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Marriage
Posted 10/12/14

Hayagriva wrote:


Personally, I definitely see myself getting married.



And I don't really want to be married.





Well, good luck.



I meant I don't want to be married as much as you think I do. If it happens, it happens. That's what I'm saying.
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Posted 10/12/14 , edited 10/12/14
Marriage is a stupid waste of money and paper-work. No thanks.



I am fine with having a partner, and we can devote our lives and our love to each-other WITHOUT the complicated mess of money and arrangements and legally binding documents.
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Posted 10/12/14

Hayagriva wrote:

No offense, but you're 17, so you probably haven't had a specific experience yet. I've had friends of ten years or longer from the most random-ass meetings across all formats - work, school, games, social forums. I'm saying if you really want somebody, you don't close doors and place stringent requirements on your interactions with people. Or you have no right to complain about solitude. Period.



Right, because being half your age means I don't know what I'm talking about. Making friends with people in random places is normal. Making a life long commitment to a single person is something that requires a lot of thinking. Being more open around people would sure be helpful, but lowering your standards is a bad idea. You can't just settle for any girl you meet. If you don't have certain requirements for what you look for in a spouse, you'll most likely end up marrying someone who would slowly get on your nerves. The divorce rate in the U.S. is so damn high these days because nobody takes marriage seriously anymore. People just marry any cute thing with legs instead of knowing what kind of person they want to spend their lives with. It should be common sense. My age has nothing to do with it. Girl A is pretty, loves painting, and has a high paying job in Silicon Valley? That's great. I wouldn't mind hanging out with her, but I wouldn't marry her. Girl B is sweet, is a nurse, and plays video games? That's nice. She sounds interesting but isn't someone I would marry. Girl C is [requirement 1], [requirement 2], and [requirement 3]? That's amazing! That's just the kind of girl I'm looking for. I can see myself having a future with her. You see where I'm getting at? I don't see why someone who would want a life long relationship would have low standards and marry just anyone. That's the quickest way to end a marriage.
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Posted 10/12/14

DivinePrince wrote:

Marriage is a stupid waste of money and paper-work. No thanks.



I am fine with having a partner, and we can devote our lives and our love to each-other WITHOUT the complicated mess of money and arrangements and legally binding documents.


to some people it means much more and means a lot to them so its not stupid...

if its not for you its not for you but just because you dont like the idea doesnt mean it is stupid >_<

you dont know how youll feel about things in 5-10+ years time. You might meet someone that marriage is important to, and decide to do it because it means a lot to them or you may change how you feel about it

you just dont know
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Posted 10/12/14 , edited 10/12/14
I dont want to get married. Thinking about it now I think its too much, when I grow up I want to travel the world and try new things. Unless I could find someone who wants to travel with me I dont think I'd want to get married and settle down. Since i'm 15 my views may change on this. I probably will get married. But right now I just want to experience new things.
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Posted 10/12/14

onibrotonel wrote:


Aura-chan wrote:


onibrotonel wrote:


Aura-chan wrote:

if people want to get married then they should be allowed to get married no matter who they are


I am married, we got married in november




we have been together 6 years

^_^

We met at university thanks to the anime society haha

we both were presidents of the society too :P

I always wanted to get married and have a family

I didnt know if it would happen as I have a hereditary disorder which means my children could have it if I had children naturally. The options are try PGD IVF if that fails then adopt. I didnt know if I would find someone who would accept that, and accept me disability and all.

My husband is amazing

Did you invite all the members in your societies?

Was there a person that you definitely did not want to attend your wedding?


HAHA no no we had 30-40 members in our society couldnt invite them all 0_O

we invited some friends from the society and university

some friends from school and friends from activities and groups we are part of now.


Most of the guests were family. I have a BIG family and my dad works for some of the family members we wouldnt have choose to invite if we had the choice .....there were family members who have been horrible to me over the years that I had to invite because of the drama they would cause if we didnt >_<

We had a friend de-friend us and not speak to us until last month because he wasnt invited because we had to draw a line somewhere and couldnt afford to invite everyone... he said some very hurtful things and did this a week before the wedding...... >_<

however....

most people were awesome and lovely.

We really enjoyed our wedding and it flew by so fast!

we got married in winter because its much much cheaper.

We loved our venue and couldnt have afforded it in the summer months.

Congratulations by the way.
I'm sorry if that sounded like you won an award. I don't meant to sound cheap. I'm just congratulating you, that's all.

