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What's NOT harassment?
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Posted 11/4/14

xDeadlyDollx wrote:


tkayt wrote:

It's not harassment if someone was invited or welcomed to behave a particular way.


In that case, all outside interaction initiated by ANY stranger if uninvited by the receiver can be called harassment. I believe sales people and recruiters would also be in a line of work that can be considered as harassment.


Yep Sales people, recruiters and even some pushy religious types can end up harassing others even though it may not have been their intention (note some do deliberately intend to harass prey into giving in to whatever they're selling etc). Personally I generally let them know I'm not interested by shaking my head and saying no. They can then move one to see if anyone else is interested in what they have to say. There'll be those who will stop to talk to them. Some may even give a slight nod. Those are invitations.
Posted 11/4/14

tkayt wrote:

Yep Sales people, recruiters and even some pushy religious types can end up harassing others even though it may not have been their intention (note some do deliberately intend to harass prey into giving in to whatever they're selling etc). Personally I generally let them know I'm not interested by shaking my head and saying no. They can then move one to see if anyone else is interested in what they have to say. There'll be those who will stop to talk to them. Some may even give a slight nod. Those are invitations.


Hmmm.. I agree with that. But what if someone mistakes a person's polite acknowledgement as an invitation and continues engaging the person? The person might think they are being harassed while the other might think that the other person is okay with the interaction. I think this is usually how some problems from misunderstanding may arise.
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Posted 11/4/14
I see a lot of wrong definitions of harassment. It's very similar to the misconception of what bullying is.

Harassment is not just a single rude comment or "cat call". If someone says something that's considered annoying, they're told to go away, and they do go away, then they didn't harass anyone. If they stick around and continue their rude, annoying behavior, then it's harassment.

The comic posted earlier, while cute and funny, didn't actually demonstrate any harassment. Just a guy who apparently poorly phrased a compliment and didn't realize it. If he followed her and tried to talk to her after she already asked him to leave her alone, that would be harassment.

But whatever, soon I'll be reading explanations on how getting winked at is a form of rape, I'm sure.
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Posted 11/4/14

xDeadlyDollx wrote:


AmaraRin wrote:

You know what, you try being told almost daily what some guy with an entitlment issue explicitly wants to do with your body and then see how safe you feel. What you won't.

I have had my bloody job threatened by my boss because I told some guy to stop touching my ass. I have had threats of sexual violence. Would you feel safe? No? Now you are learning.

Until you men feel and deal with even the smallest idea that saying "No." will get you killed, you have no say in this. And if you pull the "Well not all men!" yeah great but what are you doing about the ones that are? Oh wait? Nothing you say? Then sit down and shut up.


1. I am not a man.

2. I don't need to engage you in a contest of experiences and I don't really feel the need to tell you what I have gone through. Why? Because it's unnecessary and has no influence whatsoever in how I live my life and interact with people. Bad things happen and some people are absolutely disgusting, but I just brush it off, take what I can from the experience and move on. I'm not gonna be paranoid of every other human being simply because I've met some terrible ones. I, personally, wouldn't want any guy who've been harassed and hurt by other women to look at me like some freakin' psycho cunt who'll do exactly the same thing. It's one thing to be cautious, it's a whole other thing to put the guilt on everyone and treat them like criminals simply for being a certain gender. THAT'S what I would call pathetic.

3. I believe the reason I cannot understand you completely is because I cannot comprehend your insistence on being such a helpless victim. No wonder you're so paranoid. It must suck to live a life where you feel the whole world's out to get you...

What is pathetic is you are defending these assholes who do it. Once the tides turn you would be in the same boat as the rest of us who deal with this crap normally then you will learn but until then have fun living in your ignorance bubble.
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Posted 11/4/14

During a discussion on FB

Stopped reading from there.
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Posted 11/4/14

justanotherguy_2005 wrote:

Some of that article I could agree with but most of it I just found irritating. I've always kind of thought that the biggest factor in what is or is not harassment is how good looking the one person is to the other. It seems like most of the time if the person is good looking it is taken in a positive way where if the person is considered ugly, even if they are saying or doing the same exact thing, it comes off as creepy or gross. Of course attitude in the interaction has an effect on the outcome as well. Just my opinion on it anyway.

You nailed it I completely agree with you.
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Posted 11/4/14
What the hells wrong with you people lol.
Posted 11/4/14 , edited 11/4/14

AmaraRin wrote:

What is pathetic is you are defending these assholes who do it. Once the tides turn you would be in the same boat as the rest of us who deal with this crap normally then you will learn but until then have fun living in your ignorance bubble.


