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What's NOT harassment?
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Posted 11/4/14

Firedestroyer wrote:


papagolfwhiskey wrote:


Firedestroyer wrote:

"Have a nice day!"

I feel so violated..


How about if it was said with the accompaniment of an upraised middle finger? It's easy to mock. harder to live.




When did getting flipped off come into the equation?


My point was that raw text does not convey the entire interaction. Tone of voice, stress on the words accompanying body language or gestures can dramatically change the meaning.

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Posted 11/4/14

papagolfwhiskey wrote:


Firedestroyer wrote:



When did getting flipped off come into the equation?


My point was that raw text does not convey the entire interaction. Tone of voice, stress on the words accompanying body language or gestures can dramatically change the meaning.



Of course. But, people seem to think saying anything, no matter the context, is bad.
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Posted 11/4/14
TIL saying "Good morning, have a nice day" is harassment, I should probably stop.
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Posted 11/4/14

AmaraRin wrote:


_wio_ wrote:

I define harassment as any behavior that is continued even after being told to stop. The point is that many behaviors are benign, but they can make people uncomfortable and should be disengaged once you know it makes the person uncomfortable. If a behavior is so severe that one should not even need a warning, then it isn't harassment but rather a violation from the start. The point of policing harassment is to allow a gray area so that not everything must be classified under completely acceptable or completely unacceptable.

Unfortunately the word "harassment" seems to be co-opted. Now it is not required to actually tell someone to stop. This essentially means that entering a gray area is no different than doing something explicitly prohibited. It's much better to outright ban a behavior than to leave it in a state where one party can arbitrarily decide whether it was wrong or not. At the same time, most people want there to exist a gray area than to be walking on eggshells indefinitely. Thus we don't end up with a clear black and white, but rather a pseudo-gray area that is really a black area.



AmaraRin wrote:

Here is my take as a plus size woman who gets harrassed like that almost daily. Males need to stop thinking they are entitled to everything. Catcalling is part of that entitlement.

I am fine if you say I look stunning in the outfit I am wearing, but then back off. Actual complements are fine, catcalling isn't.

I do not need to smile at someone because they think I should, I do not need to know what you want to do with my body, butt, boobs, etc. I do not need to be hassled trying to get from point A to B, I do not at all need some dude thinking it is fine to hassle me while I am in the middle of a phone call because he thinks it is fake so I can ignore him.

Until men learn the world doesn't bow to them, a lot of this will be labeled as harassment because that is what it is becoming.


The one who is entitled is not the men, but you. You're demanding that they change their behavior simply for your own convenience without honestly considering why they do what they do.

In general men have to approach women and women get approached. It can be somewhat of a self perpetuating rule because if men don't get approached then they must approach women, and if women get approached it is not as necessary to leave their comfort zone to approach men. It is very easy to be critical of someone who is doing something you've never had to do yourself.

Catcalling is a very subjective term. Everyone draws the line at a different place. The men who approach women whom they don't know on the street do so because sometimes it works. The same concept applies to someone who is begging for money on the street. The beggar does not necessarily feel entitled to money, they are just exercising their freedom to beg.

Here read, comprehend and understand then get back to me on this. Cat calling is street harassment. http://www.stopstreetharassment.org/about/what-is-street-harassment/

Also get over your entitlement because being told explicitly what some random dude on the street wants to do with my body is HARASSMENT. That also falls under treat of sexual violence. So no it isn't women who need to change our behavior it is men because when we say stop we don't like that we normal end up dead. Look it up because guess what? It happen more often then you think.



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Posted 11/4/14 , edited 11/4/14
People who say "Maybe he just wants to talk to you. Don't discriminate against men, just talk to him" then turn around to say "Exercise with caution, wear more clothes if you don't want to be harassed" don't know how retarded these two lines sound next to each other.
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Posted 11/4/14

xDeadlyDollx wrote:


tkayt wrote:

Yep Sales people, recruiters and even some pushy religious types can end up harassing others even though it may not have been their intention (note some do deliberately intend to harass prey into giving in to whatever they're selling etc). Personally I generally let them know I'm not interested by shaking my head and saying no. They can then move one to see if anyone else is interested in what they have to say. There'll be those who will stop to talk to them. Some may even give a slight nod. Those are invitations.


Hmmm.. I agree with that. But what if someone mistakes a person's polite acknowledgement as an invitation and continues engaging the person? The person might think they are being harassed while the other might think that the other person is okay with the interaction. I think this is usually how some problems from misunderstanding may arise.


A polite acknowledgement is an invitation for the salesperson/recruiter to carry on with their pitch/argument so why would that be a misunderstanding?

