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Post Reply How to handle a friend you suspect to be gay?
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22 / M / Norway
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Posted 11/24/14 , edited 11/25/14
So ive been in a new class for about 4 months now, and i'm starting to realize that this one guy is really clingy to me. He keeps asking about my past, and who ive been together with before, which i find kinda weird, because we are not that close.
I feel like he pays more attention to me than what's normal, and i don't think our ''normal'' is so different either.
He hasn't ''come out'' yet, and neither do i think he is aware of it, but i have come to suspect that he might be gay.
I'm completely fine with it, and i accept him if he is, but it's starting to become bothersome to me, as i have no interest in him like that.

What should i do about it? It's litteraly draining all my energi every day, both mentally and physically, which shouldn't, but i happen to be extremely sensitive.

(It might be my delusion, but i think i have like a special ability in attracting people of the same gender, as this isn't the first time)
Posted 11/24/14
Tell him you have a girlfriend.
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31 / M
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Posted 11/24/14 , edited 11/24/14
Make it clear that you like the ladies..If you talk strictly about girls he may leave you alone. Just stay away from conversations that may give him the wrong idea.
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Posted 11/24/14
Just tell him to give you a bit of space. Handle things like you would if he was a girl. *is pansexual*
Posted 11/24/14 , edited 11/24/14
LOL I have been in the same situation so many times!! Honestly, I wouldn't think too deeply into it. Give it some time. If it turns out that he is gay and confesses to you, just politely reject him and say you want to still be friends. Otherwise it simply means that he likes you a lot and is attached to you, nothing more, nothing less. In which case, say that you need more personal space. He may be unaware of personal boundaries.
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22 / M / Norway
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Posted 11/24/14 , edited 11/24/14

Lekayl wrote:

Make it clear that you like the ladies..If you talk strictly about girls he may leave you alone. Just stay away from conversations that may give him the wrong idea.


That's the thing, he talks about girls the most in the class, but i think that's his denial. I might be wrong though.
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21 / F / Los Angeles
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Posted 11/24/14
HAHAHA. Yeah, I've had to deal with the same crap before.

If it gets to the point where it bothers you, just ask if he's gay. If he's not, he'll probably laugh it off. If he is, and he likes you, then he'll most likely admit it. Not sure what to do once he admits it though. It's better if you're straight forward about things before the situation gets out of hand.
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22 / M / Norway
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Posted 11/24/14

DollyDagger11 wrote:

HAHAHA. Yeah, I've had to deal with the same crap before.

If it gets to the point where it bothers you, just ask if he's gay. If he's not, he'll probably laugh it off. If he is, and he likes you, then he'll most likely admit it. Not sure what to do once he admits it though. It's better if you're straight forward about things before the situation gets out of hand.


What if i ask him, and he laughs it off even if he is x) (Which most would do in my opinion)
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19 / M / Cali
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Posted 11/24/14
Tell him you'll knock him in the kisser if he tries anything funny
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21 / F / Los Angeles
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Posted 11/24/14

Ryuouka wrote:



What if i ask him, and he laughs it off even if he is x) (Which most would do in my opinion)


Pretend you forgot your phone the next day of class and ask to borrow his to text someone real quick. Use that opportunity to look through his photos. I can guarantee your answer will be there
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24 / F / Johnstown, PA, USA
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Posted 11/24/14 , edited 11/24/14
Oh... This is a tough situation.

A) Wait to see if he approaches you about his hypothetical attraction, and then try and turn him down as gently as you can manage.

B) Try and question about whether or not he likes you as gently as possible, making sure to stress that you aren't interested in males (try not to overdo it). Aim to get a straight answer.

C) Try and drop hints about you not liking men by attempting to casually remark upon the subject. Try to make it as natural as possible.

I most favor option B, because it's the most direct and honest. Option C is the most covert and indirect; however, you must rely on some acting. He may realize that you're trying to dissuade him and take it well, but it may back-fire. Option A is the worst option, from what I can tell, because you sound like you need to resolve this as quickly as possible.
All of the options require some tact, but you sound like that sort of thing already comes naturally.

No matter which route you take, your friendship with him may end.
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21 / M / The Heroes Associ...
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Posted 11/24/14
Well, I wouldn't worry to much about it. I find alot of strictly hetero guys get paranoid about guys who they suspect to be gay.

Its not like him being friendly with you will magically turn you gay.

If you feel uncomfortable with him, just tell him know you don't talk about that stuff.

Be up front with people.

There is no problem with being friends with people who have a different sexuality than you, so you just let him know up front that you only like girls. If you tell him that, its not like hes going to try to "make you gay".

If he "flirts" with you, just take it as a compliment lol.

"Just be proud your so attractive you make people of the same gender appreciate your looks." - A friend of mine
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Posted 11/24/14

Ryuouka wrote:


That's the thing, he talks about girls the most in the class, but i think that's his denial. I might be wrong though.


Could be bisexual.
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21 / M
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Posted 11/24/14

Ryuouka wrote:


Lekayl wrote:

Make it clear that you like the ladies..If you talk strictly about girls he may leave you alone. Just stay away from conversations that may give him the wrong idea.


That's the thing, he talks about girls the most in the class, but i think that's his denial. I might be wrong though.


Are you sure he isn't bi/poly/pansexual?
Posted 11/24/14

AzazelOfNexium wrote:

Well, I wouldn't worry to much about it. I find alot of strictly hetero guys get paranoid about guys who they suspect to be gay.

Its not like him being friendly with you will magically turn you gay.

If you feel uncomfortable with him, just tell him know you don't talk about that stuff.

Be up front with people.

There is no problem with being friends with people who have a different sexuality than you, so you just let him know up front that you only like girls. If you tell him that, its not like hes going to try to "make you gay".

If he "flirts" with you, just take it as a compliment lol.

"Just be proud your so attractive you make people of the same gender appreciate your looks." - A friend of mine


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