I would really like for you to point out when and where exactly did I defend harassers? And FYI, I'm not the one who's being ignorant and self-important by assuming every guy is sexually aroused by my presence. Also, I can't believe you're somehow hinting that you wish for me to be harassed so I will "learn." That's fucked up... Not that I care, really. Been there, done that, hun.. I'm just made of tougher stuff than you are. Not your fault...
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Posted 11/4/14
I walked past a woman on a crowded street.

Our shoulders nudged, just barely.

I got slandered for street harassment, that I assaulted her, and I apparently wanted to rape her.

I dropped my coffee.
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Posted 11/4/14

Kavalion wrote:
The comic posted earlier, while cute and funny, didn't actually demonstrate any harassment. Just a guy who apparently poorly phrased a compliment and didn't realize it. If he followed her and tried to talk to her after she already asked him to leave her alone, that would be harassment.


I would definitely consider what was demonstrated in the comic to be, if not harassment, ridiculously inappropriate.

Personally, I would say that if someone had people come up to them and say something like that on a regular basis, it is harassment, it will drive a person insane. A single individual might think that they are just giving a complement, but at the same time they are contributing to a consistent stream of unwanted comments that make you feel yucky. It's even worse if some of those people do follow a person and harass them, then every time someone someone talks to you on the street, you would worry that they might start harassing you like that other person did.

I'm not sure I'm explaining what I mean very well, but oh well, I tried.
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Posted 11/4/14

Fernator wrote:

I am all for equal representation of the sexes but this article....-le sigh- this is the type of shit I do not like. I feel like a lot of these can be done properly and it wouldn't be seen as harassment:

1. Telling someone to smile
Harassment: Demanding attention and for someone to go out of their way to please them by having you smile
Good way: Tell a joke, say a funny story, give me a reason to smile, don't just demand it.

2.Saying "God Bless You". Well, in that case the whole south is harassing one another.
Harassment: Telling someone that God blessed them with X or Y physical characteristic
Good way: Saying "God Bless You" because, you want someone to be guided by something more than just words but by spiritual/religious powers (I know this sounds funky, please bear with me. I am half falling asleep and words are failing me ._. sumimasen minna)

3. Giving compliments
Harassment: Screaming at someone what they want to do "with that ass"
Good way: Eh, if its to a stranger it will be incredibly hard not to come up as creepy but it is totally possible. I was walking out of a restaurant one day and a guy said (not yelled) "Sorry to bother you but I wanted to let you know that you look gorgeous in that dress" MADE.MY.FUCKING.WEEK.

4. Staring
Harassment: Literally not taking your eyes off of a person for a long period of time
Good way: Staring is not good. Trying to catch someone's eye with glances could be a better way to make this work?

5. Speaking to someone who clearly doesn't want to be spoken to
Harassment: If the person has already told you that they are not interested in talking to you then walk away. Period. However, we do have that little right about you know...freedom of speech and whatnot.
Good way: You don't force the issue. The more you try to talk to them, the more awkward and tense the situation is going to get, and the largest the chances of her yelling for the cops is

6. Becoming incredulous when you are ignored
This is the one point where I completely agree with the author of the article. You have your right to speak, I have the right to ignore you. Why is my ignoring you somehow turning me into 'slut/whore/bitch/ice queen (yeah, I've been called that one before/[insert any other derogatory possible term here] ? It doesn't and you getting heated just because I didn't react the way that you wanted me to is in no way, shape or form my problem. So don't bring me into it.


At least that what I think, but every situation is different, specially when dealing with people, so idk =|


I really like your view on these, I agree, there is a right way, and there is a wrong way to go about these. As someone who already has enough trouble dealing with working up the courage to talk to women, I don't need to be accused of harassment when that's the last thing on my mind.

Posted 11/4/14

tf2pyros wrote:

I walked past a woman on a crowded street.

Our shoulders nudged, just barely.

I got slandered for street harassment, that I assaulted her, and I apparently wanted to rape her.

I dropped my coffee.


it's a bitter sweet symphony this life~
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Posted 11/4/14

papagolfwhiskey wrote:


Firedestroyer wrote:

"Have a nice day!"

I feel so violated..


How about if it was said with the accompaniment of an upraised middle finger? It's easy to mock. harder to live.




When did getting flipped off come into the equation?
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Posted 11/4/14 , edited 11/4/14
I find this article as yet another piece of evidence that the human race is dropping in intelligence and becoming a pile of pitty potty sitters. I am a woman and yet i would never consider any of that harassment, because women how do, already think them selves victims of harassment. if you get attention, you get attention. if i was to take every thing on that list as harassment (or any one for that matter) i would find never leave the house thinking that every one that looks at me a little too long is going to rape me. it is no way to live or think. feminist extremists need to cool their tits and just let people be people.

M'KAY
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Posted 11/4/14
Unless someone is threatening, following or making sexual remarks i dont see it as harassment.
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