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Abuse and how it has affected you. Did anime save you?
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21 / M / The Heroes Associ...
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Posted 11/22/14 , edited 11/22/14
Well to start off..., I never met my biological father. He left as soon as I was born. Unfortunately, my wonderful mother was deceived by a bastard who became my stepfather.

The first memory I know of him, is a man who called me a "faggot" on a daily basis and punched me every day and played with my pressure points (he was a ex US Marine). I lived in fear of him. I couldn't tell anyone about what he did to me as i was to afraid of him finding out. I suffered both verbal and physical abuse.

He made me feel like a piece of shit on a daily basis. I hated myself, i believed him when he called me a worthless waste of space, i tried committing suicide at age 9 and 14, both failed attempts thanks to a dear friend of mine who has since passed on (died in a car accident) and Avenged Sevenfold (the band).

I truly hated life and wanted to die. Every single day when my step father beat me silly i laid there helplessly in bed praying for god to just take my life away.

I wanted to die, i really did. At age 9 hoping for death is a horrible thing, Looking back, I am truly happy those daily prayers where unanswered.

This is around the age I actually got into anime. I woke up every morning around 4am to watch FLCL.

I entered a new world when I watched this show, It was a world away from my abuse where my pain was non existent. I loved life for those short 24 minutes. Those short 24 minutes gave me the energy and motivation to live through the next 24 hours.

Every day without fail, i woke up early to watch either FLCL and Yu Yu Hakusho, My stepfathers stinging slaps and painful punches seemed to fade into non existence during that short period of time

At age 16 I still lived with the daily insults, I was terrified of my sexuality which I now believe to be bisexual. I was abused on a daily basis for 13 years of my life. I was called a "faggot" "peice of shit" "no good fucknugget" "worthless" "cocksucker" and "insignificant piece of shit" on a daily basis. However anime transported me to land far away. It transported me to a land far away from my stepfather. It took me to land where I could be myself and love life.

Lucikily my step father has left (however my half sister has been abandoned by him and i have to take his place as a father figure)

Anime has been me and my sisters guiding light in dark times. It has given us a reason to live. The best lessons in my life have been taught by anime characters. Gintoki Sakata for example has replaced my father figure. He taught me to never give up and love life. He taught me that no matter what anyone says I am special and have something to contribute to the society,. Gin taught me that I have have can accomplish things that no one else can. Without anime, I most likely would have committed suicide at 16.


Sorry for the long story, this is actually the first time I have told this story completely and I feel so liberated!


Has anyone else had a similar experience, where anime has given you the motivation to move on?

Has anyone else dealt with a Step parent who made you feel like shti?

I wanted to post this to let people know that no matter what you go through and no matter what anyone says; You ate special.

No one can accomplish what you can. You are the only one who can be you and accomplish goals that you set your mind too.

Someone might have a similar goal, but only you you can accomplish it through your own unique way.

No matter what anyone says, you are special and one of a kind! dont let anyone tell you that you are less than perfect!



