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Things I hate: the Grocery Store
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23 / M / California
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Posted 8/29/14 , edited 8/29/14
Write now, I work at Safeway, a cozy little store fully stocked with little annoyances that keep piling up, condensing my “sneaky hate spiral into a tightly wound coil of unguidable rage ready to spring on the next object with mass I come across.
Vinyl, burlap, or whatever the hell your special green bag is made of:
These are the worst bags to deal with. They don’t stand, there’s no metal thing to prop them up. It’s like trying to build a tent out of soup and cereal while someone yells at you for not putting their ice cream in the special little freezer bag that’s too small for a pint of Americone Dream. If you’ve been keeping up with science stuff, you know we don’t even need these things anymore! We can make plastic out of chitin, meaning we are just one fire under someone’s ass away from littering without remorse. Instead, we’re forced to put up with these stupid bags, and the customers who are more than willing to tell you you’re doing it wrong. If you’re so good at bagging groceries, you put your shit in here!

Overshopping:
I’m not talking about the whole “shop till yah drop” mantra, I’m talking about the people who shop until their grocery stockpile is so massive, it hangs on the verge of collapsing into a singularity, ending all existence in an accretion disk of chips and meat. This happens really often too. People will have carts overflowing with cheesy, greasy foodstuffs, expecting me to put everything in their carts in a way that the customers couldn’t bother to do themselves. I understand the need to get things to fill that noisy thing in our heads with, but why so much at one time? Your mouth can’t be that big can it?

The parking boots on shopping carts:
Being the courtesy clerk, part of my job is to gather up the shopping carts, wherever they may be, and bring them back to their friends and family near the front of the store. The problem is that all the carts at safeway have these stupid parking boots on the wheels that lock up whenever they sense that someone is trying to bring them home.
Shopping carts in general:
Since I’m the one who has to bring them back every other hour, I’m fully justified in saying that shopping carts, in spite of their obvious utility, should all be rolled into the way of an air craft carrier. When shopping carts are given forced enemas, they take it upon themselves to detach from the group to crash into an unsuspecting car as a final act of rebellion, but these dissident acts are not ones of a cornered cart desperately seeking vengeance through vandalism. These are coordinated partitions that usually happen in groups of three, where two at the front veer off in opposite directions toward anything with a BMW logo while one in the rear falls behind into oncoming traffic while I chase the other two. All that’s left is a Kamikaze column of three barreling unattended towards an entrance currently populated by pick-up trucks and fat women wheeling around in electric scooters.
I hate those electric scooters too. I don’t necessarily have to deal with them on a regular basis, but on occasions that I do, I have to suffer the indignation of being overtaken by small children. That, and there’s really no dignified way to sit in those things. Your options are limited to sprawling out on it as you make your glacial advance back up the hill, sitting sideways; an awkward, vulnerable position that exposes yourself to an audience of exiting shoppers, or you can get out and push. Wait, no you can’t! Since the seats determine if the scooter is worthy of forward motion, you’re left with no choice but to sit on this awkward throne until you make it back to the safety of the store.

Smelly people:
Look, I get that you didn’t want to take a shower this lifetime. We all would follow in your caustic footsteps if we could. The thing is though, I’m not comfortable knowing that you let your microbial house guests shit all over you while leaving a trail of their fallen behind on your surface. Bacterial civilizations rise and fall over the course of hours. However, they don’t possess any knowledge of sanitation, so every now and then (preferably every day) your need to show these creatures that you’re the one true god of your skin by wiping them all out in a deluge of hot water and oldspice and coconut shampoo. It’s the only way to keep your bacteria from advancing enough to propagate forward from the surly bonds of your armpit hair in the search of new worlds. We don’t want a bunch of advanced bacteria wiping out the arcane cultures of our primitive prokaryotes.

