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Painfully Shy
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Posted 9/18/14
This thread is about painfully shy people, whether you are one or know one.

But Phersu, you yell, you already made a thread about shy people!

Yes, I respond. But this is about people who are painfully, neurotically, incredibly, maybe even incurably, shy. How do you tell if you are, or know someone like this? Here's a scenario....

You sit next to this girl in one of your college classes occasionally. She's attractive, she's cute, she's beautiful.....basically, seeing her makes your heart beat like a rabbit's and your stomach feels like you swallowed butterflies. What do you do?

Nothing.

You want to talk to her so bad it hurts, but you're too afraid, too cowardly, too shy to do anything. Oh, how you pine to do so, but it is as if a wall is put in front of you every time you want to, every time the chance appears. A wall of fear and self-loathing. So, finally, you force yourself to realize that this affection, this crush, this infatuation.....will be unrequited and focus on anything but it.

But it's still there. Perhaps not the feelings of longing, but the fear, and the self loathing for being too shy. Right in the back of your mind, scratching at the walls.

This is being painfully shy.

-Clears my throat and drinks some water.-

Discuss.
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Posted 9/18/14 , edited 10/5/14
I think I'm painfully shy. But I'm introverted, with heaps of social anxiety, so that may be why. (I made a rhyme). Terribly incurably so, for me. I've gone to public school my whole life, I talk to strangers, or not well-known people on a daily basis, and it still drains my energy and makes me want to vomit and/or cry. But it helps if the person or people I'm addressing are nice.

Allow me to take from your scenario. I might compliment that girl. To see if she politely takes my compliment; test her niceness out. Then slowly make an approach that way.

But the worse part? Trying to find out whether she's into girls or not.
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Somewhere
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Posted 9/18/14 , edited 9/18/14
Maybe a little as I do fit the example to a degree. I can usually talk to a girl I have a crush on, but it takes awhile and it's usually very simple questions. Though sometimes after maybe slowly talking to them for awhile I'll ask if they would like to go out..........I'm usually turn down though or it never lasts,but like a few days...........I get friendzoned a lot.
Posted 9/18/14 , edited 9/18/14
i can attract both gender but find it hard to make new friends because i don't know/have anything to say half the time

them: hey, how are you?
me: i'm good, how about you?
them: i'm aright, so, did you have a good night?
me; yes, did you?
them: i did -starts talking about what they did-
me: cool -looks away-
i can't really remember the details of the day before and listening isn't my strong point

Posted 9/18/14 , edited 10/5/14
^ Makes me laugh because we used to message long paragraphs to each other.

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Posted 9/18/14

Nyuboom wrote:

^ Makes me laugh because we used to message long paragraphs to each other.



Awh, that's sweet. Shy love.
Posted 9/18/14
Posted 9/18/14
My wifey is shy. Sometimes the things I say makes her blush. She has stage fright and talking to people in person. I am trying to help her overcome it. It is a slow and challenging process.
Hroun 
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Posted 9/18/14 , edited 9/18/14
I'd probably do the typical British thing.. Talk about the weather in a few sentences.. then proceed to attempt to stare a hole in the table in awkward silence.

Progress/Profit.
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Posted 9/18/14 , edited 9/18/14
Hm, well I suppose I might be considered painfully shy.

Random person: Hi, how are you?
My brain: Oh, oh no. Is that person speaking to me? Am I sure? Oh no, are they angry with me? Don't make eye contact! Don't do it bro, you'll regret it. Don't look at them, are you crazy?! How long have I been sitting/standing without responding? Oh dear this isn't good they think I'm weird now. Say something! SAY ANYTHING!
Me: Uhhhhh.....hi.
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Posted 9/18/14
I used to be very shy. There were two factors. One was that I was taught by my parents to read fluidly at a very young age. When they went to sign me up for school, the director said that I should be enrolled into second grade directly instead of into kindergarden. One might think that that was a very good thing, but in my case it was not. I was always the younger in class and for some reason the classmates liked to make me the center of jokes so I had few friends. Things kept that way until I reached the university, which felt a more mature place for some reason, but even then it took me some time to adjust. During the university I met a man some 20 years older than me that went on to become one of my few real good friends, we live very apart now but still communicate through eMail from time to time. He has a daughter and the school system wanted to enroll her into second grade instead of into kindergarden -- just like me. But I had talked to him about my experience as being the always younger in class and he asked me if I thought whether it was a good idea or not for her to skip grades. I replied that if she was my daughter I would not have her skip grades, knowing some technical stuff is good but having people your age as friends is also very important. So he didn't skip her and now she's in the university and is doing very well academically as well as socially. I have also known, some years ago, of another boy who skipped grades, he also did well academically and also had few (not many) friends. I don't know if these three cases are representative ones. Relating to people outside your age range is important, but having friends your age range is even more important, I think.

The second factor was that I was criticized a lot by friends and family, sometimes over the dumbest things. With friends sometimes they would listen to me and talk to me but sometimes they would just joke on and on at times when I didn't feel like it. Therefore, I didn't talk a whole lot.

It took me some time to understand something that is so obvious to me now -- in good friendships the friends have in common things they enjoy. I'm not much of a fan of trying to make friends here, there and everywhere. It works for some people, just not for me. There are two ways to find friends -- find people who share your interests, or try getting into a new hobby at least for a while. Since my hobbies initially were reading and video games (8-bit Nintendo era), I had a few friends, just not many. At some point in my life I went to the gym and did Tai Chi for a few years, I made a few friends, but none of them were very close. That's fine. I tried, and my circle of friends expanded a little. I found that, personally, I don't need to have lots of friends.

This generation and the next generation have it a little easier with the Internet, I think. Start by Googling for sites that are dedicated to your hobbies and interests, that's something that didn't exist when I was a young lad. I know I've read several times, here in Crunchyroll and elsewhere, of people who've made some good friends online and are grateful for that. It's a bit of a different quality than having "offline friends", but it can be real good old friendship nonetheless.

I was very shy for many years. Nowadays I'm more outgoing, and I can more easily talk to people. I'm still a little shy in the sense that I don't think I will ever be "extroverted".

To summarize and repeat: (1) try to find people with the same interests as you both offline and online, (2) try to learn a new hobby -- you might meet nice new people that way, and (3) don't try to "outgrow shyness" overnight.
Posted 9/18/14 , edited 10/5/14
to the one above you Nyu
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Posted 9/18/14
Ill be shy when I feel I can be its very strange like I can just be quiet when I feel I can be but when the situation calls for it I will speak the loudest but its like the whole time im speaking I feel like im getting judge
Posted 9/18/14 , edited 9/18/14
/done

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Posted 9/18/14 , edited 9/18/14


I too was going to be skipped but it was ultimately decided I wasn't developed socially enough yet.... the result of that was that I didn't skip AND I was socially inept and painfully shy anyway. In addition to that I got bored of the classes and got used to putting no effort into things. (yay for Louisiana education!)

After graduating high school I suffered a torn lateral ligament in my right ankle that didn't show well on imagery. It took them a whole year to diagnose and about 8 months to recover. During that time everything stopped and I had plenty of time to reflect... I was broken and void of emotion for a period but that ended up being a turning point for me to make a complete turnaround.

Now I am no longer content with mediocrity and will claw and fight my way to the top of whatever I decide to do and with that came confidence and finally some social development. The main problem now is my job doesn't put me into proximity to new people, only family.

I suppose the results are really unpredictable but there is probably less risk in normal academic progression...
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