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Post Reply Adopting someone of the opposite gender
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47 / M / Memphis, TN
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Posted 1/5/15

Shishiku wrote:





I wish I did, but I only pulled a few journal articles to use for this. Here is a link to a vast search of journal articles related to the field of adoption though; not all of these are single parent adoptions, a lot of these dive into homosexual adoption (as has been the focus of study the last decade), but there still are some single parent studies thrown in throughout the results! http://scholar.google.com/scholar?hl=en&q=single+parent+adoption&btnG=&as_sdt=1%2C36&as_sdtp=


Thanks! This is an interesting topic, so the availability of real information is very helpful.
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25 / M / United States
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Posted 1/5/15


I agree! I see so many opinions on here it is always nice to bring real-world studies into application when doable! The mentality to parent alone is what interests me. I have a minor in psych so motivation is always a curious thing to me; there is a big difference between raising a child as a single parent, and going out, spending the money to adopt a child that isn't yours, and then raise it...it is just a whole different mentality. Trying to grasp the kind of emotions a single person would go through to reach the conclusion they wanted to adopt astounds me..
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47 / M / Memphis, TN
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Posted 1/5/15 , edited 1/5/15

Shishiku wrote:



I agree! I see so many opinions on here it is always nice to bring real-world studies into application when doable! The mentality to parent alone is what interests me. I have a minor in psych so motivation is always a curious thing to me; there is a big difference between raising a child as a single parent, and going out, spending the money to adopt a child that isn't yours, and then raise it...it is just a whole different mentality. Trying to grasp the kind of emotions a single person would go through to reach the conclusion they wanted to adopt astounds me..


I agree that the dedication to the idea must indeed be astounding. As a parent, I can understand the emotional motivation to be with your children, but I would never have been able to grasp the raw intensity of such feelings before I had actually become a parent. I can't imagine the courage and terror involved in adopting, especially as a single person without any children. I am honestly rather awed by the concept (assuming, of course, that it is done in good faith).
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31 / M / New jersey
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Posted 1/5/15
This is from the point of view of a child who not only has been thrown in the foster care system before, but who was later on adopted by an amazeing person. i was "officially" adopted by the age of 12, however i had been living with my adoptive parent for about 2 or 3 years prior through the foster care system.this system was nothing new to me as i had been in and out of it many times in the past, it is also not a expirence that i would wish any child to go through.

My adoptive partent was a guy who was single and had never been merried, and from what i can remember growing up it was quite rare that he had a lady friend over at the house. The adoption process itself from what i remember of it was very, intrusive. i dont know the specifics of it seeing as a large part of it was kept from me and to this day he wont really give me any specifics on it, however i do know that he had to go through an fbi background check, had give up bank statements and records for the past few years. they would also come back the house frequently to talk to me and ask a few questions prior to the adoption process being completed and check out my living enviornment. the questions they would ask where related to how i felt about my living situation, the person i was with and how i was doing in school. which looking back on it i can understand why, however when i was younger it was more annoying to me then anything else... almost looked at it as if i was being interrogated for something bad i hadnt done.

That being said, growing up i was never touched inapropriately never hit or beaten for doing things i shouldn't have (unlike with my biological parents) i was very rarely grounded and was given quite a bit of freedom. After being adopted i had what i concider to be a great childhood, infact if anything i was doing better after being adopted... my grades in school went up within the first year (went from the d's and f's class clown to a hard working b's and a's student, also won some state academic awards within 2 years) i wasn't getting into fights at school anymore, it was a real 180 spin on the way i looked at things. in large part i think it was all because i had someone at home who not only was able to help me but really pushed me to try harder to get the things i wanted in life. of course that being said i did drop out of high school about 2 months before graduation because i was a dumbass and had hit that "dont give a f---" point of my teenage years.

Looking back on it, i would have to say to anyone single or a couple that either cant have kids for one reason or another. i would highly recommend adopting... you can have such a huge impact on that childs life, it's hard to really explain the difference and chances you can offer that one kid that they might not of otherwise been given the chance to expirence.

Anyway just the thoughts of someone who has been through this sort of situation.
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Posted 1/5/15 , edited 1/5/15

Em0SceneStabr wrote:

I haven't really done any research on this but if i'm not mistaken you aren't allowed to adopt a child unless your in a relationship/married right? like basically you can't be single and adopt a child? But i thought i saw that before >_< anyway. My real question is what do you think of a single person male or female adopting a child of the opposite sex. I think if i was to adopted a child i'd do that. but i think people would think i was weird or something.
then again sadly think that applies more towards men, because "men are monsters" apparently (i don't believe this last part but that's how people act)


Thank you for the whole admission of "men as monsters" bit. I appreciate it. One of the biggest problems for the male gender is this as well as the unfair laws regarding child rearing.

