What do you think of my story ideas?
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25 / M / Ohio
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Posted 7/25/14
Manga ideas

NPC
Lets travel back to the land of scifi. Imagain a world ruled by vurtural reality. A world where everyone has a shiny silver mark on the topside of the hand about the size of a baseball. This mark determines your wealth and everything you own for the virtual world. If you wanted something for the virtual world you would have to buy it or get it off someone else through trade. Our main character will live in this world. Young and full of determination our MC will go through tournaments to earn money and fame based on his hand eye quardination and wits. This is a fine life where he is slightly above average at until one day in reality in a crowded shop where a popular new item is being reliced someone amongst the crowed brushes his hand scanner and passes an unknown code to it.This code that was passed to him after later inspection when initiated places him in the avatar of a NPC (non player character). The odd thing is now he finds he can't log out and return to the physical world. How will our hero fair in this new body and how will he return to his old life.

WISHFUL THINKING
"A wish? A wish is always a want. Always wasted, the people who make them never take the time to realize there useless." These we're the words passed down to our MC who lost his family when he was in middle school. The reason he wasnt with them was due to poor grades and having to stay behind during break for summer school. Due to this he was taken in by his uncle who happened to be a factorie worker. he worked long night shifts and slept most of the day. Due to this the MC and his uncle only saw each other late at night and early in the morning. due to the factory changing his uncles station during the summer. Our MC has now moved to a new town. Now it is the start of a new school year.At school our MC meets several interesting characters, from the overly lax Fournier with pudding color hair, to the excitable genius girl who has skipped several grades. Although there are many unique faces the one that our MC really notices is the girl who sits alone at lunch outside next to a large tree. After a few days noticing that she sits alone our MC asks a few kids about her to no avail. All they really tell him is she doesn't talk to anyone. Hearing this he decides to talk to the girl. One day he walks up to her and tries to start a conversation. She continues with her lunch refusing to acknowledge his existence. frustrated by this he takes her chopsticks away. She in turn meets his eyes with a scowl and finially answers "what do you want with me."From there on there relationship starts to form and he soon finds that she is diagnosed with a rare disease and only has a wile left to live. The doctors do not know how to cure her. Sad due to this development he decides he will grant her a wish. When she decides to wish to be friends with everyone in school he realizes he has his work cut out for him. His wish became much more complicated then he originally thought.

GALACTIC CONFETTI
Alrighty. This next one is a little off the deep end xD. There is a schoolboy running late to school so he decides to cut through a spot that has a (keep off grass) sign from the moment he runs through that spot he goes from being a normal kid to being the most wanted person in the universe. Why u might ask, it's because the was a miniaturized spaceship in the grass holding an entire migrating species along with many different advisors from different planets and species that the kid just happened to crush underfoot. Now the boy was captured by galactic police fairly Easily. After a very onesided trial he was charged with guilty and sent to a space prison to serve his sentence of 60 billion years. during the wait for the line for the prison he is scanned by a large machine. the use of being scanned is so you can fufill your entire sentence weather u want to or not. Every 10-30 min the prison systematically resets the prisoners physical beings to that of when they first were scanned at the enterence. Even if you we're to die the system would revive your body so you could serve your sentence.Apon entering the prison you are given a wristband which allows people to scan anyone to see there current crimes and time remaining on there sentence. This key component is important due to the fact that it will create relations between the main character and the inhabitants of the prison. With the other inhabitants of the prison able to scan the MC (main character) they actually fear him due to his crimes. The fact that his scan says he killed so many people is his really only defense to the large amount to killers that live in this prison. Throw in a female that realizes he is really just a wimp and you can have some nice humor as she touchers him through black male.

THE POND
A shimmering yet steady pond. This is all that connects two Destend lovers. Although from different worlds they can see the others reflection through the pond. Torn by time and an upcoming war which has already passed from ones perspective. Though unable through speech the future one warns the past self of upcoming dlimmas. There only form of communication is sight and to be able to pass small objects to each other which are subjected by the time displacement.

HEADACHE
The ability to read minds has always been a fascinating topic. So how about taking it a step further and meld the minds. A story about a child who starts to hear voices inside his/her head. After some time have the ability evolve into something more. Instead of just reading mids the child can start to meld with others. Able to see what they see and in time use another's body as an extension of there own. It's just an idea with many holes but still something to think about

LOUD MUTE
how about a schoolgirl who saves some type of animal which turns out to be a gods child. I know its commen but its still fun. then is blessed with the power to have anyone do whatever she says. she dosn't even want the power but it is bestowed on her anyhow. and now it seems to be more like a curse as she tries to live a normal life while having to watch every word she says.

