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Post Reply Abuse and how it has affected you. Did anime save you?
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Posted 1/4/15 , edited 1/4/15
My mother essentially used to emotionally berate me, from the time I was eight to when I was late 17. So essentially, I had to live nine years under the instruction and the wrath of a cruel dictator who stole from my birthday money, blamed me for her problems every fucking day, put me down until I basically sobbed myself to sleep, and refused to take care of me when I was ill last year with what would eventually become pneumonia. But don't tell her that. She has a superiority complex and maintains the delusion that she's perfect. The bitch literally has no idea how abusive she is and that is the most heart wrenching thing about her.

She's heionous and cruel, yeah, but what really agitates me is that she maintains this delusion and won't admit her wrongdoings. It's like, I'll never squeeze a fucking apology out of her.

Anyway, anime has really detracted from all my mental qualms and pains and the pain and self loathing she's imposed upon me through her comments which she now claims were "criticism" and "discipline". Yes because calling your child a psychotic disgrace and saying she's susceptible to rape is okay, mom. Also, nearly choking your teenage daughter is also totally acceptable. Treating your emotionally imbalanced kids with disdain? Yeah! That's *fine*, NOT! The woman needs to shut the fuck up. I had to move in with my dad because I was borderline insane dealing with her day in and day out, and what she said, and what she did, and how she put on a public FARCE that we were a happy trio all woman family. No, I decided i was not going to be a punching bag for her anymore. So I left to live with my dad, which even my psychologist suggested I do.

I remember talking to my aunt last summer after I was hospitalized for my pneumonia and took a trip to MI to visit her, and she said even. My mother should not have had children at all. And that broke my heart, because I'm here, and i'm a shattered mess even if I'm getting better slowly but surely, and maybe it coudlve all been averted if I never goddamm existed!!!

Anime, and the characters I've developed, the stories i have composed, have really helped me calm my anger. I remember going to the mental section of the hospital for teens, and I wasn't allowed anything, but I remember begging, begging and pleading for my dad and sister to bring a picture of Haruka Nanase for me to look at, to remind me that S2 was fast approaching and that I wasn't alone, I wasn't trapped, and even in that clammy shithole on suicide watch I could have the picture and look at it, as a reminder. Haru really has had a powerful effect on me as a character because of his social problems and introversion as well as his anger in S2. He has the best development in Free! and makes me actually feel very at ease with myself. Other characters I've portrayed as well have helped me in conveying my fury healthily when I feel as if it's all trapped within me. Watch anime and write about the characters, in headcanon, in RP, in general, looking at many of them, I don't feel like the helpless immature fifteen year old my warped mother sees me as. But like an actual human being.
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Posted 1/4/15
Anime was, and is an escape for me. I used to be passionate about being a part of its culture, thinking I was making some type of life out of it, but it just wasn't in me.

The work related to anime and the skills I learned from anime weren't relevant to what I'm interested in, and if it was, it didn't transfer over.

Anime helped numb the mental and physical scars I endured a long time ago, but it didn't make them go away. They were there, ready to pop back up again and again.

I learned over time I had to face my problems head on using my own hands and ideas. I still watch anime and read manga nowadays, but they just waste time I could be using doing something productive.
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31 / M / L'Étoile du Nord,...
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Posted 1/4/15
I have to admit that anime has the potential to "save" somebody. Sadly I can't describe what it is and how it works. For me it's just some kind of affinity. Most of my pain is psychological, too. Plus, reception of anime is different from person to person. But I really like anime, and my mom understands my attachment to it....plus she likes some anime as well, especially Squid Girl, which I showed to her. In fact, on Christmas, I decided to show her that first episode with the Mini Squid Girl. Fortunately she didn't cry; she adored the whole segment. Who wouldn't?

However, lest we all forget, anime is not real-life, and it can never be real-life. Maybe it can be so at an anime convention (within reason), but those don't last forever.
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Posted 1/4/15

animegirl2222 wrote:

My mother essentially used to emotionally berate me, from the time I was eight to when I was late 17. So essentially, I had to live nine years under the instruction and the wrath of a cruel dictator who stole from my birthday money, blamed me for her problems every fucking day, put me down until I basically sobbed myself to sleep, and refused to take care of me when I was ill last year with what would eventually become pneumonia. But don't tell her that. She has a superiority complex and maintains the delusion that she's perfect. The bitch literally has no idea how abusive she is and that is the most heart wrenching thing about her.

