My Experience with Actual Artist tools
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Posted 1/8/15
If you are reading this to gain insight into what you need to start your career as an artist of some sort, then consider this the best guide in the universe.

Now, since I started down the path of utterly destroying the progress I made in my previous aspirations, I mostly used very basic tools- mechanical pencils, sick-ass pens with box art involving a castle being etched to life. I have a cheap tablet too, but it spends ninety percent of it's life as a booster seat for my mouse pad. That's all very recently changed with the addition of an art kit in a wooden briefcase, courtesy of my very supportive parents.

Upon opening this box, the part of my brain that does the drawing short-circuited at the site of all the novel items; sharp sticks made of some paper cotton hybrid? Multicolored rectangular prisms? Sand Paper?! What the hell am I supposed to do with sand paper? I think I nearly lost it when I found a silly putty eraser next to a wooden doll with hoof hands. My mind had forever been boggled out of the digital coloring comfort zone, and to this day, still can't even bring itself to use the burnt sticks in the plastic bag. However, over the length of time I've had this box, I can determine for you, how to best use your brand new art box.

The first thing you'll notice is that this thing has loads of pencils, and I mean loads! There are so many pencils, I don't think I could possibly lose them all. I haven't even tried them all out yet! I'm still stuck on four of the things, which by the way, lack any erasers on their ass-ends. Prepare to spend half of your time drawing trying to find the block eraser that came with the set, but just as well, prepare to have more options than you ever asked for.

All the pencils- the graphite ones at least, have numbers and/or letters on them. They range from H5; hard as a missile-proof vest to B6; cat belly simulator and cat claw simulator all in one. There are only three you should concern yourself with. H works just like a mechanical pencil. The lines are either very faint or so thick that your project is imprinted on to the following sheet of paper with the sketches having their own luster. Then there's B. It's really soft- almost like charcoal. It's good for making nice clean lines if you don't have giant saucer hands that mash pencils deep into enfeebled fibers. For me, these first two pencils are petrified tubes of shit, wrapped in a substance that doesn't know when to stop peeling away in the sharpener; they're awful, but I still put up with them, for These two hath revealed unto me, the best out of all the pencils.

It's called HB. What's so special about this one is that it functions exactly like the pencils teachers urged kids to bring in to take standardized tests. It's perfect! It's the only pencil you should concern yourself with. Throw every other hardness away, and just stick to that one majestic, black-lacquered, wooden tube. You won't doubt for a second, its abilities to not make drawings too soft or too shiny. In fact, just go buy the school pencils at the local convenience store. They even come with erasers that unfortunately, suck ass. No pencil's perfect...


Once you've thrown all the other pencils away, you'll be bound to notice a wooden doll and some sand paper. Both of these items are equally useful, so feel free to toss them at your discretion. The doll has these hideously misshapen hoof hands along with ski feet that never grew into skis. He can't even be flexed to ninety degrees anywhere on his body! I can flex that much! Hell, I'm probably an exotic stripper compared to his people.

I shouldn't be too hard on the poor fella though. I mean, he comes into this world, suffering from a permanent enema, lacking the facial features to express the pain or ecstasy he might be in. I probably wouldn't want to move much either, so I'll give him that. Still- utterly pointless little figure, with no face, flexibility, or genitalia. Throw him out or do weird stuff to him to prolong his suffering.

As far as the sandpaper goes, it's just sandpaper.

After you've thrown that out, you will likely encounter, a myriad of colored rectangular prisms. The box doesn't really say anything about what they are. I tried running a couple through the sharpener, which gives you a square pencil. I should probably use them, but I'm getting these cool markers with soft tips. I think it's best just to keep those around. They might come in handy at some point if I ever learn what they're good for.

Last you have these cotton-paper hybrid sticks that don't really do anything. I'm thinking that these sticks are assorted weapons to be used against competing artists in areas where they may gather. For that purpose alone, I think I'll hold onto the murder sticks. They're soft, but due to the nature of artists, they are probably a bit softer, making a sharpened cotton paper thing the perfect asstabbination weapon.


Happy arting, and don't try to grill with the charcoal pencils. They don't seem to work that way.
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Posted 1/31/15
I think the important thing is to find tools that work for you. Each artist is different and has their own way of doing things.
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Posted 1/31/15
I am having a hard time imagining this. Mind adding photos to your post so I can know what you're talking about?
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Posted 1/31/15

OrangeAipom wrote:

I am having a hard time imagining this. Mind adding photos to your post so I can know what you're talking about?


Funny you should mention that. I had a plan in motion to make this into a comic. due to time constraints, other projects, and general procrastination, I decided to simply write the rant. Consider this a script then, until I actually get around to unscrapping the project.
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Posted 1/31/15
Nice! I eagerly look forward to this.
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Posted 5/10/15

Lethargic_leopard_Seal wrote:


OrangeAipom wrote:

I am having a hard time imagining this. Mind adding photos to your post so I can know what you're talking about?


Funny you should mention that. I had a plan in motion to make this into a comic. due to time constraints, other projects, and general procrastination, I decided to simply write the rant. Consider this a script then, until I actually get around to unscrapping the project.


I didn't have any trouble imagining this. You have a clear entertaining writing style. No need to turn it into a comic unless you want to, I suppose.
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