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A Question About Love
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Posted 6/20/14
Of course it's possible. That's like saying if you hate yourself, you are incapable of loving others, which is dumb as hell.
Posted 6/20/14

kokorowohiraite wrote:

Think about it this way, you still love your family. People aren't necessarily born hating themselves, or unable to love themselves. If they reach a point in their life when they are unable to, it doesn't mean they haven't experienced love before (even if it's not in the most ideal sense), and it doesn't mean the love they'd had before (like for their family) suddenly diminishes.

My view of it is that yes, you are able to love another whilst not loving, or even hating, yourself.
The question to me is not "can you love another when you don't love yourself", I think it should be "can you maintain a healthy relationship with the one you love, when you can't/don't love yourself?".
If you're self-destructive and self-sabotaging there's a low liklihood that you'll be able to maintain a healthy, happy, long-term relationship with the one you love, or anyone you come to love in your lifetime. Even if you love each other, you may have to part ways. However, if you learn to love yourself and treat yourself well in that time, and you grow with the one you love, I feel like that bond may be strengthened between the two - it may have been rough in places, and it may have taken a lot of time, patience and dedication to one another to pull it off, but it can happen. If you already know to love yourself before you enter in your relationship with the one you love, I feel like it'll be smooth sailing for the most part, of course there will be ups-and-downs but the core reason of those issues are not due to one's insecurity or inability to love oneself because both parties are already able to.
That's just my two cents.


Well, what exactly is love? Because my idea of love is that you give your all and share yourself with someone. How, then can you do that when you despise yourself? How can you selflessly give / share something you find despicable to someone and call that love?
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Posted 6/20/14
I don't believe so. I believe they are 2 entirely separate forces, or what have You. I mean, I've never really been "high" on Myself, but that has never stopped Me from being able to feel for Others. I was shown love fortunately by My Family, and it's simply relative to the situation You may be in. So yeah, I don't believe that loving Yourself really has much, if anything at all to do with extending Your love to Someone else.
Posted 6/20/14

CoffeeGodEddy wrote:

No. Just because you hate yourself doesn't mean a person can't genuinely love or care about someone else and put them completely before themself. The whole love yourself or you don't understand love is BS. It's like saying just because you cannot cry doesn't mean you cannot experience grief or sorrow, which of course is untrue. Just my thought on the matter.


Your analogy is completely wrong, thus useless in making your point.

The proper analogy would be if you can't feel sorrow or grief, you would then be unable to sympathize with others. In which case, that would be correct.
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Posted 6/20/14 , edited 6/20/14

demongurrl13 wrote:


kokorowohiraite wrote:

Think about it this way, you still love your family. People aren't necessarily born hating themselves, or unable to love themselves. If they reach a point in their life when they are unable to, it doesn't mean they haven't experienced love before (even if it's not in the most ideal sense), and it doesn't mean the love they'd had before (like for their family) suddenly diminishes.

My view of it is that yes, you are able to love another whilst not loving, or even hating, yourself.
The question to me is not "can you love another when you don't love yourself", I think it should be "can you maintain a healthy relationship with the one you love, when you can't/don't love yourself?".
If you're self-destructive and self-sabotaging there's a low liklihood that you'll be able to maintain a healthy, happy, long-term relationship with the one you love, or anyone you come to love in your lifetime. Even if you love each other, you may have to part ways. However, if you learn to love yourself and treat yourself well in that time, and you grow with the one you love, I feel like that bond may be strengthened between the two - it may have been rough in places, and it may have taken a lot of time, patience and dedication to one another to pull it off, but it can happen. If you already know to love yourself before you enter in your relationship with the one you love, I feel like it'll be smooth sailing for the most part, of course there will be ups-and-downs but the core reason of those issues are not due to one's insecurity or inability to love oneself because both parties are already able to.
That's just my two cents.


Well, what exactly is love? Because my idea of love is that you give your all and share yourself with someone. How, then can you do that when you despise yourself? How can you selflessly give / share something you find despicable to someone and call that love?


I find that answer to be "easily". People who don't care for themselves, who don't love themselves, they either consciously or subconsciously seek the approval and love that they don't give to themselves, from others. Therefore, if anything, those people are the ones who give their most to others. They don't have any love for themselves and can't make themselves happy, so when they are in love with another, their life begins to revolve around that person. Their entire source of happiness is reliant on that person, any "good" feelings only come from being with that person, if something goes wrong with that person, their entire life falls apart because that person became their entire life. If everyone gave themselves 100% to others people would be broken beyond belief. That kind of heart break is not something someone could sustain too many times in one lifetime. However, it's not healthy and that's the main point.

These people can share themselves with the one they love just as well as any other person can, however what their partner views as "kind", "passionate" and "beautiful", the individual themselves may view as "horrible", "over emotional" and "ugly".

As for whether that is "love" or not, whose to decide? That is for those people to decide, as it is those people's personal business. What I stated earlier can be classified as love but it's a selfish love. Just because love isn't "selfless" as you are defining it to be, doesn't mean it's not love. There are one too many people out there who have been in long term relationships, even marriages, and they were and may still be in love but are unable to continue to be together. Whether selflessly or not. Most of those relationships end due to selfishness, a loss of happiness in the relationship due to the introduction of insecurity and/or the stubbornness to not be willing to be patient with one another and work things out when they do so happen to go wrong. These can all happen even when you are in love with someone, and someone loves you back. Even if you do love yourself.

Love is not perfect, it's not going to be perfect even if you put two selfless people together. Love requires work, effort and patience. It's the human condition to be selfish, that is how everyone is at their core, whether they believe it or not. I don't believe altruism exists.
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Posted 6/20/14

demongurrl13 wrote:

Your analogy is completely wrong, thus useless in making your point.

