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Male vs. Female Bullying...
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Posted 11/27/14
First off mental bullying can rang from having next to no effect on someone to destroying their psyche. i as a rather stoic person have never had to deal to much with emotional bullying, i just dont give a s**t but i do have friends who deal with it quite often.

I have however gotten physically bullied quit often and one thing i have noticed is the american school system looks down on self defense the literally just expect you to sit there and get your ass kicked and that is a big problem. Seriously why would you punish someone for fighting back.
Rin-R 
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Posted 11/27/14 , edited 11/27/14

LordDust wrote:

----

Bullying didn't do as much psychological harm to me as it does to many people. I'm wired odd to start with. But it still hurt me, and I tend to be far more resistant and stoic in the face of almost every kind of harm than anyone else I know. I can't imagine being a normal person and facing that. It would be a kind of Hell on Earth I think. I am already teaching my daughter how to stand up for herself and others with far less violence than I used. I just wish all parents would do that. Bullying of any flavor is harmful, how much and which kind is worse just depends on how the recipient is built. Some endure the physical better, some endure the mental better, some can take a lot, some can't handle any. Sadly, most true bullies, the instigators and the pack leaders, are all victims themselves lashing out. It doesn't make it okay, but it does help illuminate the solutions. Stop it every time, and help the bullies find a better way to face their demons.


When that rumor I mentioned in an earlier post escalated... I was almost ready to murder... or at least inflict severe harm. I had people from other schools, that I had never met before, coming up to me to ask about the validity of the rumor. I had no idea how they even knew who I was but they could already put name to face to rumor. I was even pulled aside by teachers to discus the validity of the rumor they had heard... it's one of the very few moments I have truly shook with anger... I didn't know how much a human could literally tremble from pure hatred till then...

The key instigator of this was a devout Catholic, deeply religious, enjoyed respect from the school's church and staff for it. He is from a good family, wealthy (enough to have a brand new first car, crash it and write it off, and get another to replace it in the space of a year), and often took up leadership roles in sports and activities. Reasonably decent grades, socially liked, plenty of friends, liked by the school...

... sure, the guy would get in trouble for hooliganism occasionally, but that always ended up as a "boys will be boys" affair every time... the guy was really good with words...

I absolutely refuse to see this person and his friends EVER as victims... they were into it because it was interesting, there was no lashing out at all!!!

True bullies are twisted freaks as far as I'm concerned... "victim" bullies are something else entirely, and easily distinguishable. I had these as well too, the one I particularly remember was far more complex, you could tell his laughing was fake, had a feel of desperation, he was just trying to impress... that guy really was lashing out.

Not like a true bully that derives joy from their actions.
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Posted 11/27/14 , edited 11/27/14
i think they're both as bad as each other. physical abuse can lead to mental/emotional stress, and a more emotional approach by bullies could lead to one being hurt physically (due to themselves or because they need a sense of release, thus taking it out on other people). being a female i can't necessarily relate to how males abuse each other, so saying the female approach to things is worse would be biased. if it only ended with physical abuse then that's one thing (i'm not saying it's good, but it'd be easier to handle aside from having emotional abuse on top of it).
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Posted 11/27/14

Rin-R wrote:
When that rumor I mentioned in an earlier post escalated... I was almost ready to murder... or at least inflict severe harm. I had people from other schools, that I had never met before, coming up to me to ask about the validity of the rumor. I had no idea how they even knew who I was but they could already put name to face to rumor. I was even pulled aside by teachers to discus the validity of the rumor they had heard... it's one of the very few moments I have truly shook with anger... I didn't know how much a human could literally tremble from pure hatred till then...

The key instigator of this was a devout Catholic, deeply religious, enjoyed respect from the school's church and staff for it. He is from a good family, wealthy (enough to have a brand new first car, crash it and write it off, and get another to replace it in the space of a year), and often took up leadership roles in sports and activities. Reasonably decent grades, socially liked, plenty of friends, liked by the school...

... sure, the guy would get in trouble for hooliganism occasionally, but that always ended up as a "boys will be boys" affair every time... the guy was really good with words...

I absolutely refuse to see this person and his friends EVER as victims... they were into it because it was interesting, there was no lashing out at all!!!

True bullies are twisted freaks as far as I'm concerned... "victim" bullies are something else entirely, and easily distinguishable. I had these as well too, the one I particularly remember was far more complex, you could tell his laughing was fake, had a feel of desperation, he was just trying to impress... that guy really was lashing out.

Not like a true bully that derives joy from their actions.


Just because someone is a victim themselves in no way excuses their behavior or let's them off the hook. They are still responsible for themselves. This is why I changed my own behavior. I realized it had become similar to that of the bullies. That I had been bullied to the point where I didn't see an alternative did not excuse my actions. I still hurt other people, probably even traumatized some. Anyone who has ever bullied or lashed out with violence whether psychological or physical has to own that. There are no free passes.

In every case where kids fit the description you have given that I had experience with part of the reason the parents don't hold them at all accountable is that they actually don't care enough about them to do so. Such parents often see their kids as a nuisance and bother unless they are being perfect and something to show off like a trophy. They go through the motions in public, but their relationships are dysfunctional. As I said above, they don't get a pass because they feel like mommy and daddy don't really love them. It just explains a part of why they became such obnoxious and toxic people. The right kind of intervention from an involved community stops this by giving them role models and adults that are involved in their lives. Unfortunately, there is not nearly enough of that. The result is that the everyone is let down. I'm not saying they were hurting as bad as you were, pain is subjective, you can't really compare it. I'm not saying that the fact that they were hurting somehow excuses them at all. I'm just saying if the adults involved had been doing the right things there wouldn't have been a bully to torment you that way. You probably can't end all bullying like this, but you can make it isolated incidents instead of a routine lifestyle that some are trapped in and others are forced to endure.