CLONE SYNDROME
imagain this a room where there is a 4-7 year old kid sat at a long table. a man in a dark labcoat across the table and a woman behind the child. a coin is in the middle of the table. the woman bends down and wispers in the kids ear. "go ahead" and the child looks at the coin and it starts to move. the labcoat goes from a relaxed position to a intreagued position as he tells the child "you and i are going to become verry close friends now". the coin lands on its side and you can see the date. then the date on the coin jumps ahead 30 years and as it zooms out you get a view of a large school where there are many different people walking tward it. there are many boys at the school who look verry similer to the boy who lifted the coin. infact the labcoats did a cloning experiment and made many copies of the child.

PIRE ACADEMY
Our MC will be a boy in high school who due to having complications with his parents hasn't returned home for several weeks. He has been living in a small forest next to the school while using school supplies and friends lunches to get through this time. Unbenounced to him a girl has taken a notice to him. She happens to be a vampire who as the vampire law states she cannot turn anyone who has a family. Due to the fear of being found out. One night she approaches the MC while he is taking items from the school shed and asks if he has a home. He takes it as a chance to get to live with a pritty girl so he answers no. With a smile she embraces the child and turns him that night. When he wakes in the morning the girl is sitting on the top of a high cabinet swinging her legs back and forth with a proud grin on her face. As she explains what he is now and how they can be together forever the boy starts to freak out. While doing so the girl looks at him and tells him to calm down. To his surprise he instantly calms down. Thinking clearly he explains his home situation of how he really has a family. This becomes a huge problem for the vampire for no human is allowed to know they exist. This is also now a problem for the MC as he realize he can't disobey this new mysterious girl.

THE IRON DOOR
All doors are made to be opened. That is something our MC has known for a long time. This is the future, our MC designes code to open any type of electronic lock imaginable. But there are stories of ancient civilizations who didn't use technology to do things. One day our locksmith while surching for a residents house who had called him due to the access password locking him out of his home, stumbles across an old pile of rubble that was shut off from the world. After clearing some of the debree it reveals to him a staircase. Apron following this path he stumbles across a large metal door. The door however appears to be locked and there doesn't seem to be an access terminal so he can override its locking protocol. Through the following weeks the man becomes obsessed with the door. He's never seen anything like it before. Absolutely no technology or wires yet it keeps him out of the building. Determined to satisfy his curiosity he vows to himself he will find a way to open this door.

HIDDEN UNDERSTANDING
A city. ruled by a mayor. this man controols the flow of an illigle drug/wepon that is rairly produced. the city he controlls is formed as a massave circle with a large building in the center. this building sends some type of signal to the brains of the people who live there monetering making shure they do not learn whats going on. the cityfolk are making this illigle material without knowledge of it. when the central building detects someone who is investigating the creation of the goods the mayor is told. then it is his job to dispose of said person. our story starts with a man moving into the city. the city where everyone makes a living from several unusual jobs.

ESPER SPECTICAL
Lets set the stage, there is a group of espers (people with superhuman abilities) which live together. Not a large amount, maybe 7 or so. All have different abilities. They almost have become a family but also don't let any normal people join them. Now the MC this time around is a computer orphan genius child prodigy whom has taken a fascination into this abnormal group. He invents a pair of glasses which continually scan his inviorment and the Internet for any data he would like. As he makes the last few adjustments the night before he finially decides he will try to approach the group. After being temporally accepted into the group through a clever display of theatrics obtained by his glasses he claimes he is slightly clairvoyant. For the time being the espers take him in and his life continues full of lies and excitement knowing if he was ever found out it would spell an end to his new friendships and his new esper family. After being accepted an orginization contacts him and asks him to help take down this group. What will he decided the good of mankind or his new family.

LAST FORMULA
Lets set the Seen today by having a man whome is a collage professer who has cancer. Due to this he always had regular checkups and body scans. This professor worked on a revolutionary equation/formula and was in the midst of finishing it when he passed away. However, the rich organization wouldn't just let the equation remain unfinished. During his examinations for his cancer the orginization was scanning and creating a copy of all his memories and experiances. After his death they took a person and wiped there mind clean then replaced all the brainwave activity with the copy of the professors. They give this person the task to complete this complicated formula and if he fails they will simply delete him and try again with a new body. This is apperiantly the 2nd time they have done this experiment. Now with a deadline created and time running out how will our MC get out of this complicated mess.

