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Post Reply Opinions are tricky and so is respect!
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24 / F / Johnstown, PA, USA
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Posted 5/25/14

qualeshia3 wrote:



They can't handle honesty or just opinionated?


Some can't handle it, but others are more complicated. For example; Person A asks Person B for his/her opinion on a topic. Person B expresses mixed feelings as his/her opinion. Person A then tells Person B that they must choose either for or against the topic at hand, with no middle ground allowed.
I find that infuriating.
Posted 5/25/14 , edited 5/25/14
with all due respect, i don't give a flying fuck what you think

like that?
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25 / F / New Jersey, USA
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Posted 5/25/14

severticas wrote:

with all due respect, i don't give a flying fuck what you think

like that?


I don't have to. You can say whatever you want. Someone will feel the same as you do.
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Posted 5/25/14 , edited 5/25/14
There is no such thing as an opinion. You either agree with me or you're wrong!

In all seriousness I think we do have freedom of speech but in a way it's only as free as the law allows. You can say anything but if you go into an airport and start yelling stuff like 'The government are a bunch of assholes and pricks. It's a fucking conspiracy, bitches!' then you're obviously going to get into some sort of trouble. As for lying in order to please someone; Well it depends, doesn't it? If a 3 year old kid tried singing and, being a kid, was likely terrible at it, then asked for your opinion on their singing you wouldn't go 'Frankly you're at an amateurish level. Perhaps if you trained in some vocal techniques, got an instructor, waited for you voice to break, you'd be better. But as it stands you're not even close to being remotely acceptable. Better luck next time'. You'd probably try to encourage them if anything.

As for stating opinions there's a time and a place. If you were at a meeting about bullying and stood up and said 'I think bullying's all right, actually. It encourages the weakling to toughen up and stop being a wussy bitch' then you'll look like the worlds biggest arsehole. Though I don't think a differing opinion neccessarily defines you as a dick. It comes down to more than that. It's how you express said opinion, whether you try and push that view onto people who don't share that view and have no intention of doing so, whether you act on said opinion (e.g. saying bullying is good is one thing, but actually doing it yourself is another), how important your honest opinion is at the time, how many differing opinions you share and more importantly how many of those opinions are frowned upon by humanity as being cruel or unfair...

'Is it nice to consider someone's feeling when sharing your honest opinion?'

Again it depends. If someone murdered your child, would you consider how the murderer feels about being convicted? Probably not. If you made a friend sad over something trivial then yeah, it might be worth considering how they feel, and how you'd feel in their position. You'd be right in thinking the whole thing can go pretty deep because it can. In terms of respect do I respect all opinions? Honestweeee? No, I don't. I will respect someone's opinion if I can see where they're coming from but if they're saying downright hurtful stuff or things with no evidence to back up what they're saying then no, I won't respect their opinion at all. If their opinion is also on something that will likely be of detriment to me and will benefit me in no way I also won't respect their opinion. Now this can differ, obviously e.g. someone gave you a sweet one time, then they take one of yours. You're obviously not, at the time, getting anything out of it other than losing a sweet, but it's not really that important. However, take something like net neutrality where I'm being charged to access info I'd normally get for free and you can go screw yourself. Though if there is anything the internet has taught us it's that 90% of people on it think you're either right or you're wrong, and there isn't a single website without some form of disagreement on it. True story.
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Posted 5/25/14
If your opinion is stupid or harmful, I believe you have the right to know!
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Posted 5/25/14
Some are saying that you aren't an asshole just because others think you are. The truth of that, however, depends on what it means to be an asshole.

I suggest that the idea of "assholes" is a creation of society. One is labeled an asshole when they don't conform to the expectations of others. Since everyone has different expectations, one can be considered an asshole by one subset of people, and a fine, upstanding gentleman by another, for the exact same actions. There are also, of course, certain expectations that are fairly universal, and those that go against those are considered assholes by all.

So whether someone is an asshole or not is entirely dependent on the opinions of the people around them.
The real question is, if one is considered an asshole by some, but not all, are they really an asshole?
For some reason this is making me think of Schrodinger's cat...

Actually, the game I borrowed my username from provides a good model of this in a way; the viewpoints of the different characters are expressed well, and while I didn't agree with many of them, I understood where they were coming from, and why each saw the others in a negative light. Who's really right in there? Well, I have my opinion, but who's to say it's right?

Regarding opinions and respect. If you don't consider others' opinions, then you are by definition inconsiderate. I suppose one has to ask if that's what they want people to think of them. There's a reason the word "freedom" exists; there's also a reason the word "tact" exists.

There's a difference between being true to yourself and being an asshole; if I were at a funeral and overheard someone say to the bereaved, "Well, at least his suffering is finally over. He's with God now." I wouldn't take that chance to state my opinion about the existence of God or the afterlife. I think it would not be the time or place for that.

