First  Prev  1  2  3  Next  Last
Am I required to take my friend / family's side at all times?
Posted 6/24/14
I was just on the phone with my "other mother" (my mom's friend and a former co-worker whom I became very close to) and well, she loves to tell me her problems and stuff and I love to listen and question her ideologies or give other possibilities and points of view to try and help her come up with the best rational decisions and/or solutions about her problems. However, I often feel like she sometimes just expects me to be on her side 100% even when she is making baseless assumptions such as her co-worker sleeping with her bf. Though I understand that that is what most good friends or close relations would do, I'm really not all for it. In my opinion, there is no justification for her to be confrontational with him without any solid evidence to back her accusations. And of course, if he should get upset (which has happened before) about it, I believe that as someone who has not yet been proven guilty, he has some right to be so.

Now my question to you would be this: Am I wrong in thinking this way? Or at the very least, should I, as someone who is like a daughter to her, just go along with whatever she says?

Sometimes I feel as though perhaps I'm being a jerk to her by trying to be so darn "rational" and "logical" at all times and disregarding her feelings. Someone I confided in once mentioned to me that perhaps she doesn't really want my input but just needs someone to listen and to make her feel like she's not alone, that there's someone on her side. I actually can kind of understand that and can see how that may be the case, but I don't really believe I'm the person who can provide her with that. As with anyone who comes to me with their problems, my initial reaction is to help them. I know sometimes they don't want it, but it's in my nature to at least offer it. I can't just sit there and watch them as they suffer and stumble around in confusion (or erupt in emotional rage). Mostly because, that in turn hurts me as well.

How about you? What do you do in situations like this?
28150 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
28 / M
Offline
Posted 6/24/14 , edited 6/24/14
No. Think for yourself. People who hold favors over one's head is an extortionist.
8425 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
23 / M / Honnouji academy
Offline
Posted 6/24/14 , edited 6/24/14
When people gossip and make random assumptions about someone's personal life i just queue some background music in my head and start agreeing with whatever is coming out of their mouth, it sounds like elevator music by the way.
5114 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
27 / M
Offline
Posted 6/24/14
in public, yes, in private, no.
21016 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
33
Offline
Posted 6/24/14

outerheaven139 wrote:

When people gossip and make random assumptions about someone's personal life i just queue some background music in my head and start agreeing with whatever is coming out of their mouth, it sounds like elevator music by the way.


What music you listen?
18178 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
U.S.
Offline
Posted 6/24/14


52119 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
22 / M / Tiphares
Offline
Posted 6/24/14
You're not wrong. Handle the situation as you feel is best, and if that person doesn't like it, then maybe they should find someone else to turn to.
8425 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
23 / M / Honnouji academy
Offline
Posted 6/24/14

Thfelese wrote:


outerheaven139 wrote:

When people gossip and make random assumptions about someone's personal life i just queue some background music in my head and start agreeing with whatever is coming out of their mouth, it sounds like elevator music by the way.


What music you listen?


Generic elevator music.
81337 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
26 / M / Inside Lorreen's...
Offline
Posted 6/24/14
If I was suppose to be on my friends or families side all the time... i'd be in worse shape than I am now.


Also it's more fun to see the faces after a betrayal!
7543 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
18 / M / Reincarnated in A...
Offline
Posted 6/24/14
It's all about reading the atmosphere.
In your situation, just nod your head and go along with whatever she says.
Your "mom" probably just wants someone to talk to about her problems.
In the situation where your input actually matters, take your own opinion-
don't worry about what others think too much.
Otherwise the events that follow will be caused by those idiots that don't know any better.

...Have you ever had/seen a "political" discussion?
Posted 6/24/14
Nope. You aren't wrong and should not just go along with whatever she says. I am the same exact way. Logical and rational. I can almost always throw feelings aside and give other reasons to why things are the way they are. I hate it when people always just believe the worst and don't have any evidence to back it up. I always have to give other viewpoints on the situation and try to get people to understand that there are many possibilities on why whatever is happening is happening. Sometimes they are correct and sometimes the other options I give are correct. I don't mind it at all if I am wrong in those cases and fully admit to it. My mom happens to be my opposite. She goes purely by feelings and throws common sense and logic aside to go with whatever she wants it to seem like. I don't even really care if I seem like a jerk because of it. Some people just need to have reality shoved in their faces. That way they can either realize their mistake and change it and all will be well or they can continue their crazy way and I will know not to ever bother interacting with them again for my own sanity.

I think I kind of started going off in another direction somewhere in there.... This is a bad topic for me. Lots of conflict because of how I am and how others are. Makes me want to just start rambling on about all the crazy people that reject logic.
Posted 6/24/14
I don't always take the side of the person telling me the story.

I need to see it for myself first before I can believe their story.
28976 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
Offline
Posted 6/24/14
Sometimes you have to avoid all sides as well.
47839 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
28 / F / SC
Offline
Posted 6/24/14
nope, you're not required. just because you're connected by blood doesn't mean you're connected by mind.
11441 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
21 / M / Here
Offline
Posted 6/24/14 , edited 6/24/14
It all depends. Like, with the baseless assumptions part on her thinking her co-worker is sleeping with her boyfriend, if you're certain they're baseless it's worth calming her down to make sure she doesn't do something stupid; making sure she gets her facts straight. However, that's not always the case. For me, when the time comes, I sort of know what I should do. If you can stop someone entering a shitstorm pointlessly, then that's probably the right choice. Obviously you don't have to make their problem yours, but... you know... a bit of support is always nice.
First  Prev  1  2  3  Next  Last
You must be logged in to post.