THE CLASS OF "F"
This was it, the moment of choice Tokomi (our MC (don't ask why I finially decided to name one xD)) placed his pen on the paper. The teacher in front sat intently. Apperiantly the staff couldn't figure out if he was a genius or mentally handicapped. The truth, he was the epidome of lazy. He knew all the answers more often then nought but decided to play dumb so that it would be an esier run through school. But that could all change today, he thought to himself. Mistakenly he filled out his last exam scores and got the highest grade in the county. Now the teachers are making him retake another exam to determain witch type of special class he should be put in. Tokomi in a last ditch effert decides he doesn't need to work hard in school to be successful in life so he purposely puts down many wrong answers and lets the time run out. The teacher examines his scores as he explains he just guessed on the county exam. Though disappointed the teacher assignes Tokomi to a learning disabled classroom. Apon entering the room he noticed several things, first there were only 4 other students in the room, second the teacher was asleep and third no one seemed to care. The room was small and very gray with only 5 windows across one wall. There were 6 chairs in total set up for the students and a large desk for the sleeping teacher. One of the four students sat in a wheelchair constantly scribbling notes to themselves.(note this person has memorie disorder, good memorie but can only recall things through key words.) another person was a forener with pudding colored hair sitting with a chair half propped against the wall while throwing a piece of wodded paper into the air. The last two in the classroom were female. One with long black hair seemingly fixated on the window with one hand propping the head up from the desk. The second was sitting in the middle of the room with a large grin across her face as she staired at Tokomi entering the classroom. Out of just one quick glance he knew he was going to enjoy this year.

LOCAL HUNT
The hunt was drawing to a close. He looked again at his radar gantlet and it indicated the target was in the room second from the right. The corridor looked like a battlefield, bulletholls decorated the walls and bodies the floor. How could one person kill so many of my men he thought as he opened the first door on the right. Radar has its advantages he was going to gain the element of surprise by blasting out the wall. He quietly set the explosives a set up that was second nature from his years of experiances. Last he checked the radar ping one last time. As he did he hears rustleing on the other side of the door. Then with no more delay the wall caved in from his explosives. In less then a second he was in the room. Special goggles let him see though dance smoke so he could have the drop on his opponents. When he entered however the window had just slammed as the target left. A computer screen sat facing the man. It seemed to be a blank screen. He pulled out his radar and used it once more. As the radar activated so did the computer it created an exact radar Imput which his wrist devise deployed. He had to grin as he saw what lay next to the computer. It was a finial fair well present from the target. The explosion made her grit her teeth not for the fact that it had killed someone, it was her last bomb. Why do people always die the same way? She wonderd as she contined to keep her balance on the outside of the wall. With that she took out a piece of rope and tied it to a sewer drain. While scailing down half the building the rope snaps as she plum it's onto a plastic trash bin. Reaching into her back pocket she pulls out a broken flashdrive. in a fit of despair she throws it at the buildings wall as she stairs up into the daylight cursing her life.

