know that no matter how beaten down i was and how depressed i was at the time. I kmew that if i wouldnt have said anything, i wouldve regretted it for the rest of my life. It was a lesson in life that i learned, it wasnt easey at all, but i pulled through.

Tl;dr if you love them, make sure they know. Cause whatever painful answer might come forth, its a lot better than a life full of regrets!:)
edwarx 
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30 / M / Córdoba, Argentina
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Posted 4/28/14 , edited 4/28/14

Korzz wrote:


edwarx wrote:

Trying is the first step toward failure.

Never try.


nice logic. If youre not willing to go the distance for someone, you obviously dont want them bad enough, nor do you deserve them. Its the same with everything in life, sports, academics, whatever. If you want it bad enough you make sure to at least give it a shot, because even if you fail, you will know you gave it your all. There isnt a worse feeling in the world than regret, regretting why you just didnt say it to her/him.


There is a worse feeling: Knowing you did your best but failed anyway. That way you learn that your efforts were completely useless and you wasted a lot of time, effort, money, etc for nothing.

The doubt of "what if" is nothing compared to the pain of failure.
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23 / M / Alaska, USA
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Posted 4/28/14
I've never met that person yet so my advice probably means nil to you, but all I can offer is just be yourself. Never try to hard to get someone to like you, if you try to hard, that could end up in you changing yourself just so you can be someone that they like. If that ends up happening, it's not even worth an ounce of anything. There's always someone out there that will like you for who you are, and you won't even have to try to get that persons attention. They will notice you. It only seems hard because there are 6 billion other people on this planet.
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22 / M
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Posted 4/28/14
The main love interest always falls from the sky.
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18 / M / England
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Posted 4/28/14 , edited 4/28/14
If they show no interest in you after your first three times (depending on how you play it I'd say even first time) of trying to woo them, then it's probably not mutual and you should stop. If they're playing hard to get... well... Personally I wouldn't bother. If they're going to give me the run around and be difficult on purpose, I'd see that as reflecting on them being a difficult person to deal with, and I wouldn't openly walk into a relationship with someone like that.

In the end, if it feels like you're trying really hard, it's probably because it isn't meant to be, or you're not ready for a relationship yet. If I had to try to be someone I wasn't to win a girl over, that relationship wouldn't last so much as a second. If they like me for who I am, and I like them for who they are, then I'd give it a shot. But I wouldn't say you should ever have to over-exert yourself, otherwise it's less finding out you like each other, and more trying to make them like you, and you shouldn't have to make them interested in you.

Now I'm not saying you shouldn't try to make them feel special. You can take them out to dinner, go on a date, see how things play out. But the second you're forcing yourself to try and make something work is the second I'd have thought you're setting yourself up for a relationship that won't work. Essentially I'd ask them out (in private, I wouldn't want a friend of their's trying to push them into going if they don't want to), that's the first step, if you're too afraid to do that, I wouldn't bother. I am too afraid and rather young, so I haven't yet. But once I'd done that, well, taking them out to dinner is usually a gesture that says 'I'm interested'. If they don't want to go they can just say no after all. I'd then probably ask them at the end if they were remotely interested in me.

If they are then they are, but if they're not then they're not. Would it be disappointing if they said no? Probably, but at least I'd be content in knowing that chasing after them would be pointless. Point is, I wouldn't beat around the bush and play coy with them. An adult woman (which they will be by the time I attempt to get a girlfriend) should be mature enough to play it straight with me, at least after I ask if they like me. If they want to take it further from there they can, but if they don't want to they can call it off, and I'll at least be comfortable knowing I wasn't trying to get into a relationship that wasn't going to go anywhere. If they treat something as serious and long term as a relationship like a game, then I wouldn't go near them. The way I see it is, if they're going to play hard to get then they're not worth it full stop. It just screams 'I'm a hassle and like wrapping you around my finger' to me.

Best case scenario? The confession will come naturally, and neither of you will have to push the boat out to win the other one over. At the end of the day it's the personality that really counts. It's who you'll be living with if you plan on taking it that far. If you really like each other, you won't need to spend a load of money on them, I wouldn't have thought, because you'll like them for them, and they'll like you for you. Anyone can buy someone some jewellery or take them out to dinner, but if you can relate to each other, share interests, get along like a house on fire, and are generally super comfortable around each other, that's priceless. You lay down the foundation of a good relationship with your personality, and the bricks of the relationship will build themselves from there (I'm actually quite proud of that analogy).

It sounds cheesy, but there's often truth in cheesy sounding things. Though it's worth bearing in mind that, that could be a load of bollocks. I've never been in a relationship before, but that's how I would handle things if I were to be in one.
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