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Beer in a Twisty Bottle is Beer Without Honor
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31 / M / Central KY.
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Posted 5/7/14

Lethargic_leopard_Seal wrote:

If You’re of whatever age is legal in your nation, or decided the law need not apply, then you’ve probably noticed that every ounce of bubbly swill comes in either a can or a bottle or a mug. Whatever the apparatus you choose to squeeze to your cracked red lips might be, they all share one important detail; there is no way to reseal what you’re drinking once it’s introduced to our air. It’s more than a way for CO2 to settle back in its home. A perpetually open beer is an unwritten contract between brew and patron that the drink will be finished, lest the remains turn the area it was left in into the green giant’s fermented anus.

For a long time, no one challenged the notion that beer is best taken in one go until the already heretical owners of Anheuser–Busch decided that a breach of the arcane contract was needed, and thus, Bud Light with a twist lid was born. I suppose it’s kind of fitting considering that Bud Light is so close to water, I probably wouldn’t notice if it came flowing from my sink. Despite the beer’s comically accurate association with water, it is an abomination unto the Beer Bible if such a text exists. There is no honor to be had drinking from these thick metal tubes, for even finishing the stuff can’t wipe away the fact that the option to finish a beer later was given, so for the love of beer, never so much as entertain the thought of drinking from this bottle. After all, Bud Light is an abomination on its own, making Bud Light in a twist bottle a triple abomination, and there is no ale nor Guinness dark enough to atone for a triple abomination.

Whenever you see one of your friends drinking from such bottles, feel free to call them a sissy Mc wimpen Weiner.


Hear, hear!
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M
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Posted 5/7/14
You're not entirely correct...it's not just that lesser men drink beer with twist off caps....to a real man ALL beer has a twist off cap
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Posted 5/7/14 , edited 5/7/14
Real men drink their beer from HORNS plucked from the head of an OX, that was jabbed through the heart of a BEAR and filled with hopps as big as a sailors chest!

That, or pink lemonade. Ain't no judgment here. Both are great.
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23 / M / California
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Posted 5/8/14

Mico171 wrote:

Real men drink their beer from HORNS plucked from the head of an OX, that was jabbed through the heart of a BEAR and filled with hopps as big as a sailors chest!

That, or pink lemonade. Ain't no judgment here. Both are great.


Goddamn right good buddy! The fact that I'm listening to a Miku song during this manly fest of bears and bulls and beer is completely irrelevant.
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24 / M / Iowa >.>
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Posted 5/8/14

BLACKOUTMK2 wrote:

Well if one thing's certain, it's that the Beer Bible needs to be a thing.


Amen to that, I might just start going to church then
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33 / M / NJ
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Posted 5/8/14
i just loved the topic heading. =) i went from beer to wine. I mean if i'm at a friends house or a party i go beer. But at home at night... Wine is God.
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26 / M
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Posted 5/8/14 , edited 5/8/14

ninjajake12 wrote:

I don't know about anyone else, but popping that top off a bottle of beer is one of the reasons I enjoy drinking from a bottle. It's that awesome feeling.

I never have drunk any Budweiser/Anheuser-Busch products. I've had Kirin, Warsteiner, Sopporo, Sam Adams, Yuengling, and a few others. But I've heard Budweiser taste like crap. I did try IPA one time, and didn't enjoy it.


Anheuser-Bush is responsible for brewing and distributing Kirin in the States, so unless you imported some or only drank Kirin in Japan you have already defiled your tounge my friend.
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Posted 5/8/14
All I see is beer giants and walk away. Craft beer all the way although many do also make bad beer but its an effort. Only 22 and 1,000 different beers and counting.
Sailor Candy Moderator
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Posted 12/28/15
"Year-end cleanup. Closing threads with no activity since 2014."
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