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age differences
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29 / M
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Posted 5/22/14
Hey everyone i have never made a thread before but there was something on my mind that i wanted various opinions on. somone said the other day that when a guy and a girl date the age difference should be nore more than 5 or so years apart. Myy grandparents were 18 years apart and both werre of legal age when they met and got married and reaised a family. But i am told times have changed and realtionships that far apart ane no longer normal so i just wanted various opionon on how big of an age diffence there should be or even if there is a limit on age differences as long as both are of legal age. Personally i beleive that as long as both individuals in the couple are of legal age then it does not matter. thoughts?
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Posted 5/22/14 , edited 5/22/14
Ask Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore about it.

Donald Sterling and V. Stiviano


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F / Top secret location
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Posted 5/22/14
Hmmmmm that is a somewhat hard question, I think it really depends on the people, their maturity and where they are in their lives. I will say that I find it works better when the guy is older than the girl (not always but most of the time).

My grandparents were about 9 years apart (gramps was older) they were married the day after she turned 19 (he was leaving for war), they were married for 70 years, outside of the war they never spent more than a few days apart, they passed away less than 3 weeks from each other even though one of them was super healthy.

Dated a guy for 3 years who was 3 years younger than me, but I found the age difference to be an issue not because of his maturity or anything but mostly because of what we wanted from our lives at that point (I was super career driven, he wasn't overly fond of that).

Dated a guy 5 years older than me for 10 years (ughh I know, I know lol), got engaged, and ran from the alter...mostly because I was too young to be told I needed to settle down and start having babies.

So I guess my point is that yes age does play a factor, but it's way more important to find a person you want and need to be with, a person who wants to be with you as much as you want to be with them and accepts you for who you are, quirks and all.
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35 / M / Newark, New Jersey
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Posted 5/22/14
The problem with age differences in a relationships is that a person's goals and priorities shift greatly as they age. When you are young you want to gain experience/education, then you want to establish a career, then you want to start a family, then you want to build up your finances, then you want to retire. That's a simplified timeline, but in general people of different ages are on different paths. In the past, as in when your grandparents married times were simpler. Inflation wasn't as bad and people who attended college were almost guaranteed a solid career. People also started families sooner. I think that there is nothing immoral about a couple of differing ages dating provided that both are mature adults, however the likely-hood of a relationship like that lasting are slim. An example from my own experience: I once dated a girl who was 18 when I was 15 and things ended abruptly simply because she wanted to take things much more seriously than I did. I just wanted a girlfriend but she wanted a relationship.
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28 / F / SC
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Posted 5/22/14
ah well, i feel like it depends on the age. i don't like under-18 girls dating 20-and-over guys, but a 20-something and a 30/40-something pair is OK in my book. all depends on maturity i guess... but i'll wager anyone under 25 is most likely not to be ready for someone already settled in life.
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30 / M / USA
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Posted 5/22/14
We are alive but only for a whisper of a moment of a second. Do not trouble yourself over something such as social standards, or the opinions of others. Yes, you should abide by the laws if you do not wish for legal troubles (and these troubles can be oh so troublesome), but if you have found someone you can care tenderly that can also care for you, then do not care for the thoughts of others.
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31 / M / Central KY.
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Posted 5/22/14

deformity wrote:

We are alive but only for a whisper of a moment of a second. Do not trouble yourself over something such as social standards, or the opinions of others. Yes, you should abide by the laws if you do not wish for legal troubles (and these troubles can be oh so troublesome), but if you have found someone you can care tenderly that can also care for you, then do not care for the thoughts of others.


Couldn't have said it better Myself, Friend. It's a shame that those laws are based upon a bunch or morality mumbo jumbo.
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30 / M / USA
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Posted 5/22/14
Some morals, yes, however I personally find it best to yet the young grow naturally - for them to enjoy their youth, if only for a short while.

Perhaps that makes me a bit old fashioned, I suppose. I am not sure, as I do not keep with the times or ways of others. Alas~
Posted 5/22/14
like others have said, doesn't make a difference as long as they are 18 plus, but maturity levels are vastly different if you're talking early 20s vs mid-30s to 40s, etc...then again everyone wants to feel and act young right? all depends on your motivations
Posted 5/22/14 , edited 5/22/14
1) If one of the parties is a bit underage (and when I say "a bit" I mean a teenager who knows what they want - NOT a child), then the older must wait until their significant other reaches legal age of that country/area to do anything physical. Until then, keep it non-physical. If you love someone, you'll wait for them, not force them or do something illegal.

2) Age differences in a relationship as in a child and legal adult? Please alert your local police station.

3) As long as both parties are of legal age in their country/area and truly love each other it is no one's business but their own.

Problems come about in all relationships. Some are caused by personality or family; some by money and work; others by race, distance, time or age. Still others by war, depression, personal problems...etc.

There is no such thing as a perfect relationship, just one that has learned to accept the differences and work through them.

All that matters is how two people look to each other, not how they look to the world.

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27 / M / Houma
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Posted 5/22/14 , edited 5/22/14
I believe it is more of a sliding range than anything concrete.
I have actually polled people before and came up with a range formula of what is socially acceptable.

It is your age plus or minus 20%, this has to be factored in from both sides so you would have to fall within the other person's range too. Decimals are resolved by rounding to the nearest integer. Every year after 20 years old the percentage seems to increase by 0.5%. The very nature of this is completely subjective but this seems to be the guidelines of what society deems acceptable. (Under 17 seems to have a hard cap of 2 years)
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23 / M / Ames, Iowa, USA
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Posted 5/22/14 , edited 5/22/14
depends on the situation;

In the case of someone over 18, like 18-20 dating someone below 18, I feel the gap should be at most 3 years, but only if they have known each other for a while.

In the case of above 18 on both accounts, I feel the norm would be about 5 years apart, but I really have no say in what others think, and if both sides are happy, then let the age difference be forgotten.
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26 / M / Inside Lorreen's...
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Posted 5/22/14
Eh... like others said there are plenty of deciding factors on this. My cousin is currently dating a guy like 15 or more years her senior (she is 21, he is like 38 or something).

Me personally I have only dated girls younger than myself. Not out of any sort of preference, it just wound up that way.

Won't say dating someone significantly older than you is impossible (obviously it works for some). I just think like someone said earlier, if it is some significant amount of difference, you are at different "stages" or whatever you want to call it in life. Example like with my cousin: She is just finishing college. Meanwhile the guy she is dating is probably looking at his next promotion with retirement on the horizon.
Posted 5/22/14
I feel like once you're an adult, it wouldn't matter. I think a 3 year age difference is all right, if you are an adolescent dating someone older. For example, if I were to date a 18-20 year old, I think that'd be okay. Not that I'm interested at the moment, but it's just an example.

But it's really none of your business if you are against it, to be honest. But if it's like a 14 year old dating a 20 year old, then yeah... Maybe.
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21 / M / Here
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Posted 5/22/14 , edited 5/22/14
I'd say from 18 down to 15 years old where young people are concerned. Any younger than 15 and I'd doubt they'll be properly committed, but 18 and above it shouldn't matter. My parents are 10 years apart. It all depends on how compatible the people themselves are, as opposed to the age alone. Two people could be 2 years apart, but if one's really outgoing and full of energy, while the other is down to earth and prefers the peace and quiet there's a bigger chance they won't work well together. However if you have a couple who are 15 years apart and they have similar interests/personalities then there's a bigger chance of them hitting it off. Of course this can work the other way around in the sense that two opposites could attract while two who are the same wouldn't but you get what I mean.
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