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Posted 2/2/08 , edited 3/10/08
Sadly you didn't highlight your chemistry reference, so we can't accept this as an entry for the contest... Sorry!! ~Duster

I wrote this myself and I'm not suicidal or anything

Tell me what do you think about it...you can tell me anything




Too Late To Go Back

by

LaReSaKa


She’s a person who wears an invisible mask on her face everyday

“What a boring day” I whispered to myself unconsciously as I take notes of the lesson being discussed.

I looked at the white board in front of me and let my thoughts travel somewhere for a while.

Nobody knows the real her…She’s afraid to show her real self…because they will surely hate her if she did...

“Montoya!”

I was drawn back to the lesson by the voice of my teacher.

‘What an irritating demanding voice’ I mused to myself, but I stood up nonetheless and answered a fairly easy question in my opinion but it really wasn’t, I don’t know, people were looking at me and cheering me on as if I’ve found the cure for cancer or something.

Everybody likes her mask…they adore her because of it…but in reality she really hated it...because it keeps the real Celina Montoya inside…so that nobody can see the real her…


“Celina, you’re so smart!” one of my classmates complemented, but is it true? Am I really smart?

I just smiled at her and denied but she pressed the subject on so I just kept quiet as she blabbed about her being an idiot, then she went on and on, it was tiring especially if you’ll hear it everyday but I’m used to it…

She was always alone…because nobody knows the real her…even her parents…she couldn’t show it to anybody…they’ll be looking at her disgustingly if she did...

‘How I wish I were someone…different’ Celina thought to herself.

Another period starts and another teacher discusses another lesson to another subject but to me they all look the same, those teacher’s voices all sounds similar, they’re all just an irritating voice that I have to hear and listen to everyday just like all the other voices around me…

‘It’s all so irritating!!!’ she screamed in her mind

I looked at my notebook and my thoughts started flying off to elsewhere… well, anywhere but in this stuffy, boring classroom…

She was always complemented…always looked up on…but she didn’t want it…she wants understanding…she wants freedom…from herself…

I felt a sudden stinging feeling and a familiar scent reaches my nose.

Hmnnn that smell…

I look at my finger and saw that I accidentally bit my thumb a bit too hard and now crimson blood flowed out of the newly cut wound. I lapse over it with my tongue as the metallic taste overwhelms me… a taste that I have grown accustomed to… through a lot of ways people would often call it suicidal…

She was lost…she couldn’t find a way…and she was all alone…because nobody can accept the real her…can anybody accept her?

Probably nobody, right? You would probably be thinking that I’m a sick, pathetic girl who’s too scared to face the world and so, decided to hide herself behind a mask of lies… that maybe true but I have my reasons, we all do, right?

“Celina! Hey, Celina, you okay?” Rina’s face appeared in front of me. “Let’s go, school’s done ages ago!” she beamed.

I could see she was happy… I long have forgotten how that felt. I shook my head. “Sorry, guys, but I need to get home early today.” I said, trying to sound as apologetically as I can.

Mica and Rina frowned, they look disappointed… of me… that look, I hate that look!

“Fine but you better go with us tomorrow, okay? Bye!” they waved at me before leaving… I am left alone to think, thinking just how lonely I am even though I am surrounded by friends… but they know nothing of me and they will never do because they are contented with seeing my mask… but not me…

She was angry…and she couldn’t control it anymore…

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I HATE YOU!” My voice echoes through the darkness and I saw my parents’ faces scrunched up in anger and disgust but they won’t stop… they continued screaming at me their disappointments and anger… their words were smothering me, I want them to just shut the hell up!

They stopped and I looked up at them… that look again!

I hate that look! That disappointed look! Make it go away! I want to rip that look off their faces…

She stood up and screamed at them “Will you stop it already?!”

My mother slapped me using her right palm. I don’t mind…I’m used being hurt. I didn’t cry…I can’t cry anymore…I’m tired of crying…

She slowly looked up at her and slapped her back…I slapped my own mother…

My mother’s eyes widened when she looked at me. I stepped back and run to my room.

“Celina!!!” I heard my father’s voice from downstairs but I didn’t stop, I continued running towards my room. When I reached my door I quickly open it and got inside. I locked the door before lying on my bed.

My eyes started getting tired and the next thing I knew I was already asleep…

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Celina!”

I looked up and smiled as I saw the man I love, Kenny. There he was standing in front of my desk, his left hand on my shoulder. He was precious to me. I’m willing to give my life for him. He and I have been dating for three years now…yeah we’re still dating. Even though I knew that he can’t love me back I still stayed with him.

He only dated me because his loved one already has another and another thing was because he pitied me. And guess who he really loves for three years…Rina, my best friend.

Rina was my exact opposite. She never really cares about school. All she cared for was shopping and having fun. While I, spends most of my time studying and attending meetings for student council.

