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Where NOT to leave a female companion alone
Posted 5/15/14 , edited 5/15/14
Don't leave her alone on the Tube. Especially Japanese ones. People ignore the anti-groping signs (yes, they went that far).

Oh, and the Ghetto. South Side anything is a big no no.

+ Chicago.
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Posted 5/15/14

KurisuSensei wrote:

It sucks that your wife met up with a jerk. But it sucks more that you think your wife isn't an adult who can decide for herself where she should be. It also sucks that you feel that she is an object which can be stolen or vandalised if left unattended.


I nod vigorously in agreement.
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Posted 5/15/14 , edited 5/15/14
- father-in-law, brother-in-law
- your ex-gfs place
- your frat buddies' hang outs



1. Take her to Themyscira.
2. Set her free. Make her a nun.
3. Scar her face. Zetman style
4. Tie her on a leash
5. Put her in a life-size Barbie box


aeb0717 wrote:

Believe it or not, but I can somewhat relate to this. I have to constantly watch out for my little sis, who's arguably more defenseless than an average ten year-old. I am literally more than twice her body mass. She's like a tiny gazelle or deer, but without the incredible agility of the actual animals. I make sure to stick to her like glue whenever we walk anywhere together; however, I'm careful to not treat her like she's delicate bone china that must be kept in a cabinet at all times. Being overprotective can manifest resentment, and it's rather difficult to watch out for someone when they're trying to push you away.


I agree on this.

Besides, OP can't be with her wife all the time.
There would be a circumstance both of you would be in a separate place [career, job, death, privacy, health, etc.] or she just want to separate from you and says, "I need my space. You're suffocating me," "I need to celebrate [with my girls or self-appreciation]," "I need vacation [away from anyone and any stress]," etc.

I know she's your "Frozen" girl but she needs to learn how to adapt or deal uncomfortable situations.


LiquidMercury wrote:

Dog owners (and I am one) can sometimes not understand how people don't like dogs (I understand for sure). Kind of like how parents don't understand that their kids antics aren't cute to anyone but them and in reality they need to sit their kid down in the restaurant and tell them to behave.


I agree with this, especially when parents love their kids unconditionally. That's the worst.
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Posted 5/15/14 , edited 5/15/14

LiquidMercury wrote:

Dog owners (and I am one) can sometimes not understand how people don't like dogs (I understand for sure). Kind of like how parents don't understand that their kids antics aren't cute to anyone but them and in reality they need to sit their kid down in the restaurant and tell them to behave.


Pretty much this. I don't feel like he was in any way "harassing" your wife. He probably didn't notice the rings, so it wasn't like he was overstepping boundaries in his mind. I think he just did not understand and wasn't a smart enough person to get that when people are scared of something, it's likely to escalate much quicker than expected.

I have a little cousin and when she was younger she was attacked by a dog. For YEARS she was terrified of them, and wouldn't come near mine. My dog is the size of a Chihuahua, and is literally the sweetest thing ever. His main priority in life is sitting on your lap, and I am in no way joking. That's really his favorite thing ever. He's very nice and would never hurt anyone or anything, and even though her sisters and brother played with him all the time and showed her that he was very nice, she was still terrified to death of him. I could NEVER understand this. I could understand her being scared of dogs, but in my mind I could not comprehend how she could still be scared of him when she's known him for years and has seen that he is ALWAYS so happy to see them. She's no longer scared of him, but it took a while. I'm a very intelligent person and I couldn't wrap my head around it, therefore I can completely understand why this man couldn't wrap his head around that.

Yes, there's quite a big difference in a cousin seeing a dog for years, and a random person with a dog they've never met. No matter how much the owner proclaims how sweet they are. But I'm just saying if he was obviously dumb enough to chase after your wife, then he's probably too dumb to understand a fear of dogs.

However, you were not wrong to leave her where she was. She told you to, and therefore it's completely reasonable for you to have gone along with what she said. She's a big girl and can take care of herself. You don't always need to be there. Neither of you had any way of knowing something like this would happen. I know you feel bad because you feel like you weren't there for her and this is the love of your life, blahblahblah, but it's neither yours, nor your wife's fault it happened.

