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Friend-Zone P.S.A.
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22 / M / Fraxinus
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Posted 12/11/14
I'm judging you all so hard right now.
Posted 12/11/14 , edited 12/11/14
This friend-zone business is always so stupid to me and so many of you sound so disgustingly selfish with this discussion. You bitch and whine about being a friend to someone, as if that's this god awful thing, all because you can't get the benefits of sex from them. You approach someone with the intention of friendship then you become nasty all because you didn't get what you wanted. If you're going to be like that, if you're going to be thinking of only yourself, then you shouldn't be thinking of getting in a relationship. Simple as that. The people not reciprocating your feelings aren't the selfish ones.

Besides that, what do you think romantic relationships are actually based on? If you think a romantic relationship is just someone who is there for you to play around with then you have the wrong perception of looking for a partner. You want to be friends with your partner. You want someone to rely on. You want someone who can support you emotionally and someone who will be there for you if you're having trouble. Those are characteristics of a friend. You want someone who you think of as your best friend. If you're not friends in a relationship, what are you? People who are making out and sometimes sleeping together?

And with friendships, what do you think people do in friendships? One of the things of friendships is being there and supporting your friends. You approached someone with friendship and then when they need you you ditch them because they won't be in a romantic relationship with you? If you can't even handle simple friendships then stay the hell away from romantic relationships. Shit hurts, I know, but it's not like you'll be doing yourself any favors by being a jerk to someone over something they can't help.

There are people who will abuse you. There are people who will take advantage of your feelings, but someone treating you as a friend when that is what you made yourself seem like is not being selfish.

This business is also incredibly stupid to me because all my previous romantic partners were stuck in the 'friendzone' before they got to be with me, so it's not as permanent as people try to make it out to be.
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Posted 12/11/14
You're in the friend zone because you never choose to leave it. They just aren't interested in you, yet you choose to commit fully to that person knowing this.

Commit less, but still acknowledge them as friends; that way you aren't being friend zoned, but you're still friends.
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Posted 12/11/14 , edited 12/11/14
grow the fuck up
zwd 
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Posted 12/11/14
Men and women can be friends. This 'friend-zone' is only for men/women that want to be more than friends. If you want more then tell the person you want more. If they do not want more then treat them as you would any other friend, or if your feelings are too much, stop being their friend.

People do not put you in the friend-zone. Your hopes of being more than a friend with someone that doesnt reciprocate makes you put yourself in this zone. I have done this to myself and can say it was my own fault.

However, men/women that use this 'friend-zone' are terrible people. It isn't that hard to figure out someone is interested in you. Do not abuse someone for your own gain.
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Posted 12/11/14 , edited 12/11/14

narfington wrote:

Can I get a TL;DR version?


Me too please

Edit: Never mind, I scrolled and saw it
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29 / M / Bullhead City, AZ
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Posted 12/11/14 , edited 12/11/14
Guess being as how nobody read the full post nobody knows that I wasn't complaining about the friend zone but describing what the friend zone actually is so people who are in there know they're never gonna get what they want from it. That's why I called it a PSA not a QQ.
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39 / M / Florida
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Posted 12/11/14

kevz_210 wrote:



Harder when you get older? Are you kidding me, my experience has been the exact opposite. Now that I am an engineer it's pretty easy to land dates with doctors, lawyers and financial consultants (banking staff). Picked up another language, hang around colleges when on vacation and attend intellectual events such as language exchanges, philosophy seminars, socials at cafes. When I was in high school women wouldn't even give me the time of day, now getting numbers is ridiculously easy.


Yes, your sidebar info says you're 23, there are still all sorts of nice young ladies out there at all sorts of places and events. As I said, try in your 30's, and you'll not find it so easy.
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25 / M / NYC Metro Area
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Posted 12/11/14 , edited 12/11/14

Frostbrand wrote:


kevz_210 wrote:



Harder when you get older? Are you kidding me, my experience has been the exact opposite. Now that I am an engineer it's pretty easy to land dates with doctors, lawyers and financial consultants (banking staff). Picked up another language, hang around colleges when on vacation and attend intellectual events such as language exchanges, philosophy seminars, socials at cafes. When I was in high school women wouldn't even give me the time of day, now getting numbers is ridiculously easy.


Yes, your sidebar info says you're 23, there are still all sorts of nice young ladies out there at all sorts of places and events. As I said, try in your 30's, and you'll not find it so easy.


We men have it easier though. It is far easier to find younger women wanting to date older men than the other way around.
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22 / M / The Cosmos
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Posted 12/11/14 , edited 12/11/14
THE REAL TRUTH (and some tips) ABOUT THE FRIENDZONE



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24 / M / the bay
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Posted 12/11/14

narfington wrote:

Can I get a TL;DR version?


M.o.B get money solo yolo ^_^

on a serious note, basically saying if you are in the friend zone, youre being used and should just drop said person.
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F
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Posted 12/11/14
Deja vu, or is it just me? I remember reading this forum post recently with the same content..
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25 / M / Durango, CO
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Posted 12/11/14
I used to try the nice guy, long term bullshit. Honestly, after I started being a selfish prick I started getting girls left and right. Now there is a fine line between selfish prick, and a complete douchesnozzle sperglord.
I'll also be super fucking honest and say all of this is because I started learning about The Game. No, not THAT game, that I just lost, the seduction Game. Most of it is high confidence and outward appearance. Inside I'm still a nerdy hippy stoner, but outside I'm a mountain hiking, music making stud.
The Friend zone is a bunch of Bull-fucking-shit. Only you have yourself to blame if you get put there, however, always remember this: You will be fine without that bitch/bastard.
If I'm a bit ramble-y it's cause I'm high.
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24 / M / USA
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Posted 12/11/14
It's not always the being in the friend zone that's bad, it's seeing the crap who isn't. Let's face it, all straight men past puberty eventually want to get to sex, its a hardwired thing, so isn't it better to choose the nerd who cares about you (but is still probably thinking sex eventually) over the dumb jock/jerk who most likely doesn't care about you (but also wants sex, Now).
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31 / M
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Posted 12/11/14
I agree with a lot of what you say, but I think the main problem with the PSA is that it's too general. Really, the people you describe are selfish and self centered and would act the way you describe even if they did date someone. I think some people can place someone in the friend zone and actually be a friend to them, because the people who you describe are falling as friends. I have had friends with benefits and always treated them as friends first, providing emotional support or advice, or even academic support when needed. I think it comes down to picking the people you choose to be with better, the reason the friend zone can be a shitty place, is that when you want to go out with someone, you blind yourself to their true nature and can end up not realizing that their a horrible person. When your just viewing someone as someone you hang around with and might be friends with, your more critical.
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