First  Prev  1  2  3  4  Next  Last
Post Reply Difference between Catcalling vs Genuine Interest/pickup
615 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
F / Candy Land
Offline
Posted 12/1/14

PeripheralVisionary wrote:


serifsansserif wrote:


PeripheralVisionary wrote:

You know what they say, it's only harassment if you are ugly. Sad that's there truth in this statement.


Or rather, it's only acceptable if they're already interested in you.

Different strokes for different folks. Sometimes what I very as ugly is considered beautiful to others and vice versa.


People don't want attention from people they consider ugly. The fact they edited out white people who did similar things is simply disgusting and shallow, and shows how bias we can be towards others. I know that catcalling happens in ethnic neighborhoods more often than affluent ones, but that's no reason to treat white men differently for acting in a similar manner.

I assume the link he posted was the hollaback video. Also, different strokes to different folks? It isn't what you consider beautiful, it's the person being subjected to the flirtations.


Ever heard someone say "He was cute until he opened his mouth."?

As for the difference in pickup lines and catcalls it's like moonhawk81 said. The way you say things coupled with your motivation for saying it makes all the difference. Catcalls always come from a negative, demeaning place. Persistence is also key in it qualifying as harassment. It doesn't matter how genuine you may be if you obstinately pursue a person's attention after they've made it clear they want none of you, don't be surprised when they label your 'flirting' harassment.
Posted 12/1/14

kissmytoe wrote:


PeripheralVisionary wrote:


serifsansserif wrote:


PeripheralVisionary wrote:

You know what they say, it's only harassment if you are ugly. Sad that's there truth in this statement.


Or rather, it's only acceptable if they're already interested in you.

Different strokes for different folks. Sometimes what I very as ugly is considered beautiful to others and vice versa.


People don't want attention from people they consider ugly. The fact they edited out white people who did similar things is simply disgusting and shallow, and shows how bias we can be towards others. I know that catcalling happens in ethnic neighborhoods more often than affluent ones, but that's no reason to treat white men differently for acting in a similar manner.

I assume the link he posted was the hollaback video. Also, different strokes to different folks? It isn't what you consider beautiful, it's the person being subjected to the flirtations.


Ever heard someone say "He was cute until he opened his mouth."?


Yes, but what I am saying some people don't consider the words, only the person saying them, even on something as trivial as how they looks. It's sad but true. it is especially apparent with people my age.
17380 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
23 / M
Offline
Posted 12/1/14

PeripheralVisionary wrote:
Yes, but what I am saying some people don't consider the words, only the person saying them, even on something as trivial as how they looks. It's sad but true. it is especially apparent with people my age.


Something which is perfectly acceptable.
If they judge only your looks, find you wanting, and you take issue with that, then you should stop for two reasons.
1. They don't want you to continue
2. You don't like what you know of them

If you do continue, then you're doing exactly the same thing they are, and ignoring the fact that they aren't interested.
615 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
F / Candy Land
Offline
Posted 12/1/14

PeripheralVisionary wrote:


kissmytoe wrote:


PeripheralVisionary wrote:


serifsansserif wrote:


PeripheralVisionary wrote:

You know what they say, it's only harassment if you are ugly. Sad that's there truth in this statement.


Or rather, it's only acceptable if they're already interested in you.

Different strokes for different folks. Sometimes what I very as ugly is considered beautiful to others and vice versa.


People don't want attention from people they consider ugly. The fact they edited out white people who did similar things is simply disgusting and shallow, and shows how bias we can be towards others. I know that catcalling happens in ethnic neighborhoods more often than affluent ones, but that's no reason to treat white men differently for acting in a similar manner.

I assume the link he posted was the hollaback video. Also, different strokes to different folks? It isn't what you consider beautiful, it's the person being subjected to the flirtations.


Ever heard someone say "He was cute until he opened his mouth."?


Yes, but what I am saying some people don't consider the words, only the person saying them, even on something as trivial as how they looks. It's sad but true. it is especially apparent with people my age.



It's true. There are a lot of shallow people. No one should ever claim harassment just because someone they aren't attracted to dared to speak to them, but catcalling in particular is just not a cool thing to do.
615 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
F / Candy Land
Offline
Posted 12/1/14

Nobodyofimportance wrote:


PeripheralVisionary wrote:
Yes, but what I am saying some people don't consider the words, only the person saying them, even on something as trivial as how they looks. It's sad but true. it is especially apparent with people my age.


Something which is perfectly acceptable.
If they judge only your looks, find you wanting, and you take issue with that, then you should stop for two reasons.
1. They don't want you to continue
2. You don't like what you know of them

If you do continue, then you're doing exactly the same thing they are, and ignoring the fact that they aren't interested.


Very true as well. People can reject who ever they want even for shallow reasons. If a person continues to force the issue after that then regardless of how shallow their reasons for rejecting that person might be that other person is disrespecting their choice and they have grounds to call it harassment.
Iregi 
5189 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
28 / M
Offline
Posted 12/1/14 , edited 12/1/14
I think it boils down to 2 things.
1)I think it's getting harder for guys to do anything nice because men are depicted as giant bastards by the media every chance they get.
2)Human interaction and meeting people face to face is getting more and more rare. Be honest here. When was the last time you had a conversation with a stranger?