Posted 11/22/14 , edited 11/22/14
damn it, i cried. i was joking but... you seem like a cool guy. do your best and there's nothing wrong with you but everything wrong with him.
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25 / F / Satellite Beach, FL
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Posted 11/23/14
I'm glad you made it through all of that and that you're able to be there for your sisters. And I'm glad you were able to share your story and feel better by doing so!
I've never dealt with a step-parent before, but mine are really strict. My friends whom I trust say they're emotionally abusive but they just...care too much. I don't know if that makes any sense, but they just want me to be successful. My whole life has been an investment to them and they remind me constantly about that. They also remind me that if I ever leave or do something that they don't like, that they can bury me financially.
It's been that way ever since I was little. When I was 9, I joined my first travel team for softball. When I was 10, I started to get private lessons. I think that's when they started to refer to me as an investment. Grades and sports were everything. I was an excellent softball player and I had amazing grades. But I never thought of it that way because it was never good enough. I actually always thought that I was awful. Even though they praised me in public, they would yell at me in private. Softball was my main sport, yet it's a game of failing. (A great batting average is failing 7 out of 10 times) At the level I was playing, my parents expected me to keep a .400 or close to it. Errors in the field are unheard of. As they put it: "We've spent way too much money for you to make mistakes". It was like that in school too. I had a 3.8 GPA with all AP classes. And they were pissed that it wasn't a 4.0 or higher. I didn't have a lot of friends because my schedule was so busy and my parents wouldn't allow it anyways. Everything I did was for the sake of their reputation. I'm told to be silent unless spoken to directly. This rule is crucial when I'm in public with my parents. They used to flaunt all of my successes to others. And a lot of people hated me because their parents always told them that they should be like me. But I always found it kinda funny in a sad way. I was bullied at school because of it. Elementary school, middle school, high school, it was all the same. I was the dyke because I was in better shape than the boys (better at sports too) and I was weird because all I did was study and read manga. And then my parents would yell at me because I didn't have any (normal) friends. The few friends I did have were also into gaming and anime. But my parents always said that they were a bad influence on me and that I should be friends with the very people who bullied me. Anime and manga helped me through all of that pressure.
But I'm not gonna lie. The pressure got to me my senior year. To be honest, I just wanted a break. I don't think I wanted to actually kill myself. But I couldn't think of anything that would allow me a break.
My parents don't believe in 'wasting' money. And as a result, I have a very high pain tolerance. Being in sports, getting yourself hurt is going to happen. I've broken almost every finger ( I have never gone to the doctor for just a broken finger...there's tape for that. Even if the bone is sticking out). I broke that one bone in your throat (the girl's version of the adam's apple....the only reason why I went to the doctor was because my wind pipe was closing and I couldn't really breathe anymore.). I've hyper-extended my right knee twice (never gone to the doctor for that). I've torn muscles and tendons (I was forced to get an MRI by my athletic trainer once and my parents were pissed off about it). I've dislocated my shoulder three times (One of my coaches was an EMT and he always put it back for me). Broken my ankle (It was facing the wrong way so they had no choice but to take me). I've broken my nose more times than I remember (my dad always snapped it back for me). I've had two root canals on my front two teeth because I killed them when I got hit in the mouth once (The only reason why I had the root canals is because when teeth die, they turn black. My braces held them in place until I had the root canals...a year after I had gotten hit in the mouth). I've gotten concussions more than I know as well. Needless to say, I've been hurt a lot. But I've only been to the doctor when it's absolutely necessary. And being 'sick' or 'hurt' is not an excuse for not being able to function.
Knowing this, the stress just got to me and what could I do just to make it all stop? How could I just....sleep? There was a lot of other stuff going on, but the main thing was that I wasn't good enough. What pushed me over was that I made a mistake on a math exam and the professor was a dick to me about it because I had ended up failing the entire exam. When I got back to my desk, I took a whole bottle of asprin in front of everyone. And no one said anything. No one cared. They just looked at me and some even laughed. When I got home from practice I wasn't feeling well. (Of course) And long story short, when I realized that I was actually going to die it took me an hour to convince my parents to take me to the ER. The whole time, they threatened me with the "If you're just doing this for attention, I swear to god!" and all of that jazz. I had to stay in the hospital for a couple of days so I missed a lot of practices. After I was released, I was under a strict diet and medication because I still had stomach bleeding and I was still puking up the blood. In order for this ordeal to not ruin my life, my parents had me lie and say that I had gotten stressed and it created a couple of stomach ulcers. I had to go back like everything was normal. I had to perform like everything was normal. I was technically hurt and sick, but that didn't matter. They had me quit everything except for softball and school. Because those were the two things I had promise for.
But I ended up breaking my ankle a month later. A break that did permanent damage. I've had three surgeries because they were absolutely necessary. I need a fourth, but it's not absolutely necessary and therefore it's wasted money. I lost my offers to play softball at top schools around the country. I went to college for mechanical engineering but I couldn't cut it. I made it to my junior year before I was forced to switch to business. The math got too hard and my test anxiety just wouldn't let me have a chance. Everyday my parents call me a "Failed Investment". They tell me that I better become normal and get a husband so that they don't have to deal with me since I've already proven that I can't handle a tough degree and so on.
If it weren't for anime, I don't think I would be here. My senior year wasn't the only time I wanted/needed a break, but it was the only time I actually slipped up. To be honest, I still have those thoughts. But what anime has taught me is that there's always hope for tomorrow. And it might not get better tomorrow, but at least one day in the future will be better than whatever I'm going through today. And because I'm already a failed investment to my parents, they let me go to anime club every Thursday (even though they say "When are you going to grow up" every time I leave). I know it's childish to be excited about, especially in college, but it's the one day I get to see my friends and watch anime together.
Everyone has their own story, and eveyone's story is long an complex. But I think that's what makes us who we are.
Posted 11/23/14
Abuse has no bearing on my present. Anime never saved me, it has simply been one of many avenues for entertainment.
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35 / M
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Posted 11/23/14
Nope. Anime has only been an amusement.
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23 / F / Your Cookie Jar
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Posted 1/3/15
I can't say anime saved me, but I think it helped somewhat. What helped me the most to keep going was my little brother. I love him so much. I didn't want him to get hurt how I was.

