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How to cope with breaking up in a relationship and making friends
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20 / M / Sweden
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Posted 6/22/14

Punk29 wrote:

Today my long term boyfriend has decided that it is best that we break up.
I'm honestly crushed and I was hoping I could make some friends here and also find out how everyone has coped in the past with a break-up.
My self confidence has completely plumetted - I have depression and it has just really wrecked that. I don't feel pretty at all nor do I feel like I can move on or will be wanted by someone else in the future.
I feel really ugly and just sad xD
Advice will be appreciated and yes I am always happy to make new friends here :3
Thank you <3<3


Do other things and try to get it out of your head. If you keep thinking about it you'll just get more depressed.
Jonexe 
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30 / M
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Posted 6/22/14
As others have said, time will heal you.

What you're feeling is 100% natural. Damn near everyone who has invested feelings in another person, and then breaks up, goes through the same feelings and the same process. You feel like you're not good enough, that how could anyone care about you. Eventually you'll probably get mad, and blame things on him, then yourself, then him, then yourself, and so on. It's totally natural.

Many people have said it already, but I'll echo it: Keep doing the things you love to do. Hang out with other friends, try to find new hobbies, really invest yourself on the ones you already have. As time goes on you're going to think back on less, and less, and less. Eventually it'll rarely cross your mind. Hell, ten years from now you might not even really remember it.

Some things to avoid:
1. Putting the blame on him or yourself. If the relationship wasn't working, both of you probably had things that were not compatible with each other. It's not odd, strange, or wrong for things to just not work out.

2. Compromising who you are, trying to change to make up for perceived problems from your last relationship. Just because this one person didn't work out, doesn't mean there aren't people who will.

3. Jumping into the next relationship as soon as possible. A lot of people will quickly move to the next relationship with the first person who shows interest in order to regain that feeling of being wanted. This is a complete mistake. Very rarely do these relationships work out. What's more likely to happen is that one will be even shorter, and leave you with these same feelings all over again. Take the time to be independent, relearn who you are and who you want to be, and make sure you're really ready for the next time.

4. Taking him back. Fuck 'em! Not really, he might not be a bad person. But if he broke up with you once, and tries to get you back, it's highly likely that second relationship is going to end up even worse than the first. Don't do it. If he feels he made a huge mistake, good. Let it be a lesson to him.
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29 / M
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Posted 6/22/14
Placing your self confidence in the men you date is a bad idea to begin with, if that's a relevant issue to you. Also, don't isolate yourself. I went through a tough break-up when I was 17 and I isolated myself for a good while after that. Gotta say it did more harm to isolate myself. And like everybody else says, you're young! You can afford to take your time and enjoy being single.
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25 / M / Fenix, AZ
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Posted 6/22/14
Pfft self-confidence? Who needs it. Contentment? Overrated. Coming from a 23-yr old whose never had a relationship, my advice is gold.


But honestly be up front if you want to stay friends and ask him if he wants to stay friends, if he pauses for more than 2 seconds, hes lying. So forget about him asap, do things to take your mind off it. Turn that negative energy around and do something good, go to the gym, learn an instrument or language or something. The next person you fall for might even benefit from this opportunity you have to improve yourself, and if they don't at least you accomplished something you can be proud of.
Sogno- 
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Posted 6/22/14
yup yup, time heals all wounds...

also, find something to invest in... a sport, exercise, a job, volunteering, gardening, painting, music, idk, something that makes you get outside the house or get moving. Anime is great n all but it really isn't gonna help you overcome a heartbreak, 'cuz really you're just sitting there inside, not moving or doing anything. imo it can make it worse to just sit there and do nothing (speaking from experience).

Some people suggest writing stuff down, like how you feel and stuff. or i guess these days you can just type it on Word lol.

well idk how you look but i know you are beautiful so don't be thinking you are ugly or crap like that. 'cuz it ain't true. ^^
Posted 6/22/14

As time goes on, you'll understand. What lasts, lasts; what doesn't, doesn't. Time solves most things. And what time can't solve, you have to solve yourself.


― Haruki Murakami, Dance Dance Dance
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Posted 6/22/14
Natier sounds like a bitter 17 year old boy who has never had a good relationship.

Anyway, to the OP. I've had a long term relationship where I was abused. Losing him felt like losing everything because I had been deluded into thinking he was the only person who would ever love me or who I would ever have. I didn't have friends, and I still don't really due to that relationship. Anyways, the best thing that I did for myself was to go to therapy. You WILL feel like you cannot be loved, and it will cause trust issues when you meet someone else. Fill your time as best you can. If you love animals, volunteer at a shelter. If you have a job, ask for more hours. Spend time with your family, and friends if you have some really good ones. Watch things that are mindless. My favorite things to watch when I am sad are kids movies that don't have much of a love story in them, like How to Train Your Dragon. Treat yourself to things, if you can afford them. Take yourself out to a nice dinner, buy yourself new makeup, stuffed animals, whatever. Hell, if your parents allow you, adopt an animal that will occupy your time and who will love you.