THE THIEF AND THE HERO'S QUEST
The great priestess was about to choose the new hero. Heruko couldn't wait to see who was chosen. Only nobility however were allowed to attend the event. So he as a lowly street orphan was not allowed to attend. This wouldn't stop him from stealing from the palace however. He climbed the far tower to the castle and wound up in the kitchen. As he entered he couldnt help but take a jewel encrusted spoon which was ment for the queen. There was a maid who was taking an order out to the dining hall. Heruko followed quietly behind her and crept underneath the table as they were passing. This was a pice of cake to him, he had entered the palace three times now and knew when to move. He knew if he could get to the end of the room only few guards were permitted beyond that point. He slowly went under the table toward the end of the hall. Then he heard the maid from before shreak a large man had her arm tight as he was screaming at her that he had wanted medium rare stake not well done. Heruko felt bad for this girl so he pulled the spoon out of his pocket and placed it in the mans gold purse. He knew there were more worthwile trinkets farther in the castle and he didnt like people who treat others badly. Although he wouldn't be able to help her at this moment he hoped the guards would later find this and punish the man. When the coast was clear heruko made a break for the main hallways where only few guards could go. As he reached the guards hallway he couldnt help but smile as he heard the comotion that the spoon was missing. He imagined himself in the clear as he darted in and out of cover through the halls. Then he heard a voice, would all of the knights please head to the armery and prepare for the saramoni. It was one of the court wizards broadcasting through mind magic. To Heruko's dismay he was currently outside of the armeries door. He heard a large amount of footsteps approaching and quickly went inside the armery. He quickly discarded his clothing and donned a small suit of armour. Not long after groves of knights poured through the room and he was forced to follow the crowed. Before he knew it he was standing in a single file line infront of the priestess herself. He couldn't believe his eyes as she smiled at the crowed it was like an angle. She stood infront of the knights and started a speech on bravery and loyalty to the crown. He couldnt believe his dumb luck he was trying to contimplate a way out when he noticed a Glent of a blade protruding from the large knight he was standing next too. Blades were not allowed to be drawn near the priestes that was a rule that was set on stone. The knight revieled the dagger and rushed at the priestess. Instantly Heruko flung himself at the knights feet it wasn't pritty seeing them both clammer to the floor but he stopped the knight. In a fit of rage the knight turned and struck at Heruko several times, armor can only prevent blades so much. The blood rolled from his arms as he was forced to let go. The other knights rushed towards the dagger wielder but he was far to close to the priestess. In a finial ditch effort Heruko clamored back up and sprinted past the knight standing in his warpath. All went black. A light slowly appeared in his eyes as the priestess gently corresed his body in her lap. He woke up in a bedchamber with a maid across from him. She explained that due to his actions the priestess was saved. Due to this he was then chosen as the new hero to defeat the risen demon king. After hearing these words his eyes got heavy and he passed out once more with only one thing going through his mind. Why me?

MIRROR GROVE
Kohaku looked for shelter as the rain started to downpour. He had been on his way to the boys dormitory and tried to take a shortcut through mirror woods. The woods were named that due to some ledgend of a large mirror to a demon world supposed to be hidden somewhere inside the woods. Either way no one ever went through the woods and Kohaku finially was realizing why. He was dreadfully lost. While surching for shelter he came accross a large mossey overcast rock. There was just enough room underneath for him not to get drenched. He decided to wait out the rain and eventually fell asleep. When he awoke there was a nice fog that had accumulated from the night before. In the icy breeze the forest was slightly lit to the point you could see the dew sparkle off the plants at the base of the trees. It was buitiful. Kohaku took advantage of this moment and looted through his backpack for his camera he took picture and was amazed to see that on the picture screen there seemed to be a light distortion. Comparing the picture to the scenery he approached the distortion to find almost an invisable wall. It wouldn't have been possible to find had the dew not accumulated on it. As he touched the wall it sent out a ripple apron contact and revealed a mirror. However the surroundings in the mirror were not of the forest he was in. All of a sudden the mirror rippled and started to pull Kohaku inside. He desperately pulled to get away and even dropped his camera for a better grip on his own arm. It was to no avail however and he was sucked inside of the mirror. The air felt dry and warm as Kohaku opened his eyes in a panic. The world had flipped. He tried to find the invisable wall but it wasn't where it had been just a moment before.