The one person who hurt me the most was my mom. She's a bad alcoholic, but she wasn't always a drinker. When I was a kid she was a sober woman going to AA meeting every morning and afternoon. When I got older my mom began drinking again for reasons unknown. She never hurt me physically before but for some reason she started to lash her anger at me.

There was this one time my younger cousin was visiting my family and my mom decided we should go to the bar to sing karaoke and eat dinner. It wasn't bad at first until my mom's behavior was turning unpleasant. My dad came to the bar and was visiting with us for a bit (I say "visiting" cause my parents are divorce). I can't remember what comment my mom said but it made me cry. My dad then left the bar because he didn't want to see me cry (take me with you!). When he left my mom was bad mouthing my dad and I was getting pissed. In my mind I was thinking my dad was the one that raised me and she was the one who was in and out of my life. I lifted up my glass and threw my soda in her face (fudge yea!.. wait, oh crap). I was a deer caught in headlights. I could not move but stare at the beast who was gunna beat the sh*t out of me, and she did. She dragged my ass behind the bar and hit me and slammed my body against the wall over and over and over. Thank the person who came out from the bar and helped me. I mostly remember my little brother and cousin full of tears and just terrified.

Holidays were the worse times of the year. Every holiday my mom had to host a party at our house. I hated them. Something always went wrong and my mom's drunken behavior would scare everyone off.

The worse holiday of the year was New Years. There was just too many bad memories on that day. For one of the New Years we had our party like we usually did. From what I remember friend and family were counting down to midnight in the living room. After everyone reached 0 and said "Happy New Years!", my little brother was frustrated that he "missed new years" because he couldn't find his new years hat. My mom went to her room where my brother was to help him find his hat. I heard fireworks outside, so I walked to my room to the back door where the back stairs were and just watched the fireworks. Few moments later I turned to my right and I saw my mom standing near me staring angrily. I returned my gaze to the fireworks in hopes she would go back inside and leave me alone. But of course she didn't. She began to yell at me saying it was my fault I didn't find my little brother's hat in time (great logic, huh?). She pushed me back then hit me with her fist over and over like I was a punching bag. I took steps backwards so her blows wouldn't hurt so much. My mom's friend came outside and saw what was happening. She yelled at my mom saying she was hurting me and that I was her daughter (like that would make a difference). I had an "oh crap" moment when I looked behind me and I saw the narrow stairs leading down to the concrete was closer than I thought. Refusing to be pushed backward anymore, I started to shove my mom while she continued to jab at my sides and ribs. Finally for reason I don't know she stopped punching me (but still looked pissed) and I walked inside to where the people were. I sat on the couch and everyone was getting ready to take off (take me too, please?). My mom was yelling in my face that everything my fault and I was a b*tch and blah blah blah. Everyone left. Soon I left too right after the lovely incident to friend's houses for like a week or so. My mom left messages on my phone saying she was done with drinking, saying that she would never hit me again, saying that I WAS more important than drinking. Guess what? I believed her. That was the worse mistake. She began drinking again around my birthday.

