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Stay together just because your family? Trust just because you're family?
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21 / F / Balmer, Murlin
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Posted 4/29/14
Everyone seems to be taking the obvious choice. Of course, it's easy to say that anyone who hinders your life will be cut out of the picture, but if I'm going to be honest with myself, I know it's just not that simple.

My family is extremely important to me. They are important because they are the people I've known my whole life, who have been there for me in some fashion or another. If a member of my family were to suddenly do something horrendous, or wrongly prevent me from doing something, I would not drop them. Because we have a history. That history is important to me. I may not treat them exactly the same as I did before, but no matter what, they are still my family. Even in the face of all logic, I would still hold a fondness for them.

Other people may feel differently, or may have had different experiences with their own families. I can't speak for anyone but myself. If I had grown up in a less loving environment, I may think differently, but as it stands, this is what I believe.
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22 / F / *****
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Posted 4/29/14

Aokidanza wrote:

Everyone seems to be taking the obvious choice. Of course, it's easy to say that anyone who hinders your life will be cut out of the picture, but if I'm going to be honest with myself, I know it's just not that simple.

My family is extremely important to me. They are important because they are the people I've known my whole life, who have been there for me in some fashion or another. If a member of my family were to suddenly do something horrendous, or wrongly prevent me from doing something, I would not drop them. Because we have a history. That history is important to me. I may not treat them exactly the same as I did before, but no matter what, they are still my family. Even in the face of all logic, I would still hold a fondness for them.

Other people may feel differently, or may have had different experiences with their own families. I can't speak for anyone but myself. If I had grown up in a less loving environment, I may think differently, but as it stands, this is what I believe.


it's not as common as you may think for people to grow up in loving families....actually it has become rare
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23 / F / New Hampshire
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Posted 4/29/14
Maybe it's because of the stigma associated with family in most cultures?
Anyway, no, I don't plan to keep in contact with shitty members of my family. I don't owe them.
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21 / F / Fort Worth, Texas
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Posted 4/29/14
Family for family?! HA! Family can blow just like any random stranger!

My cousins robbed me blind, if anything wasn't nailed down it FAIR GAME. I would wonder, "I coulda sworn I totally had a GameCube RIGHT THERE." But I was a little girl, I couldn't put 3 and 7 together to make 9.... Wait, I mean 10.

Whenever I would see it over there house, I'd be like. "Hey, how did that get here?" And they're like. "Oh, your mom gave it to us." So I'd ask her and she'd say they were lying and get it back eventually.

My uncle was a total doorknob and he never let me play over his house because my dad was a "black" as he said, he was so discriminative that he asked that specifically mention to strangers that I was the only one not related to him... Even though I was, he would always bring up how we are not related if anyone got the correct idea that he was guy who watched the kids.

Back to my cousins.

There's really no way I would willingly see any of my family other than the two down the hall from me right now. Family can be really bad, and most of mine is a good example.
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22 / F / *****
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Posted 4/29/14



Oh Magical-Soul,
Life is so unfair :(

But I'm glad you dont let them take advantage of you.
Others would just sit back and let it happen because "they are family"
Banned
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36 / M / The Void.
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Posted 4/29/14
Yeah, a family member can be just be as bad as a non-family member. Just because someone is family does not mean you can trust them.
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19 / http://myanimelis...
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Posted 4/29/14

haikinka wrote:

I don't get to choose my family, why should I treat them specially.


My thoughts for years. Still think the same.
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21 / F / Balmer, Murlin
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Posted 4/29/14

Aimpie wrote:

it's not as common as you may think for people to grow up in loving families....actually it has become rare


I understand not everyone is like me. I have no say in how anyone else treats their family. But I, personally, would feel tremendous guilt if I abandoned my family. I think a lot of other people would feel the same sort of guilt, regardless of how they grew up, because whether we like it or not, we do have a bond with our families. It's hard to let go of anyone who you have shared a significant portion of your life with, and it's incredibly easy to ignore their faults in favor of keeping that important bond. It's also easy to believe that if you just stay with them, then maybe you can change them and they'll become the better person that you know they can be. People in abusive relationships fall into the same traps.

