I always do hate to see when they have to take down older shows--even if I've already watched them or have no interest in them. I would love to see the pile of what CR has just grow and grow and have them never have to get rid of anything.
The Law of Licensing; Everything must come to an end.
Somewhere between idol heaven and hell
Wow...even after all this time Ichigo....is STILL worried about not killing his enemies .
Things are calmer here.
Somewhere between idol heaven and hell
Happy New Year.
NOTE: All spoilers are pics or gifs. They have not been quoted, so their size may vary.
Hope you have as much fun reading this one as I did writing it~
Act 3: An Ex-tremely High-Calibur Christmas
Overworld Narrator: We return with our Protag-kun having safely arrived back in his bed chambers. After returning to his humble abode, Aidenezer Tsunge, once again, found sleep all but imp---
...You know what? No. I'm not going through that joke sequence, again. I'm drawing the line, right there.
*Clock bells toll*
Aidenezer Tsunge: Uhhh...huh...? It's time for the next spirit...
Several moments passed, with nothing but the ticking of the clock. Growing weary, Aidenezer began calling out into the darkness.
Aidenezer: Hello? Spirit?
Voice in the Darkness: I'm here.
Aidenezer: You are?
Voice in the Darkness: Yes. I'm here.
Voice in the Darkness: Right here.
Voice in the Darkness: Here!
A brilliant flash erupted in Aidenezer's peripheral vision. Using his hand to shade it from view, he peered into the light his eyes finally began to adjust. In the dimming radiance, a sword sat in a dais.
Voice in the Darkness: Welcome, young one. Forgive me for not introducing myself earlier.
Ghost of Christmas Present: I am the Ghost of Christmas Present!
Aidenezer, despite knowing the consequences of doing so, felt compelled by the power of the blade to approach it. The sword began glowing golden and slowly lifted into the air from the pedestal it was driven into. Again, the light exploded blindingly, causing Aidenezer to cover his eyes. As the luminescence dulled once more, there stood an exotic white creature in a top hat, a suited vest, and a cane. Pants were conspicuously absent.
Aidenezer: So...you're the Ghost of Christmas Pres---
Aidenezer: You're...kinda lame...
The Ghost shoved his cane into the face of the miser.
Ghost: Then I shall ask you this! Who are you?
Aidenezer: Me? I'm Aidenezer---
Ghost: My legend dates back to the 4th century.
Aidenezer: ...Why ask me who I am if you're just gonna---
Ghost: You appear to be someone with a low quality soul, from the looks of it. Where do you hail from?
Aidenezer: I'd really appreciate it if you'd point your can elsewh---
Ghost: Ah! That's right! I've got something interesting to show you.
Aidenezer: ...Why ask questions if you're not going to listen to the answers!?
Ghost: I ask you again, where do you hail from?
Aidenezer: If you'd let me answer the first time, I'd have told you that right here, in London, England!
Ghost: What's your favorite number between 1 and 4?
Aidenezer: ...What does that matter? Two...because it matches the number of tails I like in girls' hair.
Ghost: What right do you have to choose!? My legend begins in the 4th century in Greece!
Aidenezer: ...You asked me to choo---
Ghost: Do you wish to know the truth of my legend? Would you like to know the epic tale? Then, come, and know me better, Man!
The Ghost tapped the ground with his cane twice and the room quickly dissolved into outdoors. Aidenezer, stunned that his room had vanished like liquid, noticed that it was suddenly daylight, again, although instead of recognizing figures of his past, he realized these were people and places he saw on the streets in his route to work every day.
Aidenezer: What happened to my room!?
Ghost: Let's continue, shall we? My legend dates back to the 4th century in Greece.
Aidenezer: Wait!! Where's my room!?!?
Ghost: I started out my days with some fine drinks, like coffee from the southern part of the Greek Empire.