It's pretty much just an unfortunate event.
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Posted 5/15/14
Of the actual account nanikore2 gave, I think his wife's phobia is severe enough that it really needs to be acknowledged as such. I've met people like that guy, and trust me, they were not hitting on me. "They" just don't "get" that their stance on their "pet" is different. That doesn't mean this guy wasn't trying to flirt with your wife or (for all I know) even abduct her, but facts not in evidence are facts not in evidence. Most people have a hard time understanding phobias and properly handling them and that shouldn't be a surprise; extreme irrational fears are just that: extreme irrational fears. The guy definitely did wrong but he may have even had good intentions: first just "being friendly" in a genuine manner and then demonstrating his dog is "safe". He chose to demonstrate in perhaps the stupidest way he could.

There is no preventing all stupid, just preparing for it (and again, if he did have malicious intent... sadly the same thing applies). If you've got a severe enough phobia that your only real choice is to flee it (which again, kind of is what you expect from a phobia)... you've got to go to lengths to avoid it and prepare for when you can't. You can make it highly unlikely your wife will encounter any major animals if you plan accordingly, but it does require limiting one's own freedom. Don't be afraid to disregard "permission" when your wife gives it to you but it isn't in her own best interests and yes, sometimes you know better than a person what his or her own best interests are: normally it is questionable about whether you should do anything about differences in opinion, but being a spouse, parent, etc. gives you significantly more leeway in the matter.

The separate issue of what places are higher risk for harassment is just that, separate. You should be finding out what places are pet free. Now as you nor I want your wife being harassed in other ways, continue trying to learn what areas aren't safe for anyone solo, and then what area are even more unsafe for women. For some that want to gloss over it... being "equal" isn't the same thing as being "identical". Women are just more at risk for reasons that do indeed tie into being a woman. If doesn't somehow make women inferior to men, it just means that they are more of a target.

TL;DR: There is your wife's phobia and coping with it, and there is helping her stay safe in general, and even helping you stay safe as well. I wish you luck in addressing all three!
Posted 5/15/14
this whole story sounds fictional so for that reason i'm out
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Posted 5/15/14
Anywhere besides the kitchen.. Hue
Posted 5/15/14
A sausage factory can't be good
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Posted 5/15/14
It is best to help people learn how to protect themselves. I have taught several friends (male and female) about apparent alertness which wards off many attackers from the get go. It also provides the opportunity for a stern glare when appropriate which can help ward off unwanted approaches. Self defense techniques are things everyone should learn.

As to dogs, I have had the unfortunate experience of killing a dog to protect myself and my sister. If you are a dog owner, respect other people's desire to not have a dog they do not know near them. A perfectly behaved dog can suddenly snap due to congenital issues from breeding. I realize this is not common, but please understand it does happen. This danger is more common with purebreds, but it can still happen with any dog. No amount of training can prevent this sort of thing, it is due to problems equivalent to brain lesions in humans. Training your dog is good and responsible, just please understand that maintaining proper control of the animal in public and around company is still your duty and responsibility.
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Posted 5/15/14
i am pretty sure you are making a big mistake by sheltering her from everything she fears, she will never be able to escape dogs and the like. Seek help, with a professional of course. The faster you do this the better. It is very unhealthy for your physiological health not to talk to strangers. (besides the cashier) Just because the guy owns a penis doesn't mean he wants to rape your wife.
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Posted 5/15/14
As for the man you refered to, I think he was just trying to be polite and comfort the woman when she was all alone.
But the dog thing I think he wasn't thinking straight and he probably then rushed after your wife to apologize and start over.
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Posted 5/15/14

nemoskull wrote:

with my dad.


Isn't that the truth.
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Posted 5/15/14 , edited 5/15/14

SoldierSangria wrote:

Don't leave her alone on the Tube. Especially Japanese ones. People ignore the anti-groping signs (yes, they went that far).

Oh, and the Ghetto. South Side anything is a big no no.

+ Chicago.


What is the tube? And why are people being groped on this tube?
Posted 5/15/14 , edited 5/15/14
Better not after you've spent half your lives together.
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Posted 5/15/14
I think that there is no "safe" palce to leave someone at. you have to think "Your parents" No children are abused all the time. "Youre Own House" No people break into houses all the time. "Mall" You think its safe because there is a lot of people but sometimes somone can jjst grab your love one and pretend they knwo them.
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