She's heionous and cruel, yeah, but what really agitates me is that she maintains this delusion and won't admit her wrongdoings. It's like, I'll never squeeze a fucking apology out of her.

Anyway, anime has really detracted from all my mental qualms and pains and the pain and self loathing she's imposed upon me through her comments which she now claims were "criticism" and "discipline". Yes because calling your child a psychotic disgrace and saying she's susceptible to rape is okay, mom. Also, nearly choking your teenage daughter is also totally acceptable. Treating your emotionally imbalanced kids with disdain? Yeah! That's *fine*, NOT! The woman needs to shut the fuck up. I had to move in with my dad because I was borderline insane dealing with her day in and day out, and what she said, and what she did, and how she put on a public FARCE that we were a happy trio all woman family. No, I decided i was not going to be a punching bag for her anymore. So I left to live with my dad, which even my psychologist suggested I do.

I remember talking to my aunt last summer after I was hospitalized for my pneumonia and took a trip to MI to visit her, and she said even. My mother should not have had children at all. And that broke my heart, because I'm here, and i'm a shattered mess even if I'm getting better slowly but surely, and maybe it coudlve all been averted if I never goddamm existed!!!

Anime, and the characters I've developed, the stories i have composed, have really helped me calm my anger. I remember going to the mental section of the hospital for teens, and I wasn't allowed anything, but I remember begging, begging and pleading for my dad and sister to bring a picture of Haruka Nanase for me to look at, to remind me that S2 was fast approaching and that I wasn't alone, I wasn't trapped, and even in that clammy shithole on suicide watch I could have the picture and look at it, as a reminder. Haru really has had a powerful effect on me as a character because of his social problems and introversion as well as his anger in S2. He has the best development in Free! and makes me actually feel very at ease with myself. Other characters I've portrayed as well have helped me in conveying my fury healthily when I feel as if it's all trapped within me. Watch anime and write about the characters, in headcanon, in RP, in general, looking at many of them, I don't feel like the helpless immature fifteen year old my warped mother sees me as. But like an actual human being.


It will get better. Once you get your own place, you can just go your own way, leave everything else behind. You don't need ignorant and narrow minded people in your life. You ain't the one who should be feeling bad because you never done anything wrong, so why must you feel bad? I know the feeling. You just happen to of been born with shitty people, people who just can't be normal. You can't even begin to understand how their brain works, it's funny how disconnected with the rest of the world they are, and they're the ones who think they are so 'down to earth'. Screw the lot of them, let them live in there own closed off world, you will go on already knowing you don't want to be a moron, and have a better life for yourself.

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Posted 1/4/15
Yes. I'm not willing to go into details here, but anime was one of the main things that got me through some really dark places. It's also helped me figure out how to navigate the world/interact with people.
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Posted 1/4/15

AzazelOfNexium wrote:

Well to start off..., I never met my biological father. He left as soon as I was born. Unfortunately, my wonderful mother was deceived by a bastard who became my stepfather.

The first memory I know of him, is a man who called me a "faggot" on a daily basis and punched me every day and played with my pressure points (he was a ex US Marine). I lived in fear of him. I couldn't tell anyone about what he did to me as i was to afraid of him finding out. I suffered both verbal and physical abuse.

He made me feel like a piece of shit on a daily basis. I hated myself, i believed him when he called me a worthless waste of space, i tried committing suicide at age 9 and 14, both failed attempts thanks to a dear friend of mine who has since passed on (died in a car accident) and Avenged Sevenfold (the band).

I truly hated life and wanted to die. Every single day when my step father beat me silly i laid there helplessly in bed praying for god to just take my life away.

I wanted to die, i really did. At age 9 hoping for death is a horrible thing, Looking back, I am truly happy those daily prayers where unanswered.

This is around the age I actually got into anime. I woke up every morning around 4am to watch FLCL.

I entered a new world when I watched this show, It was a world away from my abuse where my pain was non existent. I loved life for those short 24 minutes. Those short 24 minutes gave me the energy and motivation to live through the next 24 hours.

Every day without fail, i woke up early to watch either FLCL and Yu Yu Hakusho, My stepfathers stinging slaps and painful punches seemed to fade into non existence during that short period of time

At age 16 I still lived with the daily insults, I was terrified of my sexuality which I now believe to be bisexual. I was abused on a daily basis for 13 years of my life. I was called a "faggot" "peice of shit" "no good fucknugget" "worthless" "cocksucker" and "insignificant piece of shit" on a daily basis. However anime transported me to land far away. It transported me to a land far away from my stepfather. It took me to land where I could be myself and love life.