Happy wife equals happy life.


hehe thank you I got what you meant

We are facing a lot of tough times at the moment and how we are getting through them together proves to us that we made the right choice and we were meant to get married
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Posted 10/12/14

PhantomGundam wrote:


Hayagriva wrote:

No offense, but you're 17, so you probably haven't had a specific experience yet. I've had friends of ten years or longer from the most random-ass meetings across all formats - work, school, games, social forums. I'm saying if you really want somebody, you don't close doors and place stringent requirements on your interactions with people. Or you have no right to complain about solitude. Period.



Right, because being half your age means I don't know what I'm talking about. Making friends with people in random places is normal. Making a life long commitment to a single person is something that requires a lot of thinking. Being more open around people would sure be helpful, but lowering your standards is a bad idea. You can't just settle for any girl you meet. If you don't have certain requirements for what you look for in a spouse, you'll most likely end up marrying someone who would slowly get on your nerves. The divorce rate in the U.S. is so damn high these days because nobody takes marriage seriously anymore. People just marry any cute thing with legs instead of knowing what kind of person they want to spend their lives with. It should be common sense. My age has nothing to do with it. Girl A is pretty, loves painting, and has a high paying job in Silicon Valley? That's great. I wouldn't mind hanging out with her, but I wouldn't marry her. Girl B is sweet, is a nurse, and plays video games? That's nice. She sounds interesting but isn't someone I would marry. Girl C is [requirement 1], [requirement 2], and [requirement 3]? That's amazing! That's just the kind of girl I'm looking for. I can see myself having a future with her. You see where I'm getting at? I don't see why someone who would want a life long relationship would have low standards and marry just anyone. That's the quickest way to end a marriage.


You're forgetting something. Meeting that person you need to get to know is a random event. One of my best friends is happily married for 6 years from eHarmony. I don't care about your bruised ego, I'm saying you haven't been close friends (or more) with someone for a long time from a completely random meeting. Couple years, tops. You haven't lived long enough to see the value of having any kind of LONG term relationship from the strangest and most random of places. It's completely obvious in everything you've said. You can't argue with basic math, just accept it.

You basically ignored everything I was talking about. If you're going to talk to me, don't do that and expect me to respect your wall of text. That's something a kid would do. My sole and singular point was that you meet those people FROM that randomness. Not from screening, not from being finicky, not from being a loner. There IS such a thing as "setting yourself up to fail." I just don't like people bitching about it.

I knew some amazing things when I was 15, things worth knowing today. I don't discount people by their age. I DO discount them when they just ignore the person they're arguing with when they don't have a leg to stand on because they're talking about something else.

On the flip side of all of this, I blame myself for this argument. I was the one who went on a forum full of otaku and spouted some nonsense about them being responsible for their loneliness/lack of social luck.
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Posted 10/12/14 , edited 10/12/14

Aura-chan wrote:


DivinePrince wrote:

Marriage is a stupid waste of money and paper-work. No thanks.



I am fine with having a partner, and we can devote our lives and our love to each-other WITHOUT the complicated mess of money and arrangements and legally binding documents.


to some people it means much more and means a lot to them so its not stupid...

if its not for you its not for you but just because you dont like the idea doesnt mean it is stupid >_<

you dont know how youll feel about things in 5-10+ years time. You might meet someone that marriage is important to, and decide to do it because it means a lot to them or you may change how you feel about it

you just dont know



I don't think you really know what you're talking about, so I am just going to go on my merry way.

PS: Using passive-aggressive smileys makes you look like a 13 year old.
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Posted 10/12/14

Hayagriva wrote:


PhantomGundam wrote:


Hayagriva wrote:

No offense, but you're 17, so you probably haven't had a specific experience yet. I've had friends of ten years or longer from the most random-ass meetings across all formats - work, school, games, social forums. I'm saying if you really want somebody, you don't close doors and place stringent requirements on your interactions with people. Or you have no right to complain about solitude. Period.



Right, because being half your age means I don't know what I'm talking about. Making friends with people in random places is normal. Making a life long commitment to a single person is something that requires a lot of thinking. Being more open around people would sure be helpful, but lowering your standards is a bad idea. You can't just settle for any girl you meet. If you don't have certain requirements for what you look for in a spouse, you'll most likely end up marrying someone who would slowly get on your nerves. The divorce rate in the U.S. is so damn high these days because nobody takes marriage seriously anymore. People just marry any cute thing with legs instead of knowing what kind of person they want to spend their lives with. It should be common sense. My age has nothing to do with it. Girl A is pretty, loves painting, and has a high paying job in Silicon Valley? That's great. I wouldn't mind hanging out with her, but I wouldn't marry her. Girl B is sweet, is a nurse, and plays video games? That's nice. She sounds interesting but isn't someone I would marry. Girl C is [requirement 1], [requirement 2], and [requirement 3]? That's amazing! That's just the kind of girl I'm looking for. I can see myself having a future with her. You see where I'm getting at? I don't see why someone who would want a life long relationship would have low standards and marry just anyone. That's the quickest way to end a marriage.