I can be gullible, I can be clingy, and I can be dependent. That's why I find the idea of casting away anyone even remotely close to me incredibly difficult. These are human emotions, we all have them on some level, and I'd like to think that we all have some capacity to recognize when other people are important. It's a fine balancing act, because we must also know when we can no longer help other people and when it is time to let go. I know myself well enough to know that I have difficulty with that balance, but I would rather be too humane than too distant.
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33 / M / Baltimore, MD
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Posted 4/29/14
I love my family and I will say this - blood does not define family. As someone with 5 adopted siblings and 2 biological siblings, I would call them all my family even though we do not share the same genetics.

Family is supposed to be important, forefront, but people can and do hurt you - including those related to you. As a Christian, the Bible tells us that all are sinners who fall short of the Lord - meaning, we're all imperfect. From that frame of reference is how I view my family. They're a bunch of imperfect people. Sometimes, they'll be awful and you may need to cut them out of your life for a season to ensure you don't get dragged into the mess. Sometimes, they may need to do the same to you. That said, I hope for reconciliation with family even after horrible situations.

I won't name names, but I had family who years ago got into a terrible argument (extended family) which led to serious division among my extended family. Years have healed the wounds, as has actively seeking reconciliation. Sometimes reconciliation isn't possible, but I still can hope and pray for it when there is division with family.

That's my 2¢
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48 / M / Reston, Virginia
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Posted 4/29/14 , edited 4/29/14
My love for my family grows the further I am away from them.

Growing up I had an abusive father and a mother who got in the car and ran away whenever he started yelling, so I ended up taking the brunt of his wrath. My dad passed away years ago and I live far away from my mother. I have some contact with her, but it is limited. As for my extended family, most of my cousins and aunts and uncles are nice enough, but I was never to close to them and differences in religious views makes any time I spend with them a bit tense.

I'd help my mom or a cousin if they needed it, but for the most part I'm glad I have few ties with my family. I feel very little connection with them and they don't factor at all into my regular life.

I am glad that my dad and I had a reconciliation before he died. Anti-depressants that weren't available when I was a child and became a available later on were like a miracle drug that changed him into a much better person. He felt a lot of remorse for how he treated me when I was a child and while I still have scars from the emotional damage done by the abuse, I can say I was at peace with my dad when he died. I doubt I will ever have a reconciliation experience with my mom. She avoids any conversation about what it was like when I was a child and I learned long ago to not try to have a serious conversation with her over things that happened.

To sum up my long answer, no, I don't see a reason to stay with a toxic family. Sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is to remove yourself from a toxic environment.
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31 / M / Hemet, California
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Posted 5/3/14
My view in life has always been that blood does not make you family. A true family are those you chose, those who have stood beside you through hell and back, those who know you better then you know yourself. A person who is considered a true family is some one who would be willing to sacrifice their life to protect you, some one who would be willing to give up everything to protect the ones they love
Posted 5/3/14

Aimpie wrote:

Many people believe blood is thicker than water.
They will stay with their family even if their family steals from them, lies to them, betrays them, is jealous of them, wishes for their failure, is selfish, doesnt help but holds them back instead, doesn't believe in them, sets them up for failure, and are just awful awful people.
Would you stay with your family just because they are family even if theyre holding you back?
Would you sacrifice happiness, peace, and a joyful life to stay in a family like that?
Would you sacrifice success?


I left my family in the dust they are mean conniving people (except my grandma and grandpa may he R.I.P.) my mom was the worst of them disowned me and my brother for another man and had 2 other kids. Now I am a better person and moving forward to a better career and have my own little family after leaving them all behind. Do I regret it? Nope not one bit Im glad I decided to cut ties with them all. No one deserves to suffer and its best to move on and dont let your family hold you down.
Posted 5/3/14
No logic. It's instincts.
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24 / M
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Posted 5/3/14
Man, you guys' families are depressing.
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30 / M / Central KY.
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Posted 5/3/14
All I'll say is that it's quite complicated, and continues to be. My Family is great, but they enable wayyy too often. That being said, I DO live by Myself...in a House willed to Me by My Parents and My Grandmother.
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