First  Prev  1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  Next  Last
What's NOT harassment?
Posted 11/3/14 , edited 11/9/14
Since a certain viral video of a woman walking in NYC showcased what harassment is, I guess the most important question to ask now is: What's NOT harassment?

During a discussion on FB with someone about this particular video, this: http://www.bustle.com/articles/46527-6-things-you-might-not-think-are-harassment-but-definitely-are-because-apparently-we-need-to was linked to me. It enumerates a few things that is apparently harassment. I, personally, think it's pretty dumb and extremely biased... but that's me. I'm interested in what you folks think.

So again, if greeting, complimenting, or pretty much trying to get a woman's attention is harassment, then what kind of interaction initiated by a man is NOT harassment? What is an acceptable interaction between two strangers of the opposite sex?

My response to the person who linked that to me: (You don't need to read if you don't want to)


14748 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
19 / F / ON, Canada
Offline
Posted 11/3/14
I think at this point these women just really want to think everything's harassment, they've got this annoying victim complex over the smallest things.
Posted 11/3/14 , edited 11/3/14
Some of that article I could agree with but most of it I just found irritating. I've always kind of thought that the biggest factor in what is or is not harassment is how good looking the one person is to the other. It seems like most of the time if the person is good looking it is taken in a positive way where if the person is considered ugly, even if they are saying or doing the same exact thing, it comes off as creepy or gross. Of course attitude in the interaction has an effect on the outcome as well. Just my opinion on it anyway.
14468 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
26 / M / Houma
Offline
Posted 11/3/14 , edited 11/3/14
By the 2nd paragraph of that link I would say merely potentially making someone uncomfortable fits their very loose definition of harassment. Also because of this I (rarely) feel uncomfortable at jumping into conversations where I feel I can contribute highly relevant and useful information (simply because that's what I do...)

If I were to wrongly (or even correctly) perceive that they viewed me as a potential threat does that mean they are harassing me? That is the ridiculousness of this loose definition that seems to always be interpreted to suit an agenda. Prosecutors do this all the time... seriously look up the loose definitions of "hacking" that they have charged people with.

Some random girl hit on me at a clinic lobby a few months ago... I thought it was odd... it wasn't invited in the least (I didn't even look) but is it harassment? NO

Even if the interaction was spurred by attraction it really shouldn't be considered harassment unless they were being rude, closing distance, or continuing to speak after rejection/ignorance.

Objectification... I really do hate the usage of that word... the way people will blanket it on attraction... the only ones who seriously wouldn't care about anything else other than your body are headcases...

It is a great thing to consider the feelings of others but there has to be a line. People need to be a little more thick-skinned about these things and if you feel threatened you should take the general safety precautions that you probably should be taking anyway. I am a very strong guy (and before I tore my achilles I was bit fast too) but I am no fool. I avoid any areas or situations where it would be easy to attack me without public interference.


This list itself is very solid and should be blatantly obvious but the whole tone is arrogant.

...and for my final edit (I'm really sorry for this rant and frequent edits)

http://murderpedia.org/male.D/d/dominique-ronald.htm

^You should always be on guard and be in position to protect yourself no matter who you are and what you are doing... this is the sad truth... the threat is REAL but you can't let paranoia dominate you into looking down on everyone.
11040 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
M / Seattle, WA
Offline
Posted 11/3/14 , edited 11/3/14
I talk to random people on the street when something randomly is remarkable to me. What I say depends on context of the conversation, but you can usually tell within the first second if they enjoy it or not. If they don't, I just stop talking.

I do it to guys and girls.. Usually when I talk to girls it's more awkward, and unsure.. because I'm not sure if they'll take offense to the fact I'm even talking to them! I mean, staring at someone is considered harassment. Wow. I feel like as per that article, I should now start treating my life outside as if I live in the ghetto. No eye contact. No gestures. Who knows what sign you may cross and get murdered for. :P
1580 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
26 / F / MO
Offline
Posted 11/3/14 , edited 11/4/14
I am all for equal representation of the sexes but this article....-le sigh- this is the type of shit I do not like. I feel like a lot of these can be done properly and it wouldn't be seen as harassment:

1. Telling someone to smile
Harassment: Demanding attention and for someone to go out of their way to please them by having you smile
Good way: Tell a joke, say a funny story, give me a reason to smile, don't just demand it.

