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A Question About Love
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22 / M
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Posted 6/20/14
Do you have to love yourself first before you can love someone else? I'm honestly curious what some of you think of this. Can you love somebody else without loving yourself? Perhaps even hating yourself? Why do you think so?

I'm of the opinion you can, given there is a reason to love them and not yourself.
Posted 6/20/14
Based on my idea of love, it's not possible. Because if you do not love yourself, then how are you to know exactly what love is?
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26 / M / Socal
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Posted 6/20/14
If you can't love yourself how do you expect someone else to?
Posted 6/20/14
From what one of my favorite people in the world always says- 'If you don't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?"- RuPaul, I agree with this 100%
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M / California
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Posted 6/20/14
I think being loved will enlighten you and make you learn to love someone your self. Besides if there is only hatred, how will you learn how to love yourself if all around you is just an aura of hate? That's what I think at least.
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20 / M / Tórshavn
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Posted 6/20/14 , edited 6/20/14
Ah I see, so that was the unraveling problem with myself!

Tyvm
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22 / M
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Posted 6/20/14

JayVeeDees wrote:

Ah I see, so that was the unraveling problem with myself!

Tyvm


Kinda opened my eyes when I saw the quote myself.
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M / California
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Posted 6/20/14
I actually think it is still possible.

I hate myself, but I've fallen in love with someone before. To the point where they're all I can think about, I lie in bed awake just thinking about them, everything they do seems perfect to me... you know, the whole nine yards.

I believe that you can still find others incredible while still finding yourself awful. You can't expect them to love you back at all, but it wouldn't stop me from loving them an incredible amount more than I love myself.
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Posted 6/20/14
It is possible, I don't know why people say that though...
Posted 6/20/14
It's possible. I hate myself but loved someone. The only thing it changes is whether or not I want to actually be with someone or not. I can love someone but not want to be with them since I would think it's wrong to have them deal with that kind of thing. If that makes sense.
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21 / M / The Heroes Associ...
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Posted 6/20/14
i dont see how it wouldn't be possible. Since feeling affection for another person has nothing to do with your opinion of yourself. However, your opinion of yourself could affect the way the person whom is the target of your affection, see's you.
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26 / F / New Zealand
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Posted 6/20/14
Absolutely not, in my opinion.
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M / USA
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Posted 6/20/14
No. Just because you hate yourself doesn't mean a person can't genuinely love or care about someone else and put them completely before themself. The whole love yourself or you don't understand love is BS. It's like saying just because you cannot cry doesn't mean you cannot experience grief or sorrow, which of course is untrue. Just my thought on the matter.
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20 / F / Australia
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Posted 6/20/14

demongurrl13 wrote:

Based on my idea of love, it's not possible. Because if you do not love yourself, then how are you to know exactly what love is?


Think about it this way, you still love your family. People aren't necessarily born hating themselves, or unable to love themselves. If they reach a point in their life when they are unable to, it doesn't mean they haven't experienced love before (even if it's not in the most ideal sense), and it doesn't mean the love they'd had before (like for their family) suddenly diminishes.

My view of it is that yes, you are able to love another whilst not loving, or even hating, yourself.
The question to me is not "can you love another when you don't love yourself", I think it should be "can you maintain a healthy relationship with the one you love, when you can't/don't love yourself?".
If you're self-destructive and self-sabotaging there's a low liklihood that you'll be able to maintain a healthy, happy, long-term relationship with the one you love, or anyone you come to love in your lifetime. Even if you love each other, you may have to part ways. However, if you learn to love yourself and treat yourself well in that time, and you grow with the one you love, I feel like that bond may be strengthened between the two - it may have been rough in places, and it may have taken a lot of time, patience and dedication to one another to pull it off, but it can happen. If you already know to love yourself before you enter in your relationship with the one you love, I feel like it'll be smooth sailing for the most part, of course there will be ups-and-downs but the core reason of those issues are not due to one's insecurity or inability to love oneself because both parties are already able to.
That's just my two cents.
Sogno- 
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Posted 6/20/14
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