The proper analogy would be if you can't feel sorrow or grief, you would then be unable to sympathize with others. In which case, that would be correct.
But the conditional statement does not say anything about not being able to feel love

this is the perfect example of why it's possible to love others even if you hate yourself
http://www.crunchyroll.com/forumtopic-854957/going-to-kill-myself?pg=0
Posted 6/20/14 , edited 6/20/14

kokorowohiraite wrote:

I find that answer to be "easily". People who don't care for themselves, who don't love themselves, they either consciously or subconsciously seek the approval and love that they don't give to themselves, from others. Therefore, if anything, those people are the ones who give their most to others. They don't have any love for themselves and can't make themselves happy, so when they are in love with another, their life begins to revolve around that person. Their entire source of happiness is reliant on that person, any "good" feelings only come from being with that person, if something goes wrong with that person, their entire life falls apart because that person became their entire life. If everyone gave themselves 100% to others people would be broken beyond belief. That kind of heart break is not something someone could sustain too many times in one lifetime. However, it's not healthy and that's the main point.

These people can share themselves with the one they love just as well as any other person can, however what their partner views as "kind", "passionate" and "beautiful", the individual themselves may view as "horrible", "over emotional" and "ugly".

As for whether that is "love" or not, whose to decide? That is for those people to decide, as it is those people's personal business. What I stated earlier can be classified as love but it's a selfish love. Just because love isn't "selfless" as you are defining it to be, doesn't mean it's not love. There are one too many people out there who have been in long term relationships, even marriages, and they were and may still be in love but are unable to continue to be together. Whether selflessly or not. Most of those relationships end due to selfishness, a loss of happiness in the relationship due to the introduction of insecurity and/or the stubbornness to not be willing to be patient with one another and work things out when they do so happen to go wrong. These can all happen even when you are in love with someone, and someone loves you back. Even if you do love yourself.

Love is not perfect, it's not going to be perfect even if you put two selfless people together. Love requires work, effort and patience. It's the human condition to be selfish, that is how everyone is at their core, whether they believe it or not. I don't believe altruism exists.


Might I point you in the direction of this thread where I posted what my view on love is. The OP's stance on love is quite interesting too if you haven't read it.



FlyinDumpling wrote:
But the conditional statement does not say anything about not being able to feel love

this is the perfect example of why it's possible to love others even if you hate yourself
http://www.crunchyroll.com/forumtopic-854957/going-to-kill-myself?pg=0


Yes, because it's pure love to contemplate killing yourself after other people put their necks on the line in order to make sure you survive.

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Posted 6/20/14
All i'm gonna say is .. whenever you put someone on a pedestal, they can't help but look down on you.
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Posted 6/20/14
I never once loved my self


and love continues to avoid me

loneliness is a damn awful thing, nobody should have to suffer through that/it
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Posted 6/20/14

demongurrl13 wrote:


FlyinDumpling wrote:
But the conditional statement does not say anything about not being able to feel love

this is the perfect example of why it's possible to love others even if you hate yourself
http://www.crunchyroll.com/forumtopic-854957/going-to-kill-myself?pg=0


Yes, because it's pure love to contemplate killing yourself after other people put their necks on the line in order to make sure you survive
There is sweet love, there is bitter love, then there is bitter sweet love.
Posted 6/20/14

FlyinDumpling wrote:
There is sweet love, there is bitter love, then there is bitter sweet love.


Oh yeah. I'm pretty sure there's also spicy love, salty love, sweet & spicy love, and even sour love. There might even be a sweet & sour love if you look hard enough.
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Posted 6/20/14

Lykradonai wrote:

I actually think it is still possible.

I hate myself, but I've fallen in love with someone before. To the point where they're all I can think about, I lie in bed awake just thinking about them, everything they do seems perfect to me... you know, the whole nine yards.

I believe that you can still find others incredible while still finding yourself awful. You can't expect them to love you back at all, but it wouldn't stop me from loving them an incredible amount more than I love myself.


That's not love.
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Posted 6/20/14

demongurrl13 wrote:

Oh yeah. I'm pretty sure there's also spicy love, salty love, sweet & spicy love, and even sour love. There might even be a sweet & sour love if you look hard enough.
".and it hurt so much and I cried and cried and at one point I thought that something in me had died and I wished I could die, but I kept on living.…and I kept on loving.

No matter what pain I felt from loving that much, I couldn’t walk away from it because nothing seemed to hurt me more than the thought of never loving again. I tried so many times to “move on” and forget the love I thought I felt for that one person. I tried to “love again,” but I never could. I would force myself to think that I am happy, that I am “in love,” but I’d always end up falling apart somehow. It took me a while to realize that after having shared myself with someone so completely once before, I no longer had enough of myself to share with anyone else. And if there’s anything I learned about loving someone, it’s that you never really get back what you give away.... "


Yours seems pretty sour :\
Posted 6/20/14

FlyinDumpling wrote:

Yours seems pretty sour :\


It's actually quite wonderful. When you stop thinking about restrictions and expectations and just focus on yourself and your life and sharing that life with the person you love, it's actually great.

I find it quite interesting how you picked out just the negative part from that post though.
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Posted 6/20/14

demongurrl13 wrote:

It's actually quite wonderful. When you stop thinking about restrictions and expectations and just focus on yourself and your life and sharing that life with the person you love, it's actually great.

I find it quite interesting how you picked out just the negative part from that post though.
I skimmed. I hope you enjoy that wonderfully sour love, perhaps it might be sweet and sour one day.
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