2.Saying "God Bless You". Well, in that case the whole south is harassing one another.
Harassment: Telling someone that God blessed them with X or Y physical characteristic
Good way: Saying "God Bless You" because, you want someone to be guided by something more than just words but by spiritual/religious powers (I know this sounds funky, please bear with me. I am half falling asleep and words are failing me ._. sumimasen minna)

3. Giving compliments
Harassment: Screaming at someone what they want to do "with that ass"
Good way: Eh, if its to a stranger it will be incredibly hard not to come up as creepy but it is totally possible. I was walking out of a restaurant one day and a guy said (not yelled) "Sorry to bother you but I wanted to let you know that you look gorgeous in that dress" MADE.MY.FUCKING.WEEK.

4. Staring
Harassment: Literally not taking your eyes off of a person for a long period of time
Good way: Staring is not good. Trying to catch someone's eye with glances could be a better way to make this work?

5. Speaking to someone who clearly doesn't want to be spoken to
Harassment: If the person has already told you that they are not interested in talking to you then walk away. Period. However, we do have that little right about you know...freedom of speech and whatnot.
Good way: You don't force the issue. The more you try to talk to them, the more awkward and tense the situation is going to get, and the largest the chances of her yelling for the cops is

6. Becoming incredulous when you are ignored
This is the one point where I completely agree with the author of the article. You have your right to speak, I have the right to ignore you. Why is my ignoring you somehow turning me into 'slut/whore/bitch/ice queen (yeah, I've been called that one before/[insert any other derogatory possible term here] ? It doesn't and you getting heated just because I didn't react the way that you wanted me to is in no way, shape or form my problem. So don't bring me into it.


At least that what I think, but every situation is different, specially when dealing with people, so idk =|
14468 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
26 / M / Houma
Offline
Posted 11/3/14 , edited 11/3/14

Fernator wrote:

3. Giving compliments
Harassment: Screaming at someone what they want to do "with that ass"
Good way: Eh, if its to a stranger it will be incredibly hard not to come up as creepy but it is totally possible. I was walking out of a restaurant one day and a guy said (not yelled) "Sorry to bother you but I wanted to let you know that you look gorgeous in that dress" MADE.MY.FUCKING.WEEK.



That particular point there rings so true. People don't always like compliments on things they had little to no control over but things they put effort into even if it is something as simple as choice in clothing is usually pleasing. I personally don't care when complimented on my looks but I really like compliments on my abilities.
1202 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
F / Canada
Offline
Posted 11/3/14
Here is my take as a plus size woman who gets harrassed like that almost daily. Males need to stop thinking they are entitled to everything. Catcalling is part of that entitlement.

I am fine if you say I look stunning in the outfit I am wearing, but then back off. Actual complements are fine, catcalling isn't.

I do not need to smile at someone because they think I should, I do not need to know what you want to do with my body, butt, boobs, etc. I do not need to be hassled trying to get from point A to B, I do not at all need some dude thinking it is fine to hassle me while I am in the middle of a phone call because he thinks it is fake so I can ignore him.

Until men learn the world doesn't bow to them, a lot of this will be labeled as harassment because that is what it is becoming.
Posted 11/3/14

AmaraRin wrote:

Here is my take as a plus size woman who gets harrassed like that almost daily. Males need to stop thinking they are entitled to everything. Catcalling is part of that entitlement.

I am fine if you say I look stunning in the outfit I am wearing, but then back off. Actual complements are fine, catcalling isn't.

I do not need to smile at someone because they think I should, I do not need to know what you want to do with my body, butt, boobs, etc. I do not need to be hassled trying to get from point A to B, I do not at all need some dude thinking it is fine to hassle me while I am in the middle of a phone call because he thinks it is fake so I can ignore him.

Until men learn the world doesn't bow to them, a lot of this will be labeled as harassment because that is what it is becoming.


I understand that, but it doesn't really answer my question.

Are you trying to say that any interaction a male tries to initiate is harassment in your eyes?
17006 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
M / Australia
Offline
Posted 11/3/14
Sigh. This is why I hate this world full of idiot humans. People are so ignorant and stupid that they make normal things in life ridiculously big issues and find problems and fears in every little thing. People should just learn to deal with life and not complain about every little thing they can find.
1202 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
F / Canada
Offline
Posted 11/3/14

xDeadlyDollx wrote:


AmaraRin wrote:

Here is my take as a plus size woman who gets harrassed like that almost daily. Males need to stop thinking they are entitled to everything. Catcalling is part of that entitlement.

I am fine if you say I look stunning in the outfit I am wearing, but then back off. Actual complements are fine, catcalling isn't.

I do not need to smile at someone because they think I should, I do not need to know what you want to do with my body, butt, boobs, etc. I do not need to be hassled trying to get from point A to B, I do not at all need some dude thinking it is fine to hassle me while I am in the middle of a phone call because he thinks it is fake so I can ignore him.

