10 Things you should know about the Mantis Shrimp
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23 / M / California
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Posted 11/23/14
1. This information will not help in any encounters you have with Mantis shrimp. They will win no matter how much knowledge and lobster butter you arm yourself with.

2. Mantis shrimp eyes are the only ocular device capable of observing dark matter directly. With this power, they have been manipulating the levels of dark matter around our planet to manipulate the orbits of large asteroids, thus allowing them to steer evolution on the course they desire.

3. The only reason Mantis shrimp are no bigger than lobsters was so that Orcas could continue to be perceived as the most terrifying predators in the ocean.

4. A Mantis shrimp may only look at you with one eye sometimes. This is not done to be rude. The eye looking away from you is assessing your future, determining whether or not you are fit to inadvertently be enslaved by it.

5. Mantis Shrimp taught man that if an object breaks the sound barrier, it will pretty much kill everything it’s directed at.

6. An excerpt was torn from the bible about the Mantis Shrimp; Genesis: 0:0 “and so the Mantis Shrimp said ‘I have better things to do with my time than create a blue-green boxing ring full of animals. I need an underling of some sort… Let there be God!’ Then, under the Mantis Shrimps command, a bunch of things authority figures told you happened were uttered into existence- a perfect vessel for the Mantis Shrimp to perform miracles with.”

7. Mohamed Allie was actually a mobile suit built by a Mantis Shrimp so it could eventually punch its way to world domination. Sadly, the mobile suit suffered a critical malfunction with its MP3 player. The mission had to be aborted.

8. Every goal you’ve ever set for yourself, every New Year’s resolution drunkenly scrawled down on toilet paper, the Mantis Shrimp has already accomplished it with enough time to practice laughing at your failure.

9. The reason man longs for the sea is because the Mantis shrimp has been weaving the fabrics of destiny into its own, ensuring that it will one day taste human flesh.

10. Existentialism became a thing when one man saw how cool the Mantis Shrimp’s life was as it surfed bareback on a velociraptor down Mount Vesuvius. He thought to himself “If something like that can live such a fulfilling life, then ours are meaningless by comparison, and we can’t just build a religion around it. It doesn’t want our sissy worship.”
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44 / M / WA
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Posted 11/23/14
Lots of good Mantis Shrimp recipes in World of Warcraft
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33 / M
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Posted 11/23/14
This thing sounds like the opposite of those weakling mud crabs.
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M / Baka Zone
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Posted 11/23/14
Ah, glad to see a thread like this.
The Mantis shrimp wishes it can perceive as many colors as I can.
Posted 11/23/14
i disagree with number 9.

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Posted 11/23/14
False.

Dwight: What we have come to know as fake crab meat is in fact real crab meat, and real crab meat is lobster.
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Posted 11/23/14

onibrotonel wrote:

False.

Dwight: What we have come to know as fake crab meat is in fact real crab meat, and real crab meat is lobster.


And lobster is mantis shrimp. Yes, we get it.
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25 / M / Los Angeles,Calif...
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Posted 11/23/14
thats why the mantis shrimp was sent to kick ass on mars!
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24 / M / Netherlands
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Posted 11/23/14
i agree with number 4,
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