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The Importance of Socializing
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Posted 5/7/14 , edited 5/7/14

xCrimsonEX wrote:
I'm naturally an introvert thus to me being social or 'socializing' isn't on my priority list. I have a select few people that I'm close with and who I like to talk to for extended periods of time. Other than those people I've never, prob never will, see others as being worth the time to try to talk to them instead they're more of a drain. Unfortunately society/advertisers tend to try to put a negative label on introverts while shining a light on extroverts, but to each their own.

I actually prefer it if the light was shined away from my face. Curtains drawn. Oh, cookies. Ah, darkness....
S7YX 
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Posted 5/7/14 , edited 5/7/14
This might be a short answer but i view most events of socializing as "fake", on the contrary i don't avoid it when asked if i would like to this or that. It helps counter my lonelyness since most of my days i'm just working from the afternoon till late evenings and whenever i am off i'm just watching anime or playing games. Since leaving school my friend circle has shrunk significantly so, if no one asks me to do something or if i'm not interested in playing games or watching anime, i take a bottle of alcohol(often a good bottle of saké) and just sit in the garden or in the living room. I'm by no means an alcoholist though and i know very well what i need to do in order to change this, it's just that after quite some years it just keeps getting harder to get back on track not to mention the fact that i keep caring less about the whole socializing thing.

How important is socializing to me currently? i'd say 4 out of 10.
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31 / M / The Abyss of Time
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Posted 5/7/14 , edited 5/7/14

bathroom64


Society/advertisers seem to focus on, glorify, and/or push extroverts, I assume that's what you're putting on yourself but not sure, as the proper style. Basically anyone that isn't 'extroverted is shown in a 'bad/abnormal' light, except for shows like Watamote and to a certain extent SNAFU. For me its more coffee and lots of it but no curtains drawn or anything like that.
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Posted 5/7/14 , edited 5/7/14

xCrimsonEX wrote:
Society/advertisers seem to focus on, glorify, and/or push extroverts, I assume that's what you're putting on yourself but not sure, as the proper style. Basically anyone that isn't 'extroverted is shown in a 'bad/abnormal' light, except for shows like Watamote and to a certain extent SNAFU. For me its more coffee and lots of it but no curtains drawn or anything like that.

Nope, I was not using sarcasm and was 100% serious. On a good day, I can lie on my bed all day watching anime though. I can blame it on medical conditions (plural) in any case. Hooray for excuses!
Cross0 
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Posted 5/7/14
I tend to spend the majority of my time alone. I enjoy being with small groups of people given that there's some sort of common interest. There are times when it can be a lonely, but they are very few and far between. These days I've also found that I'm much less shy in general, and being involved with a club at my university I rarely tend to feel lonely. I really only have two close friends that I talk to frequently, but that's fine with me.

On the other hand, I HATE when I can't get away from people. I can only take so much before I just need some alone time for a while. This is more of an issue when I have a packed schedule for a week and have to spend a lot of time with large groups, like when I get forced into going to parties/events. I always end up feeling drained afterwards.
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23 / M / Apple Valley, CA
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Posted 5/7/14
I don't know how to socialize or make friends anymore, and I get very lonely a lot. My school years were very turbulent and sparse so I don't have any friends from back then either. It's funny because I love people and I wish I could have a conversation, but at the end of the day I can't because I've been alone for so long. It sucks, and it's gotten to the point where I can't even make friends online anymore, much less keep and maintain the few friendships that I do have. I always have the constant fear that I'm boring and maybe that's why I can't have a conversation. It's extremely terrifying and even more painful and now that I'm 21 it almost feels like there's no way to rectify it.
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26 / M / Somewhere within...
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Posted 5/7/14

Atheyon
So my questions for you are: How important is socializing to you, Do you often find socializing to be "fake" or repulsive, and How do you deal with loneliness?


From experience I wouldn't say I find it "fake" or repulsive, it is however for someone like myself on the autism spectrum "more challenging" than those who are not.

The last time I genuinely was able to socialize and feel like a member of the pack was when I was attending college last year and was assigned to a small group of people roughly 11 to 13 with myself included and nearly all of us got along.

I had a class mate who shared the same auto racing interests as me and the others all pretty much had strong interests in video games, music, films and so on. There was great comradery between us. I still sometimes meet up with one or two of the guys I worked with last year when I get the chance.

However those days of being respected senior student in a pack of cubs are long gone now. I could have experienced something like this again had I stayed on my course pursuing further media studies. But sudden anxiety and insomnia during my first week back effectively made me drop out from college. Missed opportunity to make newer, younger friends there.

Then when after my pet cat tragically lost her life on Halloween my mood and well being sank to an all time low and loneliness pretty much became my only companion once again.