As a male, I honestly want to have a daughter. I almost want a daughter more than I want someone as a partner to raise them.

For the most part, I want someone to teach and carry on from my own life experiences and to, in some ways, carry on my "legacy". I just feel like a female progeny would be better suited to it. Plus I enjoy younger girls over younger boys. (I could share and bond better with my younger sister than my younger brother. I also could bond better with my niece over my nephews).

But sadly, society thinks of me as having other motives. There's a lot of men out there that do express interest in their children but are separated from them due to laws that give the mother rights (unless they decide to relinquish them or are shown to be truly incapable to the point of not being able to function in everyday society). There's plenty of information that separating fathers from their children is damaging and a heavy toll for fathers as well.

But then again, this also affects the gay population too. Although it's more possibly for a gay couple in the US to adopt than a single parent, there's a lot of flack about gay couples adopting, and sometimes the biggest concerns are about gay couples adopting the same sex for similar reasons.

The whole thing kinda sucks.

EDIT: Oh yeah. Pew Research has recently done some research. Less than half of children are raised in traditional families, and the majority of nontraditional settings is that of single parents.
Posted 1/5/15 , edited 1/5/15
I think it's silly to keep a child in the foster care system just because they prefer married people and there are interested single people. Even more so when you consider marriage rates are declining.
As for men being monsters, I am not a parent but I have had a police officer ask me what my relationship was to my niece and nephew when I was out with them. I think the assumption is we are all kidnappers and pedophiles.
Posted 1/5/15
I think nothing of it.

Society shouldn't dictate your fears.
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Posted 1/5/15
Single people are allowed to adopt in the UK so are gay parents. They don't have a rule putting specific genders to genders. The process is difficult but not impossible. You apply to your local authority and after careful checks you may be granted the chance to adopt. Sadly there is a minority of failed adoptions which they try to avoid. When given the go ahead to adopt then you can apply to your local area to set up a child that may match or you can apply nationally or internationally. They do try to match up ethnicity even religion if they can. You don't need to be wealthy but you do need to have a place in your home for a child even if your home is rented. They expect one parent to stay at home with the child for 18 months to help with bonding. That makes it difficult for single parents to come forward. There is an adoption allowance that is paid at this time but it is still a financial struggle. Children do better off with good families than being in care regardless if its in a single parent family or same sex parents. I think they're now setting up foster to adopt routes which means foster families with some long term foster children get to adopt them.

I've always thought adoption was a great idea if you had the capacity for it. Personally I think babies are adorable but I'd go for older children since there are more of them in need of a home. One grandfather grew up in an orphanage. He never got adopted. I don't know if that played a part in him always cheating on grandmother and walking out leaving her with 4 children to raise. I never knew him. Grandmother remarried and the new husband is the grandfather I've always known.
Posted 1/5/15
If you want to get involved, set a standard of care. The more people do it, the more power kids will have...

Or kids will continue to have little to no leverage no matter what the law is to say.
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16 / F / Connecticut
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Posted 1/5/15 , edited 1/5/15
I think it'd be totally fine if a single person adopted a kid of the opposite gender. The kid just needs a good home. It might be harder to go through the adoption process, but it should be fine morally. I think it'd be a lot harder to adopt a baby or something, because that seems more like a multiple person job lol
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Posted 1/5/15 , edited 1/5/15
I'm not going to read through all of these comments but here is my take on this;

You can totally adopt as a single mother, it will be more difficult and you will need to prove that you can provide for a child with just your income as well as prove that you will be able to take care of child as a single person who is the sole provider of the household (can you fit a kind into your schedule when you work full time, have a steady income, stable house, etc). Adoption within the US (not sure where you are from) is extremely expensive as well as slow, so if you are seriously considering this, just be prepared for the process.

I am a "single" woman (not married), just turned 30, I have a rather high income and because I survived cancer at a young age, I cannot have kids, I absolutely plan on adopting kids in the next few years when my career slows down a little, but I have already looked into the process because of how long it takes. Be prepared for how deep they will dig into your past and personal life.

You can adopt either gender, that's kind of a silly question...why would that be strange? Honestly I don't think it should be about the gender, it should be about the bond, you will know it, when you meet the right little munchkin.
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