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Where NOT to leave a female companion alone
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39 / Inside your compu...
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Posted 5/14/14 , edited 5/14/14
I googled for "women avoid harassment" and it didn't help. It gave a whole load of links on workplace harassment but that's not what I'm looking for.

Here's the story. A few days ago my wife and I were on Maui's Big Beach. I wanted to walk together to the south end to take pictures of the lava rocks but she didn't want to. She told me to go by myself while she wait in front of the lifeguard station near the second parking lot. A few minutes before I got back (it's a very long walk back and forth) a guy with a dog approached her asking "What is your name? Where are you from?"

My wife has been terrified of animals, especially dogs, from childhood. She was too busy being scared to say or do anything else but pleaded "Please don't come near me! I'm scared of dogs!" and back away. Not taking that as a "no", the man said "oh, the dog is friendly! He won't do anything to you!" and proceeded to practically sick the dog at my wife by throwing a dog toy straight at her. At that point my wife screamed, and ran to the next person she could see on that big stretch of beach which was a Japanese couple (all the while, the man practically chased after her with the dog, shouting "hey! where are you going?? What's your name??". The couple was kind enough to shelter her from the man and stay with her until I got back a mere minute later. (as a result of that run, she got an inch-long splinter stuck to the bottom of her foot which she had to forcibly pull out later)

Sigh. Okay, I know it's my fault for leaving her there by herself. Even if she suggested it, I went along with it. She was dressed quite conservatively (layered tee-shirts + shorts) and of course wearing her wedding+engagement rings (which admittedly no person would see unless they look at the hand, but believe me some guys wouldn't stop at the sight of rings) but none of that prevented anything. This degree of harassment has not happened before in all of our years together (perhaps we're just really lucky)- She usually only gets looks from random men that she's uncomfortable with on the street (something that many women in general just deal with, unfortunately) but no one has gotten the gall to go this far in a public place before. Again, perhaps we're just lucky; Now I know better.

The solution then, is to not leave her alone. However, she's not a kid and she's been fine by herself much of the time (e.g. shopping) so it's just down to picking places that she really shouldn't be left by herself.

I'll start the list. Please add to it as see fit (I don't mind cheeky answers but please try not to list stuff that aren't family friendly if it could be helped- If some place isn't family friendly then it should by default be approached with a good degree of caution)

Of course if the female companion is a child then she shouldn't be left alone anywhere out in the public.

Where NOT to leave a female companion alone, starting from the obvious stuff:

-Bars (We don't go to them but it's an example)
-Clubs and just generally where singles go mingle
-Street at night, alley, back of a building, etc
-Parking lot, or wherever a car / van could just swoop in and zip away
-Public beaches, especially stretches where it's relatively sparsely populated (smaller ones frequented largely by locals seem a little safer but that's anyone's wild guess)

Off the top of my head that's about it for the moment. Any more?
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33 / M / outer wall, level...
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Posted 5/14/14
with my dad.
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33 / M
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Posted 5/14/14
It is too bad you feel guilt and feel the need to blame yourself. It is understandable you want to say you could have been better, but really, the only one really at fault is the douche that can't resist trying to charm a woman, even when she said dogs frighten her and she is running away screaming.
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54 / M / Tacoma, WA. wind...
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Posted 5/14/14 , edited 5/14/14
The guys I know that are always out looking for a piece of ass generally look for women with wedding rings and such. They know that most women that cheat usually do it after the first two or three years so a wedding ring is practically an invitation to at least "take a sniff"... That being said, the guy was acting like a turd and you can run into them most anyplace....

The places you mentioned seem to cover the majority of places I would not leave a woman alone.... I'd add park kiosks like over at Multnoma Falls, for example, on a busy day. Guys with cameras asking if you would "pose"... (I've seen it happen.)

Generally I recommend a good pepper spray or two one for the purse and one for a pocket.

Personally, if I was your girl I would have pepper-sprayed the guy when he tossed the dog toy at her... He needed to learn to listen when people tell him to "STAY AWAY."

I run/walk where people generally ignore the local leash laws and I was almost attacked by some jerk's pit-bull. If he would have miss his dog's collar when it tried to bite me, I hate to think what would have happened. That is why I carry pepper spray and watch out for people with their dogs...

Generally I'm more of dog lover but people treat their dogs badly and don't give them enough training and that is just screwed up.

Not to mention the jerk that couldn't take "NO" for an answer....
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39 / Inside your compu...
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Posted 5/14/14 , edited 5/14/14

Dubnoman wrote:

It is too bad you feel guilt and feel the need to blame yourself. It is understandable you want to say you could have been better, but really, the only one really at fault is the douche that can't resist trying to charm a woman, even when she said dogs frighten her and she is running away screaming.


True, no use in pointing fingers, just figure out what could be done.


GrateSaiyaman wrote:

The guys I know that are always out looking for a piece of ass generally look for women with wedding rings and such. They know that most women that cheat usually do it after the first two or three years so a wedding ring is practically an invitation to at least "take a sniff"... That being said, the guy was acting like a turd and you can run into them most anyplace....

The places you mentioned seem to cover the majority of places I would not leave a woman alone.... I'd add park kiosks like over at Multnoma Falls, for example, on a busy day. Guys with cameras asking if you would "pose"... (I've seen it happen.)

Generally I recommend a good pepper spray or two one for the purse and one for a pocket.

Personally, if I was your girl I would have pepper-sprayed the guy when he tossed the dog toy at her... He needed to learn to listen when people tell him to "STAY AWAY."

I run/walk where people generally ignore the local leash laws and I was almost attacked by some jerk's pit-bull. If he would have miss his dog's collar when it tried to bite me, I hate to think what would have happened. That is why I carry pepper spray and watch out for people with their dogs...