On the other hand, if someone were to express their opinion that some of us are subhumans, wouldn't respecting *their* opinion be disrespecting those they declared to be subhumans? So I would have to disagree with them, if I wanted to be true to myself.

I don't think there's really a simple rule as to when one should choose to respect another's opinion, or their feelings, over expressing their own opinion or feelings. "Let your conscience be your guide" is probably the best route, unless of course you're an asshole or don't have a conscience.
Posted 5/25/14 , edited 5/25/14

qualeshia3 wrote:


severticas wrote:

with all due respect, i don't give a flying fuck what you think

like that?


I don't have to. You can say whatever you want. Someone will feel the same as you do.


i didn't write that. i don't know that person.... who is that?
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Posted 5/25/14
Look at where Donald Sterling's opinion got him. Unpopular opinion always gets backlash, should be prepared.

Still racist and owns the LA Clippers... xD

That's like hating Japan but loving anime
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Posted 5/25/14

qualeshia3 wrote:



I do too. I'm what most people call a "people pleaser" and it is true. That is something I would love to change in myself. I want to express my opinion but I don't want any verbal confrontation. I like to watch other express their opinions and wonder if they know "it's only human". Your comment is very interesting to me.


Allync wrote:

Another TL;DR thread.


What does TL;DR mean?



"Too long, didn't read"...
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30 / M / Central KY.
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Posted 5/25/14
Also, respect and trust are both the two driving forces in ANY relationship, no matter what it may be, or who is may be between.
Posted 5/25/14 , edited 5/25/14
I think people misunderstand "freedom of speech" entirely. Freedom of speech doesn't mean you're free to express your opinions and nobody should care if they are hurtful or offensive. Freedom of speech means you're free to speak your opinions, granted you also understand that you must face the consequences of doing so. People seem to think that freedom of speech is a one way thing, but it's not. If you have the right to say whatever you want, then so do I; and if I want to say that you're a stupid asshole for thinking / saying what you said, then I can do that because you know, freedom of speech. Also, freedom of speech does not require that your opinions be "respected," accepted, or even heard. Especially if said speech can be considered hate speech.

Unfortunately, the United States has very poor rulings on the subject of hate speech, mostly due to the First Amendment. Thus the continuing existence of hate groups such as the Westboro Baptist Church and the Ku Klux Klan. This is unfortunate as it permits these groups and other like groups or individuals to plague the country with their venomous hate. Though there are some laws (on a federal level) against discrimination and other racist / hate crimes, simple hate speech that does not directly inflict injury to a person is still technically protected by the Constitution.

Finally, I don't think respect has any place in this topic. No one is required to respect anyone's opinions if they do not wish to. Freedom of speech also means freedom to disagree. The most we can do is to show consideration for other people's feelings and opinions. You don't need to censor yourself if you don't want to, but you have to understand that sometimes people just don't want to hear what you have to say.
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Posted 5/25/14
I'm cool with anybody's opinion as long as their cool with mine.

I try not to share my opinions (Internet aside) unless they're asked for or I'm around like minded people. Where I am my opinions aren't often in the majority and that can make things difficult.

The only time I really have a problem is when people get openly hostile when you don't share their opinion.

Someone a few days ago was was telling me about a "news" story they heard and they were all up in arms and angry about it. I didn't take it at face value as there was obviously more to it than the scant details being relayed to me, that said even if I did take it at face value it wouldn't have earned more than a "meh" reaction from me. This man was actually angered by the fact I didn't share his view on the subject and now views me with nearly the same disdain the he had for the people in the "news" story. (I looked it up later and the story was really a non issue, details were cherry picked to garner a certain kind of reaction from certain kinds of people)
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25 / F / New Jersey, USA
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Posted 5/25/14


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Posted 5/25/14

demongurrl13 wrote:

I think people misunderstand "freedom of speech" entirely. Freedom of speech doesn't mean you're free to express your opinions and nobody should care if they are hurtful or offensive. Freedom of speech means you're free to speak your opinions, granted you also understand that you must face the consequences of doing so. People seem to think that freedom of speech is a one way thing, but it's not. If you have the right to say whatever you want, then so do I; and if I want to say that you're a stupid asshole for thinking / saying what you said, then I can do that because you know, freedom of speech. Also, freedom of speech does not require that your opinions be "respected," accepted, or even heard. Especially if said speech can be considered hate speech.

Unfortunately, the United States has very poor rulings on the subject of hate speech, mostly due to the First Amendment. Thus the continuing existence of hate groups such as the Westboro Baptist Church and the Ku Klux Klan. This is unfortunate as it permits these groups and other like groups or individuals to plague the country with their venomous hate. Though there are some laws (on a federal level) against discrimination and other racist / hate crimes, simple hate speech that does not directly inflict injury to a person is still technically protected by the Constitution.

