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Where NOT to leave a female companion alone
Posted 5/15/14

dragontackle wrote:


SoldierSangria wrote:

Don't leave her alone on the Tube. Especially Japanese ones. People ignore the anti-groping signs (yes, they went that far).

Oh, and the Ghetto. South Side anything is a big no no.

+ Chicago.


What is the tube? And why are people being groped on this tube?



Think it's like a subway lol
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Posted 5/15/14

mdmrn wrote:

That said, if your wife has a serious fear of dogs, ensuring you are with her wherever there may be dogs is a good thing.


I missed that. Thanks.

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Posted 5/15/14

nanikore2 wrote:

I googled for "women avoid harassment" and it didn't help. It gave a whole load of links on workplace harassment but that's not what I'm looking for.


You would have probably found the answers you needed if you googled "How to avoid getting raped," since most women feel there's a high chance that harassment from strangers will lead to rape.

For hazardous situations, you must threaten harassers with physical pain, since they do not understand the word "no." Groin kicks are good if you're up close. For other cases, I suggest pepper spray. They work on animals of both human and dog variety. Even whipping it out and screaming "I HAVE PEPPER SPRAY!" should show the human that you're serious.

Frankly, there are no places where a person is absolutely safe. There's just varying degrees of dangerous. The most dangerous would be dark places, vacant areas, and areas where alcohol is being consumed.

Give your wife some cans of mace, let her know you'll stay with her that if she feels unsafe, since it sounds like you would be willing to. It's probably not good to protectively hover over her all the time unless she asks for it. Some women like to be smothered, some don't, you guys will have to decide for yourselves how far you want to take it.


Logiick wrote:


LiquidMercury wrote:

Dog owners (and I am one) can sometimes not understand how people don't like dogs (I understand for sure). Kind of like how parents don't understand that their kids antics aren't cute to anyone but them and in reality they need to sit their kid down in the restaurant and tell them to behave.


Pretty much this. I don't feel like he was in any way "harassing" your wife.

Did you not read the part where he kept asking for her name even when she was running away and trying to hide? It wasn't about the dog. He was trying to hit on her.

I suggest all gentlemen who are defending the dog owner, to please read this. It will help out your prospective love life: http://kateharding.net/2009/10/08/guest-blogger-starling-schrodinger%E2%80%99s-rapist-or-a-guy%E2%80%99s-guide-to-approaching-strange-women-without-being-maced/
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Posted 5/15/14

RenegadeVictim wrote:

Sadly, you feel the need to blame yourself when really this was a situation that could have only been avoided through one of two ways - You choosing to do something else instead or her going with you. In the end, it all comes down to one thing - the guy was a creep and clearly didn't understand your wife's fear of dogs. He assumed that she thought it was going to attack her and was only trying to prove that it's friendly - A stupid, but natural, assumption. The guy was indeed harassing her, however, its not exactly like its your fault. This sort of thing can happen anytime, anywhere. You could be having dinner together in a restaurant and when you go off to the bathroom, some creep approaches her and starts asking her for her name and hitting on her and stuff. You can't be attached at the hip every waking moment. All you can do is protect her from these things when you are around, and have her use some form of spray or something to use as a threat.


You're right, blaming myself really wasn't the logical thing to do, now that I've looked back upon it more.

After a few people suggested pepper spray I did talk with her about carrying one, but she told me no. Well, she'd just have to put up with slightly more of me where there may be dogs.

Posted 5/15/14
It's not your fault, just the asshat who tried to make a move.

Anyway, I think your wife would be okay on a beach by herself, she is a grown woman after all, but maybe give her pepper spray or something like others have suggested.

To be honest though, it's not just women. Men are more likely than women to be attacked at night, so I don't think anyone should go out anywhere alone. Sounds silly for adults, but I would not recommend going out alone. Buddy system.
Posted 5/15/14

dragontackle wrote:


SoldierSangria wrote:

Don't leave her alone on the Tube. Especially Japanese ones. People ignore the anti-groping signs (yes, they went that far).