A misunderstanding is when the salesperson/recruiter does not recognise sign of dissent and steam rolls ahead regardless.
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Posted 11/4/14

GreatLordBalzak wrote:


Fernator wrote:

3. Giving compliments
Harassment: Screaming at someone what they want to do "with that ass"
Good way: Eh, if its to a stranger it will be incredibly hard not to come up as creepy but it is totally possible. I was walking out of a restaurant one day and a guy said (not yelled) "Sorry to bother you but I wanted to let you know that you look gorgeous in that dress" MADE.MY.FUCKING.WEEK.



That particular point there rings so true. People don't always like compliments on things they had little to no control over but things they put effort into even if it is something as simple as choice in clothing is usually pleasing. I personally don't care when complimented on my looks but I really like compliments on my abilities.


I work in farming so on the rare times that I am free to go out I like to dress up (jeans, safety vest, and steel toed shoes are very appropriate for work, but they are sad and shape-less and boring to be wearing them 6 days a week). I agree with you though, being complemented on my work/abilities is 100x awesome :DDD

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Posted 11/4/14


You can do it!
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Posted 11/6/14 , edited 11/6/14
in a word .nothing you say or do cannot be warped into a harassment allegation lmao. best thing to do at work is avoid women and only speak to them when they speak to you first.
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Posted 11/6/14
I blame technology.
Its not too surprising that everything is labeled as harassment after all most interactions do happen on social medias where you can like/dislike stuff with just a click of your mouse.

If someone suddenly tries to interact with you outside of social medias you feel awkward and threatened since you lack social skills to deal with it so you label it harassment.

Well ok maybe that is a bit too narrow of a view i have here but it honestly seems that we will end up just being able to talk to each other over the internet.
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Posted 11/6/14 , edited 11/6/14
Compliment dos:
-eyes
-hair
-clothing
-smile

compliment don'ts:
-Butt
-legs
-boobs
-really anything that can be perceived sexual

I'm my opinion the phrases "How you doin" "aye" "head nod" 'hey baby" or any phrases like that come off as very harrasment-ie and don't actually want to get to know me. Like it's not just words but also body language and the tone in your voice. I work retail and get male customers like that at least 1-3xs a month. For me I just shrug it off though and not make a big deal about it.

I do believe a lot of internet feminists have a big victim complex and they usually range in age from 14-18 so most of them don't know what the real world is like and only base it of false articles and try to be different and part of a movement that doesn't need to exist now in the first world countries but rather just people trying to make all the flaws in both genders equal. But that's beside the point

I do believe though they should have used more than one type of girl and had different settings in the video. Of course they used a super curvy woman in the ghetto or the rougher parts of town. Use different girls for your experiment though every type of neighborhood.
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Posted 11/6/14

Dropplet wrote:

Compliment dos:
-eyes
-hair
-clothing
-smile

compliment don'ts:
-Butt
-legs
-boobs
-really anything that can be perceived sexual

I'm my opinion the phrases "How you doin" "aye" "head nod" 'hey baby" or any phrases like that come off as very harrasment-ie and don't actually want to get to know me. Like it's not just words but also body language and the tone in your voice. I work retail and get male customers like that at least 1-3xs a month. For me I just shrug it off though and not make a big deal about it.

I do believe a lot of internet feminists have a big victim complex and they usually range in age from 14-18 so most of them don't know what the real world is like and only base it of false articles and try to be different and part of a movement that doesn't need to exist now in the first world countries but rather just people trying to make all the flaws in both genders equal. But that's beside the point

I do believe though they should have used more than one type of girl and had different settings in the video. Of course they used a super curvy woman in the ghetto or the rougher parts of town. Use different girls for your experiment though every type of neighborhood.


You're not the first person I've heard say feminism has achieved it's mandate in the first world. I'm not sure I completely buy that, but it has certainly come a long way. I still think there are people out there (most of them men) who would be happy to reverse those gains.

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Posted 11/6/14
I think some people here are getting random strangers walking past you in the street confused with strangers you actually meet somewhere, or just end up talking to.
Posted 11/6/14
I've seen the video. Almost everyone had it up and playing on their monitors at work. -_-

I won't respond to cat calls and whistles but I will respond if a man says, "You look beautiful today", I will say my thanks and return the compliment because that is the nice thing to do, in my opinion. If he follows me and starts talking to me, well I leave that to my security.

Sometimes, I will pull the "I'm sorry I no speake English" card if I am not in the mood. LOL! I can be terrible at times.
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Posted 11/6/14

Laiseran wrote:

I think some people here are getting random strangers walking past you in the street confused with strangers you actually meet somewhere, or just end up talking to.


Stranger you meet somewhere like hmm maybe the street?
Seriously don't get what you are saying everyone is a stranger till you actually start talking.
I do not see a different between a stranger whom i pass on the street and ignore vs a stranger i pass in a club and ignore. In both cases they are strangers i just so happen to pass.

I guess you could say that people go to a club so they expect to meet new people but i bet its not the case for all of them tho.

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