Until men learn the world doesn't bow to them, a lot of this will be labeled as harassment because that is what it is becoming.


I understand that, but it doesn't really answer my question.

Are you trying to say that any interaction a male tries to initiate is harassment in your eyes?


It can. Even the best of intentions can show a persons true nature.

The biggest problem men think they are entitled to say crap like that to women and we are just supposed to smile and giggle. When we show we don't like the attention or clearly state we don't want it, that can get us killed.

As I stated before an actual complement is fine, but wording, tone of voice, posture, etc, plays a huge roll in if we take it or not. If you came up to me aggressively and said "Hey baby I like the dress, I think it would look better off you!" that is harassment. Now if you said "Excuse me, I hate to bother you, I just wanted to say you look stunning in that dress." I may or may not take it due to posture and tone of voice. If you don't look or sound threatening, I likely with say "thank you" and move along. If you are more aggressive I will likely not take it and get away as quick as I can because I know it will lead to unwanted attention.

See the difference?
Posted 11/3/14

AmaraRin wrote:

It can. Even the best of intentions can show a persons true nature.

The biggest problem men think they are entitled to say crap like that to women and we are just supposed to smile and giggle. When we show we don't like the attention or clearly state we don't want it, that can get us killed.

As I stated before an actual complement is fine, but wording, tone of voice, posture, etc, plays a huge roll in if we take it or not. If you came up to me aggressively and said "Hey baby I like the dress, I think it would look better off you!" that is harassment. Now if you said "Excuse me, I hate to bother you, I just wanted to say you look stunning in that dress." I may or may not take it due to posture and tone of voice. If you don't look or sound threatening, I likely with say "thank you" and move along. If you are more aggressive I will likely not take it and get away as quick as I can because I know it will lead to unwanted attention.

See the difference?


Interesting.. And if a guy you find rather attractive comes up to you and makes advances, would you be less likely to feel threatened?
14468 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
26 / M / Houma
Offline
Posted 11/3/14 , edited 11/3/14

xDeadlyDollx wrote:


AmaraRin wrote:

It can. Even the best of intentions can show a persons true nature.

The biggest problem men think they are entitled to say crap like that to women and we are just supposed to smile and giggle. When we show we don't like the attention or clearly state we don't want it, that can get us killed.

As I stated before an actual complement is fine, but wording, tone of voice, posture, etc, plays a huge roll in if we take it or not. If you came up to me aggressively and said "Hey baby I like the dress, I think it would look better off you!" that is harassment. Now if you said "Excuse me, I hate to bother you, I just wanted to say you look stunning in that dress." I may or may not take it due to posture and tone of voice. If you don't look or sound threatening, I likely with say "thank you" and move along. If you are more aggressive I will likely not take it and get away as quick as I can because I know it will lead to unwanted attention.

See the difference?


Interesting.. And if a guy you find rather attractive comes up to you and makes advances, would you be less likely to feel threatened?


It is in bad taste to lead with loaded questions. I agree with your stance but be careful to not go on the attack. Causing anger or frustration is unlikely to persuade anyone to see your point of view. I just don't want this thread derailed because I feel it can be constructive.


Translation for you Rin... give the forum some examples of what you consider threatening or aggressive (and what isn't)... this varies from person to person and many times intent can incorrectly be perceived. The line itself is blurry.
Posted 11/3/14

GreatLordBalzak wrote:

It is in bad taste to lead with loaded questions. I agree with your stance but be careful to not go on the attack. Causing anger or frustration is unlikely to persuade anyone to see your point of view. I just don't want this thread derailed because I feel it can be constructive.


Did it come out that way? I apologize. I did not think that's how it's coming off as. I am simply asking out of curiosity if advances made by someone the person finds attractive or appealing are more likely to be welcomed than those made by people they have no interest in.

You see, I'm still trying to figure out what would constitute as "wanted attention."
14468 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
26 / M / Houma
Offline
Posted 11/3/14 , edited 11/3/14
I felt it wasn't intentional so that's why I called it out. When you are focused a 2nd set of eyes can be useful.

I will also answer that question for myself... I wouldn't consider it wanted if I didn't do anything to invite the attention but I would appreciate it and move on if there isn't a purpose to continue speaking. I have only once been bothered by such a situation and that was when I was visiting a cousin at a bar.

Even though I clearly wasn't engaged in the conversation (or should I say her one sided rant?) she continued to encroach on my personal space... that is creepy no matter who you are or who is doing it.

As far as whether they are attractive to me or not I personally stick with a neutral unassuming stance and will politely respond as long as it is not holding me back from anything.
First  Prev  1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  Next  Last
You must be logged in to post.