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A rare case of escaping the friend zone
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Posted 11/28/14

AiYumega wrote:

I don't believe there's a such thing as the friendzone. Either they like you a certain way or not, and there's no middle ground. It's not a thing, to me at least.


I met a girl a while ago, and after a while it became clear she had no intention of ever dating me so I just walked away from it and really did not care. Big deal I guess. Life's too short to live in the gray.




IshokuOsero wrote:


MakotoKamui wrote:

Sorry, I don't believe in any such thing as the "friend zone". It's generally used as a way to say "but I'm so nice! Why won't she go out with meeeee??!?"

If you started dating a friend, that's fantastic - I personally won't date anyone I'm not already friends with, specifically because a) it means we already share at least something in common, and b) I couldn't imagine a life partner I wasn't more than friends with.

In general, my advice is - just try to be friends. Maybe it'll lead to more (apparently in this case), maybe not. But don't be a friend hoping/expecting it'll lead to more, because that's friendship with a demand.. that is, not a real friendship. If she can't trust you to just be a friend, why in the world would you think she might trust you to be more?


So so much this.

My worst experience with someone that was always complaining about the 'friend zone' was someone who just wasn't getting it. He was also the person that stalked me online relentlessly after we had a huge blowout when he finally told me his feelings and I was already in a relationship, and he actually had the gall to want me to break up with the guy I was dating for him.

But the story has a good ending at least, for him and me. We're friends again, it's been a few years since then. And he completely turned himself around and realized that there's no such thing as a 'friend zone' and that he was trying to put obligations on what he did for his friends that were female just because he wanted to date/sex them. As soon as he started understanding how to be an actual decent person, he found someone that he's now engaged to. And we're friends again and he's a much better person these days than he was back then.

Boom. That's how it's done.

Fuck this 'friend zone' shit.



Sir_jamesalot wrote:

Friend zone means 'not taking initiative'.



Yup and yup and yup.

I've taken people out of my "friendzone" because I loved them and prior to dating them had a nagging feeling that I kept from telling them how I felt for them for a reason, and then when I did confess, it was ok, but soon enough I started to understand why I had that nagging feeling.

If someone likes you and you're good friends with them, but they won't date you, there's probably a good reason. If you like someone, take a chance. If they say yes, awesome! congrats. Otherwise, move on. Give up the feelings and if you can't give up the friend.
Posted 11/28/14

imbrreezzy wrote:


xDeadlyDollx wrote:

I wouldn't trust someone who keeps me hanging on to a string until they feel like giving me a chance. I am not the next best thing nor am I some form of back-up to be used only when necessary. BUT... That's just me.

If you're happy, then congratulations to you. I hope it was worth your trouble. (I mean that with sincerity. I hope it works out for you.)


completely agree.


Same. ^^

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Posted 11/28/14
*applause*
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Posted 11/28/14 , edited 11/28/14
The phrase "I escaped the friendzone and got the girl of my dreams" doesn't sit well with me for some reason, but hey, at least you're happy. And I'm sure she is, too! Good for you.

I don't put myself in or lean towards situations like "the friendzone" so I wouldn't really know.
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Posted 11/28/14 , edited 11/28/14

narfington wrote:

Hope it's everything you wanted it to be. I wouldn't know. I've never really been in the friend zone. But apparently it's a big problem according to the internet.


Oh god, this made me laugh! Also the profile picture really compliments this post!
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Posted 11/28/14
Get back in there.
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Posted 11/28/14
If you're into someone romantically or sexually and you're nice to them you are in no way, shape or form entitled to their body or their emotions. If you're nice to a girl, she doesn't owe you a kiss, she doesn't owe you anything. If they aren't into you, they aren't into you - it doesn't matter if you're a dickhead or a "nice guy".

This is something I run into a lot when the "friendzone" is brought up, "Oh, I'm the nice guy but no girl wants me". People, in general, gravitate towards confident people. The reason that douchebag got the girl is because he's confident in himself, even if you're a great person if you're not assertive people won't know what you want, confidence is also very attractive generally speaking.

If you're a "nice guy" you probably won't complain about being "the nice guy that finishes last" because nice guys don't entitle themselves to another person's body just because they were being polite. You should be "the nice guy" to everyone. Not the "I was nice once and didn't get a hook up so I'm going to complain about it and probably slander the other party because I'm just so nice" guy.

Also, the same situation happens to girls. There are plenty of sweet girls who don't get the guy because he's running after the sexually promiscuous and confident girl over there (equivalent to the douchebag guy that girls flock towards). It's not just you, so stop sulking. Please, and thank you.

(Yes, this is a rant but god this subject peeves me off).
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Posted 11/28/14

kokorowohiraite wrote:

If you're into someone romantically or sexually and you're nice to them you are in no way, shape or form entitled to their body or their emotions. If you're nice to a girl, she doesn't owe you a kiss, she doesn't owe you anything. If they aren't into you, they aren't into you - it doesn't matter if you're a dickhead or a "nice guy".

This is something I run into a lot when the "friendzone" is brought up, "Oh, I'm the nice guy but no girl wants me". People, in general, gravitate towards confident people. The reason that douchebag got the girl is because he's confident in himself, even if you're a great person if you're not assertive people won't know what you want, confidence is also very attractive generally speaking.

If you're a "nice guy" you probably won't complain about being "the nice guy that finishes last" because nice guys don't entitle themselves to another person's body just because they were being polite. You should be "the nice guy" to everyone. Not the "I was nice once and didn't get a hook up so I'm going to complain about it and probably slander the other party because I'm just so nice" guy.

Also, the same situation happens to girls. There are plenty of sweet girls who don't get the guy because he's running after the sexually promiscuous and confident girl over there (equivalent to the douchebag guy that girls flock towards). It's not just you, so stop sulking. Please, and thank you.

(Yes, this is a rant but god this subject peeves me off).


Very nicely said, and I'm glad that you mention that it's not a male-only situation.

I hate the whole "friendzone" concept. Being nice and kind shouldn't happen with conditions or have an invoice attached to it. Be kind and considerate to others simply because it's the right thing to do. Period.

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Posted 11/28/14
I appreciate everyone's comments and insight on the topic. Very interesting to hear!
Posted 11/28/14 , edited 11/28/14

dustymonster wrote:

Hoodies are great, but who in their right mind would fuck their hoodie?!


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Posted 12/19/14

MakotoKamui wrote:
If she can't trust you to just be a friend, why in the world would you think she might trust you to be more?

I agree with this. To answer your question, people hold onto false hope. It's sad, really.
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26 / F / West Friendship,...
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Posted 12/19/14
Friendzone sounds like a term a player would use, anyway
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26 / F / West Friendship,...
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Posted 12/21/14 , edited 12/21/14
I feel awful but... at first I read it as "A Rape case of escaping the friend zone

But I'm so silly
Posted 12/21/14 , edited 12/21/14

dustymonster wrote:

A friend is someone you rely on to always be there for you when you need them. A friend is a lot like a hoodie. A hoodie is always there for you, and always wants to support you. Hoodies are great, but who in their right mind would fuck their hoodie?!


i'd say that hoodie does not solicit any action performed upon it. in which case, if you're in your right mind to call it a friend then you're in your right mind to fuck it.

(that's supposed to be funny-serious)
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Posted 12/21/14
Congrats, dude! You finally made it happen.
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