You're forgetting something. Meeting that person you need to get to know is a random event. One of my best friends is happily married for 6 years from eHarmony. I don't care about your bruised ego, I'm saying you haven't been close friends (or more) with someone for a long time from a completely random meeting. Couple years, tops. You haven't lived long enough to see the value of having any kind of LONG term relationship from the strangest and most random of places. It's completely obvious in everything you've said. You can't argue with basic math, just accept it.

You basically ignored everything I was talking about. If you're going to talk to me, don't do that and expect me to respect your wall of text. That's something a kid would do. My sole and singular point was that you meet those people FROM that randomness. Not from screening, not from being finicky, not from being a loner. There IS such a thing as "setting yourself up to fail." I just don't like people bitching about it.

I knew some amazing things when I was 15, things worth knowing today. I don't discount people by their age. I DO discount them when they just ignore the person they're arguing with when they don't have a leg to stand on because they're talking about something else.

On the flip side of all of this, I blame myself for this argument. I was the one who went on a forum full of otaku and spouted some nonsense about them being responsible for their loneliness/lack of social luck.


It's possible to meet someone randomly and realize that they're right for you after spending some time getting to know them. That much is true. My main point was that you can't have low expectations when deciding to marry someone. That's what really sets you up for failure. You have to be picky to some extent so you can see how compatible someone is with you. If you don't have standards for someone and you just let anyone onto your bed, you'll start seeing a side of them you might grow to dislike and end up regretting it years later. Then you'll have a divorce with them. Someone who is interested in marriage wouldn't want to do something so foolish unless they actually WANT their marriage to fail for some strange reason. You haven't said anything to address my point. Your argument was mostly just "this kid is too young to know about relationships. I'm just reading a wall of text. You lose."

Btw, your example contradicts what you were trying to say. If your friend got married to someone he met on eHarmony, that wasn't random. Your friend was actively putting in time and effort to find someone with certain traits to be in a relationship with. That's the whole point of dating sites.
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Posted 10/12/14

PhantomGundam wrote:


Hayagriva wrote:


PhantomGundam wrote:


Hayagriva wrote:

No offense, but you're 17, so you probably haven't had a specific experience yet. I've had friends of ten years or longer from the most random-ass meetings across all formats - work, school, games, social forums. I'm saying if you really want somebody, you don't close doors and place stringent requirements on your interactions with people. Or you have no right to complain about solitude. Period.



Right, because being half your age means I don't know what I'm talking about. Making friends with people in random places is normal. Making a life long commitment to a single person is something that requires a lot of thinking. Being more open around people would sure be helpful, but lowering your standards is a bad idea. You can't just settle for any girl you meet. If you don't have certain requirements for what you look for in a spouse, you'll most likely end up marrying someone who would slowly get on your nerves. The divorce rate in the U.S. is so damn high these days because nobody takes marriage seriously anymore. People just marry any cute thing with legs instead of knowing what kind of person they want to spend their lives with. It should be common sense. My age has nothing to do with it. Girl A is pretty, loves painting, and has a high paying job in Silicon Valley? That's great. I wouldn't mind hanging out with her, but I wouldn't marry her. Girl B is sweet, is a nurse, and plays video games? That's nice. She sounds interesting but isn't someone I would marry. Girl C is [requirement 1], [requirement 2], and [requirement 3]? That's amazing! That's just the kind of girl I'm looking for. I can see myself having a future with her. You see where I'm getting at? I don't see why someone who would want a life long relationship would have low standards and marry just anyone. That's the quickest way to end a marriage.


You're forgetting something. Meeting that person you need to get to know is a random event. One of my best friends is happily married for 6 years from eHarmony. I don't care about your bruised ego, I'm saying you haven't been close friends (or more) with someone for a long time from a completely random meeting. Couple years, tops. You haven't lived long enough to see the value of having any kind of LONG term relationship from the strangest and most random of places. It's completely obvious in everything you've said. You can't argue with basic math, just accept it.

You basically ignored everything I was talking about. If you're going to talk to me, don't do that and expect me to respect your wall of text. That's something a kid would do. My sole and singular point was that you meet those people FROM that randomness. Not from screening, not from being finicky, not from being a loner. There IS such a thing as "setting yourself up to fail." I just don't like people bitching about it.