Aidenezer: Greece's Empire wasn't even around in the 4th century!!!! Rome was in power by then!!!! AND WHERE THE HELL IS MY----
Ghost: Always start out your Christmas with a cup of coffee with cream! This is the first of the 1000 provisions of Christmas. Take careful notes, My good man!
Aidenezer: I swear to God, if you let me leave and head back to my room, I'll do anything you want---
Ghost: Don't interrupt when one is speaking! This is number 478 of the 1000 provisions of Christmas! Take careful notes! Now, come! We have much to do and little time to do so! We must not dilly-dally!
Aidenezer: -siiiiighs-...This is going to take my whole damn day, isn't it?
Resigned to his fate, Aidenezer slowly trudged behind the chipper Ghost. Much to his surprise, unlike before, the people seemed to be able to see the Ghost, but didn't react to Aidenezer, making him wonder if he couldn't be seen. That didn't stop the Ghost from interacting with him, however.
Ghost: Merry Christmas, my friends! See, that? A refreshing Christmas morning must always start out with a refreshing Christmas greeting! This is number 22 of the 1000 provisions. Have you been taking careful notes?
Aidenezer: I've been wondering if it's possible to kill you to end this torture...
Ghost: We will continue the 1000 Provisions of Christmas later - we are almost to our stop! Mind the step!
Breaking his reverie of brutality (Good Band Name), Aidenezer realized the street he was on brought familiarity to him. The street led to the home of his brother who had passed away, leading him to Aidenezer's nephew and his wife's party.
Aidenezer: Spirit, are we going where I think we're going?
Ghost: Christmas is a time for celebration! Surely, you have noticed by now, My good man? The place to be is the place we shall be for celebrating!
Aidenezer: But...this is my Nephew's, right?
Ghost: And you were invited! No harm done!
Aidenezer: But...what if they see---
Ghost: I'm only seen when I choose to be. But come business time, I'm very serious about my work. Rest assured, no one shall see you.
Aidenezer: That's not who I'm---
Not listening, the Ghost sauntered up to the door and kicked it open, drawing the reactions from everyone in the room. Aidenezer slipped inside, but the Ghost stood steadfast in the door.
Aidenezer's Nephew: Ummm...Can I help---
Aidenezer: My good man, would you care to pour me some tea? I wish to join you on this momentous occasion - this most Christmass-y of Days that are of Holly.
Aidenezer's Nephew: Ummm...sure? Why not?
Ghost: Thank you, kind sir. I shan't be long.
Aidenezer's Nephew's Wife: We were just getting ready to play 'Yes or No'! Would you like to----
Ghost: My legend dates back to the 4th century. Yes or No questions are beneath one whose legend is as old as mine. Would you care to hear it?
Nephew: Well...I mean, we were trying to entertain our guests---
Ghost: Nonsense! The guests can wait! You simply must listen to my story! This is number 452 of the 1000 Provisions of Christmas - a Five Hour Story-Telling Party is Absolutely Mandatory! So, as I said, my story predates your time, going all the way back to the 4th century in Greece...
Ghost: ...and thusly, that is how I became Excalibur and, together with King Arthur, saved Christmas from the evil menace and became the patron saint of prostitutes. Look it up. Do you understand, now?
Nephew: God, do I ever!! I can never unknow! These brain cells could have devised the perfect plan to create a new renewable source of energy or discovered the cure for cancer! Instead they're shackled to the idiotic knowledge of what kind of dessert you love to have on Christmas!
Ghost: Bring me some figgy pudding!
Nephew: Enough! I thought my Uncle was to be pitied, because he is pathetically struggling with pain in his heart that cannot be quelled due to the amount of torment he's suffered in his life, but at least he's somewhat normal, if closed-hearted! You're just an annoying little piece of trash that comes in and becomes a bigger buzzkill than Buzz Killington!
Nephew: I want you out of my house! Begone!
Ghost: Very well! It was a pleasure to meet you and your lovely wife! And might I say, I absolutely respect you, Sir! You knew about Provision #578 - The Hero must never tell a lie!