I've had more than a few incidents where I complimented a girls smile or her dress or whatever and she called me a weirdo or acted like I was evil incarnate. I dunno it seems like human interaction is going away and that's why people can't tell the difference between a compliment/expressing interest and harassment/catcalling.

There's a quote floating around "I fear the day that technology will surpass our human interaction. The world will have a generation of idiots." NOT Einstein but it's a pretty true quote nonetheless.
Posted 12/1/14
Wow you're so attractive, you must be so interesting I want to know more about you.
9200 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
35 / M
Offline
Posted 12/1/14 , edited 12/1/14

Iregi wrote:

I think it boils down to 2 things.
1)I think it's getting harder for guys to do anything nice because men are depicted as giant bastards by the media every chance they get.
2)Human interaction and meeting people face to face is getting more and more rare. Be honest here. When was the last time you had a conversation with a stranger?

I've had more than a few incidents where I complimented a girls smile or her dress or whatever and she called me a weirdo or acted like I was evil incarnate. I dunno it seems like human interaction is going away and that's why people can't tell the difference between a compliment/expressing interest and harassment/catcalling.

There's a quote floating around "I fear the day that technology will surpass our human interaction. The world will have a generation of idiots." NOT Einstein but it's a pretty true quote nonetheless.


Very true.. and the world is also getting more black and white, rather than seeing in multicolor and shades of grey.

Congrats on actually saying things like that. I honestly don't tell random people that they're beautiful and simply the five seconds that I may watch them have brightened my day because I'm afraid:

1. they're going to think i'm a weirdo
2. they're going to take it as some sort of come on when all it is is just a moment of beauty that I'm happy to have enjoyed and simply walk away and carry on with my day.
Posted 12/2/14

Nobodyofimportance wrote:


PeripheralVisionary wrote:
Yes, but what I am saying some people don't consider the words, only the person saying them, even on something as trivial as how they looks. It's sad but true. it is especially apparent with people my age.


Something which is perfectly acceptable.
If they judge only your looks, find you wanting, and you take issue with that, then you should stop for two reasons.
1. They don't want you to continue
2. You don't like what you know of them

If you do continue, then you're doing exactly the same thing they are, and ignoring the fact that they aren't interested.


One rule I learned from experience is that harassment is unwanted, regardless of the reasons. Even with something as trivial as say a broken yoyo, it is still harassment if the other person doesn't want it.


But I am referring to innocent remarks being turned into catcalling, like in the hollaback video, which I so disagree with. Perhaps I used the wrong word, seeing as harassment has to be continued, doesn't it?
18054 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
U.S.
Offline
Posted 12/2/14 , edited 12/2/14
I believed I'd seen a video where this guy proposed to do a starring contest. If he won, he got to initiate the kiss and if the stranger won she would initiate the kiss. The ones shown on the video made it seemed too easy to get a kiss from a stranger. One girl took the casual kiss even longer. And there were times the guy even slipped his hands on their buttocks while they "made out."
18054 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
U.S.
Offline
Posted 12/2/14
Why do "some" women throw their panties/undergarments on concerts?

Water bottles?

Bonus: Did anyone faint or cry or sang along hard on a concert?
21452 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
23 / F / Netherlands
Offline
Posted 12/2/14
The difference can be seen through body language. Also if you have a bad gut feeling then just don't do it.
4490 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
UK
Offline
Posted 12/2/14

deadpanditto wrote:

Catcalling is never an acceptable way of indicating interest in a woman. If you are interested, talk to her like she's a human being.


I agree, bad manners is bad manners.
38037 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
35 / F
Offline
Posted 12/2/14 , edited 12/3/14
Here's my take on the issue of honest flirting vs catcalling: If you show, through body language or tone of voice or choice of words, that you care about how the woman (or man, to be fair) will perceive your compliment. In other words, if you are complimenting her to honestly make HER feel good, or if you are complimenting her just to make her notice you, or because you expect something in return.

A compliment that is given freely, with the only purpose to make the complimented person feel better, is definitely a good way to flirt with a woman. If she can notice that you are concerned with how she thinks about you and what she feels about being complimented, she's much more likely to actually find you interesting.
A compliment that is given just because you want her attention is not very different from a compliment given because you expect something in return - it is selfishness disguised as kindness, and it is off-putting. People who give these kinds of compliments are usually the same kind of people who get angry and feel insulted if the person they complimented doesn't react the way they hoped. For example:
"Whoa baby, that is a beautiful ass you've got there!"
"What? Excuse me, I don't even know you..."
"What do you mean, 'what?' I just gave you a compliment! Would it kill you to just smile and say 'thank you'? Bitch!"

A compliment given with consideration for the person's feelings is flirting. Anything else is catcalling.
10 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
26 / M
Offline
Posted 12/2/14
catcalling objectifies and demeans, and the intention is usually about making yourself laugh while you confuse/startle the receiver. why do you think most catcalling is done in a drive-by manner? the person doing the catcalling is usually not looking for a response, because he/she is not trying to start a conversation. it's a simple "let me shout something obscene at you and then run away before you can respond hahaha your reaction is totally going to be hilarious".

that's why there's a clear difference between telling someone "nice ass" versus "you have a beautiful smile". if you can't tell which is the catcall and which is the compliment, then you're probably part of the problem lol.
First  Prev  1  2  3  4  Next  Last
You must be logged in to post.