Oh, and the Ghetto. South Side anything is a big no no.

+ Chicago.


What is the tube? And why are people being groped on this tube?


Subway. The train, not the chain.
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Posted 5/15/14 , edited 5/15/14

Aokidanza wrote:

It's not your fault, OP. It's never anyone's fault but the douchebag who starts the harassment.

I understand that you're quite shaken by this, and it's sweet of you to want to protect your wife. However, you might want to ask her opinion about all of this first, lest you appear to her as an overprotective and controlling husband.

Personally, I highly dislike being escorted everywhere. It makes me feel like a child, unable to care for myself without a "man" around. I know you mean well, but the thought that women need constant protection can be seen as rather backwards and insulting. Anyone can be attacked, at any time, whether they be a man or a woman or anything in between. This is the truth. Regardless of your sex, you should never go anywhere suspicious alone, and you should always be prepared to defend yourself within reasonable means.

Rather than try to be her bodyguard, if you're truly concerned about the safety of your wife, maybe talk to her about carrying mace or taking a self-defense class. You can both do it together. That way, you'll both feel safer when, inevitably, you each have to go somewhere alone. And she won't feel like she has to be "kept" by you.

I wish you both the best and hope nothing like this happens to you again.


Thanks. I didn't want to fully write about the various fine details of her phobia because that would have made the post too long.

Through the 7 years that we've been together, her reaction of being scared by an animal when we're out together and at the same time I wasn't in time for the "rescue" was to first blame me for not shielding her from the animal and then apologize soon afterwards. I think her blame is part of the phobic reaction- She needs to take out the stress at someone, and I'm just conveniently there By now we both kind of know what's going on in that regard. When I say stress, it's pretty severe- The worst previous episode was this time at a local Walgreen's (a pharmacy) just a few blocks from our house. A small dog ran loose inside the store, I was in another aisle and my wife literally tried to scramble up the nearest flimsy rack when the dog ran down her aisle towards her. She made it off the floor about maybe 2 feet high and spilled some stuff of the shelves. Good thing that those things were all packaged, the low shelf held and she didn't trip and hurt herself. There's a neighborhood cat that lives across the street, and if that cat's anywhere in sight she would refuse to get out of our parked car to go back into our house unless I get out first and kind of stand between her and that cat, even if it's way across the street. She was severely bullied when she was a child in Hong Kong just because she was taller than the girls her age (kids are brutal everywhere, I got my share of it when I was a kid too because I was just about the ONLY Asian in the entire school but I was able to fight back) and kids there pushed dogs into her face to scare her.

What some suggested regarding dog places, we kind of already do it (unless we avoid going to a place like Taipei altogether where there are some feral dogs on the street... There's another story of what happened at the night market there). As I said to another responder, I admit that my reaction to the episode was also illogical now that I've gave it more thought. Oh well...


Charizam wrote:

To be honest though, it's not just women. Men are more likely than women to be attacked at night, so I don't think anyone should go out anywhere alone. Sounds silly for adults, but I would not recommend going out alone. Buddy system.


That reminds me of when I first transferred from UCSC to San Jose State to study EE (because I found out I couldn't program worth Jack- I had better luck with hardware) I used to walk almost half an hour to Japantown where I was only one on the street in the early evenings with no other pedestrian in the neighborhood and sometimes not even cars. Plenty of dumb luck or it's divine protection.
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Posted 5/15/14
Phersu's Foolproof Anti-Rape Method.

1. Warn the attacker to stay away.
2. Break his or her legs.
3. Watch with amusement as they try to crawl away. Feel free to mock them.
4. Toy with them psychologically as they slowly descend into a fear induced madness, unsure if you'll let them live or not.
5. Call the cops once they are broken beyond repair.


