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Post Reply When is someone capable of suicide?
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22 / M / Norway, Oslo
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Posted 11/19/14
It's usually depression that leads to suicide, how they got depression is an individual case. They don't seek death because they want to, it's about how rough life is living and how strong you are mentally.
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Posted 11/19/14
Someone in my town recently committed suicide and it was a huge deal. I usually see it in cases of depression. I think some people won't ever be capable (I don't think I will be)
Posted 11/19/14

Kikusui10 wrote:

It's usually depression that leads to suicide, how they got depression is an individual case. They don't seek death because they want to, it's about how rough life is living and how strong you are mentally.


My thoughts exactly.

I have depression and it is something I can't control, I don't need to have a reason to have depression. Suicide is always in my mind and I haven't done it because of one person...when that person dies I will not hesitate to end my life simply because nothing else matters to me, not even myself.
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Posted 11/19/14 , edited 11/19/14
My brother was 16 when he committed suicide. He felt like there was no hope left. He was sad and scared and unable to let himself confide anyone close to him. He felt like he was going nowhere in life and he felt responsible for it. He felt like everyone else was better off without him, that he was only going to cause everyone trouble. He also felt like my Mom didn't want him and like my father didn't understand him. I got a video call from him two weeks before it happened and he apologized to me for every single thing he had ever done to upset me, as well as any small thing we had ever fought over. At the time I thought he was looking to have a better relationship with me (I mean, he was 16 and I was 20. I was considered an uncool semi-adult in his teen mind. It had been a weird year between us). Now I realize that he was getting closure.

When something like this happens to someone that close to you in life, you have questions. You look up signs and you realize how many of them match up with the behavior of the person who committed suicide. It takes an average of 6 months for someone who is depressed to get over the fear and natural instinct to fear death, to be able to actually commit suicide.
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Posted 11/19/14
Everyone's experience is different, and even individual experiences are difficult to describe completely in a way people will understand. The way I've come up with (crude though it may be) is to ask someone to extend their hand and flatten it out, then have them open and close a fist over and over again. The hand will get tired, and they'll want to stop. I tell them to continue. The tiredness will turn to exhaustion, and I'll tell them to keep going. The exhaustion will turn to pain, and I'll tell them to keep going. The pain will intensify, and I'll tell them they can't stop yet. The pain will become unbearable, and they'll either stop or keep going and plead to be told they can stop. If they don't stop, I tell them to keep going. Eventually they all stop, unable to continue opening and closing their hand even if they want to try.

That's the emotional experience of someone who struggles with suicide encapsulated in a crude physical metaphor: you try desperately to keep that hand opening and closing, to keep living through the pain, sorrow, fear, humiliation, guilt, anger, and frustration you're feeling all the time. Even as you do so, however, you are discouraged by a constant sense of helplessness and hopelessness brought on by the idea that there is no end point for the pain, no hope that the pain will ever stop increasing, and that even struggling against that pain is pointless.

Some people can't come up with a reason to keep going, to keep that hand opening and closing. Those are the ones that die fastest, and the thing to keep in mind is that they're not weak for it. They're not cowardly or selfish, either. They just couldn't convince themselves to keep trying any more than you could convince yourself to keep that hand opening and closing forever, and they saw the exercise of living to be equally pointless. The rest at least find something, anything, to latch onto. Sometimes this is the end of it, and they recover.

Frequently enough to matter, however, that's not the case. Even religion, a very popular choice since it attempts to offer an answer to the question of why life is so awful and how it should be faced, isn't guaranteed to be particularly helpful. It can even make things worse by further convincing people that life is without meaning or hope. It's not difficult to imagine the notion that some all-knowing being endowed with the power to take your pain away with a flick of its wrist is nevertheless refusing to do so in the name of some cosmic plan that you know nothing about and did not consent to participate in might infuriate a miserable person rather than assuage them.

Sex and drugs are also popular choices since they act on the brain's pleasure and reward centers. In these cases you can end up ashamed of having to sustain yourself through the means you have. You start feeling guilty for having to be drunk to even bear living, for the damage your drunkenness may have done to your body, your relationships, your career, or anything else it might have impacted negatively. Ultimately whatever you attach yourself to starts to feel hollow, artificial, meaningless, and possibly even detrimental to its original cause: sustaining you. At that point you might find something else to latch onto and start this process over again, but you also might give up on even looking for things at all. If the cycle is allowed to go on long enough even the pursuit of crutches itself begins to feel pointless, like you're just injecting pain killers into a hand that is ultimately no less exhausted from having to open and close constantly (and for no good reason). That's when you start counting how many floors there are in the buildings around you, where even the strongest among the suicidal can give up.