I knew some amazing things when I was 15, things worth knowing today. I don't discount people by their age. I DO discount them when they just ignore the person they're arguing with when they don't have a leg to stand on because they're talking about something else.

On the flip side of all of this, I blame myself for this argument. I was the one who went on a forum full of otaku and spouted some nonsense about them being responsible for their loneliness/lack of social luck.


It's possible to meet someone randomly and realize that they're right for you after spending some time getting to know them. That much is true. My main point was that you can't have low expectations when deciding to marry someone. That's what really sets you up for failure. You have to be picky to some extent so you can see how compatible someone is with you. If you don't have standards for someone and you just let anyone onto your bed, you'll start seeing a side of them you might grow to dislike and end up regretting it years later. Then you'll have a divorce with them. Someone who is interested in marriage wouldn't want to do something so foolish unless they actually WANT their marriage to fail for some strange reason. You haven't said anything to address my point. Your argument was mostly just "this kid is too young to know about relationships. I'm just reading a wall of text. You lose."

Btw, your example contradicts what you were trying to say. If your friend got married to someone he met on eHarmony, that wasn't random. Your friend was actively putting in time and effort to find someone with certain traits to be in a relationship with. That's the whole point of dating sites.


I understand what you're saying about expectations. My own are ridiculous. What I was pointing out was that having high standards of even simple friendship, much less romance, means you need MORE exposure to people, not less. It would be like saying you want your romantic partner to have blue eyes and blonde hair, and then staying at home all day and wondering why you weren't meeting them. You lost the argument because you were talking about standards, which was not the original discussion. You made that spinoff, and I don't like to veer off subject like that, nor do I respect anyone who does.

The original discussion was the FACT that you never know where you are going to meet a person, and how or what they will come to represent in your life. If you have strict social screenings, then fine. But that means you need MORE people to screen, not LESS. If you don't, that's also fine - but don't bitch about the results. This is a brick wall of reality that many people bash their heads against. My original comment about your age is you can't know what it's like to have known someone from a random instance who has drastically influenced your life for more than a couple of years, because you haven't existed long enough. If that offends you, I won't hide how much that amuses me or how bad you should feel about how much a simple fact makes you angry.

Going out every day into a big city and trying to meet someone in person is actually LESS random than the internet, because of the number of people you are dealing with. Basic statistics.

In other words, there are 15.5 million eHarmony members. I doubt there are that many people within a hundred miles of where any of us live. Even if they're all single on a website, going to meetup groups or places where the kind of people you want to meet would be (for romantic reasons or otherwise) is far, FAR less random than the internet. If you draw associations to where you are going with personality types, it's even less random than I just projected. Even people in their 20's don't seem to know this. I know someone who's older than me who never got it either.
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Posted 10/12/14
used to.
but realised it was only in Disney movies.
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Posted 10/12/14

DivinePrince wrote:

Marriage is a stupid waste of money and paper-work. No thanks.



I am fine with having a partner, and we can devote our lives and our love to each-other WITHOUT the complicated mess of money and arrangements and legally binding documents.


I agree with this 100% *gets on one knee* will you marry me?

Just kidding, although I strongly believe that marriage is a privilege that should be open to any relationship (same sex, intergalatic, or whatever), I don't want to get married myself. I believe that getting "married" takes the romantic part of love away, it's basically bounding your love by a contract which sounds lame.

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Posted 10/12/14

KarasuEL wrote:


DivinePrince wrote:

Marriage is a stupid waste of money and paper-work. No thanks.



I am fine with having a partner, and we can devote our lives and our love to each-other WITHOUT the complicated mess of money and arrangements and legally binding documents.


I agree with this 100% *gets on one knee* will you marry me?

Just kidding, although I strongly believe that marriage is a privilege that should be open to any relationship (same sex, intergalatic, or whatever), I don't want to get married myself. I believe that getting "married" takes the romantic part of love away, it's basically bounding your love by a contract which sounds lame.



Exactly.

I love the idea of being in a long, love-filled relationship because you WANT to; not because you're bound by a bunch of stupid papers and a fee of $50 000.

Sogno- 
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Posted 10/12/14
yes i really want to be married. and have kids. and have a house... with a decent kitchen. and a garden. I'd make a good housewife
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Posted 10/12/14 , edited 10/12/14
I have no problem with people getting married, but I probably wouldn't do it myself. Assuming 'the wife' would want a flashy wedding, that would cost a lot and be a lot of faff, and then if things go wrong and we want a divorce, that's even more money gone and a shit ton more faffing around. I'd find it more cost efficient to just remain a couple, and I think if two people are made for each other, marriage isn't going to change anything.
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