Yay for Phersu's knowledge.~
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Posted 5/16/14 , edited 5/16/14
After looking up more information on practicality and legality, I've decided to try to convince my wife to carry pepper spray even though she's saying no at the moment. Thanks, everyone.

The man was breaking park rules. Now I know. http://hawaiistateparks.org/parkrules/

(Random but fun information I ran into while looking... http://bestpepperspray.net/how-use-bear-spray/ )
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Posted 5/16/14

jutsuri wrote:

Am I the only one who thinks this discussion is a bit odd? I mean, what year is it?

Sure, there are places that are dangerous for women to be alone, but I wouldn't call the beach one of them. I would say places where murder/rape/kidnapping are likely should be avoided, but being hit on by @$$holes is a fact of life that women just have to deal with. It's important to learn to cope with such things in the same way it's important to learn to cope with con artists, pickpockets, and other unpleasant issues in life.

I, as a woman, would feel incredibly stifled if my boyfriend felt the need to accompany me everywhere. Sure, there are places where I do appreciate his presence, but I don't need him to protect me from forward men because I have the ability to deal with them myself.


It is odd to me too. Just don't let her go anywhere, if you feel the need to constantly rescue her . This whole thing sounds outrageous.
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Posted 5/16/14
Get her a combat knife or a folding karambit, get her even just the tiniest bit of training and she'll be able to defend herself no problem, and she'll be safe pretty much anywhere you may need to leave her or she decides to venture off to lol
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Posted 5/16/14
Leave them anywhere. I don't feel the need to white knight them. They're supposed to be 'strong' and 'independant' in this society, right? At least that's how they keep describing themselves. They don't need men to come to their rescue, so they say. So I don't see why you feel the guilt of not being there for her. If she was smart, she'd have fended off the man and the dog herself. TRUST me. Women are more aggressive and brutal than men in most cases and are the first to initiate violence in many others.
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Posted 5/16/14
I disagree with both of the comments above.

First, you need more than the 'tiniest bit of training' to use any weapon, and having a weapon without knowing how to use it properly is more dangerous than having no weapon at all. If someone wants to be able to defend themselves they should practice for years, as Miyamoto Musashi said: "If you have to think about a technique, you haven't trained enough." You need to train until your automatic reaction is the right one, which takes years. Most people tend to freeze when confronted with violence, it takes a lot of practice to stay calm and respond appropriately.

Second, men are absolutely more aggressive than women in almost every situation. If a woman has to protect her child, it will be very different. But biologically, the ones with more testosterone tend to be more aggressive. It's just than if a woman is pushed to violence, she will go all the way instead of just blowing up and then getting over it.

Also, statics show that women are more likely to be beaten, raped, or murdered than men. We are physically smaller so we are easier targets. Despite that we are capable of being alone, though there are certainly places that should be avoided.

Finally, it sounds the the wife of the OP has a severe phobia and I agree with those who have suggested professional psychological help. Her fear is irrational, and I think it would be terrible to live in terror like that.
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Posted 5/16/14




There is truth to much of what you say. I do have a point about the statistics though. Men under-report many kinds of violence as seeking help from authority figures is in many cases seen as "unmanly". Rapes of men are VERY under-reported. Men tend to be too ashamed by the event and refuse to speak about it at all. I realize that women also suffer this issue, but a lot of attention has been brought to it helping to make progress. There is still further to go, but unfortunately there has been painfully little on that front for men.

Don't take this as trying to belittle the struggles of women. I also do not mean to imply that your intention is to overlook the difficulties facing men, it is just that our society tends to overlook and under-report violence against men. We need to do a better job of educating everyone about how to protect themselves and how to handle the aftermath if horrible things do happen.
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Posted 5/16/14 , edited 5/16/14
Very good points, I am sure you are correct about men under-reporting all kinds of violence. I just had to argue against the statement that 'men are more likely to be attacked than women at night' because I think it is false.
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