Late shifts:
I prefer to stay up till midnight lamenting over past failures while playing a number of dota games directly proportional to my increasing BAC, not convincing costumers that the “B” in Vitamin-B stands for Botulism.
Tucking my shirt in:
I actually kind of like tucking my shirt in when I’m wearing my fancy pants, but the pants I work in aren’t fancy. My noodle and waistline are taking up enough space as it is. I can’t even properly scratch my butt crack in these pants, and now you want me to put a shirt in there? Not wearing underpants should be a pleasant experience rather than a last-ditch effort to make space where there is none.
On that note, my work pants decided my ass was too much for them to bear. I was hoping that the button would go first. I can fake that bit of damage with a piece of rope and a belt.
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26 / M / Socal
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Posted 8/29/14 , edited 8/29/14
Dang yo tl;dr

I just read

overshopping
Parking boots on the shopping carts

Smelly people
Late shifts

only thing I dislike (from that list) is smelly people, a shower is your friend, or cologne/perfume is not a shower it doesn't cover smelliness.
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24 / M / Iowa >.>
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Posted 8/29/14
I work on night stock (yes I'm a night stalker ha ha ) and I can't count how many times I see people over shop. "lady we only have one cashier, why did you fill up two carts?"
Sogno- 
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Posted 8/29/14

Lethargic_leopard_Seal wrote:
Smelly people:
Look, I get that you didn’t want to take a shower this lifetime. We all would follow in your caustic footsteps if we could. The thing is though, I’m not comfortable knowing that you let your microbial house guests shit all over you while leaving a trail of their fallen behind on your surface. Bacterial civilizations rise and fall over the course of hours. However, they don’t possess any knowledge of sanitation, so every now and then (preferably every day) your need to show these creatures that you’re the one true god of your skin by wiping them all out in a deluge of hot water and oldspice and coconut shampoo. It’s the only way to keep your bacteria from advancing enough to propagate forward from the surly bonds of your armpit hair in the search of new worlds. We don’t want a bunch of advanced bacteria wiping out the arcane cultures of our primitive prokaryotes.


i'm saving this
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34 / M / Eastern US
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Posted 8/29/14 , edited 8/29/14
If I wasn't making more than enough to remain debt-free and indulge in my hobbies, I'd have left the store by now. Still, every time I hear a front-end clerk complain, I offer to trade them my job in the deli/bakery. The only two takers quit in less than a week. Can't imagine why.

Customer: "I want it sliced thin."
Me: "Ok."
Customer: "No, I said 'thin.'"
Me: "Ok."
Customer: "No. I need it to be thin enough for me to read the newspaper through it."
Me: "Sir, I don't believe cheese is an appropriate medium for reading. Also, it's 2014. What's a newspaper?"

Btw, I love the rant. If you have a blog, then, by all means, link it to me. I'd love to read more.
Posted 8/29/14
People in general.
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20 / M / CA
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Posted 8/29/14
????????????
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22 / M / Chicago, IL
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Posted 8/29/14
People in general. Overall, I don't mind grocery shopping because it's very important to have food. lol.
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22 / M / Los Angeles
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Posted 8/29/14 , edited 8/30/14
I absolutely agree, grocery stores are a mecca of inconvenience and people, so much that there is likely a violation of building occupancy fire code, if not some violation in public health and sanitation. They, along with Walmart, are zoos. The worse sorts are the types who, for whatever barbaric reason, take the shopping carts off the premises so that they may gracefully adorn the neighborhood with a touch of ghetto art installations, while simultaneously lowering property value and inviting more uncouth behavior and people. Smelly people are unavoidable, the only best hope for the future is to teach children the importance of habitual ablution and hygiene.
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Posted 8/29/14 , edited 8/31/14
Over shopping: I go to grocery store to shop, so i will buy until my heart's content. And shower are expensive you know?
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18 / M
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Posted 8/29/14 , edited 8/29/14
Last summer, I worked with my grandad, building a house. One day, somebody managed to hit their wrist with a hammer trying to nail something. Yes he was literally inches and inches off target and hit his wrist. He's pretty much blind, legally blind, like seriously.

Next thing I know, I'm holding the nail for him.

Just thought I'd share a great memory with you all.
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22 / M
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Posted 8/29/14
Can you double bag these?
Posted 8/29/14
Overshopping- okay I had to take 2 shopping carts and pile it on... had a house full of ppl 10 to be exact. .. yes a latino family :p I don't apologize for it lol should feel bad for the person that has to unload and put stuff away.. yupp that was also my job :p I actually didn't mind scanning a lot when I was a cashier, I just made a game out of it cart Tetris
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M / New york
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Posted 8/29/14 , edited 8/29/14
Well as mentioned above not everyone lives alone.
Also What If that was my shopping for like the next 2-3 months?
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55 / M /
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Posted 8/29/14
(sigh) If you dislike so much about your job why do you keep working there? Why not find a new and better job for you? (/sigh)
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