TL:DR Version
My opinion is socializing is a very important aspect in life that should not be avoided regardless of social difficulties or supposed awkwardness. Having a friend you can bro-fist / high five in the flesh feels infinitely more gratifying than sending emoticons expressing said actions to a hundred people on a so called "Friends list" you haven't met in reality.
Posted 5/7/14
Honestly, I like my online friends better than some of my offline friends. I feel like it's because they're really hormonal teenagers who think they know everything when they don't. I don't intend to "be on my high horse", but I feel like I'm surrounded by a bunch of idiots. I can't communicate with them, because my advice will be too advanced for them. I just don't think they're the right crowd for me. I'm not saying every teenager is like that, though.

Anyway, I have social anxiety, and I'm a little awkward sometimes. I don't mean to be, it just happens. Especially if I'm not well acquainted/comfortable with someone yet. I prefer socializing via the internet, because I can let myself flow naturally without stuttering or worrying about avoiding eye contact. But I do think it's important; I try to participate in it as much as possible! Because I don't desire to be lonely, nor do I want to sit at home all the time. (Though it does sound nice, and if that's anyone's wish, go for it.) I could be wrong, but, I'm pretty sure people can slowly wither away without the positive presence and influence of another human being for long periods of time.
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22 / M / Massachusetts
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Posted 5/7/14

OlympianRed wrote:

I don't know how to socialize or make friends anymore, and I get very lonely a lot. My school years were very turbulent and sparse so I don't have any friends from back then either. It's funny because I love people and I wish I could have a conversation, but at the end of the day I can't because I've been alone for so long. It sucks, and it's gotten to the point where I can't even make friends online anymore, much less keep and maintain the few friendships that I do have. I always have the constant fear that I'm boring and maybe that's why I can't have a conversation. It's extremely terrifying and even more painful and now that I'm 21 it almost feels like there's no way to rectify it.


totally feel yeah. id like friends but i dont want to use the effort to keep in touch or face the fear of being disliked so i just hide. luckily i dont get lonely often. i was really bad untill i started working and your forced to befriend people and interact.
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25 / F / California
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Posted 5/7/14

OlympianRed wrote:

I don't know how to socialize or make friends anymore, and I get very lonely a lot. My school years were very turbulent and sparse so I don't have any friends from back then either. It's funny because I love people and I wish I could have a conversation, but at the end of the day I can't because I've been alone for so long. It sucks, and it's gotten to the point where I can't even make friends online anymore, much less keep and maintain the few friendships that I do have. I always have the constant fear that I'm boring and maybe that's why I can't have a conversation. It's extremely terrifying and even more painful and now that I'm 21 it almost feels like there's no way to rectify it.


I was like this during high school. It took much of my college years to start meeting new people and holding conversations. A funny thing I did...I took my online persona and applied it to RL... Online, I would be chatty, social, outgoing, etc. Offline, I would just hide and stay away from anything social whatsoever. I attempted to get out of my little ball during the end of high school, but I felt that I was already categorized as a cold, unsocial person by then. It didn't help that I was also socially awkward. I saw college as a fresh start. It took a lot of mishaps/etc before I could be able to hold my own. Sometimes I would say the wrong things and I would lose contact with someone~but that's just life. We learn from our mistakes. Just be yourself, warm, genuine. Experience will teach you certain things that are "socially acceptable..." On the other hand, being yourself will help to sort who your true friends who will have your back and the ones that are just great to hang out with.

Much of it takes effort. We make mistakes/"failures"/etc but don't let those bring you down.
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Posted 5/7/14
How important is socializing to you, Do you often find socializing to be "fake" or repulsive, and How do you deal with loneliness?

I don't find socializing high in my list of priorities, from having to already include it automatically as i progress my daily days. It comes and goes and it takes a lot of my energy something to handle conversation take i don't take interest in.

Yes actually, i sometimes but it only when people are usually doing the same consisted things when socializing. It gets frustrating and repulsive.

Loneliness it a hard thing to cure in my personal opinion. Because its something that i can't fully decide or control it hard to pin point why it appears. I deals with it by reading and sleeping plus online seem to help! (though i read escaping to online media or sources actually increase loneliness, ironic)
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23 / M / Apple Valley, CA
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Posted 5/7/14

BlueHaro103 wrote:


OlympianRed wrote:

I don't know how to socialize or make friends anymore, and I get very lonely a lot. My school years were very turbulent and sparse so I don't have any friends from back then either. It's funny because I love people and I wish I could have a conversation, but at the end of the day I can't because I've been alone for so long. It sucks, and it's gotten to the point where I can't even make friends online anymore, much less keep and maintain the few friendships that I do have. I always have the constant fear that I'm boring and maybe that's why I can't have a conversation. It's extremely terrifying and even more painful and now that I'm 21 it almost feels like there's no way to rectify it.


I was like this during high school. It took much of my college years to start meeting new people and holding conversations. A funny thing I did...I took my online persona and applied it to RL... Online, I would be chatty, social, outgoing, etc. Offline, I would just hide and stay away from anything social whatsoever. I attempted to get out of my little ball during the end of high school, but I felt that I was already categorized as a cold, unsocial person by then. It didn't help that I was also socially awkward. I saw college as a fresh start. It took a lot of mishaps/etc before I could be able to hold my own. Sometimes I would say the wrong things and I would lose contact with someone~but that's just life. We learn from our mistakes. Just be yourself, warm, genuine. Experience will teach you certain things that are "socially acceptable..." On the other hand, being yourself will help to sort who your true friends who will have your back and the ones that are just great to hang out with.