This other New Years was probably the worse (wurst). I really hate myself for what happened. Probably what I hated the most was I never told anyone except one friend what happened that night. My mom hosted another party for New Years but this time she invited one of her drinking buddies (aka best friend). Since I was so use to parties turning to sh*t I decided to hide in my mom's room and watch TV for the whole New Years. But someone found me. It was my mom's drinking buddy. She came in the room and locked the door behind her. She was so messed up. I was laying on the bed and she keeled next to me. She was getting too close for comfort and I couldn't understand why she was here with me, alone? She began to touch me. First it was my hand, she held it and then brushed my arm gently. She said with slurred words saying I was a good girl and I was a good daughter to my mother. My heart was racing. She played with my hair and was getting closer. I couldn't scream or yell, I just kept thinking over and over, "mom help me", "mom save me", "mom come in and kick her ass" (damn, its really hard to type this... I'm shaky and tearing up). Anyway.. fast forward, in end my mom never came. My mom ended up falling in the tub and hitting her head which led to lot of blood and the ambulance people taking her to the hospital. The next day my mom's friend phoned my mom apologizing for making a fool of herself at the party and that she can't remember anything that happened. I was hurt, angry, and confused. I was just left with horrible memories of what that woman forgot. My mom is still friends with her and to this day I never told my mom what happened.

Now off the topic of moms and molesters, this is about my first boyfriend. This guy is the core reason to why I put up walls to guys or to dating. Yes, he was abusive- physically, emotionally, mentally, you name it. He was a winner (sarcasm). I don't know why I stayed around him as long as I have. I was lost, had low self esteem, and just felt so worthless. He'd hit me when he got angry at me. Hitting me was like putting me back in my place, like a b*tch. She liked this other girl and couldn't make up his mind who he wanted to be with. He'd screw her and text me he was doing it with her. He would make out with her aggressively (like they were filming a porno) in front of our classroom. Each time he'd do those things I died inside. Then a friend showed me how I was an idiot for being with that f*cking a*shole. Even though I'm not with that ass anymore its hard to trust guys. I can't open up easily in fear of getting hurt like that again.

NO person should put up with this. Anime is great since it takes your mind off the problems in your life but it doesn't get rid of them. When social service came and was asking me and my little brother questions, I regret that I lied for my mom ..just because she told me to! Call the cops, don't go through it cause you think you have to, or what if this, or what if that, cause NO ONE should have to go through abuse in any form or matter..
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24 / M / the internet
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Posted 1/3/15 , edited 1/4/15
Anime just distracts me from all the depressing shit in my life.
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M / Houston, Tx
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Posted 1/3/15
It's Life Mystery that gives you the impression of what you sense to be and what you're not.

Choose your life, choose the right choices, and choose to be what you're meant to be.
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M / Earth
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Posted 1/3/15
I want to be serious here but holy god the walls of text.
Posted 1/3/15 , edited 1/3/15
anime just takes me away from stupid shit called life
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21 / M / Cincinnati, OH
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Posted 1/3/15
The Global Iniative to End All Corporal Punishment of Children and Anime saved me from abuse like all corporal punishment.
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19 / F / Virginia
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Posted 1/3/15
Anime does serve as some kind of Escapism for me for a short period of time. If only I had that much time to watch anime, however...
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26 / F / New Jersey, USA
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Posted 1/3/15
Nah, anime just broaden my horizon in life. I learned things I never knew and met amazing people as well.
Posted 1/3/15
There is so much I want to say, but I'm paranoid about the outcome of giving personal information online. All I'm going to say is anime along with music has helped me and is still currently helping.
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16 / F / Connecticut
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Posted 1/3/15
For me, anime was just something interesting I found to entertain myself with. Now, I can really appreciate the story, and also appreciate how it brings people together, and helps people get through tough times.
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