Midsummer dawn
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24 / M / Netherlands
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Posted 9/9/14
Right at that moment, I was sitting near the water. I remember it like it all occurred yesterday. However, this story must have taken place about a year ago by now. The water was still that morning. I came out here when the light did not stroke the surface of the earth yet. From the moment I arrived, until a few seconds before the events took place, nothing had moved or changed.

When the first lines of light touched the surface of the lake. The water colored a soft red. A reflection of sunlight that hadn't been fully awakened yet. The water didn't stay quit now. It started to flow. The dimples in the water made me feel at ease. I was fully aware that from here on out my life would never be the same. I got on my feed. Stretched my arms. And after a brief moment of hesitation, I jumped into the soft red water.

When I came to, I was at the bottom of the lake. There wasn't any air. But then again, I wasn't actually breathing. Was I tricked? Did I die? Was this not the solution to finding her again? I needed you so bad back then, Yara. I was prepared to do anything. Even dive in here. Even discovering that this might be the end. As long as we could be together it would all be worth it. You shouldn't have done it. But that doesn't matter now, I'll come to get you back.

I started swimming. I wasn't really sure where I was headed until I saw a dim light. Fully aware of the dangers that would be here I took a moment to consider my options. However, I didn't have any others. It was to late to go back now. Even if I wanted too. I didn't know how. In my approach of the light. It grew brighter. Soon, I could see many lights. Hundreds, perhaps even thousands of dim lights glimmered in the water. When I arrived at the first. A man was standing next to it. His black wings didn't belong in the water, however fitted his character perfectly. It was a perfect image in the wrong scenery. Before I could speak, his voice was soft but demanding as he asked:

"Are you searching for yourself? Are you searching for another? Or perhaps, are you just lost?"

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Hello, this is the beginning of a story I wrote. I'm not sure if it's any good. So I would like some critisism before releasing everything. I want to know what everyone thinks. Even if it's bad. That way I can decide to drop this story or continue it. Thank you for reading and helping me out.
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Posted 9/11/14
I really like your style and the story's direction so far. It's a really,really good start. I'm looking forward to reading more of your writing in the future (hopefully this story is part of it and you stick with it).
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24 / M / Netherlands
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Posted 9/16/14

neugenx wrote:

I really like your style and the story's direction so far. It's a really,really good start. I'm looking forward to reading more of your writing in the future (hopefully this story is part of it and you stick with it).


This is the start of it. I was hoping someone would like it. I'm sorry for the late reply though. I was working this weekend. If you would like to read it, I can just post the next part tomorrow after work :).

Thank you for the kind words. It's much appreciated!
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48 / M / New England, USA
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Posted 9/16/14
Sounds great to me. I'd love to read it!
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20 / M / U.S.A
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Posted 10/13/14
Good stuff my friend! I liked the narration of it when I read it aloud. I do hope you share this story with the rest of us because this first taste was good! (But be careful with the grammar )
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Posted 10/13/14
"Are you searching for yourself? Are you searching for another? Or perhaps, are you just lost?"

^this line was simply beautiful! (I don't know if this is what you were going for, but rhetorical questions like these mess with my mind and I love it !)
I would love to read more of this story! I really enjoy your writing style
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"Year-end cleanup. Closing threads with no activity since 2014."
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