I can't say what needs to be done to fix this problem, and that's because there really is no magical talisman, no panacea for any and all suicidal thinking/behavior. People are miserable for such a wide variety of reasons and respond to that misery so differently that all we can really do is keep ourselves available as a support network and try to reduce the symptoms of any diseases or disorders they may be experiencing to the best of our ability. We certainly don't help by calling suicidal people weak, cowardly, or selfish, and we don't help by telling them "Just go to God."

I hope that helps clarify things a little bit.
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22 / M / Michigan
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Posted 11/19/14 , edited 11/19/14
IDK

I think the only thing that keeps me going is that even if I'm not happy with my life I could make someone elses better somehow.
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23 / M / AZ
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Posted 11/19/14
Sometimes life gets so tough it seems there is no other way to end your suffering
People tell you things will get better but everyday is a burden
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36 / M / The Beyond.
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Posted 11/19/14
When people give up on life because they are too weak.
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38 / M
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Posted 11/19/14
When they can only consider themselves and their own feelings, rather than that of any others. Either they only think of how miserable they are and don't care how those around them feel, or they fail to actually consider their feelings and think those around them would be better off with them dead.
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Posted 11/19/14

ishe5555 wrote:

When they can only consider themselves and their own feelings, rather than that of any others. Either they only think of how miserable they are and don't care how those around them feel, or they fail to actually consider their feelings and think those around them would be better off with them dead.
Irony. There are people who commit suicide because those around them didn't care enough to change their mind.
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33 / M / outer wall, level...
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Posted 11/19/14
1. when life is too painfull to live through anymore.

2. when you *decide* to end your life. terminal illness or some other *valid* reason.
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Posted 11/19/14


Anyone is capable of suicide.
Though, not everyone is capable of carrying it out completely.
There are only so many ways you can kill yourself instantly.
The other ways require time to die, which gives people time to find you or stop you.

The pain isn't an issue. It's about how much you don't want to live anymore.
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Posted 11/19/14 , edited 11/19/14

FlyinDumpling wrote:
Irony. There are people who commit suicide because those around them didn't care enough to change their mind.


Or weren't aware they were contemplating. It is common for people to not be all that forthright with their feelings, especially those that are feeling down/depressed. It is not uncommon for someone who is contemplating suicide to mask their pain/sorrow and pretend that nothing is wrong. Someone who is going to commit suicide doesn't go around spreading the word that they are going to do it. Those that go around saying that are usually ones that wouldn't be able to go through with it, and are seeking attention.
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Posted 11/19/14

PookiiBear wrote:

My brother was 16 when he committed suicide. He felt like there was no hope left. He was sad and scared and unable to let himself confide anyone close to him. He felt like he was going nowhere in life and he felt responsible for it. He felt like everyone else was better off without him, that he was only going to cause everyone trouble. He also felt like my Mom didn't want him and like my father didn't understand him. I got a video call from him two weeks before it happened and he apologized to me for every single thing he had ever done to upset me, as well as any small thing we had ever fought over. At the time I thought he was looking to have a better relationship with me (I mean, he was 16 and I was 20. I was considered an uncool semi-adult in his teen mind. It had been a weird year between us). Now I realize that he was getting closure.

When something like this happens to someone that close to you in life, you have questions. You look up signs and you realize how many of them match up with the behavior of the person who committed suicide. It takes an average of 6 months for someone who is depressed to get over the fear and natural instinct to fear death, to be able to actually commit suicide.
Killing oneself isn't simply a do or don't action. Those that generalize the circumstances of people who commit suicide to insult them are only confirming to those who are now gone that they have made the right decision.... if they were even here to hear it now.
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Posted 11/19/14
The last couple of replies lead me to believe that I need to address the other side of the river, the side of those who survive the suicide of a friend or loved one. It's a deeply traumatic experience filled with anger, confusion, guilt, and sadness all rolled up into one terrible ball. You start looking for the reasons why this person felt they needed to die, asking yourself whether you could have prevented it, and wondering why you didn't notice the signs and do something. It's one of the worst things a person can ever go through, as much so as experiencing an increasing desire to die.

Some deal with the pain of surviving the loss of a loved one to suicide by getting angry at the person who died, others by continuing to blame themselves, and others still by going into denial. They might, for example, insist to their dying day that their loved one was murdered even if there's no evidence for that whatsoever, or they might complain that the deceased was a selfish fool who only cared about themselves. In the worst case the survivors themselves become suicidal.

Coping with a loved one's suicide is as varied a process as the processes which lead to a person taking their own life, and just as much care and attention needs to be devoted to survivors of suicides as people who are at risk of committing suicide. Supportive, understanding hearts are needed to help get people through that terrible ordeal.
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