Everyone copes with loss in a different way. Losing someone from a relationship where you truly loved them can be one of the worst feelings in the world. Don't listen to the people putting you down because "love isn't real" or some crap. Only you can heal yourself and make yourself happy. I didn't learn that until recently. Every time a relationship ended, I searched for someone else immediately. I didn't give myself time to find who I am or find what makes me happy. If you ever just want someone to talk to, feel free to message me
Posted 6/22/14
I don't know why is so hard to move on from break ups....as soon as I get into a relationship I want to break up I don't know what it is but I seem incapable of caring for another man (and I'm not a lesbian)....so break ups are easy for me. Sorry...can't advice you anything except that you should feel pretty for yourself and not rely on others on that account.
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21 / M
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Posted 6/22/14
You're still 17, no reason to get depressed. It's just another chapter of your life that's about to end.
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36 / M / Denver
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Posted 6/22/14
Awww. Don't worry Punk 29, there will be other guys. Think of it this way - your understanding of life and your conception of yourself as an adult is basically 4 years old. There are SO many years ahead and you will meet SO many people. For now, just do stuff you wanna do, and are interested in. If you don't have stuff like that, find some. There will be plenty of time to be disappointed in men later.
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21 / F / US of A
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Posted 6/22/14

Punk29 wrote:

Today my long term boyfriend has decided that it is best that we break up.
I'm honestly crushed and I was hoping I could make some friends here and also find out how everyone has coped in the past with a break-up.
My self confidence has completely plumetted - I have depression and it has just really wrecked that. I don't feel pretty at all nor do I feel like I can move on or will be wanted by someone else in the future.
I feel really ugly and just sad xD
Advice will be appreciated and yes I am always happy to make new friends here :3
Thank you <3<3


Well, I can tell you what not to do and a few other things that might cheer you up. Pretty sure multiple posters have stated this.

1. Is there a zombie apocalypse outside your window? No? Then you're good.
2. DO NOT get into another relationship when you are not ready.
3. DO NOT speak to your boyfriend right away. I know you probably want to stay friends after this, but trust me. Hang out with other friends.
4. Did you just reveal a personal problem on a forum hoping for some advice with the risk of trolls ripping you apart? You have to have some form of confidence to do that.
5. DO NOT blame yourself for the break up.
6. DO NOT shut everyone away. Well, you're posting on a forum, so that might not be the case.
7. DO NOT watch/read/whatever any thing in any media that falls under the Romance genre.
8. DO NOT watch Kara no Kyoukai yet (if you haven't). I can explain in greater detail why I would tell you not to watch one of my favorite anime of all time, but basically it is very depressing and dark and not for the impressionable.
9. DO NOT take Buzzfeed quizzes. Just...no.
10. DO watch an action/shounen/adventure series. It can be Indiana Jones, Kill Bill, HunterxHunter, One Piece, or something like that.
11. If #10 doesn't work (or decide to skip it), watch something inspiring like Space Brothers.

I wish you good luck
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22 / F
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Posted 6/22/14
After reading what everyone else is saying majority of them are right. This is also applying to anyone that's been recently broken up with someone.

1) High school relationships... just don't work out often. Especially when you guys start going to college and maybe you're like an hour maybe 5 hours away from each other... Long distance relationships are difficult and it doesn't work for everybody. Another thing, if you're just starting college or whatever schooling/work, DON'T let them affect your progress for whatever you dream to do. You'll regret it.
I could still be in college, not on academic probation, and having to pay out of pocket to start getting my education again, instead this asshole is taking my place and is completely ahead of me...

2) DO NOT. ABSOLUTELY do not let him change you. Don't start pushing people away. People will understand you need time and space to heal but don't let it bring you down. Surround yourself with friends (if you guys share mutual friends you'd probably wanna stay away from gatherings with your ex). That raw feeling you had for that person is probably still there and all you'll be doing is trying to get near them as much as you can. Also... you guys probably broke up for a reason and depending on that reason DON'T get back together with you ex.

3) You guys were good friends once? They might not feel the same way after. I'm still (not as great friends) but on good terms with a few of my exs. We can joke, we can hang out, nothing bothers us. On the other hand... you got those exs that will think (and you might be around this time) completely obsessed about them cuz you're feelings are still raw. Let them go. If they don't wanna be friends then fuck them. There's more people you can have better laughs with.

4) Don't start another relationship soon. You can wait. You have a whole life ahead of you. (Give it about 1-2 years. That's a long time but trust me you'd want the time to heal) If the person really likes you then they can wait a year... or two. But seriously it's best not to bring baggage from one relationship to another. Also, I'm already being told this by another friend. But if you get into another relationship too quick that you're not really ready for you're possibly using whoever you're dating as comfort, a companion, and not a boyfriend/girlfriend that you really like and care about. And it's seriously gonna suck when some time later you break up with them because you really don't feel like there's something between you two and then someone gets hurt.

Basically just don't change yourself for someone else to like you. Unless the change benefits you to the way you like (you're overweight and trying to lose weight, starting to be active and going to the gym, cooking [seriously gonna need it because everything is so god damn expensive @_@ etc). And not, giving up what you love or have a passion for (dance/video games [maybe if you wanna go into game design/programming]/art, etc)

There's a whole lot of nice guys out there. Don't be a complete ass to them cuz you'll miss out. If they wanna get into a relationship now they should understand you don't wanna get into one because of a recent break-up.

Live your life, get your education, progress your life (degree, work field, etc) so you won't have to worry about financial issues (applies to me =-=) EXPERIENCE THINGS.

If you need someone to talk to, you can come to anyone. Usually... USUALLY everyone's pretty nice even though majority of the people I used to talk to on here are no longer active =[ Good luck and be happy the best you can.
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17 / F / CT
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Posted 6/22/14 , edited 6/22/14
Personally what I would do is make myself very busy so I wont have time to think about the person. Gaming helped me allot, the competition makes me forget everything around me and just focus on the game.
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22 / M / Gravity Falls
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Posted 6/22/14 , edited 6/22/14
If your ex-boyfriend has his reason's for breaking-up with you, then you understand his reason's and learn to move forward with your life. Because going into a state of depression over your sudden loss, will not ease your pain at all. If you want to talk more about you situation, then send a private message so I can give you some basic coping skills. It won't help ease the pain, but it would help prevent you from going into depression. Trust me I've been there myself, and it wasn't fun at all.
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24 / M / U.S.
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Posted 6/22/14
Self improving. Don't think too much about it.
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