LIQUED FLAME
This was impossible. Everyone even the teacher stood perplexed at Shiano. It was dreadfully silent as his wand continued to let off steam. Everyone knew that whatever your element between fire,earth,wind, and water it was impossible to use its poor opposite yet he had just used fire and water at the same time. The day started out simply enough Shiano was forced from his sleep by his little sisters water magic. It turned into more of a splash in the face with freezing water. After the regular morning fighting there mother would send them off to school with a packed lunch. His sister was a middle schooler in the water division while. Shiano was a water division high student. The two schools were connected so they always walked to school together. About halfway to school they met up with one of Shiano's classmates named Kawasi she had been in the same class as Shiano seance the element examination. As they walked toward the school they had to cross a small river and Kawasi always took the time to create ripples in the pool with her magic as they passed. Shiano's sister always tried but still couldn't do anything without her wand. When they got to school his sister parted ways teasing Shiano about Kawasi. After the two entered the classroom they found they had a guest fire Mage in the classroom. Today they had to take turnes trying to put out a fire which he was creating it was rather exciting for Shiano seeing the fire be created from thin air. This was the first time for most of the class due to the fact that this was a water school. Everyone took turnes conjuring water droplets over the fire until it was extinguished. When it came to Shiano's turn he tried to conjer the droplets by consentrating on the flame. He was hopeing he could just overpower the fire. It was an advanced technique due to the fact you couldn't use your wand. As the water gathered it kept evaporating before he could use it properly. Finially he gave up and created the water above the flame and had it pour down normally. After everyone passed the quiz the fire Mage asked if anyone would like to try to put out a blue flame with there wands. Shiano still frustrated at his failed effert earlier volunteered. The flame was amazing you could feel the heat it immited even from the back of the room. With wand in hand Shiano tried to create a water bubble around the flame to cut off its oxygen. Everytime however his water evaporated before it could close the flame inside. The teacher chuckled a little as he added every year he's come no one had been able to puff out his flame yet. Now more determined Shiano focoused on the flame completly trying with his wand to make the flame vanish. Instead of water however the flame started to waver and vanished. A huge smile went over Shiano's face as the class applauded. However the the teachers both had confused looks on there faces. The fire Mage then asked Shiano to focous magic at the end of his wand so he could test something. Half hesitant Shiano obliged and did what he was told. The Mage then created a flame at the end of his wand and pressed it to Shiano's. as he took his wand away the flame stayed on the end of shiano's. The whole class watched in disbelefe as Shiano put power into the flame and made it grow. It started to get a bit large so he had water well up from the flame and compress it away. The result was a steady stream of steam that contined off the wand. It was impossible he thought.

THE COLORS THAT FADE
"Shiozaki? Are you ok?" The world was shaking like an earthquake as she heard the words.The words were abit shakey but she finially opened her eyes and replied "I would be if you would stop shaking me." With a great ear to ear smile Kiarra obliged. Though the world did seem slightly off hue (color) after the fall from the roof. after that day Shiozaki's life changed. From then on her eyes seemed to see auras around people. The auras always changed color depending on the mood of the person. It was like a mood ring for the soul. She studied the colors and eventually got a knack for most of the colors though there were rare ones most were casual. Red/anger, green/calm, yellow/nerveace , pink/love, blue/happy, and purple/sad. Those were the main colors. Though occasionally she would see white and black she couldn't grasp what they were. One thing she had decided herself is that she wouldn't tell anyone. Her life continued mostly normally through middle school and she was just entering the first year of high school. She always saw a lot of yellow and blue on the first days of school. But today when she was introduced to the class she noticed a boy in the back with a huge smile but one of the strangest auras she had ever seen before. It was a verity of different shades like a rainbow. It swirled around his very being from green to blue to velvet and orange. And apon meeting him she knew it was going to be an interesting year indeed.

WISHING FOR WISHES
Gonshiro glared at Shiori. "What? You wanted infinite wishes" she said half laughing. "Keep it down and I didn't mean for you to enroll in my school."Gonshiro wispered. Shiori was a geni from an old incence lamp gonshiro's father had owned. He stumbled apon it the night prior and had awakened Shiori. She said she could grant any one wish he desired. So trying to outfox the geni he wished for infinite wishes. She had a large smile on her face as she vanished that night. Gonshiro couldn't make heads or tails of the situation so he wrote it off as a daydream until he came to school the next day and there she was. "Ok due to surcimstaces beyond my control I can grant your wish but I must limit it to one a day." She explained. Gonshiro didn't actually expect the infinite wishes thing to work. That never happens in the movies. "So I still get a wish today right?" He asked. "Yes" she replied " but be warned I'm kinda angry at you for sealing me into this contract" she then gave him a intimidating smile and turned back to the schoolwork.

BATTLEFIELD YOU
This one is more of a concept then a story. Imagine having several separate nations that instead of wars they hold tournaments when these tournaments are held each nation chooses two people to represent them. Theses two will work together one as the brains and one as the brawn. As an example of one of the tournaments suppose a death match or something. Have the brawn actually running on the field like a character on a battlefield while the brains is rooting through information on the other end and feeding it to the brawn. By using this method you can face the team off against many types of apponentz and also have some lack of teamwork if there are disagreements between the two. There should most likely be some sort of system to determine how they choose the type of competition they will play and not focus one a singular gameplay style.

FORCED OPENION
It was the same as always. Shiroka finially regaining himself looked around at the all to familiar seen. Espers exist, he knew this for a fact and was painfully reminded of it each day. He had an old friend who had passed away along time ago. But before the passing the friend had ordered Shroka to wait for him everyday at 7:00pm till 8:00pm until the day he would arrive. It was painful for Shroka to always lose himself. There is no way to defy an absolute order from one of these people. Though long gone he still went to the tree everyday at 7:00 and waited weather he wanted to or not. Always waiting for a friend who will never come.