It also doesn't help that humans naturally form groups and utilize an "other" that they dehumanize and target to maintain cohesion and identity. This means that any bully naturally attracts hangers-on that will join in and follow along. Better education of our children (which requires caring about your kid) on how to recognize bullying and say "no" to it helps derail that. The more kids taught that way, the better. It isn't cool to be part of the small group attached to a bully when the entire rest of the class gives you the stink eye and part of them tell you to back off. This all starts with adults doing their jobs right though, so if you look around at the world you'll probably notice that isn't something we can always count on... I still can't believe elected officials in some areas are trying to disallow anti-bulling education in the schools based on some twisted concept of religious freedom.
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AHTL 
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Posted 11/27/14 , edited 11/27/14
Please don't make assumptions that one gender bullying another is somehow worse than the other.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2283777/Boy-9-hanged-bullied-white.html

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-85296/Suicide-girl-aged-13-bullied-6ft.html

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-187330/Boy-driven-suicide-bullies.html

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/nev-school-didn-girl-parents-bullying-suicide-lawsuit-article-1.1984436


Bullying is terrible, it breaks a person's spirit & mind. Left alone it can have consequences of a lifetime, if they live that long.
The sad fact about bullying is that all schools suffer from it and the shadow numbers are way higher than what's reported.
(I could be wrong, but I doubt it)

It's seems to be quite natural for kids for bully others, but they don't understand the full consequences of it and it can be stopped.

The problem is 1) bullying can often be hard to see, 2) even if you take care of the victim, things can still go wrong 3) and there's a reason the bully is bullying others - they have problems as well.


It isn't always black & white.

I've seen a case where a boy perceived was happening to him as bullying, but the reason the bullying happened was because he was socially stunted. He didn't & maybe even couldn't understand, that for example when you scuffle into someone by accident you need to tell them you're sorry/didn't intend to do that. So because of this, the kids he interacted with got upset and kicked back/punched etc.

In the end he transferred to a different school, I can only hope he'll develop a stronger social sense.


Another case I know of, a girl threw a rock at her friend's head. The reason? Because she felt constantly excluded so often, and not taken seriously by the adults and it made her so irrationally mad that she couldn't handle it any more.

Bullying has many faces and phases, sometimes it is even unintentionally.
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Posted 11/27/14 , edited 11/27/14
Bullying is kind of soft term for abuse, harassment, violence and even sexual molestation.

For a long time I thought male harassers were the worst, cowardly scum. Forming into pathetic hunting packs and stalking anywhere they could catch some kid alone. The socially awkward and shy are the easiest targets, finding it initially hard to make friends they soon get picked on and turned into pariahs, people stay away from them because they don't want to get drawn into their bad luck. It gets defined as their own fault, the non harassers like to make up theories why it happens to the target that make it the targets fault.

I don't particularly want to relate events from my past, but a good day was a day when you just got ignored, and nothing bad happened, a normal day was every break and lunch filled with being hunted down and abused, and a bad day was getting beaten, cut or burnt with a cigarette.

Why don't parents or teachers do something, why don't the bullied come forward? When I hear that I seriously have to ask you ever been a kid? Firstly you don't understand why it happens, you don't know why you are being picked, being socially awkward is a response to a hostile environment, you don't know who to trust. Secondly you do ask for help, you do come forward; the issue is what happens when you do. Guess what you don't get believed, the harasser spins a tale about you attacking them, you stand there in complete disbelief, you tell your side, the parents, the teachers come to the conclusion you are both as bad as each other, you get punished by the teachers and parents. The harasser will walk out and laugh at you, as far as they are concerned they got off lightly and you getting punished was just plain hilarious. They will lay low for a bit, then start again, knowing that this time you'll shut up, you won't seek help. That becomes your mode of living. Guess what your still a kid, its just plain confusing, forget the pain of being hit and insulted, its the confusion and self blame, the why can't I end this, which really messes you up in the long term.

Where do females fit in when it comes to bullying males, has to be said from my experiences, they rarely directly attack a male. But they do like to side with harassers, they will enjoy tormenting and belittling, if they know they can get you beat up with just the slightest accusation or criticism pushed your way, well that just hilarious for them because you can't do anything. Shy, quiet, socially awkward are all markers as a target, for a male or a female.

What is female on male extreme bullying like and why might it happen? Well I can talk about one example, a long period of just getting sucker punched going home by what seemed to be just any random hard nut, whom I might know or not. Finally I found out why, cornered by one guy, about a foot taller than me, this guy wasn't inclined to be a bully he looked at my resignation and confusion and did the kindest thing any bully had ever done, he pulled his punches.

The girl orchestrating the attacks was furious and she showed herself, screaming at him to finish me off. For whatever reason, for whatever bull or lies he'd been told, he decided the best thing he could do was push me in a ditch. Guess it was the best thing, it ended it, she couldn't demand he continue because he'd have to get in the ditch with me. So I already know the next question, why, what had I done to get the anger and hatred of this girl? I didn't know her, had never met her, didn't recognise her, there is a chance it was racist, but most likely explanation I could ever figure out; she was in the year above me, probably knew my sister. My sister was kind of popular, this girl's reason for having me attacked, apart from it being easy entertainment, she probably imagined I'd go back and tell my big sister, her way of getting at a target she couldn't reach.

Well just shows the depth of her ignorance, confused, battered kids don't tell anyone.

And yeah it has consequence deep into adulthood, that's not a theory, its just a plain fact. Part of your life is stolen, you can't get it back, you can grow around it but disadvantages will follow you, the difficulty trusting, the always half expecting to be turned on those are just for starters.
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