Have trouble relating with like-minded people?
Posted 9/18/14 , edited 9/18/14
If you’ve moved a bunch, I’m sure you can relate. It isn’t that you have no friends. There are plenty of people around, and you are friends with them in a surface-deep way. But the long-standing friendships that used to sustain you and reassure you you are known and loved are so far away.

And it’s not easy to start and build new friendships that go as deep as the old ones.

I’ve thought to myself on so many occasions: “I just want like-minded friends.”

Like minded people are awesome. They make us feel good about ourselves because they’re just like us. They give us this unspoken reassurance that it’s okay to be who we are.

I’ve also been thinking lately that my search for “like-minded” friends might be a little bit unhealthy.

I think it might be keeping me stuck.

A few weeks ago I was on the treadmill and caught part of The View. In the past I haven’t watched the show because it tended to raise my blood pressure, all the arguing and sharing (loudly) their differences of opinion. But that day, on the treadmill, I had a new thought. It went something like this: I want friends like that.

I want friends who will disagree with me — vehemently — and still stick around to be my friend.

I want friends who think differently than I do, so I don’t get stuck in my same old ruts.

I want friends who challenge me to think in new ways, or about new ideas.

Like minded people are great, but if all my friends are like-minded I think I’m missing out on something important.

The problem with “like-minded” friends is they don’t require us to think critically about our lives, or to engage conflict in a healthy way. In order to be friends with people who are different than me I have to listen, to learn how to avoid fighting without being pushed around by what everyone else thinks.

Being around people who are different teaches me to have good boundaries.

All of that is much easier said than done, right?

Posted 9/18/14 , edited 9/18/14
think I prefer people who are similar to me.
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Posted 9/19/14 , edited 9/19/14
Sometimes. I guess even with like-minded people and friends I might disagree with their reasoning and that can sometimes feel like a catastrophic argument over a relatively trivial thing when we both agree in the end on the main point... It's nice to have like-minded friends close, but there have been some where it has been a very superficial friendship in the end. In those instances I've preferred to seek out different people and carve out a different friendships
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Posted 9/24/14 , edited 9/24/14
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