Aidenezer's Nephew didn't give the Ghost a chance to argue, discuss, or even mention another word, as he grabbed him by the scruff of his collar and tossed him outside into the late afternoon. Aidenezer shuffled out the door after him, unseen by his relative and his associates. Immediately, food and song and dance could be heard through the closed door to the parlor. The Ghost adjusted his top hat and brushed the snow off his coat.
Ghost: Admirable chap. I quite like him. And he knows how to throw a party! He even sat through my entire Story-Telling Party! Hmm? What's wrong, My Good Man?
Aidenezer: Huh? Oh...I just...never realized I came across so---
Ghost: Number 667 of the 1000 Provisions of Christmas! You will praise your common neighbor at all times! Now, praise me for helping you realize your futility!
Aidenezer: If you were not already dead, I probably would have murdered you---
Ghost: Come, My Good Man! We have one more stop on our journey before you meet the last Ghost!
With much trepidation, Aidenezer slowly followed behind, the glimmer of hope being that only one more stop sat between him and escaping this creature. Soon, the city streets and houses became much more shoddy and dilapidated. Many windows and doors were either barely hanging on or absent, obviously allowing the cold harsh wind of winter to enter the porous homes. They came upon on in particular that Aidenezer did not recognize.
Aidenezer: Spirit, what is this place?
Ghost: My Good Man! Surely, you know the home of your subordinate!?
Aidenezer: I've never been to his house - I've never even met any of his fam--
Ghost: That is going to change, right now.
Unlike before, the Ghost decided to take place at a window to the side of the house, obviously taking care to not be seen. Not having such a hinderance, Aidenezer merely stood in front of the window, peering inside.
Compared to most of the other houses in the area, this one was rather well put-together. It was still obviously inhabited by a family that didn't have much money. Many of the tools and furniture looked like it didn't fit - as if they were all made by different craftsmen. The chairs looked either far too high or far too low for the table. The dishes were all old and showed clear wear and tear.
One thing that looked odd was the stove wasn't much of a stove, but more of a laboratory. The woman standing there had a lot of protective gear on, including a mask to guard her face. Blow torch in hand, she started to boil a pot of....something.
Mrs. Cratchit: Just a bit more...There! All done! Children! Dinner's almost ready!
A pair of lads ran down the stairs and into the kitchen. One appeared to be more focused on what the other was carrying.
Matthew Cratchit: Mooooom! Peter took my Nico doll and won't give it back!
Peter Cratchit: So what!? It's stupid! You need to grow up! Besides, she looks like she's underage!
Matthew: She's actually 17! And you're just jealous because you don't have one! And that Nico is so great and adorable! And when you squeeze her hand, she does the most adorable pose!
WARNING: DUE TO STRONG KAWAII CONTENT, VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED~
Aidenezer: I know...IT'S SO GOD DAMN ADORABLE~<3
Aidenezer: NICO NICO NII~~!!!
Ghost: But, she looks underage...
Aidenezer: He just said she's 17! She's flat! She has Twintails! ...I think I've found my true love...!!
Ghost: ...L-lewd...Flat is not justice, at all!
Aidenezer: You just don't know the wonders of them! I pity you!
Martha Cratchit: Hello, Hello! Is anyone here!?
Matthew and Peter: Martha! It's you!
Mrs. Cratchit: Oh, Martha, I was so worried! I never thought you would make it home!
Martha: Turns out in 2014, we have Child Labor Laws! They let me come home for Christmas!
Mrs. Cratchit: Oh, happy day! Wait---I can hear your father coming with his son-who's-obviously-totally-not-shown-special-treatment-and-you-all-will-absolutely-not-have-feelings-of-inadequacy-in-this-story-because-clearly-no-ordinary-child-would-have-such-feelings-when-another-is-given-special-treatment-that-he's-quite-distinctly-not-getting!