Generally I'm more of dog lover but people treat their dogs badly and don't give them enough training and that is just screwed up.



Yikes. Didn't know about that wedding ring thing.
I've actually been thinking about her carrying a spray while local. When flying off to an island somewhere we'd have to look for it in a local store. It's kinda messed up but people could even sue when sprayed- People sue for anything and everything even when they're doing something criminal. Well, better sprayed than kidnapped or worse.

I've no idea what the leash law on the island was, but it's just annoying that some pet owners couldn't fathom the possibility that not everyone on earth adores their pet the same way they do. Last year when another dog scared my wife at another beach, the owner totally blamed her for her reaction and told her to "get over it". As IF phobias work like that!
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30 / M / Atlanta
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Posted 5/14/14
Dog owners (and I am one) can sometimes not understand how people don't like dogs (I understand for sure). Kind of like how parents don't understand that their kids antics aren't cute to anyone but them and in reality they need to sit their kid down in the restaurant and tell them to behave.
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23 / F / The MOOOON
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Posted 5/14/14
Hey things happen man and think of this as fortunate that nothing truly bad happened. Think of this as a lesson and don't over panic over it. I hope your wife is doing fine after that ordeal and just give her lots of hugs and support her and I hope her foot feels better.
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31 / M
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Posted 5/14/14
Anywhere where American Football players and Fraternity members gather.
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27 / M / Northwest Florida
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Posted 5/14/14
Anywhere to you don't fell comfortable yourself.

I carry a pocket knife where I go with a few exceptions (i.e. airport, the naval base close to where I live, etc.) but that's just me
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34 / F / California
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Posted 5/14/14 , edited 5/14/14
Am I the only one who thinks this discussion is a bit odd? I mean, what year is it?

Sure, there are places that are dangerous for women to be alone, but I wouldn't call the beach one of them. I would say places where murder/rape/kidnapping are likely should be avoided, but being hit on by @$$holes is a fact of life that women just have to deal with. It's important to learn to cope with such things in the same way it's important to learn to cope with con artists, pickpockets, and other unpleasant issues in life.

I, as a woman, would feel incredibly stifled if my boyfriend felt the need to accompany me everywhere. Sure, there are places where I do appreciate his presence, but I don't need him to protect me from forward men because I have the ability to deal with them myself.
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Posted 5/14/14 , edited 5/14/14

Humanity is not and never will be free of sexism. Best keep that in mind


That being said, I do think it is a bit wild to say that you shouldn't leave a grown woman alone at a beach or a parking lot.
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26 / M / Socal
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Posted 5/14/14 , edited 5/14/14
What you need sir is my one of a kind thing-a-ma-bob what-u-ma-call-it super defense droid, it keeps your women safe from unwanted attention by blasting them with laser cannons of destruction and chaos.

My cheeky answer, locations to avoid: Outer Space without a suit.




jutsuri wrote:

Am I the only one who thinks this discussion is a bit odd? I mean, what year is it?

Sure, there are places that are dangerous for women to be alone, but I wouldn't call the beach one of them. I would say places where murder/rape/kidnapping are likely should be avoided, but being hit on by @$$holes is a fact of life that women just have to deal with. It's important to learn to cope with such things in the same way it's important to learn to cope with con artists, pickpockets, and other unpleasant issues in life.

I, as a woman, would feel incredibly stifled if my boyfriend felt the need to accompany me everywhere. Sure, there are places where I do appreciate his presence, but I don't need him to protect me from forward men because I have the ability to deal with them myself.


*loud whispering* No this is pretty odd, I also think we stepped into a time machine thread...

They're on to us >.>
<.<
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26 / M / Houma
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Posted 5/14/14 , edited 5/14/14

ouroburos wrote:

Anywhere to you don't fell comfortable yourself.

I carry a pocket knife where I go with a few exceptions (i.e. airport, the naval base close to where I live, etc.) but that's just me


While it may not apply to you it should be noted that having a weapon that one is not proficient with could end up working against them. Many people tend to hold a knife in a forward position which exposes it to easy disarms. Keeping a wide base and getting low is also a useful tip. Improvised weapons (a pocket knife was not created with the intent to be used as a weapon) should always be a last resort if escape is impossible.
Posted 5/14/14
Practically everywhere. Women or men are both vulnerable if they travel alone. I just read a news article where a woman was sexually harassed on a train at 4AM.

The public transport here in Sydney is not safe after a certain time... like after 8PM, where few people ride them. The government is too stupid to realize that trains are most unsafe at night time, not during the day time... (and they're probably too cheap to place more police at night).
Instead of hiring more police, they decided to implement this law where you can't buy alcohol after 10PM... pathetic, right? (I don't even drink, and I think this law is just stupid). This law is also only in my state, NSW.


Then there's another news article, also happened in Sydney recently, where two women got gangraped in broad daylight in a park. They asked for direction from a couple of men, the men told them that they could offer them a lift, the two women agreed. Then they took the women to the park and raped them...


Anyway, the moral of the story is... don't trust men. Don't go anywhere near a pack of men. Don't travel alone at night.
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24 / F / Johnstown, PA, USA
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Posted 5/15/14
Believe it or not, but I can somewhat relate to this. I have to constantly watch out for my little sis, who's arguably more defenseless than an average ten year-old. I am literally more than twice her body mass. She's like a tiny gazelle or deer, but without the incredible agility of the actual animals. I make sure to stick to her like glue whenever we walk anywhere together; however, I'm careful to not treat her like she's delicate bone china that must be kept in a cabinet at all times. Being overprotective can manifest resentment, and it's rather difficult to watch out for someone when they're trying to push you away.
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