Writer's Funk - Help Wanted
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Posted 7/14/14
So this is a piece of creative writing that I'm doing for English.

I'm trying to create a story that results in a conflict like with Joker and Batman, except having the MC choose between having some of his darkest secrets revealed to his Girlfriend and Childhood Friend or finding out secrets about them.

Basically I'd just like some advice on how to proceed or if I should change my approach somewhat.

Here's my character Plans too:

- Lance -
Protagonist
Typical Leader/Hero type
Popular Highschool Student stereotype
"Can do no wrong" - > outward appearance only

- Kara -
Lance's childhood friend
Almost like a sister to him
Cheerful and bright
Has a crush on him
Cheated with him on his girlfriend once

- Carla -
Lance's girlfriend'
Slightly possessive of him - > Doesn't like how close he is with Kara
Is friendly to everyone but easily angered, especially about Lance

- Shogo -
Antagonist
Likes to play with people's emotions and psychologically break them
Posted 7/14/14
Right off the bat I would say your dialogue is choppy, use of words are a bit improper for a creative writing class and your tenses are being scrambled around like eggs on sunday morning. If there are writing tutors available take this to them and let them edit for you, never stop mate, writers block is only one of many mental prisons.
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Posted 7/14/14

Slaughterhose69 wrote:

Right off the bat I would say your dialogue is choppy, use of words are a bit improper for a creative writing class and your tenses are being scrambled around like eggs on sunday morning. If there are writing tutors available take this to them and let them edit for you, never stop mate, writers block is only one of many mental prisons.


Thanks for the tips.

As I was writing this something just felt off and I decided to get some second opinions.

Problem with me and writer's block is that I can see the ending and I lose motivation to actually get there.
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Posted 7/14/14

AvidReader110 wrote:

Problem with me and writer's block is that I can see the ending and I lose motivation to actually get there.


That happens to me too. I find someone to read what I am writing as I go along and their enthusiasm sort of gets me motivated to keep telling the story.

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Posted 7/14/14

anchore wrote:


AvidReader110 wrote:

Problem with me and writer's block is that I can see the ending and I lose motivation to actually get there.


That happens to me too. I find someone to read what I am writing as I go along and their enthusiasm sort of gets me motivated to keep telling the story.



That's pretty much the reason why I keep asking people to read my work. Otherwise I just end up procrastinating.
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Posted 7/18/14 , edited 7/18/14
Hi there. I've been writing novels for around four and a half years now and my best advice to you is to improve your English writing skills is to literally read and write more.

Instantly I notice that you refer to your character in the third person and a few lines down in the first person. Now maybe it's just me but that could get quite confusing so be careful.

I like some of your descriptive words but when you put that little posh twang on Shogo try making the dialogue more down to earth and not text book.

For example you wrote:



A shrill beeping broke the tension in the air.

“And that is time. I do so enjoy these talks of ours, but I must attend to my other, haha, “guests”. Tata, I’ll see you again real soon.” Patting my head, he disappeared with a flash of a malicious grin.



Now every writer is different and we percieve everything in our own way but maybe i can help you a little bit. I'd have written it as this:


A shrill beeping broke the tension in that seemed to stifle the air.

"Saved by the bell." Smiling wickedly from ear to ear his eyes shifted in the direction of the beeping sound. Glaring back at me. "I really do enjoy our meaningful conversations, I do but I have other matters to attend to. People to see , afterall my popularity is forever a burden." Patting my head mockingly a grin that could only be described as nothing short of malicious flashed across his face. Only the image of his nightmarish grin remained as he disappeared.



Again, I'm not trying to out do you but to basically give you a different spin on what you already wrote. I urge you to keep reading and writing, always try and better your reading skills, my English skills in every department got extremely good from endless amounts of reading. The more I wrote the more my 'creativity muscle' loosened out making writing much easier allowing it to simply flow.


Keep up the good work!
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