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Nice Guys?
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Posted 12/10/14 , edited 12/10/14

BlueOni wrote:

It should be obvious that doormats have trouble establishing and maintaining healthy relationships since that's a defining criterion for being a doormat.


Dunno bout the rest, but this is good.


mickeydayum wrote:

Finally, now is my chance to post in a friendzone thread.


They do occur often.
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Posted 12/10/14 , edited 12/10/14

AiYumega wrote:

At least 90% of attraction is physical. The other 10% is if you're creepy or not.


^ this

Just being nice doesn't get anyone anywhere.

Calling yourself a "nice guy" is not attractive either.



Posted 12/10/14
I actually like nice guys. I want a guy who

1. DOES NOT do drugs, smoke or drink. (especially at my age)

2. Doesn't get in fights too often, unless he absolutely needs to, or he's defending himself.

3. Isn't a jerk to everybody else. I don't like guys who are mean. (That's probably why I haven't found a boyfriend yet. Most of the guys I know are mean.)

4. Is at least somewhat attractive. I'm not saying I only care about looks. I'm saying I want a guy who takes care of himself.

5. Hopefully, likes some of the things I do.

I'm still waiting for the right guy to come. I'm not gonna go out with just anyone, just because I'm desperate. (which I'm not)
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Posted 12/10/14
Well everyone tells me I'm really nice when you get to know me because at first they say I'm scary looking. I just think people confuse being a pushover with being nice but they are two different things.
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Posted 12/10/14
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OYYfjFtYGsY
I'm just going to leave this here.
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Posted 12/10/14

TomCraft wrote:

What so bad about being friend zone?


The problem with the "friend zone" is that once you realize what it actually is, it's very rude and disrespectful.

In my youth I used to think of the friend zone like the majority of men and women do, which is that I thought it was just a dumping ground for guys/girls who had confessed to their crush and the feelings weren't reciprocated, similar to the image of a bunch of guys sitting on a bench in a mall holding their girls' purse while they went clothes shopping with their girlfriends. That in and of itself doesn't seem so bad, though maybe a bit disheartening that your feelings weren't shared but otherwise not all that bad. This however as I got older was just the ignorant way of thinking about what the friend zone was.

The cold hard truth is that the friend zone is a very disrespectful place to put someone who has feelings for you, as well as very selfish and inconsiderate. Let me preface what I am about to say by saying that I am going to largely discuss this from a guys point of view because well, I am a guy, although I will talk about the female point of view as well but keep in mind that it applies to both sides regardless.

When you get placed in the friend zone immediately give up ever trying to get out, and I would go so far as to say to stop being there for that person, perhaps even as a friend. When you are in the friend zone you become a boyfriend/girlfriend that will never receive anything in return. Women will always come to you to fill their emotional needs with no intention of ever reciprocating, and a mans friend zone is more commonly known as the "friends with benefits", which we all know exactly what a friend with benefits is, a sex buddy. The man will always come to you to fill his physical needs without ever giving you the emotional support women need. Just about all women past a certain age know exactly what it's like to be a booty call at least once in their life and how on an emotional level you keep hoping that one day that one, if the woman isn't playing the guy for the same reason, will fall for which never happens. It's the same for guys as well, the woman will never be the girlfriend you want though she comes to you for the fulfillment she needs from a boyfriend until she finds the guy she actually wanted.

Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free is what the above paragraph comes down to, and in relation to the friend zone, is very true. Women will blindly offer up their bodies to guys and guys will blindly offer their love to girls, hoping that one day that particular person will see everything they've done for them, how they've always been there for them when they were needed and fall for them. But why should they give you what you seek when you are giving them what they want without contest? Even if the person who placed you in the friend zone doesn't realize it, they are indeed using you and will never give you what you want from them.

I bet at least some of you have experienced this at least once in your life so far. You are there for the girl you like whenever she needs you. Whenever something bad happens, you're there to support her. Whenever she's sad, you make it your duty to make her happy. Whenever she's lonely, you give up your time to be with her. This all applies to women being there for men too, but like I said I'm a guy, so going with the guys point of view. And then something bad happens in your life, something makes you sad, something makes you angry or lonely or whatever you might be feeling at the time. You turn to her/him for the same support you've been giving them, and they're disinterested. They start acting like it's annoying to have to deal with you, like you're a burden or they don't even try to hide the fact that it's obvious they'd much rather be doing something else then helping you through a problem or troubled time.