THE SHACK
Seven friends decide to go on a camping trip back to a childhood cottage. To get to the cottage they have to drive across a large wooden bridge atop a large ravine. This cottage overlooks a large forest which none of the group has ever explored and also a swampland which in the past was a nice swimming lake. Although much has changed and its not as pretty as it once was the group still stay the night. There are many rooms in the old rundown cottage but the man living room is the only place they go to. They carelessly ramble away there first day talking of old days and childhood memories. By nightfall the group sets up some candles for light and settle in. An uncalled for rainstorm starts during the night. Apon waking and alittle complaining from a few the decide to pack up from the lodging and head to a real inn for the remainder of the vacation. All is fine until they approach where the bridge once stood. It was hit during the storm and collapsed. They decide to send one of them toward the nearest town to help get there vehicle back accross. Due to them being at a remote camping spot up a mountain path the nearest one is over 40 miles away. Many of the group decide they would rather wait for the others to return. Finially only one of the group heads out for help with many days worth of supplies. During the corse of the next few days he group is ravaged by many defferent things from a group of local wolves to a infestation of spiders. Throughout a weeks time its obvious there is noone coming back and all but one of the friends remain. Racked with turmoil and grief he runs from the terrorizing wolf pack one last time and heads into the swamp. Apon getting snagged and held in the water by the algae he loses consciousness. When he surprisingly comes to he finds himself waking up in the cabin the night after the storm with all the memories of the groups struggles. He tries to convince them about the events to no avail. How will he change the fate of the friends and save them all from the nightmare that awates.

THE LITCHES MANTEL
Ryan was brought up to be the savior of his people. He was told this from a young age and was forced to endure many hardships due to this. A great litch lord had control over the land where his family lived at for many years. The litch had learned of Ryan by his 8th birthday. The people said that when he turned 16 the holy power of an angel would be bestowed apon him and he would save the kingdom. His life the moment the litch learned of this was a living hell. He had to leave his brother and mother and ventured throughout the land at the age of 8. For the next 8 years he survived the onslaught of the litches power and when the day finially came for the angels power to be granted to him he did not recieve the gift. who got the power you might ask?
None other then his brother. His brother had had an easy life with his mother and the high priest protecting him. During Ryans hardships he was able to live comfortibly away from the watchful eyes of the litch. he was a year younger then Ryan and on Ryans 16th birthday an angel came to him and gave him the power to defeat the litch. He set out that day and destroyed the litch whome stood little chance against the angels radiant light which poured from the child. Ryan's life was a lie. He had been raised being told he would save everyone and had to bare the hardships of a hero and non of the rewards.
The plan was concocted by the priest long ago in order to throw the litch of his brothers trail. It was unimaginable to Ryan, he had fought for so many years as his brother the one who received the praise, glory, and power sat comfortable at home. Turning his resentment toward his brother and the priest he desired the power he felt he had earned. He pillaged the litches resting grounds the night after his demise and found his souls mantel. A mystical swirling green orb that held the power and soul of the litch. He took the mantle of the litch onto himself and gained the endominable power which it promised. There was a ledgend of a greater demon which had sprung up in the far south creating disaster as it was onleashing it's armies on the north.
Ryan decided he would prove that he deserved the power more by being the hero who vanquished this threat. His brother also heard of this and ventured there himself though unaware of what Ryan had done. Ryan set off on this new quest determined to best his brother. As he left the litches layer however he discovered a negitive effect to the power he had obtained. The former litches voice resounded in his head offering him wisdom and trying to pull his will to its own. Ryan realized at this point he had three battles ahead. One was with the demon, one with his brother, and one with the original litch over his own body.
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26 / Tokyo
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Posted 7/25/14
As a hobby writer and a person who has taken writing and literature classes in college, I'll give you some honest critiques:

First things first, I strongly recommend that you get your hands on a pocket manual about proper grammar and writing techniques, as well as using a dictionary, whether an old-fashioned paper dictionary or an electronic dictionary such as dictionary.com. Master using these tools first, and then start writing.

Honestly, your ideas were incredibly hard to read because not only were they giant blocks of text that lacked any sort of paragraphs, indentations, or breaks, but they were also riddled with spelling and grammar errors. If you ever want someone to take your written work seriously, then it is absolutely necessary that you master the use of proper spelling and grammar, as well as streamlining your writing style.

