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Post Reply Marry with Kids or Marry with Debt?
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Posted 8/30/14
Which one would you prefer? Yes, they can go hand in hand. But still, which one do you consider.

Marry with Kids
Would you gladly accept your lover's kids from another relationship as your own?
What do you feel having kids that did not come from you?


Marry with Debt
Would you share the responsibility or the burden that your lover undertakes?
How much is too much? Realistically?
Is the vow "from sickness to health, from richness to poor.." dead in today's society?

School Debt.
Hospital Bills.
Teen pregnancies.
Divorce rates.
Child support.
Finding Carter.

Oh, the Imanity.
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21 / M / Cali
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Posted 8/30/14
Married with Debt.....the kids might not like me
Posted 8/30/14
neither.

would ditch both of them. I won't get with anyone who brings baggage and shackles into my life. it's just how my personality works--I need to be as free as possible.
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27 / M
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Posted 8/30/14
school debt implies they are educated, they will probably make it back and then some.

Hospital debt could be something that is small and totally fixed up, or a big problem that could lead to complications or death later.

Child support, divorce fees, teen pregnancies show immaturity, lack of responsibility at a young age. No one should be expected to pay for someone's foolish short comings except the parents who failed to discipline you properly.

Your lover's only children should be your own in my opinion, however I don't judge others, it is a personal opinion for myself only.
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102 / Candyland
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Posted 8/30/14
Marry with kids since I like kids anyway. XD
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22 / M / Fraxinus
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Posted 8/30/14

Jaejun613 wrote:

school debt implies they are educated, they will probably make it back and then some.


Well, in a world where more and more people are going to university and over here in the UK uni tuition fees have become ridiculous, along with unemployment still being high, and finding jobs being more difficult... A- I wouldn't say having a degree is even that special anymore, since damm near everyone is getting one. B- You could still go to a uni that's not particularly great and do a degree that isn't exactly in an academic subject and still end up having to pay off student loans. And C- There's no guarantee that they'll make a great deal of money when they leave education.


Jaejun613 wrote:

Child support, divorce fees, teen pregnancies show immaturity, lack of responsibility at a young age. No one should be expected to pay for someone's foolish short comings except the parents who failed to discipline you properly.


Child support and divorce fees show immaturity? I'm sorry but if you no longer love the person you're with an want to get a divorce how does that show immaturity? They may not have necessarily rushed into marriage as they may have loved one another at one point, but to say that them getting a divorce is immature is, I would personally say, immature in itself. If anything it shows maturity that they're able to take such a step and responsibility that they're going through with such a step. It may be hard on on the child, but would it be right to force yourself through a marriage for your children... Well, that's certainly something to consider.

On to teen pregnancies... Jeez... Well, some teenagers may very well be mature enough to handle having children. Of course there are limits, but age is not the sole factor in determining maturity. Parents of 16, 17 or 18 may prove to be far more responsible and caring parents than parents who are fully grown adults. It may not be as likely but it's not exactly a wild hypothesis. Now, as to whether they would be financially ready is a different matter entirely.


Jaejun613 wrote:

Your lover's only children should be your own in my opinion, however I don't judge others, it is a personal opinion for myself only.


If I'm understanding correctly, you're saying your partner's children should be considered as your own, too. Well, that might not be so simple for so many reasons; a couple of which being that it may be hard to form a bond with children you know aren't your own and come from your partner's ex. Hell, the children might not even accept you as their parent. Is that the step parent's fault?
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27 / M
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Posted 8/30/14
if you just have a bachelor's your student loans will be more than manageable. If you have some wealth, the price is not that much of a burden, if not, financial aid will cover most of the tuition anyway and thus loans will be kept to a small amount.

the real debt builds up during masters, as loans are the only type of financial aid available for post bachelor education. My masters will require nearly 100 thousand USD in loans. my bachelors left me with a grand total of 8 thousand dollars in debt.

to have a masters / MD / Doctorate / phD etc. puts you at a significantly high percentile of education, with that said, not everyone has a bachelors, and if you live in an area where many people do not, you will notice the correlation.

If you can leave your child to live a life with only 1 parent at any given time, is that not irresponsible? Also arguing that a 16 year old is a better parent than a 30 year old is a red herring. The individual who was a "good parent" at 16, would not possibly be financially ready to raise a child. If that individual waited for 10 years, they would be far more prepared. Is giving your child and future family the best chance not the responsible choice? Birth control and condoms are 99.9% effective, lets not make laws and generalizations on the 0.1% and instead base our judgement on the most plausible explanation based on current discourse of our modern society; people get drunk and have sex, people have unprotected sex, people who believe puppy love is true love go off and decide to start a family . etc. etc.

If you can claim to love someone at one time, and suddenly change your mind, is that not showing a lack of determination? love by most definitions inherently are everlasting. To make a life long commitment when you are not ready to commit a lifetime is indeed what I would consider immature.

You are not understanding clearly, I am saying that your life long lover's children, all of their children, should also be your own biological children. I also specified that it applies to me personally only; I don't judge others on this type of thing as exceptions are inherent in existence. To put it clearly, I would not be with someone who already has children.
Posted 8/30/14
No kids por favor
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24 / F
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Posted 8/30/14
I'd prefer married with kids. I want kids, but I've been on the fence about having my own, and I had been considering adoption anyway. Biological or not, they would still be mine.

But at the end of the day, it depends on who I'm in love with. If the man I love is in debt (for all the right reasons and not the wrong ones), I will marry him. If the man I love has kids, I will marry him. That's all there is to it.
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20 / M / England.
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Posted 8/30/14 , edited 8/30/14
kids are annoying.
eat too much money yo.
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30 / M / Central KY.
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Posted 8/30/14 , edited 8/30/14
Marry a single Lady with a Child, or Children. I would absolutely cherish the act of becoming a Step-Father...Considering I can't have Children of My OWN...
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20 / M / Eng Land
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Posted 8/30/14
Marry with kids.
Followed by running away to another country. I despise kids, can you tell?
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19 / http://myanimelis...
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Posted 8/30/14
Unless the kids are into cute Anime, then those 2 options sound the same to me.
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25 / F / New Jersey, USA
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Posted 8/30/14 , edited 2/10/15
Neither. Next question.
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40 / F / Washington, USA
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Posted 8/30/14
Both are pretty much the same option.. you aren't going to have much disposable income if you have kids and you aren't going to have much disposable income if you have a lot of debt.. plus both are heavy responsibilities......
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