Peter: Ummm...when you put it like that, Mother--
Mrs. Cratchit: Oh, let's surprise him! Martha, hide! Quickly!
Martha: Good idea, mother! Let me just hide near the pantry until he shows up and---
Mrs. Cratchit: Shhh, here they come! Look depressed.
Peter: I'm not sure I feel comfortable tricking a sickly child---
Mrs. Cratchit: Peter, if you want anything more than coal for Christmas, you will humor your Mother and torture your youngest brother emotionally!
Bob Cratchit: Ahhh, it's chilly out there...Oh, mother! I'm so happy to see you!
Mrs. Cratchit: Father! How was your day, today?
Bob Cratchit: Fine! We had a wonderful time visiting all the relatives! Your Father, in particular, was grand! always a bright and chipper man, he is! Did you know, today, that if your Great, Great, Great, Great, Great Aunt was alive, she'd be over 250 years old?
Mrs. Cratchit: ...What does that have to do with anything?
Bob Cratchit: Damned if I know, but It was enjoyable to learn, nonetheless!
Mrs. Cratchit: Uh-huh...and where is Thim?
Bob Cratchit: He's just taking his shoes off. Thim?
Coming in from the front door was a young boy on a cane and clearly weak and in a lot of anguish. However, that hadn't darkened his features any, as he was just as bright and happy as any....um...Thim?
Tiny Thim: No! I don't wanna do this! I changed my mind!
Oh, come on, how bad could it be? You come in, act adorable, say a few lines, and win the hearts of the masses!
Tiny Thim: I changed my mind! I don't wanna do it, anymore!
Thim, you said you were the Protag-kun of the Thread. This part is essentially the protagonist of the play.
Tiny Thim: What about Steph! She's got Protag genes, too!
Yes, but she decided she didn't want to be Belle...and then...she did. But I digress! The play must go on!
*Stage hand tosses Tiny Thim into the scene*
Tiny Thim: Hello, Mother. How are you and my older brothers today?
Mrs. Cratchit: Oh, just terrible!
Peter: Yes, we don't know if Martha's coming home!
Matthew: It's 2014 and Child Labor Laws haven't been created yet...
Bob Cratchit: Oh...well, I'm sure she'll be on her way soon...
Martha Cratchit: Fear not, Father, for I am here!
Bob Cratchit: Mar---MARTHA!?
Martha Cratchit: Yes, it is I! Martha Cratchit! Although, I'd rather you'd call me...Darth Cratchit!
Bob Cratchit: ...Darth Cratchit...?
Darth: Yes! No longer am I a simple donation collector, nor a red-headed naive Ghost, nor a jilted lover of the main protagonist of a parody of a famous Christmas story written by Charles Dickens...
Bob Cratchit: Quite the resume...
Darth: ...Now, I am simply here to celebrate Christmas with my wonderfully endearing family! And my Bro, as well!
Tiny Thim: Aww, thanks, Bro. ...Awww, hell...God bless us, Everyone!
Aidenezer: Tiny Thim...will he...?
Ghost: Live? Hmmm...
Ghost: But, our journey ends here. With this, you've now been approved.
Ghost: Take this blade! For you will need it in your final test!
Aidenezer: Do I have to?
Ghost: You do not have a choice!
Once more, a dense fog crept over the surrounding area, blinding Aidenezer from his path. Unlike the other times with the first Ghost, however, the wind that whipped through with this vapor was violent and chilled to the bone. Sword in hand, Aidenezer paced forward bravely into the unknown, ready to face his darkest challenge yet. But with the mighty Excalibur at his side, who's legend predates the modern era, and goes back all the way to 4th century Greece, surely, together, they can--
Aidenezer: Dear God, please don't start.
Curtain closes on Act 3
Act 1: A Very Crunchy Christmas Carol
Act 2: A Very BST Christmas
Act 4: Gonna be the Grand Finale~!!
Knew going through the backlog was worth it.
Maki AND Jibrils of approval!
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The thread lives!
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