Lucikily my step father has left (however my half sister has been abandoned by him and i have to take his place as a father figure)

Anime has been me and my sisters guiding light in dark times. It has given us a reason to live. The best lessons in my life have been taught by anime characters. Gintoki Sakata for example has replaced my father figure. He taught me to never give up and love life. He taught me that no matter what anyone says I am special and have something to contribute to the society,. Gin taught me that I have have can accomplish things that no one else can. Without anime, I most likely would have committed suicide at 16.


Sorry for the long story, this is actually the first time I have told this story completely and I feel so liberated!


Has anyone else had a similar experience, where anime has given you the motivation to move on?

Has anyone else dealt with a Step parent who made you feel like shti?

I wanted to post this to let people know that no matter what you go through and no matter what anyone says; You ate special.

No one can accomplish what you can. You are the only one who can be you and accomplish goals that you set your mind too.

Someone might have a similar goal, but only you you can accomplish it through your own unique way.

No matter what anyone says, you are special and one of a kind! dont let anyone tell you that you are less than perfect!



so sorry about your ordeal.if anything i advice you to seek help and forgive those who wrong you. i know its tough,because while i had a loving immediate family i too was abused and teased by people because i was weak and sick all the time so i'm doing the best i can to forgive those who wronged me and believe me there are days in which every memory comes back but i know that that wont do me any good because it will eat me inside.actually, i had one person apologize to me for all the shit that he put me through and i forgave him even tho the damage was already done.but still, life goes on and i have to move forward the best i can.best wishes,bro

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Posted 1/5/15
It's called a coping mechanism. This is used to help the mind survive traumatic situations. It doesn't have to be anime it could be any interest at all that helps focus a mind away constant pain. The tricky part is adapting the coping mechanism as time goes by to allow growth with changes in circumstance and not end up with stagnation.
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Posted 1/7/15
I think anime doesn't help people deal with abusive situations head on. Anime gives people who are abused a time to runaway and pretend their problems doesn't exist. It gets people too caught up in fantasy to be sad about the current situation they are in.
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Posted 1/7/15 , edited 1/7/15
My mother was a drug (pain killer) addict and alcoholic. My stepfather was meth cook/meth head/psychopath/KKK member/ex-marine. My father is every single thing that is wrong with the 1%.
My mother, for the most part, was not abusive. She would occasionally get violent when I went against her wishes while she was drinking. End result is I can't really handle touch.
My step father was in my life from 4-11. During the first part, my childhood bounced between making stained glass with him and merry games of Russian Roulette. Unsurprisingly, with his antics, I did eventually end up in foster care, which was a heroin house and rather abusive, though I don't wish to detail it. Fast forward a few years, he came back. He taught me a fair number of things that it is probably bad that I know. I aided him in petty crimes and occasionally had to deal with his psychosis. He nearly brained me with a crane boom when he hijacked something he had no idea how to use. He eventually left our family, and disappeared from sight.
My father is unique. He was born to a family with wealth that was losing its power in government. He had a silver spoon in his mouth and got the George W. Bush treatment for the Vietnam war. Until he got nailed for gun charges, his abuses of my mom and all women around him got him in no trouble. Nowadays, he's a drunk with more money than sense, and he uses that money to bend my sister and myself to his will (we're both college students at a rather expensive public university). My mom let him back into our lives 7 years ago, we bought a house (now in foreclosure since he cut her off after promising to cover it), got a car, and lived like normal people. The cost of this bump in lifestyle has been that almost all of my organ systems have begun to stop functioning from stress. Probably the biggest mistake I've made has been accepting his charity, it has allowed me to be lazy, and now I know how to do far less than I need to be capable of in order to live on my own, and he knows this, which allows for spectacular psychological and verbal abuse.

What it has done to me: Exacerbated the symptoms of my autism. I am virtually incapable of trust. My concept of love is extremely twisted. I have problems with touch. I haven't been able to enjoy life in a very, very long time.

What helped? I wish I could say something did. I've shut down most of my emotions, I can't express feelings, and any time I allow them to show, it shell shocks whatever poor person has the misfortune of listening to my ramblings. Likewise, letting it out in private isn't an option. It will probably all be removed as a tumor in 5-10 years, if I last that long, which occasionally becomes questionable.
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