Finally, I don't think respect has any place in this topic. No one is required to respect anyone's opinions if they do not wish to. Freedom of speech also means freedom to disagree. The most we can do is to show consideration for other people's feelings and opinions. You don't need to censor yourself if you don't want to, but you have to understand that sometimes people just don't want to hear what you have to say.



Pretty much you, me, and anybody else can say whatever they want, regardless if someone is disagreeing or agreeing. Some people are willing to respect for person for sharing their opinion, even though the person dislike it. Opinions pretty much work both ways.

Forgive me if it doesn't make sense.
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Posted 5/26/14 , edited 5/26/14

qualeshia3 wrote:
Forgive me if doesn't make sense.

I've known that everyone on the face of the planet has the right to speak freely no matter how mean or nice it sounds. I get that there is no right or wrong when it comes stating your opinion but it tricky. I'll never completely understand people nor myself at all. I understand that I can say how I feel and shouldn't hold it in yet there are some things people don't want to hear. There are sensitive people out and about in this world along with insensitive people as well. Is it really not easy to respect someone entitled to say how they feel? Should you lie to yourself in order to please the other person? If someone says "there was nothing wrong with bullying people", isn't just their opinion and nothing more?

I don't think it's a good idea to respect opinions too much. Even the smartest person will most likely hold a view or two that tends to be considered tenuous, or founded on an irrational basis. That's why I'm fine with respecting a person I like, but as far as I'm concerned their opinions are fair game for discussion.


Respect isn't easy to do either. If you want respect then you have to earn it from the other person. I guess if you want your opinion to get respected then you should respect the other's as well. Nobody is willing to do so but at least there are some small few. I'm willing to respect any opinion no matter how mean or nice it may sound even if I don't do the same. It is not easy.

I wouldn't say so. Being a 'yes person' who doesn't ever confront people just makes others take you for granted and only lend half an ear to your input when you actually give it. Also, as soon as they say something hurtful to you, they know they'll be able to get away with it because you're predictable.


What I'm trying to get at is that opinions are like a sharp jagged double sword. Freedom of speech is unlimited and there is a reason why the word "freedom" is there. Some opinions are more popular than others but it does not matter since it only an opinion. Stating your opinion is being true to yourself yet if someone does not agree then is it your fault or theirs? Maybe I'm thinking to much on this( I tend to think a lot ) yet I can't help but be curious. Humans are such complex creatures and I still have no idea how we work.

Aside from that, tell me what you think about people stating their opinions and respect overall. Do you think I'm over thinking this TOO much for no reason? Should you say how you feel whether regardless if someone disagrees? Is it nice to consider someone's feeling when sharing your honest opinion?

How could it be anyone's "fault" that people hold different opinions from each other? Quite a strange vector of approach

I think the best way thing to master is the ability to be discreet (eg. not start debating about the existence of God at a funeral, a good example from a poster above), while still being able to voice your issues with another person's claim with both confidence and consideration. If you go around starting arguments and immediately getting personal/insulting people for holding beliefs you don't agree with, that's called being a twat. On the other hand, if you never want to oppose anyone about anything, people will just see you as a boring non-entity.

That's one of the downsides of middle-class English girls, imo. Generally friendlier than Françaises, yet this often means that they never voice outspoken or potentially controversial opinions, in case they come across as inappropriate or 'make things awkward'. Just my own totally subjective observation.


Bonus Question (optional):

1. Can an opinion really make someone an asshole?

To be honest, when you're dealing with people who hold beliefs that promote violence, then almost inescapably those people will be asshats. But it's not that their opinion makes them assholes: The opinion itself will be merely symptomatic of their asshattery, while at the same time feeding it further.

I knew a couple of guys on my old forum (one Finnish, one Latvian) who suddenly converted to Islam and become more radical than 99% of Muslims. They were going around supporting ISIS, claiming that Shi'ites are not Muslims at all, and when I got into a discussion with the Finn, he accepted the fact that proven homosexuals should be executed à la Taliban, promoted the idea of punishing women for not dressing 'appropriately', and claimed that he would happily go to Afghanistan if he could live under their just laws.

They're losers who want to feel better than others by adopting opinions that permit them to morally elevate themselves above all of the people they know and who put them down in life. It lets them say that they have been right all along, that not partying and remaining a virgin until marriage is not a sign of being undesirable like they used to feel, but instead the most awesome and admirable thing ever, and that all of the "cool kids" at school who were hostile or indifferent to them are actually degenerate beasts who will rot in hell. They adopted these opinions because the opinions are vehicles for them to put down other people and to talk shit about everything 'Western'. So they approached those beliefs as pricks, and they're using those beliefs like pricks, to be pricks. That's generally what oppressive and violent beliefs are for.
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Posted 5/26/14


That's the hard part. I am much of a people pleaser, I dislike verbal confrontation, but I'm willing to try and share my opinions. There will ALWAYS be an unpopular opinion that gets people angry once it's spoken.
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