Much of it takes effort. We make mistakes/"failures"/etc but don't let those bring you down.


Thanks, I appreciate it. Now if only I could get a job and into college.
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25 / F / California
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Posted 5/7/14

OlympianRed wrote:


BlueHaro103 wrote:


OlympianRed wrote:

I don't know how to socialize or make friends anymore, and I get very lonely a lot. My school years were very turbulent and sparse so I don't have any friends from back then either. It's funny because I love people and I wish I could have a conversation, but at the end of the day I can't because I've been alone for so long. It sucks, and it's gotten to the point where I can't even make friends online anymore, much less keep and maintain the few friendships that I do have. I always have the constant fear that I'm boring and maybe that's why I can't have a conversation. It's extremely terrifying and even more painful and now that I'm 21 it almost feels like there's no way to rectify it.


I was like this during high school. It took much of my college years to start meeting new people and holding conversations. A funny thing I did...I took my online persona and applied it to RL... Online, I would be chatty, social, outgoing, etc. Offline, I would just hide and stay away from anything social whatsoever. I attempted to get out of my little ball during the end of high school, but I felt that I was already categorized as a cold, unsocial person by then. It didn't help that I was also socially awkward. I saw college as a fresh start. It took a lot of mishaps/etc before I could be able to hold my own. Sometimes I would say the wrong things and I would lose contact with someone~but that's just life. We learn from our mistakes. Just be yourself, warm, genuine. Experience will teach you certain things that are "socially acceptable..." On the other hand, being yourself will help to sort who your true friends who will have your back and the ones that are just great to hang out with.

Much of it takes effort. We make mistakes/"failures"/etc but don't let those bring you down.


Thanks, I appreciate it. Now if only I could get a job and into college.


No problem! We all go through highs and lows in life

(Sometimes it helps having a positive mindset: "I will get a job and into college")
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Posted 5/7/14

Atheyon wrote:

(The Not Important Part)=====================================


I am/was a homeschooler and something of a hikkikomori. I hang out with my only two friends occasionally. But other than that, I sit around at home doing school-or, now being done until the start of college, playing games, practicing piano, and watching anime.

I've been this way for a little over a year. Before then I had lots of opportunities to hang out with other people, typically through religious youth groups and small parties arranged by other homeschoolers. As I frequented them, I came to realize how fake most of it was. The religious youth groups would be little more than an excuse for sexually frustrated teenagers to sit next to each other while simultaneously professing to be there because they loved God. It was a brilliant way to cause an excess of drama.

The small parties arranged by homeschoolers were mostly board game nights. Better, but not by much.

I now avoid any kind of social even with more than 5 people like the plague.
I must be clear in saying that I am not the slightest bit shy. I don't have trouble socializing, but it becomes repulsive after a while.


When stopped "seeing" people, I had a huge problem with loneliness. I would reach for anything mentally intensive to take my mind of things. After a while, my feelings of loneliness had subsided quite a bit. I still become extremely lonely if I don't see my two friends at least once a month though. As a human being I don't think I can ever escape that.

(The Important Part)=======================================

So my questions for you are: How important is socializing to you, Do you often find socializing to be "fake" or repulsive, and How do you deal with loneliness?


I can RELATE 100% to your youth group comment. I went on one youth group trip my entire life and I can tell you in full confidence I was better off being at home if I wanted to be closer to God. I blame this on the youth minister as well. He was, quite frankly, a douche who went for a free trip and used all of our money to take his family on a free vacation. He never reached out to speak about God or try to teach the word. Yeah, he'd throw in the obligatory group prayer every now and then, but I could see what was really going on. The people on that trip were crap too. Sorry for the rant, I just really relate to what you said. I'm sure there are good youth groups out there (I hope) but the one I was around was awful. Anyways, socializing for me is/isn't important. I see friends a few times a week most of the time, so i really don't know how it'd be to be completely alone. However, I have enough fun by myself that I think I'd be okay. Granted, most conversation is FAKE - it's not things that need to be stated or talked about. We just discuss for the sake of discussion. I used to hate it and be repulsed by this conversation. However, as I've gotten older, I've really come to appreciate pointless banter.
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Posted 5/7/14
I am also a homeschooler, and so far I'm still very unsure of my stance on socializing with other people my age.

For the most part, I guess I like spending time with other people, but sometimes I would love to be alone forever. I have four siblings in the same house with my parents, so I guess it's only natural that I would want to spend my time alone.

If you're a cool guy or whatever; sure, I'll hang out with you, play video games, all that jazz. For the most part, just one or two friends and no one else. That's my secret to success so far. Anymore than two and you end up putting up with people you don't want to talk to at the moment.
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