Easing into a relationship
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24 / M / KY
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Posted 9/6/14
Just wanted to discuss what approach (if any) has worked for you guys, and why.

I seem to do really well during the friend/acquaintance stage of the game, but once I finally tell her i'm interested, everything just falls apart. This has been the case for probably 8 different women in the past year.

I'm going to be moving 800 miles away from where I live currently in a few weeks, and i'll be making more money than i've made, ever. With the only debts being college loans and rent, I think i'd be a suitable partner, but I somehow screw everything up.

Any advice from the people on how to get something like this to work?
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24 / M / Under your skin.
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Posted 9/6/14 , edited 9/6/14


This is going to be interesting.

There is no skeleton key into a woman's heart, there are no tips. You either connect or you don't, and if she's not into you that's not really something you can help. Saying the right things and being romantic won't last forever, eventually you guys will have to face how each other really are and if you can't connect you just can't connect.

And with that being said, if she wants to be friends with you that doesn't mean she wants to be romantically involved. It's completely fine for somebody to like you but not in that way.
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28 / F / The 808
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Posted 9/6/14
Have you picked up on their vibe? Did they seem interested in you? Were you pushy or too forward? There could be many reasons as to why it ended up "falling apart."
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24 / M / KY
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Posted 9/6/14

EurasianWifey wrote:

Have you picked up on their vibe? Did they seem interested in you? Were you pushy or too forward? There could be many reasons as to why it ended up "falling apart."


I firmly believe everything in life can be analyzed into an algorithm of sorts. So many people can be in successful relationships, so there has to be something they're doing right. Yes, I basically just said every problem in life is a rubik's cube.

Scientists have proven this, for the most part.. by solving problems scientifically that were previously unanswered. I think as society grows technologically, eventually most issues will be solvable to some extent. There's a working algorithm for everything in life.
Posted 9/6/14 , edited 9/6/14
^ Well, that's a no if I ever saw one lmao
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34 / F / California
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Posted 9/6/14

DubiousBro wrote:

I firmly believe everything in life can be analyzed into an algorithm of sorts. So many people can be in successful relationships, so there has to be something they're doing right. Yes, I basically just said every problem in life is a rubik's cube.

Scientists have proven this, for the most part.. by solving problems scientifically that were previously unanswered. I think as society grows technologically, eventually most issues will be solvable to some extent. There's a working algorithm for everything in life.


Ehh... Sadly no, relationships and people's feelings do not follow specific algorithms or predictable patterns. It certainly would be nice if they did, but humans are complex and very often contradictory creatures.

There are a lot of variables and factors that come with liking someone. Who's to say that those people you say are in "successful relationships" truly are successful? They could appear to be okay on the surface but they could be dysfunctional or purely shallow 'having a partner for the sake of having a partner' relationships.

The most important thing you need to do is focus on your own happiness. Don't rely on anyone else to provide you with happiness--that has to come from within. When you achieve that, you'll find that people begin to gravitate toward you more.

I certainly don't have all the answers as to how to get into a relationship (if I did, I wouldn't be single!). If it's meant to be, then it will happen when the time is right. These past experiences you had that didn't work out most likely didn't work out for a reason. Remember, not all relationships are happy and successful. No sense rushing into a bad relationship that will do more harm than good!
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21 / M / The Bebop
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Posted 9/7/14
It really depends on the person.Not everyone is the same.Maybe you should try to wait a little longer.You know?Try to get to know them a little more.
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22 / F / Winding Circle
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Posted 9/7/14
Maybe you should let them make the first move.

Also, how long had you known them/been friends? How well did you know them?

I first met my boyfriend truly 4 years ago now. We started becoming friends at that point. We didn't start dating until two years ago. I knew him fairly well, likes, dislikes, opinions, favorite shows, comic books, etc. I'm still learning more.

In the end, things just clicked for us, I'd had a crush on him for over a year, but waited patiently. We went to see the Hunger Games because I needed a reason to see it since I didn't get to see movies in theaters often, though he'd already seen it. It wasn't exactly a date. But we ended up cuddling in the theater, and then sitting in his car talking for hours. A week later, he asked me out.

But, everyone is different. If you can't figure out why you were turned down, then maybe you didn't know them well enough. Maybe they didn't trust you enough to tell you a reason, and trust is a key role in relationships.

Also, I'm not sure you gave enough information for anyone to be helpful.
One Punch Mod
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F / Boston-ish
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Posted 9/7/14

DubiousBro wrote:

Just wanted to discuss what approach (if any) has worked for you guys, and why.

I seem to do really well during the friend/acquaintance stage of the game, but once I finally tell her i'm interested, everything just falls apart. This has been the case for probably 8 different women in the past year.

I'm going to be moving 800 miles away from where I live currently in a few weeks, and i'll be making more money than i've made, ever. With the only debts being college loans and rent, I think i'd be a suitable partner, but I somehow screw everything up.

Any advice from the people on how to get something like this to work?


Hi, I've closed this because individual personal advice threads aren't't allowed in the forums. For general Help and advice, please post in [the existing General Help/Advice Thread ("stickied" near the top of the General Discussion forum).

However, I think you'll need to provide more information in order to get any particularly useful advice.
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