Second, I felt that all of your story synopses lacked any sort of "kick" or "spirit" at all. When I finished reading each story synopsis, I didn't feel any interest for the story at all simply because these summaries failed to give me any reason to care. In some of these story ideas, you didn't even bother giving the main character a name, and just simply named them "MC." If you can't even be bothered to name your main characters, then why should your readers care about said character's story?

Plus, these ideas, quite honestly, sound like nothing more but the random ramblings an elementary school boy would doodle at the side of his notebook when he is bored in class. They just lack any sort of detail and depth, they feel very rough and spontaneous, and most of all, they all sound incredibly generic.

I mean, imagine a boy in 6th grade. He is bored during a lecture at his math class, so his mind wanders off to his favorite sci-fi anime. Getting a momentary spark of creativity, he then thinks to himself that he wants to write a story that's just like that anime since he loves it so much, so he gets his pen out and starts scribbling random notes onto the side of his notebook. In these notes, he just takes the most basic, bare bones synopsis of his favorite anime, and changes a few things here and there before branding the work as his own "masterpiece."

Suddenly, the bell rings. The boy snaps back to reality and quickly packs his things. After all, he has to prepare for the next class ASAP. He closes the notebook where he scribbled the notes, shoves it into his bag or locker, and completely forgets about that "story" of his. The story is never touched upon ever again. In my brutally honest opinion, your story ideas sound just like the example above.

If you want to write a proper story, then plan ahead and plan a lot. Focus your efforts on only one story and then go from there. Create a detailed cast of characters and actually give them names, backgrounds, personal information, and personalities. Build a painstakingly detailed world and setting within your story, as well as terminologies and lore if applicable. Then, write the beginning and the ending of your story, and try to bridge the two together. Believe me, that is much easier than trying to create a story from beginning to end. If you write a story and you don't even know how your story ends, then you're pretty much writing without a clear direction.

In addition, these story summaries kept switching between second and third person perspectives. For example, at one point the summary sounds like a movie synopsis you'd find at the back of a Blu-ray case or the back cover of a novel. Then, on the next few sentences, the summary then starts referring to the reader as "you" and begins to casually talk to them or order them to imagine things, and so on. These just feel incredibly jarring, and as a result they feel very unprofessional. If you want to do proper summaries, then just look at the back covers of DVD/Blu-ray cases, novels, or even manga, and just observe the style as to how professionals write summaries for their stories.

Finally, I noticed that you kept attempting to give Japanese names to your characters. While some of the names you have created are indeed authentic Japanese names (such as Kohaku), most of the others... are not. In fact, a lot of these "Japanese" names that you have created don't sound Japanese at all, and instead painfully sound like poorly made-up names created by a person who badly wants to make a Japanese name, but doesn't know the Japanese language whatsoever.

Tokomi, Kawasi, Gonshiro, Heruko, Shiano, and so on... sure, these names might be using Japanese phonemes (except for Kawasi; Japanese does not have a "si" sound), but to a Japanese speaker like me, these names do not sound Japanese; they sound like gibberish. On the other hand, Shiozaki is indeed a Japanese "name," but it is extremely bizarre to have that as a first name.

Don't get me wrong; there is nothing wrong with wanting to give your characters Japanese names. However, if you're going to do so, at least do some research first on how actual Japanese first names and last names are like. It's easy; just google "Japanese first names" or "Japanese surnames," and you're bound to get plenty of databases showing you a list of names, their meanings, and their gender identifications. Of course, unless these names are from some sort of a fictional culture or race, then go ahead and ignore this suggestion.

Well, that's all the suggestions I have for now. Hopefully, you might find some useful advice to help you in the future.


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Posted 7/27/14
Thank you so much for your opinion on my work. I've never benn very good at the literal arts so I understand that I need to work on my grammer. Also to be honest your absolutely right, I had created each of these ideas, one each every morning apon waking. There is one idea I've created that is not on this list that I've worked on for awile now with many charactors and back stories for each. I decided to download a dictionary to my computer after your responce. I'm sorry you had to deal with my terrible grammer. Thank you for your feedback. Ill try to incorporate it into future projects that I make. To tell the truth I hadn't noticed all those flaws intill you pointed them out. Thank you! ^_^
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"Year-end cleanup. Closing threads with no activity since 2014."
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