You can make excuses all you want. Convince yourself that he or she isn't an asshole, that it was just a really bad time to ask them for help, that your sudden change in mood caught them by surprise and threw them off, or any other of the many different excuses you make for them not caring about you. The truth however though is that the friend zone is a very one-sided relationship, that they are happy to be your friend as long as you fill the needs they have without ever requesting the same respects, but the moment you call in your favor you are down one more friend. This is actually very common in animes, even if you don't notice them.

If you find yourself in the friend zone, do nothing for that person. Don't be there when they need you, don't even so much as give them the time of day. Do it for your own self-respect, do it so that they realize that you wont let them manipulate your feelings for them, do it because those people don't deserve your friendship in the first place. Not only will it hurt less if you go offensively-defensive, but in rare cases it will actually make them fall for you. It's you putting your foot down and drawing a line in the sand showing them that if they want their needs met, they have to meet yours as well.

With all of that said, I'll end this with a quote from a fictional character who spent his entire life being manipulated by the woman he loved:

"That's all I have to say about that."
Posted 12/10/14
There's a nuance to a "nice guy" (extremely ambiguous term by the way) where it's deemed acceptable or even respected, but when a guy caters for a girls every whim, therein lies the problem. Probably because people realize there is something wrong with that. like maybe he's over compensating for something.not to mention once you get to that state you become quite predictable and most of us tend to become bored with a person absent of mystery/Intrigue someone with their own unique personality and opinion's who doesn't try to please everyone or always avoids any type of confrontation. I guess when you over do it is when it become problematic.
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Posted 12/10/14

ErikoDesu wrote:

Phersu, you are very... perspicacious .


Generally, people just call me shrewd. But bravo to you for using a large word.
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Posted 12/10/14 , edited 12/10/14
Nice guys do finish last, if you are stuck under this label the easy way out is to get money
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Posted 12/10/14

MissMagicNoodles wrote:

I actually like nice guys. I want a guy who

1. DOES NOT do drugs, smoke or drink. (especially at my age)

2. Doesn't get in fights too often, unless he absolutely needs to, or he's defending himself.

3. Isn't a jerk to everybody else. I don't like guys who are mean. (That's probably why I haven't found a boyfriend yet. Most of the guys I know are mean.)

4. Is at least somewhat attractive. I'm not saying I only care about looks. I'm saying I want a guy who takes care of himself.

5. Hopefully, likes some of the things I do.

I'm still waiting for the right guy to come. I'm not gonna go out with just anyone, just because I'm desperate. (which I'm not)


All I want is to eat your Magic noodles! Stop calling me mean!


kevz_210 wrote:

Nice guys do finish last, if you are stuck under this label the easy way out is to get money


Chidi-ching-ching could buy anything, cop that.
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Posted 12/10/14 , edited 12/10/14

CherryDynamite8 wrote:

Kinda sounds like what happened on the "Shy Guy" threads. Some weirdos flipped when I said that shy guys have annoyed me in the past because of their inability to simply be direct with me. So yes, I will admit that, being quite blunt and strong-willed myself, I would be far more likely to pity than actually feel for a nice-doormat-guy. A guy who is caring and strong...ooh boy. Far more preferable.

And why do guys obsess over the friendzone to begin with? Regardless of how "nice", or good, or bad, or shy, or whatever else you percieve yourself to be, that in no way obligates a person to magically return your feelings. Nor does it make you the ideal match for the person of your choosing. It just don't work that way lol.


Here's the problem. I would love for a girl to outright reject me in comparison to many of the games some women play. You see I don't see the friendzone as a girl saying she doesn't like you, she is simply being honest and I can definitely respect that. What I consider the friendzone is the sick and twisted game some women I have met play in which they don't want to date you, but they don't want to completely write you off, so they give you wishy washy responses and drag you along never making clear what they want. They don't want to date you outright but they will also flirt with you from time to time. God only knows how many other men the she-devil has playing the same game, odds are the rest of them are getting dragged along as well. These type of women are so insecure they always need to have a roster of 2nd, and 3rd string backups in addition to their boyfriend (if they have one and they of course won't mention that).