Three years ago when we we’re only started going steady I noticed that his attention was always on Rina. Actually, from the start I noticed that he’s always glancing at Rina and would always do everything for her. Do you know how I found out about his feeling for her? Well it goes on like this...

I asked him straightforwardly if he has a feeling for Rina. I snapped because he cared more about Rina than me. Do you know what he answered to me?

“Yeah…I do have a feeling for her…I really like her…in fact…I love her…for three years”

Harsh isn’t it? Well I can’t do anything about it so I let it be. I love him that much. I’ll risk myself for him…just for him to notice me…even a small and true smile from him will make me very happy.

“Celina, what’s happening to you? You’re mind was always off to somewhere. This isn’t you” Kenny said to me as he looked down at me.

My smile faded… this isn’t me? He never knows who I really am!!!

I looked away and said “Whatever” nonchalantly. In my peripheral vision I saw him looked at me strangely. Why wouldn’t he be confused? The Celina that they know would apologize and would offer a small smile for her misdemeanor. But she’s tired of it…all of it. She’s tired of being the Little Miss Perfect. She wants to be herself!

“Anyway, we’re going to gym…today’s our PE day remember?” he said before leaving not even waiting for my answer. I stood up and fall in line outside our classroom together with my other classmates as we started taking our way up to the school gym in the roof top.

She couldn’t take it anymore…the hate and frustration inside her made her reach her peak…she wanted to end it all…

When we reached the rooftop everybody went on their own ways. Our gym class teacher was absent so it’s free for us to play whatever sports we want to play. I saw Rina, Mica and Kenny playing volleyball. The three of them versus her other three classmates.

He must be really happy, being in the same team with Rina, the person that he really loves…no one can miss his beautiful smile, it was so wide and genuine…he’s only smiling like that when Rina was around him.

She couldn’t keep it…it’s time to end everything…


I started walking towards the sliding glass doors; everyone was too busy to notice. I felt the strong wind…I love this feeling…because it’s the same thing that made me wish I could fly… Fly…

I put both of her hands above the edge of the two feet thick cement railing. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. When I opened them I carefully got above the railing keeping my balance, then I looked down. Wow their school building was really high.

“Celina, NO!”

“Celina, stop that!”

“Get away from there, Celina!”

I heard them all calling but I didn’t bother listening, they were just annoying voices so I stayed standing on the railings of the rooftop, I carefully turned around and faced my ‘friends’ while miraculously staying in balance on the railings…

I could see they were worried but I just smiled at them the way ‘Celina Montoya’ used to…

“I’m very tired guys…”

I say to them… they looked confused but I don’t care so I turned around again… I could hear their voices begging, protesting, telling me to snap out of it… but I laughed as their annoying, irritating voices… I can only hear the wind giving me wings to fly…

So I closed my eyes, I could feel my wings….

“Goodbye!” I said with a wave before I took the leap…

‘This will be my last goodbyes…’ I mused as I felt myself falling…slowly falling…

I opened my eyes and stared ahead, the view was upside down. Then suddenly I remembered my teachers when they complemented me and giving me proud smiles for my great works. I remembered my classmates who smiled at me and looked up at me and treat me as their role model.

I remembered when Rina, Mica and I go shopping buying anything we want, enjoying ourselves and not caring about our problems as long as we’re together.

I remembered one time when Kenny smiled at me like no other…it was on my birthday…his smile means like he was grateful that I am his…it didn’t even match his smile when he’s with Rina earlier…it was meant only for me…

Then the most important thing that I remembered was when my mother and father would always take me to the park when I was young then we’re going straight to the church to pray and thank God and ask for forgiveness.

“What am I…doing?” she whispered in realization, she looked at the place where she leaped; she saw Rina, Mica and Kenny shouting. Rina and Mica we’re crying…and Kenny…he too was crying…and shouting her name over and over again…

“I…I’m sorry…” were her last words…

She realized that it was already too late…too late to go back...








Want to read more of my works? Well here's the link!!!

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3819640/1/Gakuen_Zeferis
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Posted 2/3/08
It seems good, but it gets often confusing when you switch from the main protagonists perspective and to another's perspective. For instance:

I remembered one time when Kenny smiled at me like no other…it was on my birthday…his smile means like he was grateful that I am his…it didn’t even match his smile when he’s with Rina earlier…it was meant only for me…

And a few lines below

“What am I…doing?” she whispered in realization, she looked at the place where she leaped; she saw Rina, Mica and Kenny shouting. Rina and Mica we’re crying…and Kenny…he too was crying…and shouting her name over and over again…

I liked how you blue'd the things that were of outer perspective though.
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Posted 2/4/08
yeah seems like i have that bad habit even in fanfictions XD very sorry...

I'll try to improve my writings ^^

Thank you very much!!!
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Posted 2/10/08
So sad
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Posted 4/7/08
Great story .
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Posted 4/10/08
LOL i love your story!! So sad......and a little confusing.......but still better than mine!!
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