From experience men, if things are going nowhere for a long time, call the girl out on it, tell her your feelings and if she gives you the I don't want to date you, but I can't rule you out in the future spiel, walk away as she is only wasting your time, it will go nowhere and you can do better.
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Posted 12/10/14 , edited 12/15/14
Just respect a gal's right to say no. And you'll be cool in a lot of people's books. Especially that gal's.

I've had 2 friends who have asked me out within the past year, and one of them got upset because he was a "nice guy" and that I "just go for bad guys and I'm going to get myself hurt".

+ They both accused me of putting in them in the friend zone.

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Posted 12/10/14

galaxiias wrote:

Just respect a gal's right to say no. And you'll be cool in a lot of people's books. Especially that gal's.

I've had 2 friends who have asked me out within the past year, and one of them got upset because he was a "nice guy" and that I "just go for bad guys and I'm going to get myself hurt".

+ They both accused me of putting in them in the friend zone.



You were upfront about what you want, they'll get over it.
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Posted 12/10/14

kevz_210 wrote:


CherryDynamite8 wrote:

Kinda sounds like what happened on the "Shy Guy" threads. Some weirdos flipped when I said that shy guys have annoyed me in the past because of their inability to simply be direct with me. So yes, I will admit that, being quite blunt and strong-willed myself, I would be far more likely to pity than actually feel for a nice-doormat-guy. A guy who is caring and strong...ooh boy. Far more preferable.

And why do guys obsess over the friendzone to begin with? Regardless of how "nice", or good, or bad, or shy, or whatever else you percieve yourself to be, that in no way obligates a person to magically return your feelings. Nor does it make you the ideal match for the person of your choosing. It just don't work that way lol.


Here's the problem. I would love for a girl to outright reject me in comparison to many of the games some women play. You see I don't see the friendzone as a girl saying she doesn't like you, she is simply being honest and I can definitely respect that. What I consider the friendzone is the sick and twisted game some women I have met play in which they don't want to date you, but they don't want to completely write you off, so they give you wishy washy responses and drag you along never making clear what they want. They don't want to date you outright but they will also flirt with you from time to time. God only knows how many other men the she-devil has playing the same game, odds are the rest of them are getting dragged along as well. These type of women are so insecure they always need to have a roster of 2nd, and 3rd string backups in addition to their boyfriend (if they have one and they of course won't mention that).

From experience men, if things are going nowhere for a long time, call the girl out on it, tell her your feelings and if she gives you the I don't want to date you, but I can't rule you out in the future spiel, walk away as she is only wasting your time, it will go nowhere and you can do better.


I'd say that any guy is better off without a girl who would only play with his feelings and string him along. In the same way girls are better off without manipulative guys who mistreat them. That's the female equivalent of a player/douche.
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Posted 12/10/14

Phersu wrote:


AiYumega wrote:

At least 90% of attraction is physical. The other 10% is if you're creepy or not.


Eh. No. Attraction is broken down to -

- Physical Attraction. (Obviously.)
- Similarity. (Opposites attract? Yeah....no. They don't. We're not magnets.)
- Proximity. (We go for people we are -physically- close to. Coworkers, fellow students....ect. Also includes Mere Exposure Effect. The more we're around someone, the more attractive we find them/the more we like them.)
- Association. (The Suspension Bridge Effect. If we're happy when we meet someone, we associate our happiness with them. The Suspension Bridge Effect is that, except with excitation. Excitation Transfer. We associate the rush of adrenaline and elated mood with the person, not the situation, in our memories.)
- Reciprocation. (We tend to like people who like us back.)



CherryDynamite8 wrote:

Kinda sounds like what happened on the "Shy Guy" threads. Some weirdos flipped when I said that shy guys have annoyed me in the past because of their inability to simply be direct with me. So yes, I will admit that, being quite blunt and strong-willed myself, I would be far more likely to pity than actually feel for a nice-doormat-guy. A guy who is caring and strong...ooh boy. Far more preferable.

And why do guys obsess over the friendzone to begin with? Regardless of how "nice", or good, or bad, or shy, or whatever else you percieve yourself to be, that in no way obligates a person to magically return your feelings. Nor does it make you the ideal match for the person of your choosing. It just don't work that way lol.


Baby, you light my dynamite. How 'bout you and me catch dinner and a movie? My treat.


How bout no? :3
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